Talking Time Presents: The Top 60 Video Game Enemies Exhibit at the Valdez Museum of Video Game Box Art

[WildcatJF]

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN (Ski Free)

#46 (51 points, nominated by nutaeryn [15], Ixo [6])
First Appearance: Ski Free

The "hero" sure didn't expect their vacation day up in the alps to go like this. Just casually dodging trees, equipment and other skiers, gaining some speed for some sick jumps, and IMMEDIATE YETI ATTACK. The sheer speed and instant death via ingestion surely brought terror to unsuspecting Windows players caught unaware by such a antagonistic force.

Here's what some of our donors had to say:

SKI FASTER IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU OH GOD.
Protip: press down the F key to increase your pace and out-ski his running speed. ~ Ixo

Spoiler: Ski Champ

Please Watch Your Step

 

[Johnny Unusual]

I wish I thought of that.

 

[Lokii]

Protip: press down the F key to increase your pace and out-ski his running speed. ~ Ixo

What!!!!!!!!

 

[Kishi]

 

[Ixo]

Plus if you out-ski the yeti long enough, a second one will start chasing you.

Bonus Fun Fact! The official Ski-Free website is:
a) Still up
b) Looks exactly like you think it's going to
c) Has the game available for download

 

[WildcatJF]

Hai frienz it's timez for a news entry from Dad's secret listz

The Jaunts and Jollities of Mr. John Jorrocks

R.S. Surtees

Gordon Ross

A. Edward Newton

D.B. Updike

1098/1500

3​

4​

1932​

28​

Teh JohnJorrock is a nasties baddo whos attacks teh heroz with jaunts and jollities for massive hurts box. They work for Surtees, super villainz suprize. King Ross gives teh hero a fig newton and teh updike spellz to winz the dayz

1098 points is so much points! Most points

 

[WildcatJF]

GORDO (Kirby)

#45 (51 points, nominated by Kzinssie [10], Lokii [11])
First Appearance: Kirby's Dream Land

Gordos are spiky creatures that either stay still or slowly drift around in various Kirby environments. They are more or less indestructible, but also don't do much to threaten the "hero" outside of tricky platforming. Their cute facade has earned them continued representation in the franchise, as well as nods elsewhere, like Super Smash Bros. in King Dedede's moveset and a part of the Smash Run mode in 3DS, as well as homages appearing in Super Mario Land 2 and Zelda: Link's Awakening.

Here's what some of our donors had to say:

I really like the idea here of a kirby enemy you can’t suck up. Plus super fun to spam with in Smash. ~ Lokii

Technically more of a hazard, but the fact that it is given an identity beyond that makes it very memorable. ~ Kzinssie

Spoiler: Wrecking Ball

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love

 

[Bulgakov]

They are probably the most adorable spikes.

 

[Beta Metroid]

I'm feeling a lot of Kirby-based regret in this list. I will try to pay my penance in fun facts!

Gordo could deal 3 damage (half of Kirby's full life bar!) in the original Kirby's Dream Land. Hard Mode Whispy could rain them down as well as apples, and that means that is still my most feared version of Whispy Woods (not that there's a TON of competition, but some of the modern games' alternate/hard versions of their respective Whispy fights can get nasty).

In Kirby's Adventure, abilities that give Kirby immunity to most forms of contact damage (Fireball, Tornado, Wheel, etc.) don't protect him against environmental spikes, but they do let him pass through Gordos unharmed (very, very slowly, because I think the game treats it as attacking them, which they're immune to, so it's registering a ton of ineffective hits as you're passing through).

Combining Bomb and Needle in Kirby 64 lets Kirby turn into a Gordo! He's completely invincible...with the caveat that attacks that can get through his spikes will revert him back to normal (you still keep the power and are unharmed, you just need to transform again).

 

[Kirin]

Bonus Fun Fact! The official Ski-Free website is:
a) Still up
b) Looks exactly like you think it's going to
c) Has the game available for download

That hundred shares he got for it is worth a nice 20 grand now...

 

[Torzelbaum]

They are probably the most adorable spikes.

You want to hug them but you really can't. How tragic.

That hundred shares he got for it is worth a nice 20 grand now...

Microsoft has had a few stock splits since 1991 so at this point he might have more than 100 shares.

 

[WildcatJF]

nobodiz seemz to like teh secret listz post i do Flavors

well it is pretty apparent they're from Dad's fancy book list. Has he ever let you rub on any of those, by the by. He is very possessive of me trying to claim them as my own.

why youz not tells meh

I did, but you were so excited you ran around the house for 10 minutes upon finding the spreadsheet. Speaking of, is the promo video for our gift shop ready for tomorrow? I heard Dad was too busy tonight to draw the comic but our video coincidentally is the same as the enemy for tomorrow's entry?

oh yeh it's ret2gos

Purrfect.

 

[Daikaiju]

Plots within plots...

 

[WildcatJF]

GUARDIAN (Legend of Zelda)

#44 (51 points, nominated by Octopus Prime [13], Positronic Brain [8])
First Appurrance: Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Oh hai i be writin teh realz postz for these one! um did yous purruse the videz i mad it 100% authentic to teh gamez. these one scary big with slappy arms and huge eyebuus beam! these one newer baddos on teh litz so already purrfectin teh designz. these one knowz howz to stare downz teh competes! these got a eyebuu on you! boom goes teh eyebuu!

I'm just kitten

Here's what some of our donors had to say:

A memorable design, an eery soundtrack, a signature attack... There are bosses in other games that don't get half the attention Nintendo gave to these enemies, and it shows. The real breakthrough star of the game ~ Positronic Brain

Spoiler: look who's so professional

Investigatin

I assure you there was something critically important under the desk. Vitally, in fact. *I can't remember what it was* Anyway, thank you for letting us cameo in on this contest. We may do this a few more times as we receive new items in the gift shop.

now open for Mr. Biznazz!

 

[Alex]

Oh man I feel like such a badass whenever I'm able to successfully parry their laser attacks.

 

[Lokii]

I was going to vote guardians and then I guess I forgot.

Chopping these babies up with the master sword feels great. Nice and smooth and lots of flailing robo legs.

 

[Octopus Prime]

Seeing Guardians gradually shift from predator to prey was one of the best parts of BotW

 

[Beta Metroid]

Surprisingly low! Wait, I didn't vote for these guys? I forget some of my list, and I can't check my sent PMs from the old forum.

 

[WildcatJF]

In real talk, Guardians were SUPER close to being on my list. Probably one of the last ones I cut. But I do love them, obviously, given I have a Nendoroid of one, haha.

 

[Kirin]

If I'd had time to finish BotW yet I might've voted for these guys. I... actually have the Nendoroid too, which I bought before I'd even started playing just because it looks so cool.

 

[Kirin]

nobodiz seemz to like teh secret listz post i do Flavors

The secrets are intriguing but I feel like I'm missing seekrit libirarian knowledge needed to make heads or tales of what exactly is going on in them.

 

[WildcatJF]

The secrets are intriguing but I feel like I'm missing seekrit libirarian knowledge needed to make heads or tales of what exactly is going on in them.

Spoiler: SECRETS WITHIN

I collect fancy books from a specific publisher that I document here: https://georgemacyimagery.wordpress.com/. The "secret list" is my spreadsheet of those books haha.

 

[Kishi]

Love the video. Good cats therein.

 

[Falselogic]

I really should get back to playing BotW...

 

[Daikaiju]

Smacking Guardians with the Master Sword is one of the best sounds in the game.

 

[WildcatJF]

Love the video. Good cats therein.

I have relayed this to both of them, but they are currently asleep so I don't think they heard me.

*seriously thank you *

 

[WildcatJF]

LICKER (Resident Evil)

#43 (52 points, nominated by WildcatJF [17], Rascally Badger [16] Dr. Nerd [23])
First Appearance: Resident Evil 2

Introduced in Resident Evil 2, lickers have become one of the de facto enemies in the series, returning in Resident Evil 5, Resident Evil 7 (Wikipedia you LIEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD), the Resident Evil 2 remake in 2019, and the Resident Evil 3 remake in 2020. Fleshy and muscular, with their brains exposed, these biohazards have sacrificed their sense of sight for enhanced hearing; it is possible to sneak around lickers as they crawl around the floor, walls and ceiling, but their intense breathing and twitchy behavior make it very tempting to run, which calls them right to the "hero". With razor sharp claws and a piercing tongue attack that has incredible range, lickers have truly leaped into the upper echelons of horror enemies.

Here's what some of our donors had to say:

If having an exposed tongue that can whip you wasn't rude enough, it also has a totally nude exposed brain. Probably why the game got an M rating ~ Dr. Nerd

Spoiler: Lick It Up

Life is such a treat and it's time you taste it

 

[Dracula]

My horrible Resident Evil confession is that I learned about nearly every unique monster from the series by reading ToyFare magazine. Back in the 90s, ToyBiz had forged a partnership with Capcom which led to action figures from games like X-Men Vs. Street Fighter, and, eventually, Resident Evil.

I never owned this figure, or any of the figures in their Resident Evil line. But it's interesting to consider how in this era, toys of video game characters were pretty darn rare! All that high-end collector stuff we're drowning in now was still a decade or more away. If I wanted a toy of Mega Man, this was my only option:

So when ToyBiz started releasing stuff like their RE toys, it felt like we were heading down a road that would lead us to more and more video game toys. And this was true! We did. And maybe we shouldn't have.

 

[Fyonn]

Lickers are so scary and my most / least favorite part of any video game that has them. They've got this kind of prestige to them, like "ah shit, that's a Licker," and the consistent rules about how you can handle them are great, especially given how disparate mechanics for individual Resident Evil games can be.

 

[Octopus Prime]

A Licker shows up as the final boss monster in two of the Resident Evil movies too!

You know you’ve made it when Mila Jovovich has to use bullet time to defeat you repeatedly