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  #31  
Old 10-10-2017, 06:27 PM
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Well, The Vvitch isn't really to my usual staple, but it was one of those movies that manages to be pretty friggin' creepy despite nothing happening once it's plot gets going. Which is, like, an hour into a 90 minute movie.

It's about a Puritan family, back in Pilgrim Times, being kicked out of a town for either being entirely too, or completely insufficiently rigorous in their following of scripture (it is unclear which) and gradually becoming aware that the reason for their misfortune is because they've been cursed by Satan. And while ol' scratch gets the ball a rolling, it's mostly paranoia that gets them in the end.

Also, the devil tempts people by offering them butter. And, like, I get that they didn't have Nintendos back in pilgrim times, but step up your game, Beelezebub! You are not living up to your reputation for being any kind of tempter here.

And I guess it implies that the Salem Witch Trials were a good idea because witches were real, are terrible and also the friggin things are everywhere.

I rate it... A Big Ol' Warty Nose
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  #32  
Old 10-10-2017, 06:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Also, the devil tempts people by offering them butter. And, like, I get that they didn't have Nintendos back in pilgrim times, but step up your game, Beelezebub! You are not living up to your reputation for being any kind of tempter here.
Beelezebutter! Sinfully delicious.

Yeah... I like butter but I don't think I would sell my soul for it.
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  #33  
Old 10-10-2017, 09:42 PM
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And I guess it implies that the Salem Witch Trials were a good idea because witches were real, are terrible and also the friggin things are everywhere.

I rate it... A Big Ol' Warty Nose
Though it should be noted that many of the events of the film might just be the psychotropic hallucinations of some poor farmers eating the fungus that grows on their corn.

It's covered in the #3 entry on this Cracked article...
http://www.cracked.com/article_24897...-symbolic.html
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  #34  
Old 10-11-2017, 11:20 AM
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That would track except the audience alone sees a couple of supernatural things without any of the pilgrims around.
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  #35  
Old 10-11-2017, 11:35 AM
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Good point... unless

*checks expiration date on popcorn*

Dear God!
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  #36  
Old 10-13-2017, 05:51 AM
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Nightmare on Elm Street IV: The Dream Master is a weird’un. Not totally sure how much I liked it, frankly.

It’s a direct sequel to 3, with Freddy coming back from the dead with no explanation and Immediately setting about killing the survivors from the last movie (and Tuesday Knight, weirdly replacing Patricia Arquette). A task he accomplishes easily and with a weird lack of panache (couple of cool sets though). However, as he kills the former Ms. Arquette, she winds up dragging Timid Background Extra Alice into her dream and somehow grants her the power to drag other sleeping people into her own dreams.

This has the effect of letting Freddy slowly expand his field of prey (its well established that he can only go after people connected, however indirectly, to his death) by dragging new victims into his nightmare world and let’s Alice gradually take on the skills and personality traits of the people Freddy kills, Mega Man style; eventually turning her into The Dream Master, a kind of anti-Krueger.

It’s also not enough that Freddy is a serial killer ghost who attacks you in your dreams, he has to be some kind of God of Nightmares too, incidentally.

Movie has some very nice visuals (the last ten minutes or so trounce nearly any horror movie I’ve ever seen), but it’s the kind of movie where’s its obvious they had some real script and budget problems. The main plot barely exists and little is explained. And while there are a few visual-de-force kills, the first half of the movie is made up of Krueger stabbing someone while delivering an awful pun.

Notably, about halfway through the movie, a Martial arts-obsessed teen fights an invisible Freddy, culminating with a stage hand just throwing the glove at him from off screen.

I’m lead to understand that the next two movies are considerably worse, so with that in mind; I rate this 5/6 Grab a Crucifix.
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  #37  
Old 10-13-2017, 07:33 AM
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3 is for sure better than 4 and 5, but what I say, I love the journey. And musical accompaniment.
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  #38  
Old 10-13-2017, 08:01 AM
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The movie usually does a good job of showing how Freddy’s kills in the dream world manifest in more mundane ways in the real world (a stab in the chest results in a heard attack, him deflating Girl-Urkel like a leaky balloon causes her to hyperventilate, etc)

So I’m really curious what the coroners report was on the girl who was cronenberged into a giant bug and then smooshed in Freddy’s hand.

For that matter; everyone in this town gets over the sudden mass death of healthy, emotionally stable teens really quickly.
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  #39  
Old 10-13-2017, 09:16 AM
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Thanks for linking that Tuesday Knight song, because I was gonna do it if you didn't.

Incidentally, Halloween this year is on a Tuesday Night, so we're all gonna be runnin' from this nightmare
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  #40  
Old 10-13-2017, 09:42 AM
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I remember reading somewhere that focus groups were very upset about the martial arts heartthrob eating it (considering the other male lead is dull as dishwater) and thus the scene was edited down, but I've never seen anything to back that up, not even in the extremely lengthy Nightmare documentary that is (was?) on netflix. The floating glove always screamed budget cut to me.


That's some great viewing by the way, Never Sleep Again that goes through the entire series one by one. The variety in the actors at their current states is pretty....dynamic...
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  #41  
Old 10-13-2017, 09:49 AM
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Quote:
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That's some great viewing by the way, Never Sleep Again that goes through the entire series one by one. The variety in the actors at their current states is pretty....dynamic...
I meant to watch this right up until the point where Netflix pulled it.

God damn you, netflix
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  #42  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:02 AM
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Hey, remember when horror movies had music videos? Really silly ones?



That's right, Freddy's greatest fear is Dokken! Except, like most people, he doesn't actually know who Dokken is. Also, Freddy can dream apparently? Like from within dreams? This is a lot to unpack.

But it gets better. A Freddy rap. By the way, Freddy actually says that he's "Here to say".



I think once I'm done with 70's cartoons, I'm going to have to do music videos for movies.
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  #43  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:05 AM
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Since we're on the subject, let me just drop this one in here too.

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  #44  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:14 AM
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Quote:
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Hey, remember when horror movies had music videos? Really silly ones?



That's right, Freddy's greatest fear is Dokken! Except, like most people, he doesn't actually know who Dokken is. Also, Freddy can dream apparently? Like from within dreams? This is a lot to unpack.

But it gets better. A Freddy rap. By the way, Freddy actually says that he's "Here to say".



I think once I'm done with 70's cartoons, I'm going to have to do music videos for movies.
Arguably the two greatest songs about Freddy Kruger.

Best not to involve the Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire, at least
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  #45  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:25 AM
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Originally Posted by ¡HarlequinPanic! View Post
I remember reading somewhere that focus groups were very upset about the martial arts heartthrob eating it (considering the other male lead is dull as dishwater) and thus the scene was edited down, but I've never seen anything to back that up, not even in the extremely lengthy Nightmare documentary that is (was?) on netflix. The floating glove always screamed budget cut to me.
Every boy in NoES 4 is crushworthy. Such a shame they’re all doomed!

The main thing I remember about martial arts guy from that documentary is that he wasn’t close with the other cast members.
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  #46  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:31 AM
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And sadly, some of the better horror movie tie in songs, joining the ranks of "Man Behind the Mask" by Alice Cooper for Friday the 13th: Jason Lives, "Maniac" by Michael Sembello for the movie Maniac and "Canvas of Blood" by Timbuk3 for Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, apparently written by the band before they saw the movie and based on the lyrics, they believed it was about a haunted painting that intentionally hung itself crooked so it would stab people whenever it got near to straighten it out. They went into a lot of detail for a film they never saw.
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  #47  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:46 AM
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Every boy in NoES 4 is crushworthy. Such a shame they’re all doomed!

The main thing I remember about martial arts guy from that documentary is that he wasn’t close with the other cast members.
Martial Arts Guy was far and away the most personality rich character in the movie. He’s just so happy to accept that there’s a nightmare ghost commuting dream-murders. So, of course he gets the lamest death scene in the franchise.
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  #48  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:53 AM
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there’s a nightmare ghost commuting dream-murders.
Can anyone draw a picture of Freddy's commute to his dream murders.
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  #49  
Old 10-13-2017, 11:08 AM
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I’m reminded of Roger Ebert pondering what Michael Myers did in between Halloweens. He was tended to by a man in a shack once, (big mistake, buddy) but that was only one year.
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  #50  
Old 10-13-2017, 11:16 AM
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I’ve always resisted the interpretation/fact that Halloween has split timelines. (Season fi the Witch excepted, I suppose) Laurie just abandonded her daughter Jamie but still had another kid. Then she died in a bad movie. That’s fine! That’s life.

But I guess she’s coming back with a new alternate child. I can’t emphasize enough how strongly I wish for Judy Greer to be a goddamn survivor and hero in this, but I won’t kid myself.
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  #51  
Old 10-13-2017, 11:56 AM
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I’ve always resisted the interpretation/fact that Halloween has split timelines. (Season fi the Witch excepted, I suppose) Laurie just abandonded her daughter Jamie but still had another kid. Then she died in a bad movie. That’s fine! That’s life.

But I guess she’s coming back with a new alternate child. I can’t emphasize enough how strongly I wish for Judy Greer to be a goddamn survivor and hero in this, but I won’t kid myself.
But I don't want to have to except that Michael Myers has some magic druids in his origin story. Though it might help you tie Season of the Witch back into it.
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  #52  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:17 PM
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Originally Posted by ¡HarlequinPanic! View Post
That's some great viewing by the way, Never Sleep Again that goes through the entire series one by one. The variety in the actors at their current states is pretty....dynamic...
I enjoyed that and the Friday the 13th doc as well even though they're so damn long, I had to portion it out over a number of sessions.
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  #53  
Old 10-13-2017, 11:42 PM
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Hey, remember when horror movies had music videos? Really silly ones?
Pepperidge Farm Torzelbaum remembers.

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  #54  
Old 10-14-2017, 02:59 AM
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There are plenty of MST3K movies that are perfectly watchable (if less fun) without the riffing. I strongly suspect that Manos: The Hands of Fate is not one of them.

The premise is one that should be ripe for spooks and scares; a family makes a wrong turn on a vacation and winds up at the lair of an evil vampire (?) cult that worships hands (!?).

And nothing at all about it works or is remotely interesting.

Most of the films sense of looming dread is supposed to come from the cult leaders inhuman servant Torgo. No one in film production could figure out how to make Torgo appear menacing or inhuman, so instead he has a speech impediment and bad knees.

Bad Knees are scary!

The Master of the Cult is also supposed to cut a terrifying figure of supernatural evil and looks very much like Freddie Mercury in a bad Dracula costume.

Because the film didn't come close to hitting the minimum time needed to make it Feature Length, the are lots (and lots and lots) of loooooong, badly framed lingering shots of nothing whatsoever while the character mumble in the background.

Speaking of, the sound in the movie was atrocious; I'm not sure there was a single clean line of dialogue and the movies only music was the completely ridiculous Torgo Theme that would have fit better in a Nutty Professor style comedy.

The movie also ends with the Master winning and also apparently marrying a 5-year-old. So that's classy.

I rate the movie One Finger on Each Manos
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  #55  
Old 10-14-2017, 03:10 AM
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Fun fact, Torgo was supposed to be a satyr, and the knees were supposed to be prosthetics. Not so fun fact, the actor who played Torgo later committed suicide after the film was released.
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  #56  
Old 10-14-2017, 09:39 AM
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Another fun fact: There's apparently been three different attempts to make a modern sequel to Manos, all with castmembers from the original. None has been completed yet.

It's also the movie that produced one of my favorite MST3K lines: "Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known picture!"
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  #57  
Old 10-15-2017, 05:50 AM
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Tremors 2: Aftershocks was a lot of fun.

Takes place a couple of years after the first movie with a new, larger nest of giant worms attacking a Mexican oil refinery, and the Government of Mexico asking returning stars Fred Ward and The Dad From Family Ties for their help in blowing them up real good, ultimately hitting a hitch in the plan when it’s revealed that the giant worms were just stage one in a multi-part life cycle.

There’s a lot to like here; Micheal Gross is plainly having a ball as the vaguely psychotic gun-crazed Burt, and Fred Ward plays the straight man, delivering practical, straight-laced advice while dealing with a completely ridiculous threat. Movie also takes itself exactly as serious as a movie about giant worms/velociraptor-bugs should.

It’s like everyone in production just saw the title of the movie and completely understood exactly what sort of movie they had to make. It’s rare to see that kind of perfect synchronicity between the cast, director, script and visual effects department.

And, frankly, you’re going to have a hard time finding a situation where I watch a movie where a celebrated character actor turns to the camera and snarls with a gravelly voice “You’re Talking about Graboids” and not have me love it.

Much like with Nightmare 4, however, it’s obvious that they used up a LOT more of the budget on one effect at the expense of others; the smaller Graboids are an incredible feat of puppet-engineering (though occasionally obvious CG when they’re doing something beyond the scope of the puppeteers), but for most of the first half of the movie none of the monsters are seen except for the occasional shot of ones unmoving jaw, just from off screen. Or else we’re given a description of a tense battle but see no evidence of it otherwise.

Anyway; I really enjoyed it and rate it 5/5 Alex P. Keatons Dads
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  #58  
Old 10-15-2017, 08:05 AM
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Not really a full movie, but I thought this would be the best place to post this ad. Contains no objectionable material, all people should watch.

https://www.avclub.com/halo-top-is-n...e-o-1802708269
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  #59  
Old 10-15-2017, 08:40 AM
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A surprisingly relevant entry this week...

In Bob We Trust - SCHLOCKTOBER: "UNCLE SAM" (1996)
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  #60  
Old 10-15-2017, 05:48 PM
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For the most part, I'd say Nightmare on Elm Street V: The Dream Child is a huge step up over 4 and easily one of my favourites of the series. On the other hand, it opens with a flashback to Freddy's origin where we learn that "The Bastard Son Of One Hundred Maniacs" is, in fact, literally how he was conceived, and the movie is about Freddy forcing a woman to make his child. So the rape imagery is intentional and unwelcome.

And that casts a bit of pall over what is otherwise the most cartoonish movie in the series yet; Freddy is a (somewhat more) murderous Willy Wonka this time around, killing everyone in the most transparently ironic methods possible, cracking better (but still awful) puns all the while.

This time, Alice, (having largely lost her Dream Master powers, except for her communal dreaming thing) is preggers and her newly-conceived baby inherited both her dream power AND her connection to Krueger (supernatural powers begin at conception). And Freddy is murdering Alice's new friends (replacing the ones that died, like, a year ago) and feeding their souls to that baby in order to Krueg him up proper to give him a new host body.

This movie was obviously trying to make up for the low budget in the last movie; the shift from the real to Dream Worlds is much more subtle and almost art-house caliber, up until Freddy shows up and the visuals go insane. His first kill alone might actually outdo Ms. Bugmuscles in terms of amazing-yet-horrifying visuals, and later he kills the Comic Nerd by Take On Me-into him.

If it weren't for the aforesaid rape imagery that kind of permeates the film (and, on a lesser note, there's a newspaper clipping that confirms that besides being a serial killer of children, Freddy was also a child molester. Made me lose a lot of respect for the nightmare ghost that murders teenagers in their sleep) I'd rank it a lot higher. As it is, I rank it a 3/4: Better Lock the Door
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