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Movie Time 2.0: TT mini reviews
- Thread starter Rascally Badger
- Start date
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- Tags
- movies
I’ve opted to watch every canon Disney movie, in order, since I hadn’t seen most of them before, and figured , you know, why not?
And so, Snow White
Focusing on the positive, the animation remains absolutely fantastic, and while she’s clearly not the best Evil Witch Queen, she set Down the road on which others would run.
On the other hand, this movie is mostly song, and every one of those songs is terrible. There is precisely one anyone remembers, and it’s not because it’s good, it’s because it’s very repetitive. Also, except for the Evil Witch Queen, who doesn’t even get a name (I know she has one, but its never spoken), every single character is a big ol sack of nothing.
“Sneezes” is not a personality, Walt.
Also, since Evil Witch Queens end Game was to be Hotter Than a Literal Child, couldn’t she have just, like, given Her a bad haircut or something? Or jacked up her face real bad? Something less convoluted probably would have worked way better.
An inauspicious start for a megalithic entertainment company!
And so, Snow White
Focusing on the positive, the animation remains absolutely fantastic, and while she’s clearly not the best Evil Witch Queen, she set Down the road on which others would run.
On the other hand, this movie is mostly song, and every one of those songs is terrible. There is precisely one anyone remembers, and it’s not because it’s good, it’s because it’s very repetitive. Also, except for the Evil Witch Queen, who doesn’t even get a name (I know she has one, but its never spoken), every single character is a big ol sack of nothing.
“Sneezes” is not a personality, Walt.
Also, since Evil Witch Queens end Game was to be Hotter Than a Literal Child, couldn’t she have just, like, given Her a bad haircut or something? Or jacked up her face real bad? Something less convoluted probably would have worked way better.
An inauspicious start for a megalithic entertainment company!
Yeah, Snow White get by mostly on being first when it comes to animated features.
I watched Locked Down over the last two nights. It starts out being about a couple disintegrating during quarantine, then it becomes the dullest possible heist. It seems to exist just so there is a quarantine movie. It has Anne Hathaway and Chiwetel Ejiofor and they are both just wasted.
I watched Locked Down over the last two nights. It starts out being about a couple disintegrating during quarantine, then it becomes the dullest possible heist. It seems to exist just so there is a quarantine movie. It has Anne Hathaway and Chiwetel Ejiofor and they are both just wasted.
I disagree! "Sneezes" is pretty much the entirety of my personality for at least 4 straight months out of the year during Spring.
That's what makes her so evil!
Any plans to watch Song of the South or any of Disney's history they try to paper over/pretend doesn't exist?
It's posts like this that made me vote for enabling the "Like" button on these forums.
Just sticking with what’s on D+.
Dont... feel strongly inclined to go out of my way to watch Song of the South
Phantoon
I cuss you bad
I mean, she shape changes as part of the plot. Just shape change into a hotter form, would be way less effort than relying on duplicitous henchmen
Have you seen the evil witch? Odds are that she's already using magic for that, with the implication that there must exist an entropic Law of Conservation of Hotness that prevents her magic from increasing her overall beauty level beyond Snow White's. In this paper I will...
To be fair, she doesn’t actually ask the mirror whose hottest, she just assumed that’s what it was judging.
But part of her plan is to make herself drastically less hot, so I’m getting mixed messages here
But part of her plan is to make herself drastically less hot, so I’m getting mixed messages here
Phantoon
I cuss you bad
Hmmm, we can add that to other film rules, like the inviolable Conservation of Ninjitsu...
Johnny Unusual
(He/Him)
I've been slowly going through the animated canon of Disney myself but in no particular order. Pretty much watching all the main studio animated releases but only theatrical releases and, for the heck of it, will never watch Planes. Never a good sign when your film is originally going to feature Dave Foley and end up with Dane Cook. Like, it was never going to be good, but...
Pinnochio is the story of a little wooden boy who is full of bugs. It’s also a substantial step up in quality. Are these facts unrelated? Doubtful.
Theres some actual comedy injected into the movie, rather than just counting on the fact that a bird looks startled qualifies as humour, and since the villain was literally the only thing memorable about Snow White, they went whole hog and tossed in four bad guys.
Didn‘t bat an eye at the magical sanctimonious bug, or the talking wooden boy, but somehow Honest John was a bridge too far. That his sidekick was Bill the Cat was Also fine.
Pleasure Island has a fight club and and a Rage Room.
Gepetto sends his son, granted to him by dues ex machina, to school almost immediately after meeting him. He is plainly not eager to be a single father. The fairy did not do her due deligence in making sure that a puppet was going to a good home. Her goals are murky.
I vote the movie “Most Improved”, but also “Least Improved” because it’s the second movie in the canon, so I can use any qualifier I want.
Theres some actual comedy injected into the movie, rather than just counting on the fact that a bird looks startled qualifies as humour, and since the villain was literally the only thing memorable about Snow White, they went whole hog and tossed in four bad guys.
Didn‘t bat an eye at the magical sanctimonious bug, or the talking wooden boy, but somehow Honest John was a bridge too far. That his sidekick was Bill the Cat was Also fine.
Pleasure Island has a fight club and and a Rage Room.
Gepetto sends his son, granted to him by dues ex machina, to school almost immediately after meeting him. He is plainly not eager to be a single father. The fairy did not do her due deligence in making sure that a puppet was going to a good home. Her goals are murky.
I vote the movie “Most Improved”, but also “Least Improved” because it’s the second movie in the canon, so I can use any qualifier I want.
FelixSH
(He/Him)
I think the book is even weirder (and more horrifying) than the movie, and I would totally encourage to read it, if you like the weird parts of the movie. Like, it starts with Geppeto (I think you spell it this way?) getting into a fist fight with his friend. And a snake dies of boredom.
The most bewildering thing is that Geppeto apparently had a letter delivered to his house in order to inform people he’s been eaten by a whale.
Does the postal service go to whales? Does the whale have a zip code? Does he send letters to his empty house whenever he leaves just in case he gets swallowed by something?
No more than a couple of days could have passed between being kidnapped by Stromboli and escaping Pleasure Island, but Gepettos apparently been in that whale long enough that dying of starvation is a legitimate concern.
Why was he looking for his wood son in a whale anyway?
The movie does not address these concerns.
Also, Honest John is terrified at the legal penalties for sending a child to Pleasure Island, which implies that the police know about the place, and also he’s a thief and murderer who sells children into slavery so obviously the punishment for breaking that law must be horrifying, so that’s all pretty weird that it’s not addressed
Does the postal service go to whales? Does the whale have a zip code? Does he send letters to his empty house whenever he leaves just in case he gets swallowed by something?
No more than a couple of days could have passed between being kidnapped by Stromboli and escaping Pleasure Island, but Gepettos apparently been in that whale long enough that dying of starvation is a legitimate concern.
Why was he looking for his wood son in a whale anyway?
The movie does not address these concerns.
Also, Honest John is terrified at the legal penalties for sending a child to Pleasure Island, which implies that the police know about the place, and also he’s a thief and murderer who sells children into slavery so obviously the punishment for breaking that law must be horrifying, so that’s all pretty weird that it’s not addressed
FelixSH
(He/Him)
Maybe the insides of the whale are pocket dimension, where time flows differently?
Pleasure Island is clearly a inofficially state-sanctioned scam, to produce more donkeys. But it is only inofficial, so that, if the public learns of it's existence, they can always blame Honest John. So he can't do it too much in the open, as that would raise questions.
I haven't seen the movie in years, so maybe I'm rusty on the details.
As for he rest...well, the moon logic of the world at least fits with the moon logic of the book. Good on them for trying.
Pleasure Island is clearly a inofficially state-sanctioned scam, to produce more donkeys. But it is only inofficial, so that, if the public learns of it's existence, they can always blame Honest John. So he can't do it too much in the open, as that would raise questions.
I haven't seen the movie in years, so maybe I'm rusty on the details.
As for he rest...well, the moon logic of the world at least fits with the moon logic of the book. Good on them for trying.
jpfriction
(He, Him)
I quite enjoy KC Green’s comic version. He hasn’t updated it in a while, though.
If the postal service is badass enough to arrest Steve Bannon, you bet they pick up and deliver to whales!
If Kingdom Hearts is canon to Disney (which it is) this is what the inside of this particular whale looks like:
Monstro has clearly eaten enough psychotropic drugs not only to become an alternate dimension unto himself, but also to fuel anything living inside it for decades.
FelixSH
(He/Him)
This is beautiful. And it's even more bonkers than I remembered.
I’m no Whale Technician, but I took it on good faith that that’s simply what they look like once you get in there deep enough.If Kingdom Hearts is canon to Disney (which it is) this is what the inside of this particular whale looks like:
Monstro has clearly eaten enough psychotropic drugs not only to become an alternate dimension unto himself, but also to fuel anything living inside it for decades.
Whales need barrels for ballast.
I really detest Jiminy Cricket's design, 'cause it's an early prominent example of character designers deciding that bugs aren't cute and then giving up.
Look at this motherfucker:
He's just some dude. He's clearly not a bug, except we're told he's a bug because that's all it takes apparently.
Look, it was the 40s; everybody had bad eyesight back then, that's just what they thought crickets looked like. It was in the zeitgeist.
fair assessment. But tbf, bugs are not cuteWhat if Jiminy Cricket was just a really small dude, and the cricket part was like his nickname.
In Once Upon a Time, he's just a huge bug in a waistcoat and it is TERRIFYING
I do not want want to take advice from him.
I do not want want to take advice from him.
Don't let everyone else in this thread lie to you. Bugs are not cute. Stay strong.
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