The Return of Talking Time

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Ample Vigour 08-03-2008 02:59 PM

what is the best post
 
What is the best (by which I mean worst) post you have encountered anywhere today?

Don't say where you found it.
Don't say who posted it.
No Talking Time threads.

All I want is the ego, the stupidity and the childish petulance of the internet poured into one thread.

EDIT: 4chan doesn't count. That's just way too fucking easy.

BTW: You can't top this. It helps if you read it to yourself in the voice of one Cogswill Pepperbox.

Quote:

Again, I don't mind if one finds someone attractive, but don't expect me to respect their future judgments of beauty or take anything they say on the subject seriously. I am aware that this more than likely cuts both ways as well, and it really comes down to a very fundamental difference in paradigm and overall world view as well as our extended social lives outside of geekdom.


I guess the "reverse geek fallacy" and "extra dose of elitism" are just my socio-cultural roots showing in comparison with most geek culture. I mean, I was fairly popular in high school, I'm extroverted, of above average attractiveness (IMO, YMMV, etc etc), witty and flirtatious, and I have never had a problem dating the person I wanted to be dating at that time, all of whom are above average attractiveness. Now, I'm not saying this to be all up in anyone's face or to try to say I'm better than anyone else, because I really don't think so**, I'm just trying to get across that because of my paradigm many people my geek friends think are attractive are people that I wouldn't ever think are even within my "date-able" range.

So please don't think I'm complaining about pointy knees here and attribute it to another form of weirdly high geek standards, that would be doing me a disservice.

taidan 08-03-2008 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ample Vigour (Post 236792)
What is the best (by which I mean worst) post you have encountered anywhere today?

Don't say where you found it.
Don't say who posted it.
No Talking Time threads.

All I want is the ego, the stupidity and the childish petulance of the internet poured into one thread.

BTW: You can't top this. It helps if you read it to yourself in the voice of one Cogswill Pepperbox.

That's a good one. I like responding to a post like that with an intentionally dumb reply like "I like girls" or "I like boys" and see if they think I'm being serious.

...I'll try and brew one up.

Phat 08-03-2008 03:06 PM

Bitches love my haircut. And if they don't...

fuckin' skanks!

mopinks 08-03-2008 03:08 PM

nobody should read this, under any circumstances.
Quote:

I try my best not to objectify horses in my art - because contrary to popular belief, they are people too, and i want to convey that. That's like, THE fundamental tenet of my artistic expression - That's why i'm here, that's why anthropomorphism is such a powerful and useful tool to me...
By portraying equines as having more human-like characteristics (particularly expressions and behaviours.) humans can more readily identify with them, and they will seem more person-like to those who are not familiar with who they are.

However, sometimes it's hard to portray them as people because they're just so damn big* :P So i had to leave this piece with just the mare's hindquarters in view. But trust me, she's not a sex object, and if you could see her face you'd see her smiling, perhaps with her tongue lolling out... :P

*What i mean is, it seems like this could be interpreted as an objectifying image, because it's essentially just a gratuitous shot of the mare's privates, because i couldn't fit much more on the page (both because it would destroy the composition and also because the paper is too small...)
Her face and expression are not included. Therefor, her emotions are not captured, and she could easily be seen as merely a 'thing'. But that's not my intention at all, quite the opposite.

Ben1842 08-03-2008 03:13 PM

Highly overrated = 4.5/5

Quote:

I recently rented Bioshock, and I consider it HIGHLY overrated. I mean HIGHLY! It's a pretty decent FPS, but that's my first grudge with this game. I'm sick and tired of seeing FPS's on the 360! Halo 3, COD4, Half-Life 2........ CUT IT OUT! Now, my biggest problem with Bioshock is that it's just really wierd. Like, that scene in Batman Returns where Selina destroys her house should sum up this game, as well as that movie. I can't understand what I'm doing. Collecting chorophyll and distilled water? What for? The setting just baffles me. It's like, an underwater city that has a bunch of homocidal people in it. What's going on? Although, I could've sworn I heard the word "Apocolypse" somewhere in the game. Another problem is that you can't jump very high. No double jump, no gravity-like jump........ MASTER CHIEF can jump higher than that!

Now, onto the good stuff. This game is pretty fun as a FPS. You just go around killing people with various weapons. This is the only FPS I know of that has a weapon where there's no limit to how often you can use it. In Halo 3, even the laser swords have limits. Anyway, the controls in this game are simple. It's the normal FPS controls. Also, the way you switch between weapons is pretty decent, in my opinion. You can hold as many weapons as you like. You also have psycic powers. You can shoot out lightning, shoot out fire, lift things with telikinisis, and a bunch of other stuff too.

This game gets a 4.5/5. End of story, good friggin night!
No Double Jump = Fail

Dizzy 08-03-2008 03:25 PM

This one has always been my favorite because of the seriousness and conviction behind the post. It's a small snippet and I don't care to quote the rest:

Quote:

Ok, here once again you have either forgotten my points about this, completely misread it or are just making up an irrelevant straw man argument. Either way, it's ineffective. I NEVER once stated that Marx being a Satanist had anything to do with him belonging to a "fraternal organization." Never once. In that thread I clearly based Marx being a Satanist on the book "Marx and Satan" and cited it, specifically where it quotes Marx's own personal writings where he pledges his allegiance to Satan and expresses his desire to take all of humanity to hell with him. And you never responded to that substantive argument instead opting to take my points as me somehow calling you a Satanist (even though I had to say about 5 times that does not make you a Satanist). So again, here you are wrong.
I might as well quote the whole internet though, or myself, I can't find a good few posts of "ego, stupidity and childish petulance."

EDIT - Oh!

Quote:

Yeah, once again you are correct. Darwin was a complete racist (see the Book Darwin's Plantation for more information on this. It's a very, good read) in addition to having a completely flawed view on "evolution" (lamarkian evolution, which is complete crap. I challenge anyone to defend it's view on genetics). His cousin, Francis Galton, was one of the founding father of the eugenics movement. And to no surprise, they were both bent on creating a master race. (In fact, Hitler was inspired by Galton and his counterparts when he wrote Mein Kampf). These clowns actually tried to interbreed their own families in order to create [Alantean] "superbeings" and instead made a very horrible mistake.

pence 08-03-2008 03:33 PM

Quote:

This is the only FPS I know of that has a weapon where there's no limit to how often you can use it.
The wrench? I hate to bust out the 'you haven't played enough fps games' argument, but what other choice do I have?

Quote:

I recently rented Bioshock, and I consider it HIGHLY overrated. I mean HIGHLY! [...] This game gets a 4.5/5. End of story, good friggin night!
Troll: maybe. Amusing: definitely.

Savathun 08-03-2008 04:21 PM


Tanto 08-03-2008 04:34 PM

At a baseball message board I frequent, one guy attempted to make the argument that working as a civilian engineer for the U.S. military (as he had) was equivalent to serving in said military.

They've never let him live that down. His nickname on the board is "the Colonel". He's about the biggest prick I've ever seen, as well (for that and other reasons), so he richly deserves the abuse.

mr_bungle700 08-03-2008 04:49 PM

Five minutes on 4chan turned up:

Quote:

you're dead

also natalie portman is ugly bald
Quote:

HEY OK, WHAT BOAT DO I TAK 2 JAPAN?
IM GOING TO THERE TO STUDY FIGHTIN STYLES LIKE NIGHTMARE IN SOUL CALIBUR AND IM GOING TO LEARN ABOUT ANIME, I THINK I LL TRY AND PICK UP A GIRL IF SHES INTO ANIME BUT I HEAR ALL JAPANISE PEOPEL LIKE IT SO IM IN THE CLEAR. DO U THINK I SHOD BIE A SAMURI SWORD HERE IN USA OR IN JAPANS AND HOW TO I GET THRERE?

HLP IS APPRECIATED.
LATER GUYS, EVILBLADEASSASSINLOVERFLOWER2322
(IM CHANGNING MY NAME 2 THAT BTW)
Quote:

raperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperapera peraperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperape
raperaperaperaperape
Quote:

DETAIL IS GROSS AND LAUGHABLE
MY PENIS ENTERED HER VAGINA IS NOT AROUSING
To be fair, the last guy has a point.

nadia 08-03-2008 04:54 PM

Quote:

Okay, I have a brand new, untouched maid outfit, still in the box, straight from Japan for sale. How did this happen? Well, a friend procurred said costume for me without letting me know in order to give to my then-girlfriend. Upon showing her said costume, I was received with a look of horror and embarrassment and the thing was filed away in a closet ever since.

So, now that I'm doing some summer cleaning, I found it again and want the poor thing to finally find a home.

I'm not exactly how to measure clothes but the waist is about 30-32 and then everything else is according to that proportion... You can have it for $30 (OBO)!

Again, the thing is untouched! You can see by the fold creases that it's brand new. I'm just stating this again as I know most people would be hesitant to buy something that's usually used for... uhhh those purposes.

Included in the package:
- The outfit (zipper and clasp back closing)
- A maid headband
- Tieable apron
I love my city.

Paul le Fou 08-03-2008 05:05 PM

Quote:

Oh, by the way, girls just naturally reject me anyway. They're just absurdly biased. Of course, if you're going to call me fat, you're just jerks anyway. My Wii Fitness age is good enough. Which brings me to the next point: I already try properly hooking up the Wii in my hotel room, no dice. And I would want to because of Wii Sports. But I VERY WELL CAN'T DO THAT! Alternative? Offer my Wii for that scam of a tournament? NO THANKS!
The tournament in question is a Smash Bros. tournament, for clarity's sake.

Looking this over, it's better in context, but the source has been disappeared so it is lost forever. I wish I'd saved more of it.

Zodar 08-03-2008 05:21 PM

Quote:

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, RIDDICK. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME NECROS. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUT LOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY HIGHSCHOOL AND ALL THEY CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JERKS. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNING.

Eusis 08-03-2008 05:42 PM

This is from quite awhile ago, but this is as good a time as any to share it. There was a thread elsewhere about homosexuality in games, and an argument broke out. Here's most of one of the posts:

Quote:

You don't want to provide answers, you just want to make insults. All you can call me are "crazy," or "ignorant," or "homophobic," but you can't explain what's so crazy or ignorant about being averse to people who have predatory sexual urges towards people of the same sex, or what's so wrong about being afraid of such people, for that matter. You homosexuals are dangerous people.

Sidenote: We're not talking about racism or sexism; there isn't anything that all people of one sex or one race does altogether that makes them wrong. But as for homosexuality...

You can't give any justification as to why you homosexuals should be allowed to persist in your predatory nature of lusting after, seducing, and raping people of the same sex, regardless of whether they're even gay or straight. You persist in this behavior, yet you cannot justify it. This is part of what makes you so dangerous.
Quote:

Just because it's been around a long time doesn't mean it's right. And just because some psychologists don't feel like labeling it as a mental disorder, if not out of fear of retaliation, doesn't mean it's not a mental disorder. Depravity has existed as long as the human heart has been capable of evil, but that doesn't mean it's right.

Forget about religion. "Homophobia" persists because the truth that you homosexuals are dangerous people will never die.

People are born with tendencies for homosexuality...or so I hear. But people are also born with tendencies for murder, lying, and thievery, but that doesn't make them right.
Quote:

And that's especially what I hate about homosexuals; all they make are insults, and no justification for what they do; this has been true of every homosexual I've ever met, and it's worn my patience thin. Show me a homosexual who actually has some humility, or is willing to accept that what they do is wrong, and maybe I'll reconsider my argument. But that's not going to happen. Two sins that all homosexuals are guilty of are "Lust" and "Pride." The second you think you're not capable of any wrong is the second you start committing atrocities.
Then a few posts later...

Quote:

Or perhaps you'd like to explain why you think what I've said is so funny?
It's terrible that someone genuinely believes this, but it's so outrageous that I can't help but laugh at it. This guy also didn't like that it's the law that you have to wear seatbelts.

Knight 08-03-2008 06:26 PM

Now, this was made like, almost 3 years ago, but I think it fits ego, stupidity and childish petulance pretty well.
Quote:

AND WTF IS THIS JC KILLED FLAMEGOR AND EBONROC IN ONE NIGHT??

It's !&$%ing bull$!@%. Grr, it really steams me up. After all the $!@% we went through, then all the !&$%ing nerfs come and then videos...

It's such bull$!@% and makes me so angry. As Magnus and Gully and 59386034 people have said, we know what we're about but it's total crap that people can equate themselves to our level of play because things became easy for them after the videos and the nerfs. It's so infuriating and just makes me not want to play. I love doing everything first...but what does that mean? We know we did it first, without exploits, without videos, without nerfs...but who cares when it only costs us tons of gold, tons of time, lots of frustrated members and even more frustrated officers, only to have the rest of the server creep up to us in three weeks time.

I cannot even begin to describe how disgusted I am at the moment. So glad I don't join HI because I would have had a !&$%ing field day

Ample Vigour 08-03-2008 06:33 PM

Altered top post so as to say no 4chan.

You've got to work a little for this.

Eusis 08-03-2008 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ample Vigour (Post 236925)
Altered top post so as to say no 4chan.

You've got to work a little for this.

4chan probably deserves its own thread anyway.

KCar 08-03-2008 06:54 PM

Man, no offence AV, but did you write the one Zodar quoted? I think I remember something about your Conan strut routine that is remarkably similar. And AWESOME.

Ample Vigour 08-03-2008 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCar (Post 236934)
Man, no offence AV, but did you write the one Zodar quoted? I think I remember something about your Conan strut routine that is remarkably similar.

Shhhhhhh...

I'm trying to make a new start here. :(

Zodar 08-03-2008 08:01 PM

Quote:

So you're working out and getting buff so you are strong to do what?

"Getting women" as if they are objects to do what? Fuck them and forget about it? Some life. Who gives a damn about being more social amongst those vapid wastes of food and employment?

Video games are a great way to have fun, and enjoy things that are availible to you in life. Not only this, but the making of a game is an art form - by playing through, say, an RPG, you are treated to a grand story that is just overwhelmingly more fufilling than going out, fucking some chick, hi-fiving yourself and calling it a night.

You get the benefit of enjoying an experience that billions of people haven't already done to death. You get the benefit of enjoying an art form. Notice here that I am not approaching games as some h4rdc0r3 EL THREE THREE TEE jerk - I'm going about it in ways much like a movie buff would appreciate film. For tangible benefits, in competitive games, you are constantly pushed to not only complete a task, but learn to do it better and better. You learn to be quick on your feet, smart, and precise.

Oh, and popular television gives you a point of conversation with the lowest common denominator of people. And we all know that mediocrity is something to strive for, am I right?

philliam 08-03-2008 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mr_bungle700 (Post 236870)
Five minutes on 4chan turned up:
To be fair, the last guy has a point.

none of those are funny

Healy 08-04-2008 06:00 PM

Quote:

Customer Rating: 1/5
Summary: Final Fantasy Fails the Grade.
Comment: This is for all you unfortunate game players who think the Final Fantasy series is best series since the invention of Pong.....sorry, not in my book, it fact, I rate it the worst RPG ever created. For the record, the first FF game was Cosmic Fantasy for the Turbo Duo system (a system that was years ahead of the others; first with 16-bits, first with CD drive) and compared to other RPGs, it stunk on ice. The boring tedium of the fight scenes was intolerable, and that is the heart of any game. The fact that the heroes just stand there and do not even interact with the monsters your fighting made me question the sanity of its creators. I found it as much fun as reading Beowulf in High School. Cosmic Fantasy was the first CD RPG I bought and after the great games I played in the past on 16-bit like, Neutopia I & II, Dragon's Curse and even Order of the Griffon, I expected a big rush from the CD driven Cosmic Fantasy but found myself instead, appalled at the total lack of interaction. I had even questioned the validity of CD drive over 16-bit entirely until I played CD RPGs like Dynastic Hero and Might and Magic III. To sum it up, if I had known that the Final Fantasy series was created by the same people that did Cosmic Fantasy, I would have never bought it in the first place. And to all of you RPG fans who think otherwise, all I can think is that you've never played a really good one.
Also this:
Quote:

About Me:

Sushi my favorite, ever! If you bring me daisies or make me breakfast, I'll love you forever. And if you're a republican then you make me very sad. Japan is my favorite country ever! My cook book has 87 pages of deserts, and I heart vegan cookies and soy milk. I'm a total fashion plate. I read Vogue, Cosmo, Allure and Instlye religiously and could write you an encyclopedia on do's and don't's. One of my favorite things, is looking in the mirror before I go out and feeling like a rock star. Rock music is my jam, but I do listen to rap. Anime makes me smile, and so does J-rock. I think flouncy dresses are the greatest kind of all, and that if it doesn't flare out when you spin, it's just not a good skirt. I'm proud to be a democrat and say that Bush ruins my day and that Walmart is a ware house full of evil. And if you don't like that, well it's really more you're problem then mine. Gay people make my day, esp. when they help me pick out clothes, cause the ones I know really are good at it.

BEAT 08-05-2008 08:32 AM

This is the best post

For those of you who hate clicking links.


Brickroad 08-05-2008 08:41 AM

Quote:

The other day I'm waiting on a ghetto family of 4 generations, with the oldest being the 72 year old great-grandma birthday girl (who BTW looked maybe early 60's because as she said "baby, you know black don't crack!). The youngest is a nearly newborn boy, cute as can be, full head of hair. Part way into the meal the little guy is tracking me with his eyes from his car seat so I make a few faces at him and so on to entertain him a bit. I comment to table on how cute he is, and I inquire about his name. The man I assume is dad says "his name is Magnum."

This catches me a bit off guard. Not a name I expected. They're too young to be Magnum P.I. fans. So I figure it's the new Dodge Magnum that served as inspiration ala children named Mercedes and Porcha. Or at worst, after the gun. I comment that is a very unique and strong name, and no sooner than does that cross my lips when babymomma pipes up with "You know hows we gots tha' name?" Without pause for answer she continues - hitting babydaddy with a punch to the shoulder - "because this nigga's dick's so small and the condom fell off and I got pregnant!"
Also, I don't like that it's the law that you have to wear seatbelts, either.

Zef 08-05-2008 09:32 AM

Quote:

So I figure it's the new Dodge Magnum that served as inspiration ala children named Mercedes and Porcha.
"Porcha"? That sounds like what Korcha and Macha would name their car, and--

...waaaaaaaitaminute.

Quote:

Mercedes
But... Mercedes IS a proper Spanish name, after the Virgin Mary. :( It means "Mercy."

Dadgum Roi 08-05-2008 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tanto (Post 236856)
At a baseball message board I frequent, one guy attempted to make the argument that working as a civilian engineer for the U.S. military (as he had) was equivalent to serving in said military.

They've never let him live that down. His nickname on the board is "the Colonel". He's about the biggest prick I've ever seen, as well (for that and other reasons), so he richly deserves the abuse.

There's a guy who's a regular on a wargaming forum I frequent who has said that being a cop(he isn't one) and serving in the "California State Military Reserve" is the same thing as going to Iraq.

Ample Vigour 08-05-2008 09:43 AM

Quote:

The only down side to the statement about muslim infiltration of Chinese government agencies is that because of China's persecution of religions, real and surreal, one is forced to keep their affiliation a secret. I am not discrediting the assertion, but it would not be impossible for islam to have infiltrated the Chinese government. Just not so damn easy as in the West.

Dadgum Roi 08-05-2008 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zef (Post 238407)
But... Mercedes IS a proper Spanish name, after the Virgin Mary. :( It means "Mercy."

Korcha and Porcha are probably "proper" Spanish names in Benesuela. :D

Zodar 08-05-2008 10:22 AM

Quote:

Does it really matter? Is it so bad to cling to the facade of Japanese culture, as opposed to clinging to Western culture? Do I have to wear a tie and be a pseudo-imperialist chauvinist racist warmonger simply because that's the American culture I grew up in? Must I eat cornflakes for breakfast, spend 30 minutes a day on a treadmill, and read superhero comics because that's what my culture permits?

It's just different. You can learn a lot from someone with a different perspective. Personally, I find the utter differentness itself to be appealing. By close examination, things I've assumed to be fundamental are discovered to be mere interpretations. I don't care how white I am, their culture interests me and I'll explore it as much as I can.

Did you know Japanese people walk on the left side of the sidewalk? Watch people next time you go out. Notice they almost always walk to the right side when passing on the sidewalk or walkway (EDIT: All you people who's countries drive on the left, see if people walk on the same side). Our culture ingrains us so deeply, yet we are so shallowly aware of it.

Anime is focused on emotional and conceptual representation, at the cost of accuracy. Go watch "the making of" video for an American movie. How much do they have to emphasize the "realism" of everything? "Oh, yeah, this nuclear explosion with the killer cyborg is really realistic" Yes, because killer cyborgs are running around all over the place. And we sacrifice good storytelling drama to "realism".

The Japanese word for "my love", Inochi, literally means "my life". Isn't that awesome and romantic and crap? It's like "Love of my life", but presented in a new and fresh way (to our culture anyway) so we can appreciate the nuance of it for the first time all over again.

Mazian 08-05-2008 10:40 AM

Quote:

I am aware of all internet traditions and also of literary conventions in which placing something in quotes or in a blockquote means that your are quoting that person.

But here you are not.

It seems to me that what your are about is, well, sort of questionable.

Can you please expand on the idea your propose that putting something in blockquotes that does not appear at the linked item is a fair thing to do.


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