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  #181  
Old 09-30-2018, 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Pajaro Pete View Post
The three Tales from the Crypt episodes I remember: one where a lady kills a guy and turns him into soap and then takes a shower with him (it turns out stomach acid is bad for the skin); one about a creepy little girl in a mask; and one about a grown ass woman in a mask that seduces some dude at a bar? Or something?
The guy turned into soap was the lady's husband.
"You always wanted to shower with me, Lu."

The woman didn't seduce the dude at a bar - it was at a party. And that isn't a mask!

I think I remember the episode with the kid in the mask. And that is... a mask. But what's underneath it? (But there might have been more than one episode like that.)
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  #182  
Old 09-30-2018, 04:00 PM
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I think I remember the episode with the kid in the mask. And that is... a mask. But what's underneath it? (But there might have been more than one episode like that.)
It was the one with the radio host/child psychologist, and there's a hallway full of bubble gum and someone gets shocked trying to open a door in that hallway, or something?
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  #183  
Old 09-30-2018, 04:42 PM
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It was the one with the radio host/child psychologist, and there's a hallway full of bubble gum and someone gets shocked trying to open a door in that hallway, or something?
That's the first one that came to my mind. (Don't remember the bubble gum or spoilered stuff though.)
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  #184  
Old 10-01-2018, 09:38 AM
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Prince of Darkness is one of the later Good-Era of John Carpenter films, and it manages to nail Creepy-Weird in a way few other movies have ever been able to touch; easily on par with the likes of Annihilation and Prometheus.

Prometheus is very good.

Fight me.

A bunch of grad students/scientists who study theoretical physics are all called in to take a gander at a big jar full of swirling gatorade buried under a church for the last seven million years, and a giant-sized bible that's been re-written since before Christianity because absolutely nothing about it makes the slightest bit of sense no matter how you analyze it.

And, as it turns out, that jar of creepy gatorade is, in fact, The Devil and he is waking up and OH BOY IS THAT WORSE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE.

Movie is loaded with things that may be foreshadowing, and may not, because every single word the bible ever wrote about the Devil was completely wrong, and he is perhaps an alien (in the Cthulhu-sense, not the "space man" sense) but definitely incomprehensible, and the students keep getting dire portents from the future that basically amount to "Oh you are SCREWED now"

If the movie had any lessons to teach us that we should take to heart, it's that you shouldn't drink satan, stay away from mirrors, and that you will not be saved by the holy ghost or God Plutonium
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  #185  
Old 10-01-2018, 09:50 AM
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It also had a cameo by Alice Cooper.
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  #186  
Old 10-01-2018, 09:52 AM
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He stabbed a man to death with a unicycle!
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  #187  
Old 10-04-2018, 03:23 PM
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Fun trivia: There are samples of Prince of Darkness in Marilyn Manson's cover of Numan's "Down In the Park," as if that song needed to be any creepier.
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  #188  
Old 10-06-2018, 01:22 PM
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Recommendation for Octo viewing: The Pnantom of the Opera, 1925. Then wait a week or so, then the same movie with commentary by Andrew Lloyd Webber
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  #189  
Old 10-06-2018, 02:28 PM
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I love that i correctly guessed what that link would be.
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  #190  
Old 10-08-2018, 09:27 AM
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Can't say that Phantasm 2 wasn't a let down after the first one. DOesn't have the weird fever-dream logic that made the original so enjoyable, The Tall Man went from something almost-human yet completely inexplicable to just a growly monster-man, and none of the returning characters were as likeable. An older, balder Redge gets into a chainsaw duel with a zombie grave-digger though. That's something.

Movies picks up about ten years after the original (which was also released ten years earlier), after a quick recap of the first movie and Mikes being let out of the insane asylum where he spent the past decade after the trauma of seeing his entire family get killed and recycled by an abomination in human skin. And, as many of us do when being first released from a mental hospital, he immediately heads to his hometowns graveyard and starts digging up corpses to see how many there are. And when he realizes that there are none he has proof that he didn't just imagine the whole encounter with the Tall Man and tries to recruit Redge in his quest to hunt down and kill him.

Which Redge seems reluctant to do until the Tall Man explodes his house and kills his family for no apparent reason. Then he's 100% on "Team-Kill An Undertaker".

And the next little chunk of the movie is honestly pretty good; as a monster-hunting road trip with Mike and Redge visiting small-town America, and realizing that every one that the Tall Man has visited is a wreckage and ghost town as he steals/creates enough corpses to build his army (for reasons that are still never elaborated on), and periodically creating twisted monstrosities that just taunt the Booooooooooy that he can't stop him.

And the two meet up with A Girl (didn't catch her name, and she was neither Redge nor The Tall Man, so I wasn't nearly as invested in her) who has also been having prophetic dreams about the Tall Man and they team up and opt to work together to kill him; eventually infiltrate his new funeral home (MUCH less opulent than the one in the first movie) and fight some of his servants before apparently killing the Tall Man by chucking one of his murder-pinballs at him (it rips apart his scalp and a centipede grows from out of it, which is notable enough, I guess), and Redge blows up the funeral home with his home-made flamethrower he's been carting around the whole movie.

And as they make their getaway, the very quiet woman who also went unnamed that Redge slept with earlier in the movie pulls her face off to show she's another Tall Man creation and apparently kills Redge, and then the Tall Man tears the car apart and tells the BOOOOOOY that this time he's not dreaming.

Cut to credits.

And I let out an indifferent shrug.
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  #191  
Old 10-08-2018, 02:18 PM
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Oh, credit where itís due though; itís well-established why the process the Tall Man subjects the corpses to is so monsterous (itís not just because theyíre not as tall), and ďDo you think youíre going to heaven when you die? No. Youíre coming to Me!Ē is a pretty damn good line for when a monster-man kills a priest.
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  #192  
Old 10-08-2018, 03:10 PM
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the franchise only gets worse from there so
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  #193  
Old 10-12-2018, 10:57 PM
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Hey now. Phantasm 3 is absolutely wonderful. 4 (like 2, but even moreso) is kind of a joyless plot dump. 5... kinda drags and wastes time up until the very last minute when it kicks into high gear in a pretty great way. Which... wouldn't be worth it as a solo movie, but it's nice to actually wrap up loose ends for the whole series like it does.
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  #194  
Old 10-13-2018, 05:07 AM
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I donít want to run the risk of someone thinking Iíve let this thread run fallow just because I havenít seen a spooky film in a while (or at least I havenít retained the experience, I watched The Screaming Skull on MST3K, and all I remembered was the opening credits where the filmmakers promised to pay for the casket of anyone who died of fright). So hereís An Octo-Prime TV Classic;

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Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Oh My Goodness Gracious Me.



The Bride of Dracula!
Written by Jack Mendelson

In which mother-cussing Dracula shows up.

Our episode opens at the ESU Spring Dance. Because thats somethings Universities have, right? And Spring is certainly the ideal time of year for a Halloween episode. Anyway, as with damn near every episode of Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends, Pete and Bobby are arguing amongst themselves over who gets to date Firestar. Which seems a bit late, since they're already at the dance and all. Anyway, while they're bickering, Angelica opts to instead dance with a mysterious, swarthy Romanian Count who has "Come from a long way away, and waited a very long time for someone like you". This mysterious Romanian Count also causes Petes Spider-Sense to go off.

The Mysterious Count takes Angelica outside and hypnotizes her with Concentric Circle Eye-Lasers and then laughs evilly showing his fangs saying "Few Humans can resist my will!" He then leads the hypnotized Angelica into his waiting all-black limo, driven by his Wolfman chauffeur, Bruno.

Guys, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think this guy might not be on the up-and-up.

Luckily, Bobby is much more trusting of all this and doesn't think anything is wrong until thee Mysterious Romanian Count announces that they're going to the airport. Iceman is a superhero.

At the airport, the Mysterious Romanian Count leads Angelica to his waiting all-black Private Jet and sets course for Transylvania. Spidey and Iceman learn the plans destination (leading to my new favorite single line of dialogue in this show "Transylvania? Isn't that where all the Vampires come from?") and decide to stowaway on another plane that was also heading in the same direction. They stowaway on a plane by hiding on the roof. Of a plane. Flying over the North Atlantic.

I don't really want to belabour the point more then I already have, but the Spider-Friends really are not very good at being Superheroes.

Meanwhile, back in the Private Jet, headed to the place where ALl the Vampires Come From, piloted by a Wolfman named Bruno, the mysterious Roman Count with the hypnotic powers and fangs reveals that he is secretly Count Dracula!

OMG! I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!

The plane that Spidey and Iceman have stowed away on are passing over the Dracujet (Jetcula?) and Spider-Man decides to base-jump from one plane to the other to... err... yell at Firestar through the window. Not his best conceived plan, on the whole. And Dracula sees him and Hypno-lasers him right off the side of the plane.

Iceman saves him by creating an ice-slide that connects the two planes together and catching Spider-Man. I haven't studied much in the ways of aeronautics, but I am pretty dang sure that is a horrible idea for everyone involved.

Count Dracula sees all this and decides that two awful superheroes are not worth this much irritation so he Hypno-Lasers the pilot of the plane they are on in order to turn the plane around. Unimpeded, Dracula arrives at DRACULAS CASTLE and also uses his powers to let the Jetcula assume ITS true form. Because when you are Count Dracula, you don't fly around in anything as pedestrian as a custom built private jet, you fly around in a GIANT MECHANICAL BAT. Also, his luggage is retrieved by the Frankenstein Dracula keeps locked in his basement. Also, the whole time Dracula is carrying around Angelica in a firemans carry for no real reason and introducing her with "Meet the Future Mrs. Dracula!"

Holy crap, this show, you guys. Holy crap.

Inside Castlevanias crypt, Dracula announces aloud that because Angelica is to be The Future Mrs. Dracula (Countess of The Place Where All The Vampires Come From), she better get used to sleeping in a coffin. Then, Stan Lees Helpful Narration comes in and announces that the cold dirt in the coffin was enough to snap Angelica out of her hypnosis.

Really, Dracula? You were doing so well up to now and you forget that cold dirt is enough to break your powers?

Anyway, now awake, Firestar finally suits up and opts to Immediately Set Dracula On Fire.

Oh my god I love writing that sentence. Unfortunately it doesn't work very well since Dracula is Dracula, and he re-hypnotizes her.

Meanwhile, back on the plane headed back to America, Spidey and Iceman decide that the best course of action is to hijack the plane by moving the rudder by hand after freezing it solid. The pilots aren't overly concerned though, they just assume it's because they're flying over Transylvania.

Inside Castlevania, Spidey and Iceman confront Dracula and the hypnotized Firestar and... well.. there's still ten minutes left in the episode, so it goes pretty badly for them. Specifically, Firestar Immediately Sets Spider-Man on Fire. Dracula also announces "FRANKENSTEIN, WOLF-THING! SEIZE THEM!"

This is the best cartoon ever.

Spider-Man and Iceman run away because they are bad at being superheroes leading to a chase through the Castle and wind up running right into Dracula again. Not sure how...

Anyway, while Iceman tries totally ineffectively to the Lord of the Vampires, Spider-Man attempts to break his control over firestar by yelling the name of their university at her until she snaps out of it. Which works somewhat well, thanks to Stan Lee Narration, causing her to pass out then they all run away again.

"THERE IS NO SAFE PLACE IN CASTLE DRACULA!" Dracula yells at them.

They wind up right smack in the middle of Draculas Chemistry Lab (O...kay?) and Spider-Man sets to work to try to come up with an antidote for err... Dracunosis... I guess? This plan fails since Dracula, Frankenstein and Bruno the Wolf-Thing all burst into the room and open a trap door FULL OF ALLIGATORS in the floor. Frankenstein then picks up the unconscious Firestar and starts to throw her into the Alligator Pit because... throwing beautiful women into moats is Frankensteins entire thing, y'know?

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SHOOOOOOOW!

Anyway, as we all know, throwing bottles of explosive chemicals at Frankensteins feet is the best way to deal with that critter, so Spider-Man does exactly that. Except instead of a vial of Holy Water, in this case, it's a jar full of ammonia and the smell wakes up Firestar. Who sets Frankenstein on fire.



Additionally, Firestar finally makes Dracula, a guy who is known for not liking the light of a sun very much, realize the inherent flaw with his plan to marry a woman who is called Firestar because she creates fire like a star. Which causes Dracula to just pass out rather then turn to dust or anything like that.

It also makes Frankenstein explode, Bruno the Wolf-Thing turn into a Bald Old British Man, and the Alligators into salamanders.

And so the day is saved and everyone goes back to the dance which is still going on, and Pete and Bobby forcibly carry Angelica away so she stops dancing with strangers. Yay!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Oh My Goodness Gracious Me.



The Bride of Dracula!
Written by Jack Mendelson

In which mother-cussing Dracula shows up.

Our episode opens at the ESU Spring Dance. Because thats somethings Universities have, right? And Spring is certainly the ideal time of year for a Halloween episode. Anyway, as with damn near every episode of Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends, Pete and Bobby are arguing amongst themselves over who gets to date Firestar. Which seems a bit late, since they're already at the dance and all. Anyway, while they're bickering, Angelica opts to instead dance with a mysterious, swarthy Romanian Count who has "Come from a long way away, and waited a very long time for someone like you". This mysterious Romanian Count also causes Petes Spider-Sense to go off.

The Mysterious Count takes Angelica outside and hypnotizes her with Concentric Circle Eye-Lasers and then laughs evilly showing his fangs saying "Few Humans can resist my will!" He then leads the hypnotized Angelica into his waiting all-black limo, driven by his Wolfman chauffeur, Bruno.

Guys, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think this guy might not be on the up-and-up.

Luckily, Bobby is much more trusting of all this and doesn't think anything is wrong until thee Mysterious Romanian Count announces that they're going to the airport. Iceman is a superhero.

At the airport, the Mysterious Romanian Count leads Angelica to his waiting all-black Private Jet and sets course for Transylvania. Spidey and Iceman learn the plans destination (leading to my new favorite single line of dialogue in this show "Transylvania? Isn't that where all the Vampires come from?") and decide to stowaway on another plane that was also heading in the same direction. They stowaway on a plane by hiding on the roof. Of a plane. Flying over the North Atlantic.

I don't really want to belabour the point more then I already have, but the Spider-Friends really are not very good at being Superheroes.

Meanwhile, back in the Private Jet, headed to the place where ALl the Vampires Come From, piloted by a Wolfman named Bruno, the mysterious Roman Count with the hypnotic powers and fangs reveals that he is secretly Count Dracula!

OMG! I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!

The plane that Spidey and Iceman have stowed away on are passing over the Dracujet (Jetcula?) and Spider-Man decides to base-jump from one plane to the other to... err... yell at Firestar through the window. Not his best conceived plan, on the whole. And Dracula sees him and Hypno-lasers him right off the side of the plane.

Iceman saves him by creating an ice-slide that connects the two planes together and catching Spider-Man. I haven't studied much in the ways of aeronautics, but I am pretty dang sure that is a horrible idea for everyone involved.

Count Dracula sees all this and decides that two awful superheroes are not worth this much irritation so he Hypno-Lasers the pilot of the plane they are on in order to turn the plane around. Unimpeded, Dracula arrives at DRACULAS CASTLE and also uses his powers to let the Jetcula assume ITS true form. Because when you are Count Dracula, you don't fly around in anything as pedestrian as a custom built private jet, you fly around in a GIANT MECHANICAL BAT. Also, his luggage is retrieved by the Frankenstein Dracula keeps locked in his basement. Also, the whole time Dracula is carrying around Angelica in a firemans carry for no real reason and introducing her with "Meet the Future Mrs. Dracula!"

Holy crap, this show, you guys. Holy crap.

Inside Castlevanias crypt, Dracula announces aloud that because Angelica is to be The Future Mrs. Dracula (Countess of The Place Where All The Vampires Come From), she better get used to sleeping in a coffin. Then, Stan Lees Helpful Narration comes in and announces that the cold dirt in the coffin was enough to snap Angelica out of her hypnosis.

Really, Dracula? You were doing so well up to now and you forget that cold dirt is enough to break your powers?

Anyway, now awake, Firestar finally suits up and opts to Immediately Set Dracula On Fire.

Oh my god I love writing that sentence. Unfortunately it doesn't work very well since Dracula is Dracula, and he re-hypnotizes her.

Meanwhile, back on the plane headed back to America, Spidey and Iceman decide that the best course of action is to hijack the plane by moving the rudder by hand after freezing it solid. The pilots aren't overly concerned though, they just assume it's because they're flying over Transylvania.

Inside Castlevania, Spidey and Iceman confront Dracula and the hypnotized Firestar and... well.. there's still ten minutes left in the episode, so it goes pretty badly for them. Specifically, Firestar Immediately Sets Spider-Man on Fire. Dracula also announces "FRANKENSTEIN, WOLF-THING! SEIZE THEM!"

This is the best cartoon ever.

Spider-Man and Iceman run away because they are bad at being superheroes leading to a chase through the Castle and wind up running right into Dracula again. Not sure how...

Anyway, while Iceman tries totally ineffectively to the Lord of the Vampires, Spider-Man attempts to break his control over firestar by yelling the name of their university at her until she snaps out of it. Which works somewhat well, thanks to Stan Lee Narration, causing her to pass out then they all run away again.

"THERE IS NO SAFE PLACE IN CASTLE DRACULA!" Dracula yells at them.

They wind up right smack in the middle of Draculas Chemistry Lab (O...kay?) and Spider-Man sets to work to try to come up with an antidote for err... Dracunosis... I guess? This plan fails since Dracula, Frankenstein and Bruno the Wolf-Thing all burst into the room and open a trap door FULL OF ALLIGATORS in the floor. Frankenstein then picks up the unconscious Firestar and starts to throw her into the Alligator Pit because... throwing beautiful women into moats is Frankensteins entire thing, y'know?

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SHOOOOOOOW!

Anyway, as we all know, throwing bottles of explosive chemicals at Frankensteins feet is the best way to deal with that critter, so Spider-Man does exactly that. Except instead of a vial of Holy Water, in this case, it's a jar full of ammonia and the smell wakes up Firestar. Who sets Frankenstein on fire.



Additionally, Firestar finally makes Dracula, a guy who is known for not liking the light of a sun very much, realize the inherent flaw with his plan to marry a woman who is called Firestar because she creates fire like a star. Which causes Dracula to just pass out rather then turn to dust or anything like that.

It also makes Frankenstein explode, Bruno the Wolf-Thing turn into a Bald Old British Man, and the Alligators into salamanders.

And so the day is saved and everyone goes back to the dance which is still going on, and Pete and Bobby forcibly carry Angelica away so she stops dancing with strangers. Yay!
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  #195  
Old 10-13-2018, 05:06 PM
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A quick, three-word review of Fright Night (original, 1985 version);

"Yes. Yes. YESSSSS!"

This is the Halloweeniest movie ever! I loved it!

It's got Marcy, from Married With Children as a Prudish Teen! It's got Roddy "Ceaser; Greatest of the Apes" friggin' McDowell as Peter Vincent (THE GREAT VAMPIRE HUNTER), who is absically Peter Cushing, except he deals with real Vampires. EVERYONE! SCREAMS! THEIR! DIALOGUE!

And, perhaps most importantly of all, the one thing that I hate the most and that shows up in every vampire movie (someone saying "forget what you've seen in vampire movies, real vampires don't work like that") is explicitly contradicted; the vampires work exactly like they do in the movies; that's why they got a guy who played a vampire hunter in the movies to help them.

After annoying teen Charley Brewster witnesses his new neighbors moving a coffin in to their basement, he immediately comes to the conclusion that he is a vampire, and calls the police to blame him for numerous murders around town. When the police fail to arrest him on the grounds of suspected vampirism, he instead recruits THE GREAT VAMPIRE HUNTER/B-movie actor, Roddy McDowell to help expose him instead, because there's nobody else in town as experienced with the undead.

He also recruits his friends Evil (guess what he turns out to be) and Amy (Married With Childrens' Marcy Rhodes-D'Arcy), but they're trying to convince him that, no, vampires aren't real. Right up until the moment that they get got.

Every flippin' second of this movie was made for me.

Also, the visuals were amazing, can't really state that enough.

In conclusion:

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  #196  
Old 10-13-2018, 05:41 PM
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This was one of my favorite movies as a kid and I wouldnít say it made me gay but it couldnít have hurt. I was extremely horny for Christopher Sarandon biting Amanda Bearse lmao. I havenít seen it in decades. In retrospect, itís disappointing how straight the remake was. (thought it was fine at the time)

Kind of fondly remember the sequel although it probably wasnít good. Had an iconic trans vampire... maybe. (who can say how well or poorly this content aged?)
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  #197  
Old 10-13-2018, 10:56 PM
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I was impressed with Fright Night. When Amanda Bearse goes full vamp face, it's actually quite a bit freakier than I expected and I loved it.
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  #198  
Old 10-14-2018, 04:23 AM
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Especially since every other vamp-face in the movie looked doofy as hell. I mean; the rest of the visuals were amazing (the guy shapeshifting from wolf to human especially), but the vamp-faces were ridiculous.

Also, I couldnít mentally make the connection of Amanda Bearse being sexy. Years of watching M...WC destroyed the part of my brain that would allow that. I had the same problem with Allison Brie being a jerk in GLOW.
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  #199  
Old 10-14-2018, 10:00 AM
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The interesting thing about Bearse's vamp face is that it was created late in the production after they'd gone over budget, and the director basically begged one of the SFX guys to do it, he did it in a single night, and he was promised it would only be used in a single brief shot. He thought it looked totally jank. Then it ended up being not only one of the best scares in the film, but also the film's icon, and made it onto the poster.

Also Bearse had a fake set of rubber boobs for her post-transformation outfit.

Anyway Fright Night is possibly my favorite movie. The queerness of it, both in a textual and metatextual sense (Bearse and McDowell are both gay icons; the actor who played Evil went on to have a career in gay porn), is one of the things I love about it, which means I'll probably never bother with the remake.

Watching the making-of doc that came with the blu-ray cemented many of the qualities I already loved about the film. Lots of good and crazy stories.
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  #200  
Old 10-14-2018, 03:56 PM
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I watched the Love Witch for the first time. I liked it a lot.

As I was watching the Love Witch, it reminded me of the Crimson Cult and Batman 66. Very vibrant colors and fun costumes. I'm not well versed in 60s/70s cinema, but that is what it reminded me of.

This movie is listed as a horror movie on iTunes. But I'd say its equal parts comedy and arthouse film. The horror elements seem minor to me. Regardless of how to classify the film, I found it to be a fun trip.

After seeing this film, I'm interested in whatever Samantha Robinson (lead actress) and Anna Biller (director) end up doing next.
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  #201  
Old 10-15-2018, 05:54 AM
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The Endless was on Netflix, so I gave that a shot and... was not feeling it. I generally like horror movies that lean on ďthis isnít scary, but it is uncomfortably weirdĒ as a theme (like the aforesaid Prince Of Darkness or Annihilation), but this one didnít really manage it as well as either of those. To be fair, those are both master-class examples, but still.

Two brothers who escaped from a UFO death cult years ago get a message from their old pals at the backwoods compound and figure theyíd visit again to get closure. Or perhaps not. Itís vague why they go. And it gradually becomes clear that, quite apart from the whole cult-thing, thereís something weird-as-hell about the woods.

And the key word is ďgraduallyĒ, because this movie takes foooooreeeevvvveeeerrrr to get to the good stuff.

The movie drip-feeds you Weird Creepy Stuff so slowly that you barely acknowledge it until your knee-deep in it, and the. Takes it all away to bring you another 40 minutes of Brothers Being Brothers, and talking to cultists.

To the movies credit, it does play with things a bit in ways you rarely see in movies like this (like the cult isnít actually bad, theyíre just awkward people dealing with an impossible situation), and once the meaning of the title becomes apparent it has some fun with the concept. And a lot of the attempts at humour manage to land pretty well, but I was still pretty dang bored through most of it.
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  #202  
Old 10-17-2018, 08:15 AM
Joe McGuffin Joe McGuffin is offline
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I watched the Love Witch for the first time. I liked it a lot.

As I was watching the Love Witch, it reminded me of the Crimson Cult and Batman 66. Very vibrant colors and fun costumes. I'm not well versed in 60s/70s cinema, but that is what it reminded me of.
ďGo home, witches

Yeah, murders happen, but this is definitely too Technicolor and campy/vampy to be called a horror film per se. I think it drags a bit here and there but it is overall Octo-Good.

I watched Slime City on Amazon Prime yesterday. It is NOT good, but in a suitably inept enough way to be memorable, if only for the climax taking things to another level of filmmaking when the possessed protagonist tries to massage his girlfriend to death, then she extremely calmly resigns herself to chopping his zombie body into many, many goopy pieces that all flop around trying to kill and/or escape her. They clearly saved all their budget for that and it was very nearly worth sitting through the movie for if youíre a fan of rubber intestines.

The director did a sequel THIRTY YEARS LATER (Slime City Massacre) and incredibly, seems to have gotten way worse at filmmaking, at least judging from the trailer.
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  #203  
Old 10-17-2018, 10:40 AM
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Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is online now
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As much as I'd like to, I don't know if I even can summarize and evaluate House (not to be confused with House, or House, or House, or House or even House) and it was a trip. I'm not even sure how to begin describing the movie; it changed gears that severely and that often. It felt like a combination of Evil Dead 2, an episode of The Real Ghostbusters, 1408, Gremlins and The Burbs.

When Vietnam Veteran/horror writer/Divorcee/father of a missing (presumed dead) child takes a vacation to his recently deceased aunts haunted house in order to work on his next book, he finds out that the house is haunted as hell, and must contend both with a whole friggin' LOT of ghosts and also his nosy neighbor, Norm from Cheers.

The movie changes tone constantly, so much so that even parts that try their best to be spooky or tense rarely even manage to land an Addams Family level of horror, even if half the movie wasn't leaning hard on dark comedy. Also, the visuals are amazing, the special effects team really earned their pay with the puppetry and makeup effects.

Needless to say, I loved it.
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  #204  
Old 10-17-2018, 01:10 PM
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House is great, because it feels like 3 or 4 different movies spliced together into something vaguely coherent.

Also, Two Face voices Big Ben!
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  #205  
Old 10-20-2018, 12:40 AM
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I'm not even sure how to begin describing the movie; it changed gears that severely and that often. It felt like a combination of Evil Dead 2, an episode of The Real Ghostbusters, 1408, Gremlins and The Burbs.
Worth noting: House precedes Evil Dead 2 by a good two years, and Big Mouth Billy Bass by a good 13. It never gets the proper credit it deserves for being the first to do the floppy taxidermy thing.

Also if you watched that via the double feature DVD release I have sitting on my shelf you flip that disc over right now young man and appreciate the movie that most shaped my childhood this side of Transformers.
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  #206  
Old 10-23-2018, 05:54 AM
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Okay!

Full disclosure, and to my immense surprise, I did not like House 2: The Second Story as much as I did the first one. Not that I didnít enjoy it, because I really did, it just didnít grab or delight me as much as the original. Also, outside of a brief flirtation with mummy-horror, it may be the least spooky movie Iíve covered in this thread. And I say that noting that I watched Addams Family Values last year. Also, besides using the same house as the first movie, and a cameo from a Cheers alumni, it also had nothing to do with the first movie.

Orphaned newlywed Jesse (and his Named Character wife, who disappears, like, halfway through the movie and is never commented on again) inherits his familyís mansion one day, and almost immediately goes to work trying to dig up the treasure his great-great grandfather was supposedly buried with. And he succeeds with the help of his bumbling... buddy? I think theyíre friends, their relationship isnít clear. And it turns out that the treasure (a crystal skull that looks very much like itís made of plastic) is a magical artifact that can open up the gates of time when placed over the houses foyer. And also, more noticeably, his grandfather is an immortal mummy cowboy.

Mummy Grandpa regales them with stories of his life as an outlaw (stature of limitations on murder expires when youíve been mummified, I guess) and also explains that Jesse must now protect the magic skull from The forces of evil, who seek it from all points in time. Which means that a caveman (with steel weapons), Dinosaurs, Aztec priests and a second Evil mummy cowboy (who looks like Yosemite Sam, and sounds like Dr. Claw) all attack his home at one point or another.

Also, Cliff Claven shows up as an electrician/adventurer to help rescue a princess from an Aztec temple thatís going to sacrifice her.

Also, at another point his wife leaves him because she thinks his excuses about magical time-traveling adventures were a flimsy cover to disguise philandering, Jesse never mentions her again.

Also, he winds up adopting a caterpillar/puppy monster and also a pterodactyl.

Later, after the police kill Yosemite Sam, Jesse reburies his grandpa and becomes a cowboy himself. Because... the movies over and he didnít really have any sort of character arc until now, so why not become a cowboy?
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  #207  
Old 10-23-2018, 06:10 PM
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besides using the same house as the first movie
Not even that! House 2 is set in a completely different house, which totally had all that weird Aztec/Cowboy aesthetic when they found it, which... largely inspired the whole script to begin with.
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  #208  
Old 10-24-2018, 01:36 PM
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Wow.

Wowy wow wow.

Jason X

Wow...

This movie... is really stupid. I love it. I love it.

It is the not-too-distant future, 2010, and Jason Voorhees has finally been brought to justice for his terrible crimes. But since he never, EVER dies, the plan is to just freeze him solid and let him be the futures problem. A plan which kinda-works, but not before Jason also winds up killing everyone in the cryogenics lab, and winds up also freezing Lady Scientist.

And I guess nobody ever checked up on that place because the next thing you know it's the year 2450! A future where humanity has abandoned Earth for the stars, and wooly tank-tops are in fashion in a big way and a dire shirt-shortage means that everyone only ever wears half of one. And a team of grad students and soldiers and also horny teens are on a treasure hunt on Earth 1, looking for artifacts they can sell on the black market, where they find the lab with a frozen Jason and Lady Scientist. Moreover, they can use FUTURE SCIENCE to revive them!

Well, they revive Lady Scientist at least, they leave Jason dead because he's not as hot.

They also intend to sell her to the zoo because people haven't seen 400 year old cute girls before. 200, sure, but FOUR?

Anyway, Future Science revives her, and that's good, but all the horny people on the ship, coupled with the above-freezing temperture, revives Jason too and now we've got ourselves a dang ol' Friday the 13th movie!

Except in space!

Jason does his usual thing of chopping people up and smooshing them to death, and the movie ALSO becomes a discount Aliens knock-off as all the space marines try to kill him with future guns (they don't work) and the crappy Space Professor in charge of the lab tries to bribe him into not killing everyone, first with money and then by giving him his machete back.

Him yelling "Guys, it's okay. He just wanted his machete back!" is... memorable.

After Jason also kills the ships pilot and ALSO blows up a space station, everyone on board the ship realizes they're doomed so Nerd Guy, who has spent most of the movie making out with his robot girlfriend comes up with a plan;



Give his girlfriend an "Upload" (which I'm honestly unsure if is a clumsy metaphor for sex or he meant upgrade) which gives her a latex bodysuit and the newfound ability to employ bad gunkata and lousy wirefu to kill the hell out of Jason.

Also, the future guns work on him now for some reason.

And that works and everyone is happy.

Except that OH NO, she knocked him right into the Future Medicine Machine, and all the nano-goop inside spilled over him and rebuilt him as a cyborg; UBER-JASON!

Uber-Jason is bullet-proof and so Robot Girlfriend can't kill him again, so instead the plan is to do Aliens again, and shoot him out into space while a rescue ship comes for them.

And they also stall for time in doing that by luring him into the holodeck and distract him with naked ladies who talk about how much they love beer, pot and pre-marital sex.

Then she ship explodes and send him out into space but he's still not dead, so one of the survivor gets into an astronaut suit and kicks him towards Earth, and body-surfs on him while he gets burnt up.

Then the movie ends with a close-up of Jasons mask as it sinks to the bottom of Camp Crystal lake and his theme music kicks in again.

I love this movie and give it One Million Thumbs Up
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  #209  
Old 10-24-2018, 01:44 PM
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The old man who saves the day in that movie deserves an Oscar.

ďItíll take more than a little prick to kill meĒ...ĒThatíll do itĒ.
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  #210  
Old 10-24-2018, 01:50 PM
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Pizzarino Sbarro Pizzarino Sbarro is offline
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Itís so good. The Friday film Iím most likely to rewatch by far.
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