Just Keep Telling Yourself It's Only a Thread: Talking Time's Top 50 Horror Movies!

[YangusKhan]

Personally, I find this movie to be a little overblown and more goofy than scary (the scariest thing to me honestly is the carotid angiography sequence, where they drain some of Regan's cerebrospinal fluid to allow for a better x-ray. The demon stuff is easy compared to this.), but it’s definitely worth a watch as one of the classics.

This is the trick about this movie and its existence in the collective consciousness: it's not a horror movie about an exorcism, it's a horror movie about a little girl who's possessed by a demon and the people that try to fix it. To quote a close friend of mine: "The movie's called The Exorcist, not Little Girl Whose Head Spins Around." The audience isn't introduced to Reagan and her mother for at least 15-20 minutes into it, IIRC, before that it follows both of the priests and focuses on Damien Karras in particular. From my perspective, he's the one the movie is actually about: a priest who's having a very dire crisis of faith, and on the brink of abandoning it entirely, encounters a young girl who has an illness he's initially skeptical of, but is slowly revealed to be un-explainable with modern medicine. He then has no recourse but to admit that an exorcism might work, even if demons still aren't real (because maybe it's psychosomatic, you see). But then... the exorcism happens.

 

[Octopus Prime]

True Story; The Exorcist was the movie that scared my father so badly that he absolutely refused to even let me watch it so as not to subject me to that same level of terror.

Then, much more recently than you'd think, I realized that I could just watch the movie anyway.

Long story short; I was really bored the whole time through.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Late to the Party but here's what I wrote about Us.

I think a lot of people prefer Get Out and I think they are both fantastic movies but by a hair I think I prefer Us and I think its technical proficiency and cinematography gives it the edge. I also think it is an incredibly smart movie that is less overt about its messaging than Get Out but is clearly about the economic divide and how we can dehumanize each other. It also has really transcendent moments, like the dance "battle" in the climax which is haunting, the final image which is awe-inspiring in scope and an overall ride that leaves your heart in your throat.

 

[Dracula]

Long story short; I was really bored the whole time through.

Somehow unsurprising - The Exorcist is not a particularly Octo movie. Now, The Exorcist III, on the other hand...

 

[Johnny Unusual]

The Exorcist has grown on me. I was disappointed the first time and liked it more as a character piece the second.

 

[ShakeWell]

Of the classic franchises, probably the best first entry for the worst franchise

No way, Texas Chainsaw in a walk. Most of those sequels/reboots/sequels to reboots aren't even funny bad, they're just bad.

This might be the most well-known horror movie I've never seen, though I guess I'll have to see the rest of the list.

It's a hard one for me to gauge. I'm an atheist, but I still find it creepy, and the character study stuff with Father Karras is excellent. THAT SAID, it's one that has this monolithic reputation as one of, if not the most frightening films of all-time, and those kinds of expectations are hard to meet going on 50 years later.

 

[Neo Skimbleshanks]

Oh I never watched most TCM sequels. You’re probably right!

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part II is one a lot of people like, but in all honesty, I don't, except for this scene with a great little jumpscare.

But Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, is the most bizarre, positing that the Leatherface family is being bankrolled by a shadowy organization to spread terror because *shrug*. That's right, Leatherface has funding.

 

[ShakeWell]

Texas Chainsaw II is one of the best horror sequels of all-time, the rest are hot trash.

 

[Adrenaline]

Is The Exorcist only scary if you believe in god?

 

[Dracula]

No. 16 The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Points: 140 | Lists: Dracula (#22); Sabrecat (#8); Zef (#8); Vaeran (#1); Beta Metroid (#23); Bulgakov (#20)
“Your basic human needs disgust me.”

​

The Cabin in the Woods is a 2011 American horror comedy film directed by Drew Goddard in his directorial debut, produced by Joss Whedon, and written by Whedon and Goddard. The plot follows a group of college students who retreat to a remote forest cabin where they fall victim to backwoods zombies while technicians manipulate events from an underground facility.

Drac’s Notes: I saw this movie in theaters! The Cabin in the Woods shares some DNA with Scream, in that both movies seek to interrogate the horror genre a bit while also reveling in the same tropes. I like Cabin a lot more than Scream, mostly because I love the cast and premise, and the film ends with a giant horror movie trope party with lots of ridiculous mayhem and a surprise appearance by Sigourney Weaver. I adore the concept of an underground cabal whose job it is to appease the ancient, forgotten gods, and that this movie decides this cabal is staffed by the same overworked and underpaid office jockeys you’d see in films like Office Space. I’ve rewatched this movie countless times.

This seems like a poorly designed world. Has anyone considered that this whole "dark gods" thing might be a bad idea? I would recommend not having them at all.

I'll get you in touch with Cinema Sins.

DO NOT SPEAK THE NAME OF THE DARK GODS.

 

[Dracula]

Is The Exorcist only scary if you believe in god?

This is a good question, and here is a good video that goes into some aspects of that discussion, including the Exorcist in particular:

 

[ShakeWell]

I'm an atheist, but I still find it creepy

Is The Exorcist only scary if you believe in god?

On the subject of Cabin in the Woods, it's comparable to Scream only in that they're both takedowns of horror, but they address pretty different subgenres. Scream was a reaction to the slasher boom of the '80s (which bled into the early '90s), while Cabin takes on the tropes of American supernatural horror, writ-large. They also do it in pretty different ways, while Scream remains largely grounded with serious stakes (Sydney is a much fuller character than any of the "kids" in the titular cabin, and you genuinely fear for her when she is pursued by Ghostface), Cabin is a very broad satire that plays more as a comedy than serious horror.

Both are definitely good, and both reward horror fans with a ton of references/easter eggs.

Also, since Cinema Sins were invoked by Drac, Bobvids did a great takedown of Cinema Sins' "takedown" of Cabin in the Woods.

 

[Adrenaline]

Sure The Exorcist is creepy but it has this reputation as the Scariest Horror Movie Ever Made, but watching it, it doesn't even feel like it's trying to scare you that much. The girl just sits in the bed and does gross things. It doesn't have the tension or shock of what I think of as horror movie scares.

 

[Dracula]

MEANWHILE...

No. 15 Poltergeist (1982)
Points: 141 | Lists: Zef (#15); YangusKhan (#18); Patrick (#22); Teg (#14); Torzelbaum (#10); Beta Metroid (#2)
“You son of a bitch! You moved the cemetery, but you left the bodies, didn't you?”

Poltergeist is a 1982 American supernatural horror film directed by Tobe Hooper and written by Steven Spielberg, Michael Grais and Mark Victor from a story by Spielberg. The film focuses on a suburban family whose home is invaded by malevolent ghosts that abduct their daughter.

Drac’s Notes: Even though this movie didn’t end up on my own list, I love it and I love rewatching it. Poltergeist is yet another suburban horror film, but this time instead of a man with a knife it’s corporate greed and ignorance which stirs the power of darkness to threaten normalcy. Even though this movie was directed by Tobe Hooper (a few years after Texas Chainsaw), it has huge Spielberg energy, and I honestly forget sometimes that it wasn’t directed by Spielberg as well. It’s a big budget crowd pleaser with tons of cool early 80s SFX and a lot of heart. I’d say it’s not especially scary, either, so it’s a good gateway horror film.

 

[Neo Skimbleshanks]

This franchise was very important to me in my childhood but I don't think I've revisited it since the 90s. I knew Heather O'Rourke died around when the third was released but can't remember to what extent it showed in the film. Very sad regardless.

 

[Octopus Prime]

How the heck did I forget Poltergeist?!?

It’s one of the, like, three movies to genuinely scare the bajeepers out of me

 

[Issun]

Another one I need to see. I know it's one of the many 80s flicks that Stranger Things wears on its sleeve.

 

[Dracula]

I really love how Poltergeist is just a fun ghost story movie with occasional moments of memorable creepiness that draws to a satisfying conclusion... but then keeps going and, for that final epilogue, quickly spirals into pants-shitting turbo-nightmare mode; featuring a cameo appearance by real human corpses that the cast thought were props.

Regarding your spoiler note there, it's worth noting that

Spoiler

Poltergeist is hardly the only film in history to use human skeletons as props. The practice was quite common in the era, because it was easier to order skeletons from medical supply companies than build them. It's true that the actors submerged in mud with the bones weren't initially aware they were real skeletons. Since this was a big budget, big audience movie, it got a lot of buzz, and played into the idea of the Poltergeist films being "cursed."

If you have Shudder, there's an excellent series of micro-documentaries called "Cursed Films" which deep dives into the making of Poltergeist and other films that attracted supposed "curses."

 

[ShakeWell]

Even though this movie was directed by Tobe Hooper (a few years after Texas Chainsaw), it has huge Spielberg energy, and I honestly forget sometimes that it wasn’t directed by Spielberg as well. It’s a big budget crowd pleaser with tons of cool early 80s SFX and a lot of heart. I’d say it’s not especially scary, either, so it’s a good gateway horror film.​

It's often said that Spielberg "phantom directed" this film or whatever, but it's got Hooper's fingerprints all over it, much as Gremlins does Joe Dante's, and Hooper himself has disavowed it. This is a pretty good write-up on the whole fiasco (including MGM having to pay Hooper an extra $15,000 because the Director's Guild determined they didn't have him centered enough during promotion).

 

[ShakeWell]

I do not have Shudder, but I do have that documentary! Now maybe I'll finally sit down and watch it now that I have a trusted recommendation for it.

HUGE cw for that show: in the episode on the Twilight Zone... they show the thing, and they don't warn you, so tread lightly.

 

[Falselogic]

What's "the thing"?

 

[Neo Skimbleshanks]

Probably something involving the helicopter deaths in the movie directed by John Landis, but I haven't seen it.

 

[ShakeWell]

What's "the thing"?

I didn't say because if you watch, they explain what happened before they show it, but a helicopter crashes onto Vic Morrow and two child actors.

 

[Dracula]

Oops I forgot to post yesterday! It was a holiday and I just totally checked out of everything that wasn't "play Edith Finch with my wife" or "see if I can get through Elysium this time."

So here's Friday's post, today, baby!!!

No. 14 28 Days Later (2002)
Points: 147 | Lists: Sabrecat (#3); Patrick (#10); Issun (#21); Vaeran (#20); WildcatJF (#2); Adrenaline (#19)
“If you look at the whole life of the planet, we, you know, man has only been around for a few blinks of an eye. So, if the infection wipes us all out... that is a return to normality.”

28 Days Later is a 2002 British post-apocalyptic horror drama film directed by Danny Boyle, written by Alex Garland, and starring Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Christopher Eccleston, Megan Burns and Brendan Gleeson. The plot depicts the breakdown of society following the accidental release of a highly contagious virus and focuses upon the struggle of four survivors (Murphy, Harris, Burns and Gleeson) to cope with the destruction of the life they once knew while evading those infected by the virus.

Drac’s Notes: 28 Days Later is yet another self-serious zombie movie, which means I haven’t rewatched it since the first time I saw it in the early aughts. That’s not fair, of course, because I remember it being a fantastic film which did some surprising things with the zombie mechanics (they spit blood at you, for example), and its post-apocalyptic setting was both memorable and disturbing. I should probably revisit this one!

I would simply wait for the zombie apocalypse to --

Oh, will you stop!

 

[Dracula]

And here's a bonus post, why not!

Friday the 13th (Series, 1980-2009)
Freddy Vs. Jason | Points: 44 | Lists: 2 (Torzelbaum, #14; Octopus Prime, #16)
Jason X | Points: 31 | Lists: 1 (Octopus Prime, #6)
Friday the 13th Part 3D | Points: 27 | Lists: 1 (Shakewell, #10)
"You're doomed! You're all doomed!"

Drac's Notes: Despite being one of the most famous and recognizable horror film series ever, no single film from the Friday the 13th series made it onto our list. This actually isn't especially surprising: None of the Friday the 13th movies, by themselves, are especially good. Sean Cunningham's original had its genesis as a simple Halloween rip-off. He literally got together some people and said, "that movie made a lot of money, let's make our own," and they were off to the races. The first four are probably the most iconic. Nearly all Jason movies feature a series of murders taking place in and around Camp Crystal Lake. The original had Barbara Voorhees killing camp counselors she held responsible for the drowning death of her son, Jason, who only figures into the last couple of minutes of the film as a surprise jump scare.

In Part 2, we learn that Jason wasn't dead, and still stalked the campgrounds, wearing a burlap sack over his head to disguise his disfigurement. He lives in a shack with his mother's severed, mummified head. In Part 3-D, Jason steals his famous hockey mask from a prankster teen named Shelly. Watch this one for all the egregious poke-thing-at-the-camera moments intended to work with the 3-D version of the film. In Part 4, hilariously titled "the final chapter," Jason is finally killed by a horror film fanatic played by Corey Feldman. Many people say this one is "the good one."

But the search for more money continued with Part 5, "A New Beginning," which featured a killer pretending to be Jason Voorhees stalking a halfway house in the woods. The lack of Jason in this film prompted filmmakers to bring him back for Part 6, "Jason Lives," via graveyard raid and revitalizing lightning bolt. The newly zombified Jason sets out to kill ever more random groups of horny teens. Now, so far from his origins as a tragically drowned child, Jason has no more reason to kill, and yet he continues killing, perhaps just for the sake of it. This one is my favorite one, probably because it's somewhat comedic.

Part 7, "The New Blood," pits Jason against a teenage girl with psychic powers. Part 8, "Jason Takes Manhattan" features roughly 30 seconds of Jason striding through Times Square and 89.5 minutes of a boat and/or Vancouver backlot. However, there is a good scene where Jason punches off a guy's head. Part 9, "Jason Goes to Hell," was made when New Line Cinema picked up the Jason license and shoehorned him into some other horror movie. It's awful. Part 10, "Jason X," sends Jason to space and the future. Please watch it.

The final chapter in the classic Jason saga, and the only I saw in theaters, was Freddy Vs. Jason, and it's about as fun as a film with that title could be. If it had been made 10+ years earlier, it probably would have been more fun. There was also a 2009 remake of the original, which IIRC, featured both Barbara and Jason, and despite seeing it in theaters, I remember nothing about it.

All in all, the Jason movies are like campfire tales. You put them on for mood. They're the perfect kinda thing to run in the background while you're decorating for Halloween, or during a Halloween party. As long as you don't expect more than the films are capable of delivering, they're a great time.

 

[Neo Skimbleshanks]

One thing I like the most about this franchise is how, for a long time, entries just begin immediately when the previous one ended. Truly direct sequels. My favorite is Jason X, a film that does not look like it was released in theaters but in fact was. It's funny, a bit self-aware, not too misanthropic. Extremely Canadian; I wonder why it isn't like called a Canadian co-production on Wikipedia.

There is nothing much to Jason. He's a slasher who never talks, like Michael albeit with an ostensible motivation. (and some more explicit ableism!) I really hate that kind of thing, but many people apparently do not. Much like Godzilla movies, my favorite things about these are the goofy-ass human characters. (this franchise has a supremely weird conception of ruffians and ne'er-do-wells) Too often you're supposed to want these teens dead, which I think is despicable but you're not the boss of me, man, I can like them anyway. I think V's a high-point for me. The fact that Jason isn't the killer is meaningless. Part 3 has exquisitely tasteless and pointless 3D shots; I wish they'd release it on a 3D Blu-Ray or something even though that format is dead. I wanna see things coming at my eyes for no reason! Also INCREDIBLE theme

Freddy vs. Jason is a better Friday movie than NoES movie (assume that franchise will come up later) and it's fun but I'm disappointed there's not more to it - as little as there is to Jason, he and Freddy definitely have contrasting relationships to their mothers. The remake is bad to me but like exactly what people say they want out of these things. Could be worse. (NoES remake!)

 

[YangusKhan]

I have seen the original and Part 4, and then vs. Freddy once. I may have seen Jason X but I don't remember anything if that's the case. Part 4 was still pretty bad, imo. I watched it as part of a regular horror movie group and even with crowd riffing it wasn't that great.

 

[Octopus Prime]

Jason X is a perfect movie

 

[Dracula]

OH yeah I will also stan for that Part 3-D opening theme. One of my favorite things about the whole film series.