The Return of Talking Time

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-   -   Awesome Fart Thunderdome (not safe for cars/elevators) (http://www.talking-time.net/showthread.php?t=18414)

Büge 10-07-2016 09:40 PM

Awesome Fart Thunderdome (not safe for cars/elevators)
 
One time I let one rip that was just one long, low and steady note. It was like the Horn of Helm Hammerhand. I probably could have kept it going if I didn't laugh.

Issun 10-07-2016 10:04 PM

I thought at first I'd misread the Awesome Fanart Thunderdome, as I am occasionally wont to do. A bit of a brain fart, if you will.

Büge 10-07-2016 10:21 PM

Why else do you think I created this thread?

Bongo Bill 10-07-2016 11:01 PM

Lately my farts have been shallow and unsatisfying. I think that I need to increase my fiber intake.

Torzelbaum 10-07-2016 11:05 PM

Beans could probably really help you with both issues.

Bongo Bill 10-07-2016 11:21 PM

Adding a bit of baking soda to bean-based dishes reduces the volume of the resulting flatus in addition to improving the nutritional quality. Here is why:

Beans contain a relatively high concentration of phytate, which, although rich in phosphorus, is not very bioavailable to the human digestive system. It is in fact an antinutrient to us, but many gut flora can metabolize it without difficulty, releasing carbon dioxide as a byproduct. Phytate is an acid, so exposure to a base will cause a reaction. In the specific case of baking soda - sodium bicarbonate - and phytic acid, you end up with water, carbon dioxide (released into the atmosphere now rather than after it's inside you, which is more polite), and various sodium phosphates, salts which humans can use without any gaseous byproducts.

There are other things in beans that contribute to flatus, so baking soda alone won't help you. Rinse or drain the beans so that the indigestible (for humans, but not for bacteria) sugars will be dissolved in it and then excluded from the meal, also.

Fredde 10-08-2016 02:33 AM

The most awesome farting is when you're laughing, and the laughing itself cause you to fart, which in turn makes you laugh even harder.

Gaer 10-08-2016 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fredde (Post 2227279)
The most awesome farting is when you're laughing, and the laughing itself cause you to fart, which in turn makes you laugh even harder.

Ah yes the flatus > risum cycle. Lucius Apuleius described this theory of infinity in his seminal work Asinus aureus.

Truly profound.

teg 10-08-2016 12:28 PM

My most incredible fart was when I was still dating my ex. It was two minutes long and shook the foundation of the apartment building. A first she thought a truck was driving by. There was a momentary lull in the atmosphere where both of our brains were like "wait, is this still going?," causing us both to burst out laughing, changing the fart from a single sustained tone into a laugh of its own.

Issun 10-08-2016 03:59 PM

If you ever need a pick-me-up I highly recommend taking any song lyric with the word "heart" in it and replace it with "fart". For example:

Listen to Her Fart
Tearing Up My Fart
Total Eclipse of the Fart
Devil in Her Fart
Quit Playing Games with My Fart
How Can You Mend a Broken Fart
Achy Breaky Fart
Fart of Glass


You're welcome.

Patrick 10-08-2016 04:21 PM

This thread has already tricked me thrice.

Torzelbaum 10-08-2016 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Issun (Post 2227469)
If you ever need a pick-me-up I highly recommend taking any song lyric with the word "heart" in it and replace it with "fart". For example:

Listen to Her Fart
[...]
Fart of Glass


You're welcome.

Fart of Madness.

Büge 10-08-2016 08:09 PM

You can be the captain
And I will draw the chart
Sailing into destiny
Closer to the fart

Paul le Fou 10-09-2016 01:34 AM

Fartbreaker
Don't Break My Fart
Fartlines

JBear 10-11-2016 08:21 AM

"Toot suite". Criminy. That just broke me.

We need a "best TT tags" thread.

Torzelbaum 10-11-2016 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBear (Post 2228627)
"Toot suite". Criminy. That just broke me.

We need a "best TT tags" thread.

Be the change you want to see, JBear.

Büge 10-11-2016 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBear (Post 2228627)
"Toot suite". Criminy. That just broke me.

it just sort of came out

Issun 10-11-2016 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Büge (Post 2229043)
it just sort of came out

You bean saving that up?

Adam 10-12-2016 02:49 PM

I made sure to fart loud and proudly when first dating my girlfriend to make sure there weren't any illusions between us.

Paul le Fou 10-13-2016 04:08 PM

First thing I do when I wake up is let 'er rip. No better way to start your day.

Issun 10-13-2016 08:34 PM

Falselogic found the winner
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Falselogic (Post 2230204)


Ample Vigour 11-24-2016 09:07 PM

Went outside to let off some club soda farts and the family heard me through the door/walls

JBear 12-06-2016 01:10 PM

The guy in the office next to me just let out the loudest, longest, most epic fart, and I'm worried that it will have sounded as if it came from my office to people on the other side of me. :-/

Zef 12-06-2016 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBear (Post 2257496)
The guy in the office next to me just let out the loudest, longest, most epic fart, and I'm worried that it will have sounded as if it came from my office to people on the other side of me. :-/

Quick! Pretend to be passed out. When someone comes by and checks up on you, groggily sit up say that you only heard a loud blast before the waft knocked you out.

Vaeran 12-06-2016 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBear (Post 2257496)
The guy in the office next to me just let out the loudest, longest, most epic fart, and I'm worried that it will have sounded as if it came from my office to people on the other side of me. :-/

The solution is to immediately begin farting yourself, so that people will be able to distinguish your unique flatular voice from the Horn of Gondor next door

Ample Vigour 12-06-2016 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vaeran (Post 2257501)
The solution is to immediately begin farting yourself, so that people will be able to distinguish your unique flatular voice from the Horn of Gondor next door

lmaoooo

Büge 07-09-2017 01:58 PM

The other day I let out the most pitch-perfect fart you could ever hear. It was like a stock sound effect and it made me laugh for about ten minutes straight.

muteKi 07-09-2017 02:32 PM



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