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  #61  
Old 05-11-2014, 09:22 PM
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These cupcakes turned out wrong in every way.
First of all, I used that cheat where you replace all the eggs and oil with soda. Did you know when you do this the batter makes this toxic odor? And the cupcakes also have this flavor?

Then the bottom halves of the cupcakes didn't come out of their pans even though I greased them.

Then this recipe I found for "pourable icing" was the exact opposite of pourable and tasted sort of foul too. 2 Tablespoons of milk plus 4 cups of sugar and butter? You bet it's not going to be pouring out of anything.

As I was trying to carefully to get the cupcakes out with a knife I lost my patience and just started grabbing fistfuls of cupcake and throwing them in a dish and covering them with the evil frosting.

Maybe if they came out better they would have summoned the Cupcake Cowboy from Conan O'Brien

Cupcakes, you deserve to have your photo taken and put up here for people to mock you! Did you think you'd get off that easy?
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  #62  
Old 05-24-2014, 02:13 PM
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You know what? Kraft Macaroni and Cheese doesn't have any cheese flavor in it. I bet flour and milk would produce the same results. And now that this mystery substance is on the macaroni I can't add marinara so I have to throw it out or try to finish eating it. Maybe this is why I buy a box once a year.

Next time I'll try one of those that comes with the packet of liquid cheese, preferably not by Kraft.
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  #63  
Old 06-04-2014, 03:24 AM
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In which our hero tries to make granola and fails miserably, thereby discovering that his toaster oven is not suitable for making granola without burning the shit out of it


It was gonna be so good, too. oats, shredded coconut, cardamom, cinnamon, pecans, honey, coconut oil. I fuckin' had this. But no. No I did not. I never truly did.
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  #64  
Old 10-29-2014, 07:58 AM
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I made this fall salad thing the other night. I am pretty sure it came out exactly how it was supposed to but I found it incredibly strange. The combination of flavors and textures just did not work for me. Lumber found it odd as well and we both agreed we'd just rather roast the Brussels Sprouts in balsamic like we normally do. And since it was our weekly "try a new thing" dish we had to buy a lot of stuff we didn't have on hand which is making me gripe more.

But I'm not familiar at all with the dish it's based on, fattoush salad. Maybe it's just a type of dish I'm not going to like? Dunno.
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  #65  
Old 11-05-2014, 08:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Violentvixen View Post
I made this fall salad thing the other night.
Oh man, I love seeing the Kalustyan's bag of sumac in the picture. NYC represent!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Violentvixen View Post
I am pretty sure it came out exactly how it was supposed to but I found it incredibly strange. The combination of flavors and textures just did not work for me. Lumber found it odd as well and we both agreed we'd just rather roast the Brussels Sprouts in balsamic like we normally do. And since it was our weekly "try a new thing" dish we had to buy a lot of stuff we didn't have on hand which is making me gripe more.

But I'm not familiar at all with the dish it's based on, fattoush salad. Maybe it's just a type of dish I'm not going to like? Dunno.
Texture-wise, the vegetables in fattoush salad are supposed to be pretty soft, so maybe if you didn't cook the squash enough, it might be off. Flavor-wise, fattoush salad rarely has a vegetable as bitter as brussels sprouts, so maybe ease up on them?
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  #66  
Old 11-05-2014, 07:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Red Hedgehog View Post
Texture-wise, the vegetables in fattoush salad are supposed to be pretty soft, so maybe if you didn't cook the squash enough, it might be off. Flavor-wise, fattoush salad rarely has a vegetable as bitter as brussels sprouts, so maybe ease up on them?
Thanks, that's good to know! But we cooked them enough, the softness was a bit of our complaint with it. I just looked up a typical summer fattoush salad and it just doesn't look good at all to me. I'm guessing these just aren't my thing. Oh well.

Also I don't find sprouts bitter at all! I wonder if you have the gene that makes them taste that way.
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  #67  
Old 11-05-2014, 10:17 PM
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Also I don't find sprouts bitter at all! I wonder if you have the gene that makes them taste that way.
You mean he's a "supertaster"?
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  #68  
Old 11-06-2014, 12:15 AM
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You mean he's a "supertaster"?
No, that's something different. There's a specific gene that makes a lot of dark leafy vegetables taste bitter. I forget the details now.
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  #69  
Old 11-06-2014, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Violentvixen View Post
Also I don't find sprouts bitter at all! I wonder if you have the gene that makes them taste that way.
I'm more shocked that you don't! I thought it was pretty universally agreed that brussels sprouts have a bitter taste (which isn't a bad thing - it's just part of their flavor profile). Like many other vegetables, it's why we eat them cooked instead of raw to reduce the bitterness (although if you overcook brussels sprouts, they go back to extreme bitterness again - I always found that weird).
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  #70  
Old 11-06-2014, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Red Hedgehog View Post
I'm more shocked that you don't! I thought it was pretty universally agreed that brussels sprouts have a bitter taste (which isn't a bad thing - it's just part of their flavor profile). Like many other vegetables, it's why we eat them cooked instead of raw to reduce the bitterness (although if you overcook brussels sprouts, they go back to extreme bitterness again - I always found that weird).
Well, I don't have the gene and am in the minority, I think it's something like 80% of people have it? So that may be why they're generally considered bitter but don't bug me. I prefer raw broccoli to cooked, for example.
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  #71  
Old 11-19-2014, 08:01 PM
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I made some burritos from this cookbook and they really upset my stomach, so I'm probably going to have to get rid of the leftovers.

Maybe 1/4 cup of chiles, 2 cups of salsa and a can of refried beans (plus everything else) was too much.
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  #72  
Old 11-19-2014, 08:52 PM
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Trying to hurry along a "cranberry reduction" by adding flour to cranberry juice results in Flavorless Greyish-Purple Glop. Learn from my mistakes.
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  #73  
Old 11-28-2014, 01:36 AM
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For cream or milk-based sauces, you should thicken with flour. For fruit-based sauces, compotes, reductions, and what have you, use cornstarch or xanthan gum. Cornstarch will keep your sauce clear and less goopy. Also, it's fine to raise the heat on a reduction as long as you keep a close eye on it.
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  #74  
Old 12-07-2014, 04:17 AM
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(edit: wrong thread!)
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  #75  
Old 12-07-2014, 08:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hito View Post
For cream or milk-based sauces, you should thicken with flour. For fruit-based sauces, compotes, reductions, and what have you, use cornstarch or xanthan gum. Cornstarch will keep your sauce clear and less goopy. Also, it's fine to raise the heat on a reduction as long as you keep a close eye on it.
I will make sure to try this next time, because although my shame-bowl of cran-glop was edible, it was profoundly unimpressive. Would it have retained its color and flavor if I'd used cornstarch?
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  #76  
Old 12-18-2014, 11:43 PM
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I tried to make soup. I made a decent homemade broth with chicken fat, chicken bones, onion, carrots, celery and salt. Then the day I made my soup, I simply added too many vegetables and noodles. Now it's some sort of soup flavoured medley. Not bad, but not what I wanted.
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  #77  
Old 01-16-2015, 10:00 AM
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Tried making the lentil-walnut burgers from the Moosewood Cookbook last night. While very tasty, they did not hold together worth a damn. Pretty disappointing in that respect.
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  #78  
Old 01-24-2015, 09:09 PM
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I didn't cook it, but my roommate did. It was apparently a 15 dollar fish filet? The problem wasn't even the cooking process, or maybe it was I really don't know but the entire bottom half of the piece I was trying to eat was basically this horrific brown slimy awful mess...like it basically looks like the fish had cancer. I do not know what in god's name happened to that fish but I haven't seen anything that unappetizing in a long long time...and I had to go out right when I got home from work to get more curry paste too. What is the saddest dinner. =\
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  #79  
Old 02-27-2015, 09:15 PM
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I tried to make baked beans but it ended up more like bean soup. Nothing in it to thicken the broth, I guess. Still tastes good! Any suggestions for what to do with that? Tomato paste, corn starch, something like that?
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  #80  
Old 03-29-2015, 12:21 PM
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I tried to make this hash the other day and making my own shredded potatoes was an absolute fail. I'm pretty sure I overboiled them as they ended up disintegrating as soon as I mixed up the ingredients. The good news is that this made a really tasty and new style of mashed potatoes. I think I'm going to try it again with storebought shredded potatoes and then try making my own shredded ones again.
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  #81  
Old 03-30-2015, 06:03 AM
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When somebody else is cooking I can smell it across the house but when I am cooking I can't smell it unless I put my nose right up to it, even if I spice it strongly. Is that strange?
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  #82  
Old 03-30-2015, 06:27 AM
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I love sweet potato fries, but GAH they're a pain to chop. I'm constantly afraid I'll lob off a finger or two.
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  #83  
Old 03-30-2015, 11:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vega View Post
When somebody else is cooking I can smell it across the house but when I am cooking I can't smell it unless I put my nose right up to it, even if I spice it strongly. Is that strange?
Your olfactory sense gets acclimated to a scent pretty quickly when you're immersed in cooking. It's the same principle of why you don't consciously notice the clothes on your body.
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  #84  
Old 04-07-2015, 12:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Olli T View Post
I love sweet potato fries, but GAH they're a pain to chop. I'm constantly afraid I'll lob off a finger or two.
Microwave for a little bit, or heat in the oven for a few minutes. Softens them up real good and they're way easier to cut. Just don't go too long or they get too soft.
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  #85  
Old 04-20-2015, 05:05 PM
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This isn't so much griping about what I cooked rather griping about what I didn't cook.

I was all set to make a thai turkey meatloaf (recipe here, I've made it before, it's good) and had two 1lb portions of ground turkey ready to go. I grated the ginger, got started mincing the green onions and put the turkey into the bowl.

Buuuuuut one of the two packs of meat was starting to turn rancid, which I didn't notice until after I dropped it on top of the good meat.

Sooooooo there went supper plans, along with the ginger and green onion I already had ready. Had frozen fish cakes instead, and I guess I'll hit the store tomorrow and pick up more ground turkey if possible because dammit I am having that meatloaf.
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  #86  
Old 10-29-2015, 04:43 PM
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Oh hey this thread.

So I made a cake for a staff luncheon tomorrow, a super awesome chocolate cake I've made a few times before.

Except I totally zoned out while putting the dry ingredients together and used Baking Powder instead of Baking Soda.

Soooo now I have a slightly smaller, denser, and lighter-colored cake. Not sure of the flavor yet, and maybe it's a minor thing, but still.

Baking Soda and Baking Powder are two different things, Spoony! Durr!

EDIT: And an update, on top of being hard and dense, the cake doesn't even taste all that good. Total failure.

Last edited by SpoonyBardOL; 10-30-2015 at 03:58 AM.
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  #87  
Old 03-01-2017, 03:05 PM
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Via Thrillist

Quote:
Jay's lasagna

"I have a friend named Jay who believes to the bottom of his poor, stupid soul that he can cook. I'll never forget the time he made 'lasagna.'

"He invited me over and raved about how awesome this lasagna was going to be and how easy it was to make. As soon as he set it in front of me I knew something was wrong, because it was all waxy and weirdly yellow on top. He spooned out a piece and just as I was asking about the weird yellow top, I saw a bunch of elbow macaroni fall out as it settled on the plate.

"I looked him dead in the eye and demanded to know what he had done to this poor lasagna. After much argument, he finally said he had to make some substitutions because he didn't want to go to the store.

"They were as follows:

"Pasta sauce = ketchup and honey.

"Lasagna noodles = elbow macaroni.

"The various cheeses found within a lasagna = Kraft Singles.

"As a bonus, baking it in the oven turned into 15 minutes in the microwave."
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  #88  
Old 06-30-2017, 03:23 PM
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So last weekend I bought a bunch of lump crab meat at the farmers' market, and I made a ton of crab dip. It was awesome! That's not what I'm griping about. But since there was so dang much crab, I didn't use it all. Today I went to make crabcakes with the rest. Should also be great! Mixed up all my breadcrumb batter and egg and seasonings and stuff before getting out the crab.... whiiiiich smelled kinda off. Boooo, no delicious crabcakes and a bunch of wasted ingredients for me. Much sadness.

(In other circumstances I might have risked it, but I'm flying out of the country in less than a week so tempting fate against a bout of serious food poisoning seemed like a particularly bad idea just at the moment. I looked it up and apparently most places recommend refrigerating cooked non-pasteurized lump crab for no more than 3-5 days, and this was on 6. Alas.)
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  #89  
Old 09-28-2017, 02:55 AM
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Ugh. Tried to make dulce de leche (milk caramel) at home, following instructions I found online. Left it in the water for four hours to get it the right thickness and color... and it still came out as yellow glop. They said to boil the water, then put it on low to simmer! Apparently my stove's low was too low.

It's not a huge deal... condensed milk costs less than two dollars and I can always try it again later. I was just looking forward to homemade caramel.
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