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The House Un-American Football Committee (The General-Purpose Soccer Thread)

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
The permanent musical accompaniment for this thread is of course going to be the classic by Hoddle and Waddle Glenn and Chris:

Realized that we needed a thread for soccer in general. Sure, there's that Euro thread but there's a lot more soccer than that. I will totally admit I'm going to mostly be, despite the cheeky thread title, mostly going to be talking about American soccer because that's what I watch the most of.
But, hey, did you see Liverpool beat Man U in the EPL 5-0? Incredible.

Anyway I made this thread on impulse because NE Revolution just got the MLS season points record and I thought that was cool and worth talking about.
Then the other day I saw this ridiculous goal from the Timbers and I knew we needed a soccer thread, like, yesterday:

 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
The USL Championship playoffs started this past weekend.

We already knew that no MLS reserve teams made the playoffs this year. This is surely due to the 2019 expansion bringing with it a bunch of extra teams that were notably not tied to MLS in any way. The 2020 season had the whole pandemic protocol thing happening and the only such team to make it in was LA Galaxy II. It's definitely made a big impact in the league overall, with Real Monarchs (the Real Salt Lake reserve team) having won the championship in 2019 and this year falling at the bottom of the division. Basically, these non-affiliated teams are regularly fielding top-class talent, while the reserve teams would be foolish not to promote their better players directly to the MLS. Great opportunities for the reserve players, but means that you'll see broadcasts of home games from some of these reserve teams out in what look like little park stadiums in fairly remote suburban neighborhoods with a few hundred people attending at most, while the non-affiliated teams get several thousand even if they have to play on a baseball conversion field.

I doubt the relationship between this and the MLS announcing a new division III reserve league (USLC is division II) is coincidence.

There were a lot of surprises in the quarterfinal round. Pittsburgh Riverhounds were made to forfeit due to the presence of covid-positive players, though both of the Atlantic division 1-seed teams won their matches, with league overall points leaders Tampa Bay Rowdies taking a stunning 6-2 victory over Tulsa. However, neither 1-seed Pacific division team won theirs, which gives me great delight as a New Mexico United fan to see both rival teams (Phoenix Rising and El Paso Locomotive) fall in tense upsets, Phoenix losing to Rio Grande Valley Toros (whose own victory against El Paso at the final game of the season for both teams kept NM United a point away from a playoff berth) on their very last penalty kick defense and El Paso losing to Oakland Roots on a goal in the 76th minute after their keeper left his line. San Diego Loyal, coached by the inimitable Landon Donovan and playing at home, could not make it past San Antonio.

I'm favoring the Rowdies to win it all, frankly. I'm expecting a final that's Rowdies vs Orange County, but I want to see the Roots make it.

In conclusion, the Pacific Mountain conference is the group of death.

And American soccer still has no promotion/relegation system
 
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muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Detroit City FC will be following in the footsteps of Miami FC and Oakland Roots by following up a ton of winning in the division III National Independent Soccer Association (NISA) with moving up to the USL Championship (making them technically go up a division). This puts 32 teams in the league, and they will likely be in the eastern central division -- the mountain division, the one with only 7 members currently, will, I suspect, get one of the Oklahoma teams added to it since they'll be close to most of the Texas teams.

This is still a somewhat surprising choice, partly because the NISA teams have had a contentious relationship with USL licensing (basically: NISA implements an "open system" that favors extremely limited franchising requirements and literal fan investment, along the lines of AFC Wimbledon), but NISA has a number of structural problems happening right now. While the state of refereeing in this country is troubling at most levels, NISA's refereeing troubles might be even bleaker than USL's with reports that they're not getting paid at all; DCFC's supporters have been, true to their town's history of labor unions, clear about the issue.

NISA's response to DCFC's move has been characterized as unprofessional. It certainly sounds bitter and it's hard not to see why, between NISA being a detour route to USLC membership and NISA having to compete both with the USL League 1 and the upcoming MLS reserve league, the third tier of American soccer is pretty crowded. The current USLC as it exists was formed when the previous MLS reserve league folded back in 2014, and while NISA has had plans to add a promotion/relegation system to their organization, the plan has always hinged on a league of at least 24 teams which at this point sounds like a pipe dream.

What's not been discussed is that DCFC has been trying to play both sides on this one, submitting applications to both leagues. The sanctioning body (USSF) obviously does not like this, and that's the implication in NISA's comment about DCFC "not fulfilling its commitment to the 2022 season".

All of this is to say, American soccer still has no promotion/relegation system.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Dos a Cero! What an eventful match
FEC8YQPUYAAdszF
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Well the season for league play has once again come upon us with both MLS and USL teams playing. However I'd be deeply remiss to not acknowledge one of the most important stories from the off-season, a settlement made regarding a lawsuit around the collective bargaining agreement for (women's) national team players. The short of it: salary parity for women is finally here! This is a major milestone and I'm glad to see it, especially with the historically extremely strong performance the USWNT consistently has put out through decades of competition.

In league play, Austin FC in particular has had a very strong opening, scoring 5 goals in both their first two games, against FC Cincinnati and Inter Miami respectively. However their most recent game against MLS cup runner-up Portland Timbers had them losing 1-0. The question then: are they really good, or did they just do well off two bad teams? Still too early to shake out much across the league in my opinion.

Concacaf champions league play sees Revolution losing to Pumas on penalties, after each winning their respective home games 3-0. Current MLS champions NYCFC and Liga MX clausura champion Cruz Azul advance, with Liga MX apertura champion Léon playing at home tonight against the Seattle Sounders for their second leg, and need a win to advance, down 3-0 in aggregate goals.

USL Championship opening weekend found that nearly all home teams won, with Birmingham Legion tying with championship runner-up Tampa Bay Rowdies 1-1-1 and Memphis 901 falling to Pittsburgh Riverhounds 3-0. As the first team to kick off last week, the first goal of the season is by Loudoun United, who received a goal in the 43rd minute by Kimarni Smith to take 1-0. Given a particularly poor season last year, truly this year's USL theme is anything can happen. New to the league this season, Monterey Bay couldn't hold off the consistently dangerous Phoenix Rising but mounted a decent comeback in the second half to finish behind at 4-2. Last night saw Atlanta United 2 at home against Red Bulls 2 on conditions that waterlogged the field and turned it into what looked from TV like a grassy slip n slide. A bad cleats-out slide tackle from Atlanta defender Aiden McFadden led to a direct red card but otherwise led to slips and pratfalls more embarrassing than outright dangerous; overall the surface texture probably beats the risk of players getting their feet stuck directly in the mud.

In even wider news, the Lamarr Hunt US Open Cup begins in less than a week, first games on the 22nd and 23rd between division-3 amateur teams from the NPSL and USL League 2. Some will be on ESPN+ with others on USSF Youtube. There's no obvious distinction on where a game will be broadcast -- it's not tied to which league a team is from. The second round, which will include pro teams from USL Championship, USL League 1, and NISA, will be Apr. 5 and 6.

However, despite the nature of the US Open Cup pitting teams against each other across multiple leagues, American soccer still has no promotion/relegation system.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Nearly forgot to include a little discussion of Real Salt Lake playing in New England. Revs captain Carles Gil was decidedly angry about the field condition. Well, home teams definitely get salty when they get stuck in a tie situation by the end of the game, and especially when that tie slips away in stoppage time.

Also, ESPN suggests Austin, Atlanta, and Portland are around the top of the "most fun to watch" teams, which certainly meshes with my perspective of each of them.
 
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muteKi

Geno Cidecity
This is the weirdest game of football I've ever seen. When you have a 16-year-old academy player starting against Danny Trejo, the USL playmaker of the week, and that's the least interesting fact about the game, you know you're gonna witness some bizarro-world sporting. Highlights don't include much of anything from the first half, which largely consisted of El Paso getting corner kicks that Las Vegas knocked away consistently.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Also a reminder that this weekend is the premiere sporting, nay, cultural event of the country, nay, the world: the Louisville-Indianapolis Promixity Association Football Contest, or LIPAFC for short. One of the world's greatest rivalries of all time, the USL has compiled every fact you need to know about it in a blog post.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Man, what a weekend that was! USMNT has all but qualified for the world cup, which must mean that the US is officially better at soccer than Italy, in a game against Panama that went 5-1 with a hat trick for Pulisic, two coming off penalty kicks.

USL Championship's expansion team Monterey Bay FC got their first win in a dynamic away game against Oakland Roots. What looked to be a draw going into second half stoppage time became a 3-2 affair when a pretty unnecessary foul gave MBFC a great chance to head the ball in. During stoppage time, the MBFC goalie got a rather nasty shoulder injury and had to come off the field. As all 3 sub windows were used (each team has 3 opportunities to sub up to 5 players total), they had to put a field player in goal, specifically choosing Chase Boone, who was also the player that scored the first two of those goals. Always fun to have a position player whose record is 100% clean sheets in goal.

Fortunately MB will have a chance to rest, but Oakland's next game is literally tomorrow in Albuquerque against NM United, who also wound up with a late-game goal against them. In their case, it was an equalizer by 2022 champions Orange County FC, leading to a game ending in a draw. I think United are looking more likely to win it.
 

GettinMelt

HUGGBEES!!!
(he/him)
Senegal/Egypt was fucking amazing for all the laser lights on the pitch like a soccer game had broke out at a rave. I absolutely love African soccer culture (and sporting culture in general). In between laser lights, witchcraft, and the more outlandish professional wrestling tropes come to life, it truly is its own separate creature from the widely-known European form of fandom.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
African soccer is something I am currently far too ignorant on given my ESPN+ subscription, frankly.

Congratulations to the USMNT in their 0-2 loss to Costa Rica. We're officially better than Italy at soccer.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
One report that I'd seen not long after my last post was regarding a CONCACAF sex scandal involving female referees. I had seen only a blog post about it and felt that was not enough to justify inclusion here, waiting for something perhaps a bit more reputable or in-depth to corroborate it.

Anyway, the accusations are specifically against Salvadoran FIFA referee Rodolfo Sibrian. You'll find more reports on this in Spanish than in English but this one by Josimar is a good primer. You can probably guess the details -- demanding sexual favors for professional development.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Writing off the CONCACAF Nations Cup game between El Salvador and USA was, in retrospect, a stupid, stupid idea. I really should have watched it.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Any time someone declares a product, especially a subscription product, to be a winning deal for consumers, assume they're lying. Such is the case with the new Apple TV+ deal with MLS for $2.5 billion dollars

Like yes, if you've got Apple TV for Ted Lasso then this also being your home for American Division-1 pro soccer makes plenty of sense, and I think a lot of people will celebrate the move of a league away from hands of The Mouse irrespective of the details. But come on -- how many of you actually have the Apple TV subscription?

Since when has anyone looked at the post-cable universe we live in and said "Yeah, just what I hoped for -- another thing I want to watch is on a different streaming service now!" And one owned by fucking Apple.

Here's the thing. Let's compare some numbers between the two. I'm going to look specifically at enterprise value for these two stocks. Enterprise value is meant to be a more holistic expression of what a firm is worth than, say, stock price, attempting to reflect all revenue and expenses for a firm. It can be very volatile, potentially, but that doesn't mean we can't draw comparisons between the two companies this way.

Looking it up, Disney's enterprise value is around, let's be a little generous and say 250 billion. That's a lot, befitting a company whose control of artistic expression as a publisher is often declared to be aspirationally monopolistic. But what about Apple, who is known for selling good that are completely distinct from movies, TV shows, and teenage pop stars? Around 2 trillion, ten times what Disney is doing.

Yay anti-monopolies. But, come on, you don't get $2.5 billion to capture soccer broadcasting rights from nowhere.

But of course what really cements that claim as being incomprehensible is what this means for local broadcasts of MLS games. From the article:

Stevenson said MLS matches will not be aired on local television.

Clubs will be able to produce pre and post-match shows, though with MLS broadcasters. However, clubs will have the liberty over its local radio broadcasts.

So you won't be able to watch MLS games now without paying a subscription fee to somebody. Yay, consumers. Not only that but now all game broadcast content is being filtered through the league itself. Again, yay anti-monopolies.

Stricter kickoff times might be a good thing, though. If Apple TV is going to support the "sports mix" option where I can have multiple MLS games being shown from a single channel, then paying that extra $5 might, and I can't believe I'm saying it, just might be worth it. God. I feel dirty now.

This deal for MLS broadcasting rights also includes the division-III league MLS Next Pro (check out that ugly logo btw), which is not quite analogous to AAA minor league baseball aside from direct affiliation with an MLS team as a talent development system (i.e., MLS team Real Salt Lake is affiliated with Next Pro team Real Monarchs), as it is two divisions below MLS, alongside NISA and USL League One, and one below the USL Championship. This distinction, however, is mostly a financial one, generally relating to the size of the markets that a team serves, and not necessarily a direct judgment on the playing quality a team is capable of.

Currently ESPN has yearly contracts with USL to provide USLC and USLL1 games through streaming (and occasionally on broadcast TV -- tune in to ESPN this Saturday morning to watch USLC villains El Paso Locomotive get crushed by Detroit City FC, assuming everything goes to plan), so teams that move from one league to another will change what streaming service they are attached to. As USL broadcasts are in general controlled by the teams themselves, would mean significant changes in broadcasting structure to switch from one league to another due to the aforementioned MLS control.

This last part is a largely academic concern, however, as American soccer still has no promotion/relegation system.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Well, in a result that looked like it could have come straight out of FIFA 22, Sacramento Republic has upset LA Galaxy in the Open Cup and will be going to the semifinals. In the, admittedly, unlikely circumstance that Union Omaha (from USL League One, a third division team, seriously, congrats to them on making it this far) can beat Sporting Kansas City, a USL team will end up in the finals (as Omaha and Sacramento will face each other in the semifinal).

I, for one, would love to see one of these teams make it into the final, as hard as it will be to get there, since American soccer still has no promotion/relegation system.
 
No American professional sports league will ever have a relegation system. Although the screams from TV execs if that ever happened to the Yankees or Cowboys would be more delicious than gourmet chocolate.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
No American professional sports league will ever have a relegation system.
I can believe that it'd be possible for USL between Championship and League 1 to do something like this but I don't expect it to happen anywhere else. Even then this is mostly just a gag inspired by a guy who'd write in the Las Cruces paper's editorial section and ended everything he wrote with something like "there is no Trader Joe's coming to Las Cruces".

That said, the Union Omaha game was a damn bloodbath. Thankfully the team can hold their heads high at the fact that they're a div III team that made it into the quarter-finals.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Youtube user numerical asks, "What if those clickbait football compilations were actually real" and it's quite funny
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Ok now with the fun stuff out of the way, let's go on to something serious. Jimmy Golden at AP is reporting on the first confirmed case of CTE in an MLS player. Specifically, Scott Vermillion, who played for a number of youth leagues, DC United, Colorado Rapids, and Sporting KC. He retired at the quite early age of 20 after injury and struggled with the typical symptoms of CTE including aggression and a lack of impulse control.

Knowing what CTE does to people in other sports, and the amount of emphasis soccer puts on heading the ball, this is terrifying. I genuinely don't know how to come away expecting the game to function while still protecting its players knowing what can and has become of them. CTE appears to be rare in the serious pros, from what I can tell, but there haven't been many studies of this, and I expect more reports like this in the future.
 
yea definitely needs a lot more focus than it has. I remember reading a report a few years ago on the epl and the general theme was that it's heavily under-studied. It's hard to watch a single game without thinking it's got to be a bigger issue than stated
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
If you haven't been watching the Women's EURO competition then you have my deepest condolences. Admittedly the time zone thing causes me to have missed most of the games myself, but there have been some really incredible matches. If there's one group stage match that is a must-see it's gotta be against two of the more favored teams in Spain and Germany. This condiment derby (what I'm going to start calling all matches now where one team is in yellow and one team is in red, especially when there's an aspect of a rivalry) was at least a 9/10 for energy for almost its entire 90 minute runtime, and while Spain's captain Alexia Putellas is unable to play because of an ACL tear it ended in what might have been an upset under the circumstances. Switzerland-Sweden also was a compelling one, and while having half the Swiss team out on a stomach bug meant that it fell along fairly predictable lines, it was not without its own controversies. Seeing European women's football being competitive fills my terribly-shrunken little heart with joy.

But not all national soccer news right now is joyful. Alas, it seems that the Canadian national teams are badly mismanaged, and their budgets have been pillaged for a broadcasts rights contract that smells obviously like graft. As tends to be the case with decisions like this, manager Steve Reed has apparently thought so hard with his wallet that he forgot to engage his brain -- when the players strike due to the lack of reasonable compensation in an already hostile economy, what will there be to broadcast in the first place?
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
I didn't manage to see all of the Iceland-Italy game but the highlights open with an absolutely incredible long throw-in from Jónsdóttir that leads to a goal via Vilhjálmsdóttir.


Italy would later go on to tie it back up, but they won't continue in the competition if they can't get a more decisive result out of their game against Belgium, which will start in a little over an hour.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
I am not sure that if I were to come up with a memorable slogan for an ad partner for a women's football tournament, especially one focused on inspiring the youth, that my first suggestion would be "it starts with a booking". I think people tend to like it when football matches do not start like that.
 

muteKi

Geno Cidecity
I swear the Spanish women's team is cursed somehow, as everyone had them favored to go far (though, to be fair to England, they were also one of the other big power ranking teams) and were the dominant force for like 80 minutes of football, and they have instead continued in their failure to ever win a single knockout stage. Mostly uninspiring work from England during that time, with the tying goal and one in extra time showing that just maybe they do actually belong in the competition. Sadly, despite a few good opportunities Spain never managed to reclaim the lead, only getting a couple bangers off the crossbar.

I sound dismissive but frankly the winning goal from England, by Georgia Stanway, is a stunner -- outside the box, curving beautifully to beat like 3 defenders and the GK. As the kids say online, "I screamed". Scoring like that to take the lead? Yeah, any team that can pull off a play like that deserves the chance to go on to the semifinal.

Meanwhile if you want a real friggin' upset, how about Charlotte FC taking on Chelsea, yes, winners of the most recent Club World Cup, UCL, Super Cup, and finalists in the FA Cup and League Cup, and beating them.

Well, OK, it's not that wild an upset given that regulation time ended on a draw after a late-game penalty kick given to Charlotte led to them equalizing and then finishing ahead on a PK shootout. Were this league play or group play this would have certainly ended in a draw -- though, granted, an MLS team drawing with one of the most successful clubs in the world is still nothing to sneeze at given the way that the European club league fanatics talk about the MLS.

Remember kids, it ain't over until it's over. 🥴
 
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muteKi

Geno Cidecity
Popp blocks, Austria drops it.
Perhaps Austria would have made it over the bar if they didn't spend so much time striking it.

Truly incredible stuff out of Germany. Austria put up a decent fight and were strong for at least half an hour I'd say, but they lacked in finishing and, ultimately, Germany were able to adapt to them better. Austria, meanwhile, gave the game away right at the end when they repeated a mistake from earlier in the game. Still, it looked very close for a lot of its runtime,goven how favored to win Germany were.

Prepare for a cavalcade of puns once Popp gets named player of the tournament
 
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