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I've Made a Terrible Mistake

JBear

JBear

Internet's foremost Bertolli cosplayer
(He/Him)
So, tonight my SO surprised me by picking up one of these while we were grocery shopping:

71XGJnXzxAL._AC_SL1500_.jpg
81-VX%2By15xL._AC_SL1500_.jpg


"How bad can this be?", I thought, being a gigantic idiot. I mean, they sell it on grocery store shelves in Atlantic Canada. I think of myself as someone with a very high spice tolerance, and I invest considerable effort in finding spicy foods on a regular basis, and I've yet to eat anything that I would describe as being too spicy for me.

This was too spicy for me. Moments after I finished it, I began weeping from my eyes and nose and hiccupping uncontrollably. I rushed to the kitchen and stuffed two slices of bread in my mouth sideways in a panic as my SO suggested over my shoulder with a shout that she'd heard that bread is supposed to help.

The bread didn't help.

Two glasses of milk did, though, and after those, plus two ice cream bars, two frozen mochi, and a cookie, I have begun to feel like a human being again.

And that's when I felt the baby kick.

According to the (hilarious) Amazon reviews, this chip has a scoville rating of several million. I gather that I am in for even more misery as I digest it and then subsequently eliminate it.

All of that said, I'm not sure I actually regret it? I mean, it was an experience! I've found my spice ceiling! It's comforting to know that it's there. And it certainly cleared my sinuses!

Still, thoughts and prayers would not be remiss over the next 12 hours... >_>
 
Falselogic

Falselogic

Lapsed Threadcromancer
(they/them)
I remember when this sort of challenge was going around Insta and TikTok. Never ever. I enjoy eating and I enjoy spicy food. I don't enjoy self-torture.

Sending thoughts and prayers to your colon.
 
Violentvixen

Violentvixen

(She/Her)
Octopus Prime said:
I… didn’t think anything had a scovile rating that high.

How are you not a pile of ash?
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Those two peppers top out the scale at about 2 million. Of course it's variable between individual peppers but yeah that's intense.

I wonder what it was like to be on the Scoville panels before they had lab procedures for setting these ratings. It was just a panel of people who essentially rated how much pain they were in or how much other stuff they had to eat to get rid of the pain.
 
JBear

JBear

Internet's foremost Bertolli cosplayer
(He/Him)
ThornGhost said:
Did your tongue turn blue?
Click to expand...
It did! In fact, when I first began stuffing bread in my mouth, my SO became alarmed because she thought it was moldy, but it was in fact just me turning it blue/green.
 
Lokii

Lokii

—
(He/Him)
Staff member
Moderator
Please provide the answer in american dollars I don't know what your loonies are at these days, especially considering how the currency is in free fall what with your queen's passing
 
Lokii

Lokii

—
(He/Him)
Staff member
Moderator
Oh I see you can follow instructions when eating a chip but not when reading a post
 
That Old Chestnut

That Old Chestnut

A E S T H E T I C
(he/him)
good God!

I am such a spice wimp, that I would probably actually die from eating this.

Not even from an allergic reaction or anything. Just from my mouth and brain going NOPE NOPE NOPE until my soul leaves my body.
 
gogglebob

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
I had some incredibly spicy chicken while on vacation in Nashville this past Spring, and I deeply regretted it, not because I disliked its flavor or the heat, but because my stomach reacted poorly, and that was not great on a day when I was walking around an unknown city relying on public restrooms. While I have zero plans to return to Nashville, I've been kind of mentally planning for what I would do to properly enjoy that level of heat again, and actually considering having some of that chicken somehow shipped so I could try it in the more comfortable environment of my own home.

So this? This is a tempting alternative...
 
gogglebob

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
This was from a place called Hattie B's, and if KFC is offering something similar to their "SHUT THE CLUCK UP!!!" spice level, the nationwide franchise is committing crimes against humanity on the reg.
 
Violentvixen

Violentvixen

(She/Her)
gogglebob said:
While I have zero plans to return to Nashville, I've been kind of mentally planning for what I would do to properly enjoy that level of heat again, and actually considering having some of that chicken somehow shipped so I could try it in the more comfortable environment of my own home.
Click to expand...
Looks like Goldbelly has a bunch of hot chicken options.
 
Daikaiju

Daikaiju

Rated Ages 6+
(He, Him)
I live in Philly. Not many options for some dishes outside of national chains. Try and get a Chicago Dog here outside of Sonic.
 
gogglebob

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
I just now ordered one of those chips that started this thread. I am considering exactly what to do with it...
 
JBear

JBear

Internet's foremost Bertolli cosplayer
(He/Him)
I'd advise you to begin by pouring a nice tall glass of milk, and then follow that up by notifying your next of kin.
 
gogglebob

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Okay, I'm-a gonna eat one of these on a live stream tonight. This seems like the best course of action.
 
JBear

JBear

Internet's foremost Bertolli cosplayer
(He/Him)
gogglebob said:
Okay, I'm-a gonna eat one of these on a live stream tonight. This seems like the best course of action.
Click to expand...
Good idea to have witnesses in case you need anyone to contact poison control/the morgue in real-time. Better put local emergency numbers into your OBS overlay.

(Good luck!)
 
gogglebob

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
I'll get around to posting the video "archive" of the stream mentioned above eventually, but after action report:

1. This was not as bad as I expected. In fact, I cannot say that this was the hottest thing I have ever had. Scratch that. To measure this, I can say that this is only the third worst reaction to something hot/spicy in my life. The worst I ever had was three years ago with an ultra spicy hot sauce (liquid) that I sampled thanks to a vendor who knew I was into this nonsense. Immediately after testing that (no exaggeration here), I spent a solid ten minutes on a cool bathroom tile with liquid pouring out of every face hole while occasionally attempting to puke the pain away. Then there was the previously mentioned Hattie B chicken (still sold out online) from last Spring, which did not lead to tile hugging, but did later involve some of the worst bathroom experiences imaginable. This chip did not induce either outcome. So, to compare, those other two experiences were like getting hit by a truck, this was only being punched in the face.

2. However! I will note that I was 100% prepared for this chip, while the other two events were comparatively random. I wore disposable gloves so flakes wouldn't get anywhere dangerous (which, long story short, may have happened with the previously mentioned sauce incident), and I had a milkshake and water immediately available. Despite saying "this was not that bad", I needed to wash out any crumbs or debris from my mouth immediately. I do not say "needed" lightly there. I am moderately certain if even an ounce of that chip stayed in my mouth for longer than it took to actually swallow, my body would have reflexively ejected everything available. Am I saying many automatic biological systems treated this chip like it was poison? Yes. Yes I am.

3. And, for the coda, just going to go ahead and say that I did not have a "baby kick" moment. I am pretty sure I have now evacuated food I ate as a child, but that was about the extent of it. One and done. I am only moderately concerned that my body now knows exactly what to do with these kind of contaminates...

Anywho! Chip worked out fine. Would probably do it again for the lolz.
 
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