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Old 04-23-2018, 07:57 PM
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Default Scoring 80s/90s Country Album Covers

Disclaimer: I am a direct product of 80's country music. True story. My mom met my dad back in '88 when he showed up for one of her line dance classes at a honky tonk here in town. I genuinely enjoy this era of country music.

But the album covers though. Man. Some of these things are just...man. We're gonna need a point system.

Forgone Conclusions, 1 Point:
  • Stetson
  • Pearl Snaps
  • Mullet and/or Teased Hair
  • Acoustic Guitar
  • Cowboy Boots
  • Leanin' on a fence/car/brick wall

Advanced Techniques, 2 Points:
  • Sears photo studio backdrop
  • Cut n' paste 90's typography
  • Shoulder pads
  • Giant 'stache
  • Uncomfortable close up of artist's face is the whole cover

Penultimate Country, 5 Points:
  • Hair takes up more space on cover than face does
  • Fringe and/or rhinestones
  • Atrocious pattern on any article of clothing
  • Bolo Tie
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Old 04-23-2018, 08:12 PM
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Let's start with an easy choice before working our way deeper: Reba's Greatest Hits


Teased Hair - This is basically iconic Reba, those big ol' red curls. It was weird in the 2000's when she cut them all off and started straightening her hair. 1 Point

Uncomfortable close up of artist's face is the whole cover - Not uncomfortable, but there is seriously nothing else going on here, so...half credit. 1 Point

Hair takes up more space on cover than face does - AND HOW. MY GOD. 5 Points
Bolo Tie - Self explanatory. 5 Points

Total: 12 Points

Recommended pick off the album: This is the first of at least three greatest hits albums for Reba, so this one covers more of her early stuff. Let's go with...

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Old 04-23-2018, 08:22 PM
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I have never been a music fan (in fact, I would describe myself as aggressively uninterested in music), but in as much as I am a fan of any genre of music, it's 80s/early 90s country, which usually just gets me laughed out a room. I grew up on that stuff. I can sing half of Randy Travis' greatest hits from memory. I used to make my parents turn up the radio when Diggin' Up Bones came on the radio so that I could sing along (I thought it was about literal bones). I have danced the Boot Scootin' Boogy (heel, heel, toe, toe, heel, toe, touch, slap, grapevine to the left...). I still have a stack of country cassette tapes on my bedside table, next to my clock radio. I will be following this thread with great interest!
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Old 04-23-2018, 08:28 PM
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Moving along right into: Joe Diffie's Life's So Funny from 1995.


This one reminds me of a "high school portrait fail" blog for some reason. Anyway.

Mullet - 1 Point
Acoustic Guitar - I think this one's electric. 0 Points
Cowboy Boots - 1 Point

Cut n' paste 90's typography - Man, what font is this even. 2 Points
Giant 'stache - I'm pretty sure the man still sports it. 2 Points

Total: 6 Points

Recommended pick off the album: My favorite one of his actually isn't on this one. Maybe it'll come up later. But for now, please enjoy...

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Old 04-23-2018, 08:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBear View Post
I have danced the Boot Scootin' Boogy (heel, heel, toe, toe, heel, toe, touch, slap, grapevine to the left...).
Sir, I feel you on a spiritual level. ♫Heel toe do-si-do, c'mon baybee let's goooo boot scootin'♫ The Boot Scootin' Boogy along with Achy Breaky Heart were in my elementary school PE curriculum next to learning how to square and round dance.

[TEXAS INTENSIFIES]

So on that note, let's go ahead and score the Single Release for Brooks and Dunn's Boot Scootin' Boogie from 1992. (I want to do Brand New Man on it's own post.) Please note that this is the CLUB MIX and I say that with as straight of a face as I can manage.


Stetson - Thank you Mr Dunn. 1 Point
Teased Hair - Kix Brooks is one of the few, if only, male examples, eschewing the mullet for....whatever's going on here. 1 Point

Sears photo studio backdrop - 2 Points
Cut n' paste 90's typography - Just...look at it. Please do yourself a favor and read the Warning text down there. 2 Points
Giant 'stache - Mr Ronnie Dunn again. 2 Points

Total: 8 Points

Recommended pick off....the single: Gee, I wonder. For those playing along at home, there is a 3 minute difference between the Club Mix and the standard version. It's actually kind of astounding how big this song got.

Standard first, to calibrate your base level of country:




Now the Club Mix (Crank it jbear):


EDIT: I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE RANDOM HILLBILLY VOCAL NOISES CHUCKED IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE CLUB MIX. BAHAHA, AWESOME.
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Old 04-24-2018, 06:45 AM
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I will suggest you do a comparison of the tape covers to the full ones as well. I expect many of these albums were best known as cassettes, easily slammable into the tape deck of a Chevy S-10 while driving to the gas station for Marlbros.

But please...continue.
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