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  #31741  
Old 09-27-2017, 12:57 AM
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Welp, now I've been made to feel bad for enjoying Kingsman. ☹️
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  #31742  
Old 09-27-2017, 04:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zef View Post
Wait, people are surprised that a sequel to an ultraviolent, nihilistic movie where the hero is motivated by, and rewarded with, the chance to have anal sex with a princess with no character or agency of her own, is also a bad movie?
So that's where the subtitle of this one comes from?
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  #31743  
Old 09-27-2017, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by chud_666 View Post
hrm

Rate Xmen movies

I'd put first class as 2nd best.
I think we've done this before, but

Logan
DofP (either cut)
X-Men 2
Deadpool
X-Men
First Class
The Wolverine (theatrical cut, haven't seen director's)
Apocalypse
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
X-Men 3
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  #31744  
Old 09-28-2017, 02:51 AM
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Haven't seen Logan (yet) or Origins, but otherwise I watched them all earlier this year, so they're all pretty fresh in my mind;

X-2
Deadpool
X-Men
First Class
Days of Future Past
<then a rather large gap>
Apocalypse
Wolverine
<another, deeper gap>
Last Stand
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  #31745  
Old 09-28-2017, 08:24 AM
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Aw, I liked The Wolverine. It had a really dumb ending, but otherwise it was a good movie.
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  #31746  
Old 09-28-2017, 08:57 AM
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Yeah I don't get why some people regard it so poorly.

Logan
X2

Days of Future Past
First Class
The Wolverine

X-Men
Deadpool

Apocalypse

The Last Stand
Origins: Wolverine
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  #31747  
Old 09-28-2017, 09:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrenaline View Post
Yeah I don't get why some people regard it so poorly.
I find it really boring, myself.
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  #31748  
Old 09-28-2017, 09:50 AM
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  1. Logan
  2. X-Men 2
  3. Everything else
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  #31749  
Old 09-28-2017, 10:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Googleshng View Post
House 2?
I don't think I'd put this anywhere near the pedestal that is Gremlins 2, but Octo:

Have you seen House 2?

You really must see House 2.
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  #31750  
Old 09-29-2017, 10:00 PM
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Okay, um, I'm reading reviews of the new Blade Runner film and it's... good? Really? I'm kind of floored by this revelation. Not enough to put it on the same level as "every citrus fruit you've ever eaten is a lie," but still a pretty big surprise. Making a sequel to Blade Runner seems like it would be as hopeless as trying to carry a whirlwind in a bottle.
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  #31751  
Old 09-29-2017, 10:16 PM
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Its Denis Villeneuve, the guy behind Sicario and Arrival. I am not surprised it is good.
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  #31752  
Old 09-30-2017, 06:07 AM
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Just watched the Charlie Sheen movie, Platoon. Damn...that was pretty affecting. Not the most violent war movie I've ever seen, and I usually dislike Charlie Sheen, but it did an excellent job portraying how the stress of combat can break men down and the horror that ensues when they do break down. The last part with the red eyes on Sergeant Barnes was striking.
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  #31753  
Old 09-30-2017, 02:52 PM
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Before drug use started aging him in dog years Charlie Sheen was actually a fairly respected actor.
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  #31754  
Old 09-30-2017, 04:51 PM
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Jesus Christ, mother!...what a movie. I honestly was not expecting something like this from Aronofsky. It's cruel in a way that feels at odds with how his movies normally go. Zef said it wasn't psychological horror or jump scares or anything, just emotional horror and that's absolutely accurate. God.
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  #31755  
Old 09-30-2017, 08:50 PM
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I watched Ultraviolet. It's like Aeon Flux for really stupid people. And right now you are saying "But I thought the Aeon Flux movie was Aeon Flux for really stupid people". Good point, hypothetical person. Ultraviolet is Aeon Flux for really, really stupid people.

Here's a stupid scene from the stupid movie.


The plot is that everyone in the world is either one small boy or someone Milla Jonovision has to murder. Everyone is an asshole, including Milli Vanilli. She's a vampire and all of the vampires are supposed to be a persecuted minority. Except they are, like everyone else in the movie, assholes and Milla Joshovic kills them all. We are told that they are as powerful as her and nope they are dead now. Everyone exists to be murdered with a gun, a sword and I'm not fucking kidding a gun with little blades that pop out of them. This is almost as bad as the time I thought it would be cool if a guy had small guns hidden inside a larger gun. True story. Except what I told isn't a story, so now me and Ultraviolet have something in common.

I feel like I should be recommending this as an Octo Good movie, but its hard when there is no one to like in this movie. Everyone's a jerk. Also, the child actor sucks.

Some actual dialogue:

"Why won't you let anyone in?"
"Because those moments, as beautiful as they are, become evil when they pass."
I've thought about that statement and it makes no fucking sense.

However, this line of dialogue is pure Octo Great.

"You've got hemo-blood on me. It's on." *puts up dukes*

Also, none of the vampires, sorry "hemophages" *rolls eyes so hard something snaps*, don't do anything vampire-y. They don't drink blood, which, you know, is what their name implies, sunlight doesn't bother them, I guess they are supposed to be super strong except you can't tell because Milla Jovovich, whose character name is Violet Song Jat Shariff (and I will put that against any anime character in a stupid name contest) takes them out like chumps. So why even? Why anything? Why?

Hey, here's the tagline from imdb.

"First, they made her a weapon. That was their next-to-deadliest mistake. Now, they've made her a target..."

Next-to-deadliest is an expression that seems difficult to use anywhere.

And hey, here's some trivia.

"Milla Jovovich has disowned the film."

To put that in context, she has not disowned any other movie she's done, including this version of the Three Musketeers.



In closing, I just assumed that she hasn't disowned any other movies. But it feels right, doesn't it? Also, I just ran out of steam. Good night.
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  #31756  
Old 09-30-2017, 11:08 PM
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mother!

It's great. The last 3rd is all of human history.
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  #31757  
Old 10-01-2017, 02:07 AM
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Yeah, Daybreakers could also be considered Ultraviolet for less stupid people. At least it does its worldbuilding a hell of a lot better, and it is funny when it is meant to be.

Ultraviolet was mainly appealing because it was "from that guy who brought you Equilibrium. Not coincidentally, it is both the last movie he directed and the last movie he wrote that I ever watched.

There's so, so much concentrated stupid in the film that the one and only time I watched it was at the B-theater in my local area. Yet to this day I vividly recall way too many details.

Did you like Mila J's Resident Evil movies? However, did you think her Alice character looked far too weak in it? Then maybe Ultraviolet is for you.

You think protracted motorcycle chases are really cool? Well, UV has that. Even better than that, it has it with the motorcycles driving along the sides of buildings! How's about that one, Schumacher?! No, this is never explained, it's just that it's a vaguely futuristic setting. Just deal.

Oh, there's that aforementioned child that is the only remaining hope for humanity or something. Yes, his acting is terrible. However, I don't think it's been mentioned that he's first found in a container that is apparently Bigger on the Inside, but happens to unfortunately resemble a potty training seat.

There's a group of extremely awful Eurotrash vampires that, despite being glorified cannon fodder for Violet, still can't die soon enough.

The film's climax features a stupid sword fight, which gets even stupider when the villain, who admits that in a "fair fight" she would beat him for sure....turns off the lights. Then taunts Violet, because apparently he's....gasp...also a vampire! Except he can see in total darkness and she can't, because..........?

So with that little bit of tension going for about...2 seconds, Violet does the logical thing, and lights her sword on fire, and as they clash, the villain's sword catches fire. So the villain has completely blown any tactical advantage he had, and had already basically told you he has zero chance of winning the fight. Except he still seems to be winning. You'd think it would just be a stupid ending of them fighting with flaming swords for a while, but then it gets even stupider.

Oh hell, here's the stupid scene. I can't even stand to describe it:

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  #31758  
Old 10-01-2017, 03:28 AM
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So what everyone's telling me is that I should run, not walk, to my nearest Blockbuster Video!

I believe my nearest Blockbuster Video is now a discount furniture store, so this advise is not, in and of itself, helpful. But I appreciate the spirit of it.
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  #31759  
Old 10-01-2017, 06:48 AM
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Finally saw The Force Awakens last night. It certainly did do a good job of hitting the requestite emotional highs...I was never a big star wars fan, but even I felt a bit teary when I saw Han, Chewie, Leia, C3PO, and R2-D2 again. The action scenes were great, and Finn and Poe were true bros, I love seeing partnerships like that, positive male friendships and teamwork are my aesthetic.

My problems with it are: It took too much from the originals, IMO, we had the Death STar, Tattooine, etc. just with different names, I didn't like Rey very much, and Kylo Ren was such a pathetic little edgelord. But I guess he was supposed to be, as a point on the immaturity and ultimate futility of evil. Still, he was nowhere near as intimidating as Darth Vader. But overall, great fun!!
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  #31760  
Old 10-01-2017, 12:51 PM
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If my website were still up I'd be linking those CGI planes from the beginning and quoting some of the stuff from the commentary track. It's pretty amazingly terrible. That said though...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Unusual View Post
This is almost as bad as the time I thought it would be cool if a guy had small guns hidden inside a larger gun.
Someone would like to have a word!
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  #31761  
Old 10-01-2017, 02:03 PM
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What, no crosses on his bike's sidebags? How am I supposed to know which religion he follows?
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  #31762  
Old 10-01-2017, 02:49 PM
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That Aeon Flux scene seems like what you'd get if you had Steven Moffat direct the Matrix.
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  #31763  
Old 10-01-2017, 04:44 PM
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What the heck is hemo-blood? If it's not regular blood, why did they name it something that means "blood-blood"?
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  #31764  
Old 10-01-2017, 05:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Scott View Post
What the heck is hemo-blood? If it's not regular blood, why did they name it something that means "blood-blood"?
Because screenwriters don't know jack shit about science.
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  #31765  
Old 10-01-2017, 06:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Scott View Post
What the heck is hemo-blood? If it's not regular blood, why did they name it something that means "blood-blood"?
In UV, vampires aren't called vampires, they're called a stupid in-universe name ("hemophages"). Because calling a them "vampires" would just be silly. So presumably they're called "hemos" for short.

It's still stupid, though.
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  #31766  
Old 10-01-2017, 07:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew View Post
In UV, vampires aren't called vampires, they're called a stupid in-universe name ("hemophages"). Because calling a them "vampires" would just be silly. So presumably they're called "hemos" for short.

It's still stupid, though.
Close but no cigar, UV screenwriter. The term you were looking for was hematophage.
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  #31767  
Old 10-01-2017, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew View Post
In UV, vampires aren't called vampires, they're called a stupid in-universe name ("hemophages"). Because calling a them "vampires" would just be silly. So presumably they're called "hemos" for short.

It's still stupid, though.
So people who hate vampires would be called "hemophobes"?
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  #31768  
Old 10-01-2017, 08:02 PM
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In that case, I'd call it something like "phage-blood," or to bite off Marvel Comics vampires, "ichor."

On the other hand, "blood-blood" is starting to grow on me. I guess because it sounds like it should be said the same way as "Oh, you like like him."

"Well, it's not exactly blood."

"Oh, so it's blood-blood?"

"Exactly!"
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  #31769  
Old 10-01-2017, 10:32 PM
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Okay, so, mother!. It was fairly spelled out by the end of the movie, but I feel like writing about it just because:

"Him," played by Javier Bardem represents God, specifically the merciful and benevolent version of Christian God, and not Old Testament fire-and-brimstone God. "mother," played by Jennifer Lawrence represents...Earth/Mother Nature, more or less. Ed Harris and his family are Adam/Eve/Kain/Abel. Okay so now that I've labeled everything, what is Aronofsky really trying to say about the torture "mother" goes through during the entire movie?

I don't think there's any argument to be made that Aronofsky thinks God is a good person; the entire movie is from the mother's perspective, and it does a fantastic job of making you empathize with her gaslighting experience and general dismay at all the destruction these random people are causing inside her home. It's important to note the nuance at play with what the house represents too: God may have originally built the house, but the endless cycle of mothers is what actually keeps it maintained and desirable for the rest of humanity. In fact, we don't really know that God made anything at the very beginning of the cycle except for an original mother to create the house. The point is, God is absolutely portrayed as an abusive husband who doesn't do any work around the house and yet keeps letting people come in and destroy the house anyway. This obviously culminates at the very end when all of his cult members literally kill his child and he just waves it off and asks for mother to forgive them. But the way this movie is executed, we're supposed to think he's goddamn insane for doing this, and therein lies the complicated takeaway message that I'm still not sure about:

Is Aronofsky saying that pure love and unconditional forgiveness is a bad thing? That it's completely fucked up? When humanity is so terrible that it goes through war and horrible violence and in the end murders a baby just because of a misguided sense of adoration to a deity, is it not worth forgiving? That is the core of what this movie is actually trying to make you question, I'd say. But I could also see a slightly different reading that Aronofsky is really only condemning the cult of people who blindly worship this benevolent God, instead of acting like decent human beings -- remember that Ed Harris was extremely humble from the very beginning, and it really only took Eve and his sons showing up for things to turn sour. So then, Aronofsky is saying that this God is foolish for forgiving these people, which therefore leads to endless cycles of torture just because he wants to experience love, loss, pain, etc. that he himself is putting humanity through?

I think if I'm going with that reading, then it also explains why there was a fucking frog in the basement in that scene: frogs are a common occurrence in plagues during the Old Testament, yes? So perhaps that frog being locked away in a wall in the basement represents the progression of God from being a spiteful and vindictive entity into his current merciful self?


It's no secret that Aronofsky's body of work is highly spiritual, but this movie was hugely explicit about his Christian beliefs. I don't remember much of Noah, but I seem to remember his portrayal of Noah via Russell Crowe was a bit of a sociopath.
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  #31770  
Old 10-01-2017, 10:47 PM
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I watched Absolutely Anything on Netflix. It was Python Terry Jones' first directorial effort in nearly twenty years and given his dementia almost certainly his last. I wish it were better. It is basically Bruce Almighty starring Simon Pegg and Kate Beckinsale, who are great. It also has the surviving Pythons voicing the aliens that give Pegg his powers and in one of his last performances Robin Williams voicing Pegg's dog. It just isn't funny. It has all the elements of a good comedy, but for some reason they are all inert. It isn't offensively bad or anything; it just sort of ... is.
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