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  #121  
Old 10-25-2017, 12:22 PM
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Johnny Unusual Johnny Unusual is offline
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I've never been the biggest Exorcist fan, though I also saw the "Version you've never seen", which fans say is bloated and inferior. I did rewatch it last year and liked it a lot more, but even then I still think of it as a VERY well made film that leaves me a bit cold. But I do like William Friedkin a lot. If you ever get the chance, check out his awesome non-horror thriller Sorcerer. It's amazing.
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  #122  
Old 10-26-2017, 05:17 PM
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Wrote about Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned before, at length. So Iím just going to quote myself regarding whether or not it is the BEST Marvel movie...

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Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Of course it isn't. That's patently absurd. Heck, I don't even think it's the best Marvel production star Dracula, either in movies (that honor goes to Blade Trinity) or TV (the Avengers episode where they go to Transylvania and learn that Dracula is trying to breed Hulkulas), but, for some weird reason, this film exists. It's an anime, licensed by Harmony Gold and based on Marvels Tomb of Dracula comic. And it is friggin' bonkers. I saw it a couple of years ago and it quickly became one of my Halloween traditions. And since it's freely available on Youtube (which is unlikely to change since Marvel probably isn't going to get hot and bothered about its inclusion any time in the future), you can watch it to!

Like any good and proper Dracula movie, it begins in outer space where the helpful narrator (I believe the same one from Robotech) tells us that the universe is defined by opposites, like light and darkness (sensible for a Dracula movie), Heat and Cold (bit of a stretch, but sure) and Motion and Inertia (what?) and, on the Earth, by the struggle between the living and the dead... between mankind and DRACULA!

And then we get a slow pan of the interior of Draculas Castle with low music and no dialogue of any sort. I believe that this is supposed to be where the opening credits go, but there aren't any. It's pretty much five minutes of dead air. Air thats dead... LIKE DRACULA!

After wasting precious minutes of a finite life on dark backgrounds, the narrator pipes up to mention that Dracula doesn't live in Transylvania any more, that the pressures of dealing with vampire hunter has forced him to relocate to Boston, Massachusetts. Given the proficiency of the vampire hunters shown throughout this movie, this is really overselling their skills.

Dracula isn't the only source of supernatural evil in ol' Beantown, though as there's a Satanic Cult meeting tonight, waiting for the last few members of their evil congregation, and their leader (wearing what looks like a Micheal Myers mask wearing a fright-wig) is impatient. This is a big day for both their cult and Old Scratch alike; it's the devils wedding day!

And then Dracula just strolls in and kidnaps their sacrifice and walks out like he owns the place. Dracula is one stone-cold boss. Also, it's apparently not a very attentive cult since they just assumed that Dracula is Satan.

Dracula takes the sacrifice (her name is Delores) but can't really bring himself to eat her for some reason , so he heads out and scarfs down some random people on the street instead. I've seen this movie several times and I am still not quite sure if this becomes plot relevant later. One of his attacks was witnessed by a homeless man who was later interviewed;

"He came out of the sky and his teeth grew and he bit her and drank her BLOOD! He was like some kind of a Werewolf!" he tells the reporters. The reporters go on to explain that the homeless man suffers from alcoholism and mental illnesses, so his story isn't worth paying attention to (then why did you interview him, Reporter? Geez) Anyway the report is being watched by one Mr. Frank Drake!

A phone call calls him away from his bar and into a sunny park where he meets a pair of vampire hunters a Girl (Rachel Van Helsing) and a Guy In A Wheelchair (Quincy Harker) and that Frank Drake himself is Draculas Great (...) Great Grandson! The hunters want Franks help them by dropping his entire life and dedicating himself to hunting down and liquidating (!) Dracula!



Frank responds by laughing and getting into a karate fight against the man in the wheelchair. A fight he only barely wins, proving more that Frank is really, really bad at fighting people then showing that Harker is good at wheelchair fencing. Either way, Frank is so impressed that he joins the Vampire Hunters then and there. It will clear his family's good name if he were to destroy Dracula, and also he will be paid one hundred thousand dollars cash. So they head off to chase Dracula with the help of a vampire-detecting dog. None of this is relevant to the story.

Meanwhile, back at the cult, the leader is curious as to why Satan seems ticked off at him and isn't answering his calls. So then Satan does show up and points out that the cult just up and handed his bride-to-be over to Count Dracula like a bunch of idiots. And just to play devils advocate (tee hee) he has a point; that was a huge blunder. Dracula is a dude wearing a well tailored suit and a cape and turns into a bat. Satan is, like, fifty feet tall and has red skin and horns. Sure they both have fangs, but you aren't going to mistake one for the other. Anyway, Satan is pretty cool about things now, and says that he'll get his revenge on Dracula in a years time.

The Vampire Hunters are still hunting Dracula, looking for him in sunny gardens and in nicely tended hiking trails with limited success. Their Vampire-Detecting Dog really isn't living up to its reputation. And then it's Christmas Eve (it was a very long montage) and it turns out that Delores just gave birth to Draculas Baby, Janus!

This is good timing since, at this moment, the Vampire Hunters have closed in on Draculas lair by noticing a subtle pattern in the sites of his attacks;



Give it a minute, you'll see it.

Meanwhile, Dracula comes clean to Delores, that he was married to her under false pretenses;

"I"m not actually your beloved Lucifer, Lord of Darkness. I lied to you... I am Count Dracula"

And Delores, being the class act she is, understands entirely. She figured out pretty early into their marriage that Dracula wasn't also Satan. And she didn't really care. And then Drac goes into his origin (nothing fancy, he liked impaling people and then the devil said "Hey, that's pretty cool. Want to live forever and kill people all the time" and Dracula said "Sure!" and then he decided that being a vampire sucked and he spent his eternal life getting back at him by doing things like crashing black masses and kidnapping Satans fiance.)



Anyway, this leads to a a new, happier stage in their marriage and Delores and Dracula head on the town, having fancy dinners, buying matching His and Hers capes and traveling by horse-drawn carriages. Then Dracula receives a note (via carrier pigeon) from the Satanic Cult offering to baptize their baby! And Dracula, suddenly being a damn idiot, figures this is a good idea! And then the cult leader reveals his and Satans secret plan, the one they'd been working on for over a year to get revenge on Count Dracula.



He is going to shoot a baby with a gun!

Anyway, Dracula is 100% cheesed the h*ck off at having his baby shot by a cult leader AND the Vampire Hunters chose that moment to finally track him down and tried to kill him using Karate. So he's just in no damn mood to handle things calmly and rationally with anybody; and he kills the cult leader via strangulation and chucks his corpse at Quincy knocking him out of his wheelchair, and tears apart the church they're in with his bare hands.

The Vampire Hunters escape (the movie still tries to paint them as the heroes, despite their efforts to kill a pair of grieving parents who were opposed by Satan himself) and in the days that follow, the movie suddenly moves over to New York for no damn reason, where we're introduced to another young woman who picks up strangers at a dance club and then eats them because she's a vampire too! And I'm still not sure if she's one of the people Drac ate earlier in the movie, or if New York just has a noticeable vampire population.

Anyway, Delores hasn't gotten over her son dying (since it's been, like, two days) and goes off to visit his grave. Just in time to see her baby come back to life. As an Adult! With a Superhero Costume! And off in the caves, Dracula wakes up to realzie that God just brought his son back to life as an Anti-Dracula who is dedicated to destroying his father! Then we get Delores' Chick-Tract esque origin (she liked Motorcycles, and therefor beer, and figured "Why not join worship the devil?).

Anyway, Drac finds his suddenly adult Super-Son in a dark alley while he's trying to snack on a lady and they fight with eye-lasers;



Or glowing vomit. However you classify that image.

Anyway, while Dracula is recovering from his Jesus-Baby wounds, Satan up and kidnaps Delores, so Dracula runs off to the Black Church to fight the devil one final time. Also he calls him "Satan Lucifer Prince of Darkness" like that was his full name. Satan brings everyone into Hell for their final battle. Kind of looks like the final boss arena in most Castlevania games, too. As might be expected from an anime about Dracula fighting Satan, most of the battle consists of the two of them talking about love while shooting lightning at one another, and Delores' lightning wins and he kills the devil. And even Janus The Jesus-Powered Super-Baby congratulates his father on a hard won fight against Satan.

You might, reasonably, expect that this would mark the movies finale. And you would be mistaken. We still have half an hour to go.

Turns out that when he blew Satan back to Hell, the devil got his revenge by knocking all the Vampirism out of of Draculas body. And Dracula also went ahead and left Delores, the mother of their child and the woman who just saved his life in order to travel to New York. Also, despite that being a vampire was the reason Dracula hated the devil so much, he hates being a human even more. He can't just just kill and eat random people on the street anymore, so he has to go through the more labor-intensive practice of mugging them for their wallets;



And then buying hamburgers



As it turns out, the reason Drac went to New York was to track down Layla, that vampire that came out of nowhere earlier in the movie and tries to convince her to bite him and re-vampire him. Also, the Vampire Hunters track him down but can't kill him now that he's vulnerable because he's not a vampire. So Hunting him would be a crime. (Janus has the same problem, just shows up to tell Drac directly that they can be friends) Dracula eventually finds Layla while she's in the middle of Sex-Murdering someone and she doesn't take him up on his offer to re-vampire him.

Also, Layla was wearing an Elvira costume, tiara, cape and either a wig or the animators forgot her hair color from a moment ago, while preparing to sex-murder the guy. She was nude a few seconds earlier. She's also the most emotive and personality-rich character in the entire film, pity she only had like two minutes of screen time.

Then Dracula is in Transylvania. Absolutely no idea how. You'd think with all the movies long montages of nothing happening this would have at least been acknowledged. My head canon is that he stole enough wallets to cover the airfare.

Turns out that while Dracula was off in Boston another vampire,Tomo moved in to his castle and became the new Lord of All Vampires. And, just to prove a point, Tomo raises an army of the living dead to attack Dracula. Dudes even better at being a Castlevania villain!

Drac runs away from the undead army, and takes refuge in a house full of adorable waifs (we are in the final few minutes of the movie so they are REALLY struggling to introduce a lot of characters in a short period) who recognize vampires, but do not recognize Dracula.

Anyway, Drac grabs a crucifix and proceeds to beat the ever-loving garbage out of the entire vampire army with it;



Its sufficiently kick-ass that I'm willing to overlook the mystery of why it's burning him if he's human.

Then he walks up to Tomo and slaps him so hard he explodes. Having desurped the usurper, Drac heads back to his Castle and LO AND BEHOLD the Vampire Hunters are there waiting for him. Turns out that Harker had a secret plan for killing Dracula; he loaded his wheelchair with grenades and drives straight into him. Exploding it and bringing Draculas castle down on top of his head. Also he staked him.

Janus returns to Delores (remember her?) and tells her that Dracula is dead, having been exploded and staked and having a building dropped on his head, and then Janus immediately goes to Heaven and also turns back into a baby.

And then the movie ends. No moral.
I give it 5/5 Draculaís eating hamburgers
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  #123  
Old 10-26-2017, 06:57 PM
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Rascally Badger Rascally Badger is offline
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I watched Godzilla Vs Destroyah this evening. An emotional roller coaster. Godzilla died, then he got sad, then Godzilla died and then he walked off into the sunset.
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  #124  
Old 10-26-2017, 08:48 PM
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Johnny Unusual Johnny Unusual is offline
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Evil Dead (2013)

I really liked it. I feel it isn't hard to make me flinch but I find there aren't a lot of movies that do and with many of the ones that do... well, that's all they got going for them. The new Evil Dead is a lot of fun and though it goes for pain, it doesn't rest on that and actually apes Sam Raimi's style of editing and camera movements while remaining largely its own entity.

I really liked Jane Levy in the movie... but mostly when she's evil. Though it is cathartic to see her turn back to normal and avenge her friends., I find the actress kills it in evil mode. The quick moment with her giggling under the stairs was great for reasons I can't articulate. Now I'm looking forward to watching Don't Breathe, which I hear is another stylish fun horror flick about evil Daredevil.
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  #125  
Old 10-26-2017, 09:01 PM
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Johnny Unusual Johnny Unusual is offline
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Oh, and some Friday the 13th movies just went up on Canadian Netflix... AFTER FRIDAY THE 13TH! Way to whiz it, Netflix.
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  #126  
Old 10-29-2017, 09:32 AM
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Daikaiju Daikaiju is offline
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Can you get enough of The Stuff?

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  #127  
Old 10-29-2017, 11:08 AM
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I really need to see this movie
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  #128  
Old 10-29-2017, 11:47 AM
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Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
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Itís freely available on Youtube and I doubt that even the litigious juggernaut that is the Walt Disney corporation will issue a cease-and-desist order on its presence any time soon.
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  #129  
Old 10-29-2017, 01:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Things about Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned
OH MY GOD
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