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Old 07-20-2017, 08:35 AM
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Default Digital Down-Low for 07/20/2017: Prime Octopus

This is where I normally insert a non-sequitur statement as an introduction!

So the PSN is starting this week with Super Hot (actually, it's starting with that tomorrow, but w/e) which happily falls under the category of "Weird FPS". In that it's an FPS that is not actually real time. No, the game just sits there patiently until you move. And then you run down corridors gunning down wave after wave of guys from Virtua Fighter with your weird time-stopping powers. It looks neat as hell and I am happy to be mistaken about it being an XBONE exclusive because this means I actually can play it!

It's also available in VR, in case you have a silly hat you'd prefer to wear while you played it.


99 Vidas is a beat-them-up that looks for all the world, like the Simpsons Arcade Game. Except that instead of Americas Favorite Family, it stars a bunch of randos. A couple kind of dress like the Mario Brothers at least. The description brags about "paying tribute to pop-culture of the 80s and 90s" and that sends up so many red flags for me that I am reasonably sure I could land an airplane with them.


Next up is Children of Zodiarcs which is made Square-Enix (or maybe just published) but I think the use of the word "Zodiarc" is just a coincidence, since that is a pretty cool-sounding word to use in a fantasy setting.

That's my hot take.

AND SPEAKING of things that sound pretty cool, this is an SRPG with some pretty nice art, with a CCG mechanic not unlike Metal Gear Ac!d, and lots of dice-rolling like Crimson Shroud.

And, geez, Squenix just custom built a game for me, didn't they?

Thanks, guys!


Speaking of things that make me say "Oh.... heeeeeeey. This looks neat" there's Fallen Legion: Sins of the Empire (also Fallen Legion: Flames of Rebellion for the Vita. I'm guessing there's a Fire Emblem Fates kind of thing going on here.) The trailer really only shows the combat system rather than anything else, but it looks extremely Valkyrie Profile-y and the description mentions some light city management elements chucked in. I'd wait for some impressions but it looks spiffy.


The title made me think that Orcs Must Die Unchained is telling a kind of confusing tale of Orc-emancipation/slaughter, but it's the FTP follow-up to Orcs Must Die, the Home Alone-based TD/Shooter that managed to be pretty fun back when i first played it all those hundreds of years ago (I want to say... 2008?).

I'm assuming it has all the usual accoutrements of the FTP TD-em-up such as massive grinding if you don't want to spend real money on content and probably an incredibly toxic userbase, but it's free and the trailer looked pretty fun so I'll just mute the TV and get at least a bit of fun out of it.


Yonder; the Cloud Catcher Chronicles is an explory walks-em-up where instead of being about sad/gay/phasmaphobic in the woods/city, you're a chipper little tot on a magical island full of puzzles!

So I guess it's more Myst than Gone Home. But you do lots of walking instead of clicking so that's not really correct either.

Either way; magical island and emotions await!


AND NOW, on to the eShop! Where we're starting with the non-Zelda game that made me say "OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD" and stop at nothing to get a Switch on day-1; Splatoon 2. Which is infuriatingly not actually called "Splat2n". It's RIGHT THERE, Nintendo! Geez!

Anyway, the games apparently taken an "If it ain't broke..." approach to the game since the original Splatoon was (and still is) super-good and didn't need any particular refinements and also because I'm pretty sure that the Switch has sold more units in four months than the WiiU did in four years. But one important change is that Octos are not inherently evil this time and, in fact, are represented by a character who immediately became everyones favorite Splatoon-related character.

Anywa; it's a squad based shooter where the goal is to miss your enemies and also inherently Weird Shooter Mechanics thhat make the single player mode one of the most clever takes on the SHOOTMAN genre I've ever seen.

In case It's not obvious, I'm very excited for the clock to hit "Tomorrow" so I can play it!


And that's, naturally, a very tough act to follow, but followed it be, as the Switch is also getting Fate/Extella: The Umbral Star (on... Tuesday), it's a musou game that asks the question on everyones lips of "What if literary and historical figures were all animes? And what if they all tried to kill each other with lightning bolts and light sabers". It also includes all the DLC from the last port-of-call the game had, just in case you wanted Joan of Arc to be in a bikini when she fought Sexy Teen Paul Bunyan or whatever.

...wait, is Sexy Teen Paul Bunyan in this or did I just create a Fate/Night OC?

Do I have to start writing fanfiction now?

ANYWAY, It looks pretty spiffy, and I heard it's pretty fun and since Fire Emblem Warriors won't be out until near the end of the year it could well scratch that numbers-go-up-as-you-beat-em-up itch that the Warriors games do so well.


Boost Beast stars Alec; The King of All Dogs who must match-3 his way to save the world from a SPACE VIRUS that turned every non-dog into a monster. It kind of looks like Plants vs. Zombies by way of Pokemon Troizei except, and this is a vital difference, it stars Alec The King of Dogs.


Samurai Shodown I've mentioned before, and here it is again. It's a MAN PUNCH simulator except that instead of punching with your fists, you punch with samurai-swords. And also there's an American Ninja with a dog.

This is a Good Week for Good Dogs!


And the last game this week is on the 3DS, and it is Mononoke Forest, and I tried to find a trailer for it, but all I could find were clips from the climax of Princess Mononoke.

Therefor, this must be a game in which you must protect Billy Bob Thorton from a Jello-Godzilla who is melting everything.

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Old 07-20-2017, 10:08 AM
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...wait, is Sexy Teen Paul Bunyan in this or did I just create a Fate/Night OC?

Do I have to start writing fanfiction now?
vaya con dios, amigo

Apparently from what I'm hearing, Mononoke Forest is a cross between Harvest Moon and The Angry Birds
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