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  #1  
Old 03-11-2019, 10:39 AM
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Default Oh no it's Disney+

So in this terrible new era of Disney buying fucking everything, it was inevitable that they would eventually just decide they didn't NEED Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Prime or Whatever the fuck else is around these days and just make their own fucking streaming service that's all Disney all the time.

And later this year, it's actually (supposedly) gonna happen! They're calling it Disney+, because of course they fucking are!

Bob Iger has promised that Disney's entire motion picture library will be on the service shortly after launch. The internet at large responded to this news with "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA. NOBODY WANTS YOU TO DO THAT." But our protests came too late, and later this year thousands of parents around the globe will end up hasitily adding another streaming service to their smart TVs after frantically googling why Moana is no longer on Netflix.

God help us all.
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  #2  
Old 03-11-2019, 10:42 AM
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Supposedly this new service will contain no Hard-R rated content, which is weird because Disney's been branching out a LOT into that kinda stuff lately.
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Old 03-11-2019, 10:43 AM
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You need Disneyx for that.
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  #4  
Old 03-11-2019, 10:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick View Post
You need Disneyx for that.
More like Dixney am I rite
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Old 03-11-2019, 10:54 AM
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My well-documented seething bile for all things Disney obviously means I will never sign up for this service, but if their insane "OF COURSE EVERYTHING WE EVER MADE WILL BE ON DISNEY+" is true, I might grab a free preview just to see how they categorize all that shit.

I'm thinking it'll go something like.

STUFF YOU WANNA WATCH
-Star Wars
-Animation Renaissance Movies
-Marvel Movies

STUFF YOUR KIDS WANNA WATCH
-Recent Disney Animated Movies
-Those remakes maybe?

OH MAN REMEMBER THESE!
-Ducktales
-Those other disney Afternoon cartoons that weren't Ducktales

I GUESS WE HAVE TO PUT THIS SOMEWHERE?
-Disney Channel Original Movies
-Direct to DVD Sequels of Cinderella

COULD YOU JUST, SCROLL PAST THIS PART REALLY QUICK
-90's Live action Disney Movies.
-Those remakes of Freaky Friday and the Parent Trap

OH WAIT SHIT I FORGOT WE HAVE A LONG AND TREASURED HISTORY!
-Classic Mickey Mouse Shorts

OH WOW, A REALLY LONG HISTORY
-War Propaganda Shorts
-Upsettingly Racist Mickey Mouse shorts.

OH JESUS THAT'S PART OF OUR HISTORY TOO?
-That one short where Donald Duck becomes a Nazi.

GOD DAMMIT THAT'S WHERE "ZIPPITY DOO DAH" COMES FROM?
-Song of the South.
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  #6  
Old 03-11-2019, 10:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kazin View Post
More like Dixney am I rite
Where do I sign up

In all seriousness I'll probably end up getting this stupid thing just so I can watch whatever new MCU shows they put on there. I think they've only confirmed Loki and Scarlet Witch so far, but that's enough to bait the hook for my dumb ass
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Old 03-11-2019, 11:12 AM
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Quote:
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You need Disneyx for that.


(Disney theme parks are weird.)
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  #8  
Old 03-11-2019, 11:17 AM
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(Disney theme parks are weird.)
You have no idea how right you are.

In the time since I moved to Florida at age 12, Disney world has ripped itself to shreds and put itself back together a thousand times, in the endless pursuit of a way to fill the gap between "Fantasy location people spend a lifetime of dreaming about going to", and "oh god all THE TEENS think we're uncool!!"

It's an unreal tug-of-war, that most recently lead them to spending millions upon millions of dollars on carefully creating the theme-park version of Pandora, the setting of that movie you vaguely remember as having tall blue cats.

In 2017.

Last edited by BEAT; 03-11-2019 at 11:30 AM.
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  #9  
Old 03-11-2019, 11:46 AM
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I would be surprised if Song of the South showed up because modern Disney very much likes to pretend it never happened. Especially if they’re not gonna have anything harder than PG-13. It says to me they’re focusing on this being a family friendly platform and they probably shouldn’t just drop their racist backlog on unsuspecting families without gateing it off.
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  #10  
Old 03-11-2019, 11:48 AM
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As long as Splash Mountain exists, Song of the South will never be forgotten.
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  #11  
Old 03-11-2019, 11:57 AM
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if A Goofy Movie is on here I will pay £100,000.
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  #12  
Old 03-11-2019, 11:59 AM
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Default THIS POST IS NOT AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL, I NEVER DID THAT TO THE POOR RIDE ATTENDANT.

Hapless ride attendants innocently going "James who?" when faced with the questions of woke Millennial parkgoers, who spent their 45 minutes stuck in line on their smartphones, looking up what this whimsical flume ride was based on, and becoming quite reasonably upset when they reached the part about how James Baskett, the actor who portrayed Uncle Remus, was not allowed to attend his own movie's premier because he was black.

Last edited by BEAT; 03-11-2019 at 12:27 PM. Reason: BUT GOD, I TOTALLY WOULD THO.
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  #13  
Old 03-11-2019, 11:59 AM
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I’m subscribing because if our culture must be imprisoned by a gluttonous machine of suffering I at least want to numb my overwhelming dread with convenient access to A Goofy Movie
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  #14  
Old 03-11-2019, 12:12 PM
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Okay I think I've gotten all my whining about Disney out of my system-
IN THE 1990S DISNEY TRIED TO BULLDOZE ACTUAL AMERICAN CIVIL WAR BATTLEGROUNDS IN ORDER TO MAKE THE PROPOSED THEME PARK "DISNEY'S AMERICA" IN EFFECT REPLACING ACTUAL HISTORY WITH THE SANITIZED DISNEY VERSION OF HISTORY.

...

Okay I think that's all of it. You may now use this thread to actually talk about things you'd actually like to watch without my constant interrupting-
THE "COMMENTARY" THAT THE RECENT REMAKES DO ON THE ANIMATED FEATURES THEY'RE BASED ON IS INHERENTLY DISINGENUOUS, LESS A CASE OF DISNEY ACKNOWLEDGING PROBLEMATIC ELEMENTS IN THEIR PAST WORKS, AND MORE DISNEY FINDING A WAY TO PROFIT OFF THOSE ELEMENTS IN A WAY THAT MAKES THEM SUPERFICIALLY APPEAR TO BE "THE GOOD GUYS".

...

Okay, NOW I'm done.
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  #15  
Old 03-11-2019, 12:19 PM
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Can't wait too pay 10 more bucks a month for the privelge of watching 12 The Love Bug films and the original Escape From Witch Mountain
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  #16  
Old 03-11-2019, 12:33 PM
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I have little to no attachment to anything Disney has ever constructed. As far as cartoons go, I’ve usually either been indifferent to or loathed their output, and found myself far more attached to Warner Brother’s output. I find the recent trend of “live action” remakes to be disgusting. This new streaming service means literally nothing to me. The only way Disney could get me to sign up is if Disney did something crazy like gate off ABC/ESPN’s NBA broadcasts to the service.
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  #17  
Old 03-11-2019, 12:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
Okay I think I've gotten all my whining about Disney out of my system-

[...]

Okay, NOW I'm done.
Psst, BEAT - what about the copyright stuff?
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  #18  
Old 03-11-2019, 12:47 PM
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Please no.

I have other shit I need to do today.
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  #19  
Old 03-11-2019, 12:49 PM
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Let me watch Star vs without paying for cable or overpriced digital downloads, you cowards
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  #20  
Old 03-11-2019, 01:06 PM
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As long as Splash Mountain exists, Song of the South will never be forgotten.
That Splash Mountain still exists, I think, is proof that Song of the South has been thoroughly buried.
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  #21  
Old 03-11-2019, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted by q 3 View Post
Let me watch Star vs without paying for cable or overpriced digital downloads, you cowards
Oh god, that and ducktales are the only reason I’m paying for directtv now, now that all my other cartoons are done, aren’t they?

I guess I do occasionally remember Comedy Central exists.
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  #22  
Old 03-11-2019, 01:20 PM
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I've seen Song of the South. It's mostly just boring, and it's got the extremely cluelessly well-intentioned kind of racism, rather than the malicious kind you might expect from its infamous reputation. Including it in their service is a calculated move, but it's too "the day after daylight savings" for me to dig into the result of that calculation.

I'm academically interested in Disney, especially under Walt, the most influential artist of the 20th century. More than the movies, I'd be interested to see the early television content. "The Wonderful World of Color" and the like. That's where the real old shames are buried.
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  #23  
Old 03-11-2019, 01:33 PM
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Gargoyles or riot.
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  #24  
Old 03-11-2019, 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by SpoonyBardOL View Post
Gargoyles or riot.
I already bought all the (good) DVD seasons but yes, this please
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  #25  
Old 03-11-2019, 01:37 PM
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I look forward to finally seeing that animated TRON spinoff.
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  #26  
Old 03-11-2019, 04:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAT View Post
OH JESUS THAT'S PART OF OUR HISTORY TOO?
-That one short where Donald Duck becomes a Nazi.
Well technically Donald Duck just had a nightmare that he was a Nazi while sleeping in his ludicrously patriotic American bedroom, and Nazi Donald went completely insane from a combination of extreme rationing, assembly line work with no real vacation time, and being forced to "Heil Hitler!" all the damn time.

But yeah, that's definitely a short that's all too easy to take out of context, especially with animated GIFs.
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  #27  
Old 03-11-2019, 04:47 PM
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Donald Duck hates nazis, but he also fears that under different circumstances he might've become one.
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  #28  
Old 03-11-2019, 05:40 PM
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Anyway, on the subject of Disney's upcoming streaming service, I'm sure it will work out very well for them. They own both Marvel and Star Wars, as well as FOX's entertainment division, so they have a lot of material to draw from.
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  #29  
Old 03-11-2019, 06:03 PM
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A podcast I listen to refers to this service as Disney "ploos," like its a fancy French streaming service and now that is all I can think of when I see it.

I likely will not subscribe.
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  #30  
Old 03-11-2019, 07:52 PM
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With Disney older TV animation being brought to the young people, I'm looking forward to a whole new generation of fan art of Wuzzles fucking. Or origin story are of regular animals fucking and making Wuzzles.
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