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It's a Great Big World of Final Fantasy Out There

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Welcome to the World of Final Fantasy (Maxima)!

So, what’s all this then?

This is a very loose Let’s Play of World of Final Fantasy: Maxima.

Loose?

The participants are barely paying attention. I’m sure we’ll all care more when the plot ramps up into full wackiness… but no promises!

So what’s the point?

I’ll be frank: this is a “hang-out” Let’s Play. We’re playing through WoFF:M, but this is more or less an excuse for like-minded individuals to have fun and maybe make fun of Smoll Squall.

How did this happen?

There was a vote to determine my next Let’s Play. The winners seemed to be Wild Arms 3 and World of Final Fantasy. Since BEAT, a friendly skeleman, had never heard of World of Final Fantasy, we decided to make that a “joint” video Let’s Play, while Wild Arms 3 will be a more traditional, in-depth Let’s Play.

So this is just pure goofiness?

No, I do plan on carefully outlining everything that happens in the update-based liner notes. Just don’t expect biting insight in the minute-to-minute of the videos. Odds are really low anyone is even paying attention to what the zero-gravity cat thing is saying.

Is this your first time playing the game?

I played World of Final Fantasy. Part of the reason I even put WoFF up as a poll choice was because I enjoyed the experience, purchased the Maxima upgrade/expansion… and then never played the game again. So I am familiar with World of Final Fantasy, have mostly forgotten what happened in the intervening five years since release, and am now playing World of Final Fantasy + Maxima for the first time. I reserve the right to be surprised by the stupidest things.

Anything more about World of Final Fantasy?

It was originally a Vita game, but found a new home on the Playstation 4. It was supposed to be an “all-ages friendly” title meant to draw in audiences old and new for Final Fantasy’s 30th anniversary. It… seemed to be little more than a blip on the radar. Hey! It was released opposite a real Final Fantasy game (Final Fantasy 15) and a real Pokémon game (Sun & Moon). It was a crowded year!

How is Pokémon relevant?

The Final Fantasy bestiary can be adopted as little helper critters across World of Final Fantasy. It is, arguably, World of Final Fantasy’s defining feature. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

When does this Let’s Play update?

As it currently stands, we are live streaming this game every Tuesday night starting between 8-9 PM. It can be found on my twitch channel at twitch.tv/gogglebobblog . After that, a recording of the covered chapters with “liner notes” will appear in this thread within the week. … Hopefully. Video editing takes time!

Anything else?

Special thanks to my partners in crime on this project, BEAT and fanboymaster for coming along on this journey through the World of Final Fantasy.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 00: Prelude
Initial Stream: 9/8/20


Liner Notes!

2:40 – We’re kicking things off with a discussion of individual video length. BEAT proposes the uncharacteristically reasonable answer of making each video a half hour. And that works! Sometimes! But the official plan going forward is to follow the “chapter breaks” that are naturally provided by World of Final Fantasy, and hope they don’t get too long. We’ll see what happens…

6:17 – This is one of those plots that is absolutely fueled by selective amnesia, and it has nothing to do with zero gravity mascot characters.

9:42 – For anyone that needs to know, Wawa is an Eastern United States-based convenience store that provides coffee, food, and gasoline. I am not exaggerating when I say I live in a town with three Wawas, and this is not unusual. Regardless, our amnesiac heroes appear to work at a fictional Starbucks (my town also has one of those), so let’s talk about this being Coffee House Alternate Universe Prime.

12:30 – BEAT offers some genuinely interesting information about Final Fantasy text boxes in the modern era. Watch the video for more details! Or maybe watch another, more relevant video! I’m not your mom. We also formally meet Enna Kros, who is probably not your mom, either.

18:00 – Our first taste of “Glorious Combat”… even if it is just a tutorial battle. Let’s learn a thing or two about pokéballs and this iteration of the Active Time Battle system.

23:00 – And this chapter ends as we enter another world.

What actually happened in the plot: The siblings Lann and Reyn woke up, realized their coffee shop and entire surrounding city was empty, and found out they are blessed by the gods to collect monsters in another world. Lann and Reyn have massive amnesia, but the only other human around, Enna Kros, makes it clear that they’re not supposed to worry about such trifling things. Lann and Reyn leap into the other world, Grymoire, with their spiffy new mascot monster, Tama.
 
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gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 1: Tutorials Chosen by God
Initial Stream: 9/8/20


Liner Notes!

0:25 – We’ve got Funko Pops! Everyone in the world of Grymoire looks like lil’ 8-bit map sprites modified to exist in a 3-D world. Our heroes can switch back and forth between their normal, “Jiant” forms, and their diminutive, “Lilikin” shapes.

2:10 – A discussion on Final Fantasy overworld music breaks out as we capture our first chocobo, BURDIEE.

9:00 – This update is mostly tutorials (this time on advanced monster capturing, stacking, and each creature’s individual sphere grid), so we discuss the recently announced death of The Venture Bros.

12:00 - Ragtime Mouse is discussed. I looked it up, it appears Ragtime Mouse will not be appearing in this game. Good.

15:00 – We get a fake Game Over thanks to a tutorial on overpowered monsters compliments of a Behemoth. It is revealed that, with a few exceptions, there is a canon explanation of why you can always restart in World of Final Fantasy. This, naturally, prompts a conversation about Prince of Persia.

19:00 – Chocolatte appears back at the Starbucks in the home dimension. She is a transplant from the Final Fantasy 13 universe, and a clear attempt to sexualize a funko pop. This is disturbing.

25:00 - Lies about ending are spread while Shadow Madness is ducked

30:00 – An explanation for the why of Wild Arms 3 is discussed for all you Goggle Bob fans that need the secret reasons for why certain Let’s Plays happen.

33:00 – And we’ll close this one out with Trigun discussion, and an opening cinema thingy. Do anime openings that explain their entire plot have a particular name? I’d like to know!

What actually happened in the plot: This one is almost entirely tutorial for the various battles and menus that we’ll be seeing for the next twenty chapters, but we did get a little new information. Apparently the mascot monster is capable of rewinding time, and he was granted this ability by Enna Kross, who claims to be god. And then she left, not accepting any questions at this time. Sounds like god!
 

BEAT

LOUDSKULL
(DUDE/BRO)
12:30 – BEAT offers some genuinely interesting information about Final Fantasy text boxes in the modern era. Watch the video for more details! Or maybe watch another, more relevant video! I’m not your mom. We also formally meet Enna Kros, who is probably not your mom, either.
I knew this because I watched a polygon video on the increasing standardization of HUD design over time! It was pretty fascinating! You can watch it here.

EDIT: I just now realized that the horrible fox thing that lives on your head has a "Cute" verbal tic where the just put "the" in front of random words and now I hate it even more than I did previously.

EDIT AGAIN: In video 2, Gogglebob captures a Bird around the 6 Minute mark. This is all the encouragement I need to be BACK ON MY BULLSHIT. Specifically this bullshit!
 
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Zef

Find Your Reason
(He/Him)
Really looking forward to this! I too kinda forgot about Maxima after buying it, and I haven't had the chance to join the live stream yet due to online classes.

EDIT: I just now realized that the horrible fox thing that lives on your head has a "Cute" verbal tic where the just put "the" in front of random words and now I hate it even more than I did previously.

I the take it you are not the fan of the Starfire of Teen Titans?
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapters 2 & 3: The Mirage of Progress
Initial Stream: 9/8/20


0:19 - Hey, it’s the opening of Final Fantasy 1. Or at least that bit with the bridge…

1:00 - And now we have a Cactuar Choo-Choo.

4:00 – This is Corneria, the first town to appear in Final Fantasy 1, so also the first town to appear in a Final Fantasy. That seems appropriate.

10:30 - The Princess of Corneria, Sarah, appears. So let’s discuss Nickelodeon GUTS.

14:00 – The whole plot of everything ever is explained while one of our heroes just plays around in the background. This is good and right.

19:00 – Consider this discussion of hacking good stats onto my hapless heroes as some kind of foreshadowing. I am a known cheater, and I make no apologies for that.

21:00 – Mascot monsters are discussed by way of mentioning the best of all: Nall from Lunar. Also I guess Chapter 3 starts.

24:00 – Here’s our first real dungeon, only nearly two hours into the game. Yay? We celebrate by talking about the upcoming Hyrule Warriros title, and whether it can live up to the narrative of Breath of the Wild.

36:00 – There are some pretty big monster mobs in this game… but I’m probably just saying that because I’ve gotten used to later games and their more “focused” monster groups. Still, it’s kinda sorta a two person party against a (literal) pile of opponents.

46:00 – Nothing much happens in this dungeon, but the “pokémon switches” are introduced. Basically, the designers are checking to make sure you’re properly catching your FF monsters, and some dungeons have switches and alike that require particular, locally caught creatures. In this case, we need some heavy rocks to proceed.

48:00 – Kayin is mentioned, so let’s plug that time I interviewed him a few weeks back. He’s a stand up author of I Wanna Be the Guy, and absolutely not someone that would waste his night in a dungeon (not this kind of dungeon, at least).

53:00 – Ramuh, Ifrit, and Shiva appear, and MetalManMaster casts the tie-breaking vote to battle Ifrit. Time to tackle the fiery furry.

1:00:00 – We wrap up the battle with Ifrit and Night 1 with some discussion of Dethklok.

What actually happened in the plot: The Bahamutian Army and The Azure Prophecy are introduced by Princess Sarah. Basically, the Bahamutian Army has got all the monsters we aren’t allowed to capture, so we need to martial our forces for a counterattack. The heroes venture to a local cave, the Nether Nebula, which is supposed to hold a ton of monsters (excuse me, they’re called Mirages). Deep in the cave, the trio of Shiva, Ifrit, and Ramuh recognize the siblings, but also acknowledge that our heroes are not as strong as the duo they once knew. The trio approves of the kids, though, after a battle. Also, a mysterious masked woman makes an appearance in a presumably distant cutscene.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
I am considering this official Let's Play fanart, and it is very appreciated and further encouraged.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 4: The Fight to End all Funkos
Initial Stream: 9/22/20


1:14 – Thus begins Night 2. I have hacked every item into World of Final Fantasy, and that should make things go smoother. Reference is made to my Wild Arms 2 Let’s Play when I had to restart the entire adventure thanks to similar shenanigans… but I’ve learned nothing, so here we are.

5:00 – The terrible pathfinding of our Tails-like compatriot is discussed. Also, I didn’t take ten minutes to repeat the entirety of this dungeon because I forgot what I was doing, I was just getting reacquainted with the game. Yeah… that’s the ticket.

11:00 – I have to mess with a few menus before getting going, and then officially Chapter 4 begins… So let’s discuss mobile game advertising, my lord.

16:00 – The Captain of the Guard appears here. He will be relevant in like twenty minutes. I also want to state for the record that I like dogs, they just get in the way of things on occasion. Anyone that has ever had to shove a collie out of the kitchen knows what I’m talking about. I’m not a monster!

18:00 – Our next “dungeon” is a massive battlefield featuring a fight between Cornerian forces and the invading Bahamutian army. Unfortunately, it’s one of those deals where there’s a tiny “path” (viewable on the minimap), and you can’t explore anything remotely outside of the path. Boo.

22:00 – Persona 5 is discussed. One day I’ll make it through Persona 5 Royal, but, in the meanwhile, please enjoy this referenced Gogglebob discussion/interview about how it’s pretty damn misogynistic.

28:00 – Dungeon continues unabated, so let’s discuss everyone’s first Playstation game after some Bioshock “hacking”.

35:00 – The Warrior of Light of kinda Final Fantasy 1 and definitely Final Fantasy Dissidia appears! So let’s have a boss battle against a particularly large goblin.

40:00 – Shadowy villains lurk in the shadows, and they have shadowy lips… sometimes.

What actually happened in the plot: The twins distinctly remember bits of their childhood and their mom, which seems significant. Also, anonymous NPCs can become “champions” like the Warrior of Light according to legends of mediums. The Bahamutian Army is apparently being led by evil knights that are actually just empty armor, but maybe the real villains just awoke thanks to our heroes?
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 5: Go Climb a Tree
Initial Stream: 9/22/20


Liner Notes!

00:00- Picking up immediately where the previous chapter ended, BEAT attempts to hold me accountable with my own words. I think he does a pretty good impersonation of yours truly.

3:00 – We’re going to Soronia (original appearance: Final Fantasy 3[J]) opposite spam comments in the stream. Apparently we have to venture through Final Fantasy 10’s Pyreglow Forest (there is no spam there).

8:00 – My dedicated spam bot is reported as we venture through a forest. Or up a giant tree? Directions are a pain.

20:00 – You try catching a baby behemoth that eventually dies anyway while talking about zodiac signs! It’s not easy!

29:00 – Special thanks to whoever was responsible for writing World of Final Fantasy’s monster descriptions, as some entries, like this rap-battling lizard, are the bee’s knees.

33:00 - Moogles apparently need to be healed to be captured, and it doesn’t seem like scan/libra provides that information. BEAT helpfully looks it up, and then talks about Save Toby, a website dedicated to maybe eating a rabbit.

38:00 - While fanboymaster plays Mario 64 I capture a Magic Jar. I am not certain if this is some kind of sequence breaking or something, but I don’t think I scored one here on my initial playthrough.

45:00 – Discussion of Aqua Teen Hunger Force is interrupted by Yuna. Looks like it’s time to fight a summoner.

51:00 - Yuna offers some revelations about mom… but let’s talk about Dethklok instead.

58:00 – Closing this one out as notable villain James Woods is discussed opposite the appearance of fictional villain, Plumed Knight.

What actually happened in the plot: Princess Sarah believes the only way to defeat the Bahamutian Army is to ally with the mysterious League of S, so the twins set off to do just that on behalf of Corneria. They’re heading toward Soronia for more info, but Yuna is a roadblock, because she believes Jiants once destroyed the world. After a battle, Yuna reveals that Lussa Farna was a heroine 100 years back that sealed the Demon Dyad within the Ultima Gate. Lussa Farna’s fate was lost to time, but one of her three allies, Brandelis, is now a general in the Bahamutian Army. And, oh yeah, the twins recall that Lussa Farna was their mom’s name.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 6: Chilling with the Fam
Initial Stream: 9/22/20


Liner Notes!

1:00 - Icicle Inn! And a discussion of Final Fantasy 7 Remake inevitably unfolds.

3:45 - Sherlotta is the proprietor of this inn. And she’s also a 2,000 year old catgirl from Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time. And I’m sure she has nothing to do with the unidentified cat that appears near the end of the update. Refia also appears (and temporarily joins that party). She is the tomboy blacksmith’s apprentice that replaces an anonymous onion kid in Final Fantasy 3 DS.

10:00 – Let’s blind some bats for fun and profit. After moogle healing last time, this is where the game really kicks into gear on “conditions” and the many ways you can capture monsters.

20:00 – It’s an icy, slidey area, which reminds us all of the glories of Alundra, a game I recently played because quarantine was causing no small amount of anxiety. It’s a great game for depression (as in, it will inflict depression upon you).

35:00 - After five minutes of juggling stat stuff, we talk about The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time speed run strategies while a boss attacks.

42:00 - Techincally Chapter 7 starts here, but we’re too busy talking about Narnia to notice. We’ve made it to Saronia Harbor, and wrapping things up when…

45:00 - A door has appeared! So we have to look at it, meeting Girl Who Forgot Her Name, which leads to a discussion of BEAT: Secret Origins.

48:00 - Quests are available! Maybe we’ll get there eventually! We’re also introduced to Champion Medals, Arma Gems, and Champion Points. This is all just a long tutorial on “you can summon things”.

52:00 - I can Summon Warrior of Light, Sephiroth, and Balthier thanks to DLC. And now for more explanations of everything. I just want to go to bed!

58:00 - After a discussion about Golden Sun, we’re at the coliseum. Please ignore the friendly tonberry that apparently isn’t going to stab anyone.

1:03:00 - And after all that, it turns out I can’t summon right now. Dammit! Maybe next time. We’ll pick back up the “real” Chapter 7 on the next update, as “Night 3” begins.

What actually happened in the plot: After meeting Sherlotta, Refia joined the party, and this trio ventured through the contractually mandated ice dungeon. There was a wolf ambush, but nothing much else of interest happened on the way to Saronia. Back in the twins’ home dimension, Girl Who Forgot Her Name appeared, and she has the power to impart the ability to summon Final Fantasy luminaries for sidequests and attacks. Otherwise, she’s just a weird girl that drinks tea in a formless void. Also, a tonberry invited us to a coliseum for bloodshed aplenty.
 
that was a blast, this has convinced me I need to finally play this thing (and watch the previous episodes).
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Never expect turnaround this quickly again…

Chapter 7: He’s Not Family
Initial Stream: 9/29/20


1:00 – I tried to get the “futzing around in menus” out of the way before the stream started, but I also wanted to capture the evolution transfarring of BURDIEE… but it was a lot more underwhelming than I expected. And then I proceed to spend ten minutes futzing around in other menus. Dammit!

8:25 - Okay! Actually back at Soronia! This area is loosely based on a town besieged by conflict in Final Fantasy 3, so let’s discuss why maybe Final Fantasy 3 sucked. It has something to do with swamps…

14:00 – Betrayal! A villain makes an unexpected appearance (in front of a painting of Kain Highwind?), but let’s just talk about Space Adventure Cobra instead.

20:00 – The Knight in the Golden Mask has a secret identity. Is he Cloud? Zoneseek? The heroes’ father? Everybody guesses it’s that last one.

25:00 – And the chapter ends abruptly after brainstorming the best way to go back in time and destroy Pitfall.

What actually happened in the plot: This was supposed to be a simple meeting with Refia’s uncle, the thane. However, the city of Soronia has recently fallen under the thrall of the Bahamutian Army (Empire?), and things aren’t great for anybody. Worst of all, the thane has been replaced with a seemingly immortal Bahamutian soldier, and he’s backed up by the mysterious Knight in the Golden Mask. Our party barely survives the encounter, but they are rescued by Sherlotta, who has the ability to transform into a kitty cat that can shoot fire. Sherlotta imparts a magical monocle on the party that reveals that all conquered cities are literally shackled in place by (normally) invisible chains. With Soronia a bust, Refia stays with Sherlotta, and the twins venture forth to find a boat to reach other shores.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 8: This World Brought to You by the Letter Arrr
Initial Stream: 9/29/20


1:00 – This chapter is mostly dungeon, so we kick it off by discussing How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell. This was apparently made into a movie fifteen years ago! Maybe you should watch that!

4:00 – This dungeon is all dire docks, and cannons launching our party across rising waters seems to be the main gimmick of the area. Cannon travel sure seems popular in a number of videogames, eh?

8:00 - Dungeons are great for discussing tangentially related nonsense. We encounter a mimic chest, so let’s look to Gogo, the best mimic of all. Want to segue into Chrono Trigger from there? Sure!

15:00 – There is some confusion over Mini Flan capturing. At this point, I’m confident in calling this a flaw in World of Final Fantasy: you’re often given precise instructions on how to capture a mirage (like “do physical damage”), but sometimes that doesn’t activate immediately, and you’re left scrambling to a FAQ to determine whether there is some additional condition, or if you’re doing something wrong. Or you send BEAT on a quixotic quest for that info. You know, whatever works for you.

24:00 – Funkos in flight! Maybe these creatures are closer to keychain charms…

28:00 - Star Ocean: The Second Story is apparently a lot more interesting than I ever expected, as fanboymaster explains its counterfeiting system here. Also, reading books written by your friends, which I’m going to claim takes us back to the book discussion at the top of the chapter.

36:00 - After a discussion of Final Fantasy 7’s Godzillas and Wutai, it’s time for moogle pirates to attack. They’re Kupirates. I annihilate their adorableness.

39:00 - Syldra and Faris make us all happy... until it turns out to be a scripted battle. And BEAT is never happy, so I guess this was a wash.

43:00 - Faris inevitably aligns with our heroes as we discuss Playonline and the aborted plans of the Final Fantasy franchise.

What actually happened in the plot: Reynn and Lann tried to steal a boat from pirates, but Faris the pirate fought back with a gigantic sea monster. Luckily (kinda), the fake thane from the last chapter followed us, and, since this revealed the twins to be enemies of the Bahamutian Army, Faris turned her considerable power toward obliterating the real monster. After that general was swabbed off the poop deck, Faris (or at least one of her moogles) provided an additional segment of the prophecy that claims the heroes have to fetch four keys and ascend to the heavens. We’re off to a “valley of fire” to find key numero uno!
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 9: Red Turtle Rafting
Initial Stream: 9/29/20


1:20 – Quistis?! Why are you here?

4:45 – We take a quick break to check in on the “home dimension” and see how those side stories with Final Fantasy heroes work. They’re apparently moderately interesting. Tales of Symphonia narrative bullshit is noted.

14:00 – Talkin’ ‘bout Die Hard Arcade while upgrading monsters. During this downtime, please enjoy this article I slapped together a few years back on Dynamite Cop.

17:00 – Back to the real plot, so let’s talk about Ms. Marvel and the Avengers.

20:00 – Anime out of nowhere! For the first time since Chapter 1, we get a brief cutscene that is fully animated. While that is happening, we contemplate whether either of these characters actually have a personality. They’re at least distinct from each other…

25:00 – We save a wee turtle in honor of our hero, Italian Elon Musk.

28:00 - Rikku makes the scene in her Final Fantasy 10-2 treasure/sphere hunter incarnation. After World of Final Fantasy started off with Warrior of Light, Princess Sarah, a Crystal Chronicles cat, and a Final Fantasy 3 kinda-character, we’re now going fast and furious with the recognizable cameos. And we will have a Final Fantasy 7 heroine before the end of the next chapter! Which is coming soon!

What actually happened in the plot: Quistis provides a submarine (compliments of the Final Fantasy 8 demo disc)… which we crash, because apparently this world is a series of loosely connected floating islands. Barring the ability to do literally anything else, we save a little turtle, who reveals itself to be the child of a great big turtle. Said giant turtle offers us a ride, and we’re off to drier land.
 

Torzelbaum

????? LV 13 HP 292/ 292
(he, him, his)
EDIT: I just now realized that the horrible fox thing that lives on your head has a "Cute" verbal tic where the just put "the" in front of random words and now I hate it even more than I did previously.
I join you in your hatred of that foul creature for this and many other reasons.

I the take it you are not the fan of the Starfire of Teen Titans?
It's annoying when she does it but she doesn't do it in that "cutesy" baby voice that Tama uses so Starfire isn't quite as annoying. And Starfire doesn't randomly interject them into the middle of words.

edit:
20:00 – You try catching a baby behemoth that eventually dies anyway while talking about zodiac signs!
Ophiuchus is the lame version of that name. I'm sure people would be a lot more willing to be a different sign if they could be a Serpentarius.
 
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BEAT

LOUDSKULL
(DUDE/BRO)
Chapter 10: MORE LIKE FUCKO POPS AM I RITE?!?!?!
Initial Stream: 9/29/20


Liner Not- WAIT A SECOND YOU'RE NOT GOGGLEBOB!

0:00 – OH SHIT IT'S BEAT. That's right dorks, I'm writing up this video! I've retained literally zero knowledge of this game's plot or mechanics, and only barely paid attention to this steam while I was guesting on it. Call the cops I don't give a fuck.

1:20 – In my infinite wisdom, I immediately derail the conversation into a discussion on how Final Fantasy Ecks Too was the sexy one, and how Final Fantasy's attempt to appeal to teenage boys has tragically resulted in this game trying to make those horrible little funko pop people HOTTT. Fanboy is less than pleased.

05:00 – I try to recall a dumb gag from 8-bit theater. Fortunately my internet is actively trying to kill itself, so you're all spared my evil... until a minute later when I share it anyway. We then pontificate on the cultural impact of sprite comics the joy of Gamer Dilbert, and the terrible tragedy of regular Dilbert.

06:10 – The party makes it a desolate stone wasteland, a nightmarish valley of razor sharp spires jutting out of the earth and into an uncaring grey sky. Nobody on the call seems to notice.

14:30 – Fun fact, we streamed this on the night of the first Presidential debate! That way, none of us had to watch the debate! Fuck Trump. It'll be so cool when he dies.

21:30 – Fanboy gives us all a history of Square Electronic Arts, a very good business partnership, that lasted a very long time and created many excellent products.

29:00 – After approximately 11 million years of random battles, we finally reach what I assume is the area's boss, Cerberus! It doesn't look like a dog, and two of it's three heads just float in the air. It's not even the size of a house! This Cerberus sucks, you guys. Eventually Gogglebob captures it in a pokeball, and names it Vinnie- WAIT!

FUCKING WAIT!

ONE OF VINNIE PAZ'S STUPID NICKNAMES IS "BIG LOUIE DOGS!"

CERBERUS IS (KIND OF) A DOG!

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!

35:30 – The Boss is beaten, but we're still in dumb rocky land what the shit.

37:00 – Gogglebob's anime siblings now have the ability to summon Sephiroth, who summons meteor and then does the whole walk into the fire thing. It's awful. It rules. I hate it. I love it.

40:00 – Hey, remember Advent Children? No? Me neither.

44:15 – I don't know why Gogglebob named this horrible deformed dragon thing "104." And you know what? I'm at peace with it.

45:10 – Oh okay NOW we're at the boss. I guess Cerberus was just a midboss or whatever. Everybody is a dick about how anime boy tastes.

47:45 – Oh shit it's cowboy Tifa. Hi cowboy Tifa. I hate the funko pop outfit version of her sexy cowgirl Halloween costume almost as much as I hate her voice.

51:20 – Tiny Midgar is in sight!. It's adorably hellish, and contrasts nicely with the adorable little town right next to it, which is also surrounded by lava pits for some reason.

53:50 – A random NPC mentions Cactuars, which is the ONLY THING any of us care about seeing.

55:00 – We make it to tiny Midgar Nibelheim. It's Nibelheim now. You thought it was Midgar, but it's Nibelheim. Tifa's here. I still hate her stupid outfit. STREAM OVER!

What actually happened in the plot: the gang rode a giant fucking turtle... somewhere. They go into a giant stone hellhole, where they fight a dog and then a dragon. Funko Pop Tifa shows up out of nowhere, and guides the teens out of the boring rock quarry. She guides the Anime teens the town of Agarthir, which is right next to the futuristic dystopia of Midgard, which is actually Niblehiem for some reason. Tifa's there I guess. Whatever.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Tifa's there I guess. Whatever.

And Rydia hiding there in the background under the exclamation point! Find out more tonight on the live stream!

... Look, ma, I'm doing a promo
 

Torzelbaum

????? LV 13 HP 292/ 292
(he, him, his)
1:00 – This chapter is mostly dungeon, so we kick it off by discussing How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell. This was apparently made into a movie fifteen years ago! Maybe you should watch that!
I've already seen the CBS Storybreak episode of it so I'm good.

15:00 – There is some confusion over Mini Flan capturing. At this point, I’m confident in calling this a flaw in World of Final Fantasy: you’re often given precise instructions on how to capture a mirage (like “do physical damage”), but sometimes that doesn’t activate immediately, and you’re left scrambling to a FAQ to determine whether there is some additional condition, or if you’re doing something wrong.
In the case you were referring to I think it's because the mini Flan was in a tower so I am assuming that conditions can't be activated if a monster is in a tower. Even with that the capture rate is still kind of annoying but in hindsight I think you should have taught your characters the Gravity spell to avoid over-killing things.

After that general was swabbed off the poop deck, Faris (or at least one of her moogles) provided an additional segment of the prophecy that claims the heroes have to fetch four keys and ascend to the heavens. We’re off to a “valley of fire” to find key numero uno!
Collecting four elemental McGuffins? Now we're playing a Final Fantasy game!
 
Last edited:

Mightyblue

aggro table, shmaggro table
(He/Him/His)
This is correct, you can't capture (or set up for capture) mirages if they're in a stack.

E: It's mentioned in one of the tutorial fights or slides, I don't remember which.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
In my defense, the one that "wasn't working" was unstacked, but it had previously been stacked, and I wasn't aware that it made a difference if it had been stacked versus its HP level. It still came off as "this should be working" to my mind. And the mog example from earlier is still relevant. I'm not an idiot.

I think you should have taught your characters the Gravity spell to avoid over-killing things.

I'm an idiot.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 11: Creatively Bankrupt
Initial Stream: 10/7/20


If you notice that some mirages have evolved between updates, it’s because evolving is boring and unfulfilling in this game, and we don’t need to watch that.

2:00 – We’re kicking this one off with some obscure/interesting The Bouncer facts, but what’s more important is that Rydia appears. … Okay, yeah, there might be some species of turtle that are more relevant than The Bouncer facts.

11:00 – Our dungeon du jour is a volcano named Valley Seven (which Rydia helpfully identified as our goal), and BEAT and fanboymaster have trust issues regarding GOG.

14:00 – There is always time to talk about Skies of Arcadia.

19:00 – There is never time to talk about Jabberjaw.

24:00 – After trying and failing to find what makes Final Fantasy dungeons distinctive, we settle on the main issue of World of Final Fantasy: The Sonic Mania Problem. Basically, WoFF has some interesting ideas, but it is shackled to continually rehashing stories that were more interesting in their original, less funko-based incarnations. This whole dungeon is basically “Rydia is afraid of fire”, but that beat played a lot better in the game where Rydia was a five year old, and you personally burned down her whole life. … Uh, Final Fantasy 4 makes sense in context.

30:00 – I am elated to learn there is a Munsters Wiki. BEAT is elated to learn how easily we can game the profanity filters.

34:00 – Rydia’s confession about being afraid of fire holds a little more oomph when you’re not already inside of a volcano.

37:00 – Head’s up, BEAT is hitting the rum.

45:00 - After discussion of Other World, possibly the least appropriate Final Fantasy song ever, it’s time for the boss of the area, Big ol’ Bomb. Go now, if you want it.

48:00 - Leviathan washes this chapter out with a fully-animated splash.

What actually happened in the plot: Rydia informs us there are two prophecies, Prophecy: Azure and Prophecy: Crimson, and they’re pretty similar, but have some key differences. For instance, you can only catch Meowth in Prophecy: Azure. Rydia leads us to Valley Seven to find the first key (that is apparently in both prophecies) and conquer her fear of fire… but the second goal doesn’t go too well. Fortunately, our peppy hero boy is able to give Rydia a sufficient pep(py) talk, so she quells a raging inferno. After our protagonists grab that all important key, Leviathan, apparently led by the mysterious Plumed Knight, summons a tidal wave to push the party off track. Additionally, that same knight kidnaps Rydia… but our “heroes” were too busy drowning to even notice that happened.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 12: It’s All Butt
Initial Stream: 10/7/20


1:00 – Frogs, Chu Chu Rocket, hoping to see Cid... You know how it goes.

6:00 – It’s Snow! Final Fantasy 13: Lightning Returns discussion happens. This is basically Snow of/pantomiming Final Fantasy 13-2: How Serah Got Her Groove Back if you’re curious, though.

8:00 – Prompted by the appearance of this game’s second Shiva (the first was not a lesbian motorcycle, but a schoolgirl back in Chapter 3), BEAT recounts some impressions relayed by our own Shivam regarding Shiva. Anybody got a link to that? It’s probably only a hundred billion years old (in internet years).

12:00 – Audrey the Marlboro joins that party as BEAT references How to Make a Sprite Comic in 8 Easy Bits again. I am quickly learning that the entirety of BEAT’s knowledge of Final Fantasy comes from sprite comics and people who write sprite comics. This… might be okay.

17:00 – A special shout out to everyone that watches these streams, and then comments in the attendant chat. I have a hard time keeping up during the stream, but I always read everything afterwards, and it’s all good. In this case, fanboymaster relays that Zef managed to recall some of the worst interviews from FF13’s director. Let’s never consider the intricacies of Lightning’s chest again.

21:00 – Princess Flan totally originates from Final Fantasy 4, and, because I had to explain that, I’m not explaining this:



28:00 – Almost at the end of this soggy dungeon, and BEAT posits that no one has ever actually purchased a Funko Pop. Buddy, people are buying Funko Pops, and you don’t want to see the friggen Funko “walls” that are made of the lil’ packaging bricks.

32:00 – Our boss battle is against a giant flan, which is basically what Snow did in Final Fantasy 13-2. He didn’t do it well there, but he’s doing pretty alright here. Must be the lack of time traveling. Snow’s general age and deal is discussed in more detail here, too.

37:00 - BEAT would march through Hell for his wife, so he’s basically Snow. I don’t know how I feel about that.

What actually happened in the plot: Our duo washed up on the shore of some swamp. After uncursing a frog, they are joined by Snow, who wants to fight a “jiggly”. That jiggly is apparently a giant flan that occasionally menaces Snow’s hometown… so basically this entire chapter is assisting Snow in an extermination job. It’s a living. After defeating the flan, Snow heads on home, and our heroes walk forward to… somewhere.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 13: Lightning Returns
Initial Stream: 10/7/20


0:00 – We’re starting right where the last chapter left off, with a detailed conversation about Final Fantasy 13. And Star Fox Command. Look, they’re both surprisingly queer, and it’s up to the viewer to determine whether or not that’s deliberate.

7:00 – fanboymaster provides some additional information on Final Fantasy development histories. This info may explain why Kingdom Hearts 3 and Final Fantasy 15 were released last week, while Final Fantasy 13 was released seventeen billion years ago.

11:00 – There’s a bit of an inadvertent plot synopsis provided here. We’re currently trekking through The Phantom Sands, a desert that is fifty feet away from a marsh, which is one tidal wave away from a volcano.

14:00 – Cactuar! And it’s ours!

19:00 – Amingo is discussed in a looping desert where you have to follow cactuar statues… let’s move on to some Wolverine movie discussion. Not X-Men discussion, just Wolverine. This is very 90’s.

29:00 Let’s face a sandworm boss that has nothing to do with Final Fantasy 5, and compare our beloved cactuar to Minecraft Steve, who is back in the news for some reason.

32:00 – And Lightning appears to save our heroes. We get rescued by creatures that are little more than high functioning action figures pretty often.

37:00 - Edgar and Castle Figaro appear… so it’s time to discuss Hyrule Warriors again. We apparently have some evergreen interests. This time it’s marginally relevant to the plot! I swear!

What actually happened in the plot: After stopping by a desert oasis, the party ventured through The Phantom Sands until encountering a clutch of sandworms. Lightning rescued our hapless heroes, and they all regrouped at another, different oasis. They learn that the four keys are elemental-themed (duh, it’s Final Fantasy), but they also gulp down some spiked drinks, so they’re not prepared for the inevitable attack from a castle buried in the sand. The Plumed Knight appears, defeats Lightning, and then magically locks the twins’ gauntlets, leaving them more helpless (and hopeless!) than usual. King Edgar Roni Figaro sentences the powerless teens to rot in his castle’s basement.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 14: Rise of the Machines
Initial Stream: 10/7/20


2:20 – Guess we’re in prison now. Happens once every Final Fantasy game, so we were probably due. Zef notes deep voiced funko pops are… different.

5:00 – No Mirages/Monsters will be allowed for this chapter’s battles, but we do have (cheated) items to see us through… and then Smol Squall!

9:30 – Squall is going to be our guest for the chapter, so we discuss Final Fantasy 8, friendship lore, and NORG. My opinions on this matter are well established.

15:00 – While the party goes dumpster diving, we discuss Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie: The Song.

19:11- I have questions about this!



Is every guest FF character just using their own battle system when they appear? And if so, can I play that game?

20:00- Shelke of Dirge of Cerberus meets us at the start of the next chapter, which leads to our third “canon” party wipe (Second at the hands of a Final Fantasy guest character). We’re only starting this chapter so we can get to a save point now, because it’s getting late.

24:00 – But before we quit, let’s quickly make a stop back home… Hey why is there still a half hour in the video…

35:00 –Okay, which is cuter, a stack of Final Fantasy mascot monsters, or this guy?



45:00 – And here’s Rikku’s side story opposite a discussion on Cavia/Nier/Drakengard. Look, I really thought it would just be a quick thing here, but between rebalancing my monsters and side stories that apparently take ten minutes each, time marches on. Sorry! Maybe next time I’ll finish a little earlier!

What actually happened in the plot: The twins were tossed in a basement without their magical powers or the ability to command monsters. However, they were rescued by Smol Squall, who granted the kids the ability to command mechanical “monsters” to survive the chapter. Squall is working with SeeD and The League of S, and Edgar is apparently a double agent on the side of the angels, too. This whole “imprisoning” thing was a ploy to get our heroes down to the basement of Figaro so they could make their way to Mako Reactor #1 to free Figaro from Bahamutian control. Squall helps a little, but leaves in time to make way for Shelke, who unlocks the power of the gauntlets again. Now we can summon monsters and robots, so Figaro should be free by lunch time.

Also, there are many oblique references across this chapter to the fact that “mecha”-style monsters are not actually supposed to be in the World of Final Fantasy, and their presence is the result of some unknown “invading force”. I absolutely assure you that this will not end in another Goggle Bob Let’s Play that has overt, but “must never actually be named” ties to Xenogears. That would be silly.
 

BEAT

LOUDSKULL
(DUDE/BRO)
I WASN'T OFFICIALLY ON THIS WEEK'S STREAM, BUT I DID CALL IN TO SAY HOW DEEPLY OFFENDED I WAS BY [SUPER SPOILER SECRET].
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 15: Mako Reacting
Initial Stream: 10/14/20


BEAT is missing, so guest commentator Abby Denton has joined us for the night as we raid a Mako Reactor.

2:30 – Spoilers: This game may or may not eventually tie into the one and only Xenogears in the exact same way that Xenosaga tied into the one and only Xenogears. Or maybe it won’t. It is a mystery.

12:00 – Apparently there is a Lupin III Sega Saturn game. It’s not Fighter’s Megamix, though, so that is a point against it.

21:00 – This dungeon is mostly a throwback to Final Fantasy 7’s initial “bombing run” level. That said, if you were expecting it to end with a FF7 cameo, or something from its extended universe (Shelke is apparently still here), you’d be disappointed, as the finale features the Black Mages. Er… to be clear, that is the black mages of Final Fantasy 9, not the musical group.

26:00 – More anime that is weirdly CG-based, while we discuss Plumed Knight during one of the few chapters where she doesn’t appear.

29:00 – BEAT steps in to point out Funko Pop sex is terrible (and so is this game)

What actually happened in the plot: After regaining their powers thanks to irrelevant Dirge of Cerberus Guest Character Shelke, the twins venture through a Mako Reactor (which, incidentally, is later named by Edgar as a discovered, unknown technological area called “Midgar”). Apparently the reactor is being protected by a group of black mages led by Vivi. After attempting to capture Vivi in a pokéball, Vivi “awakens”, and then leads his black mage buddies to destroy the reactor. This frees Figaro, which leads to King Edgar offering his thanks and an apology for the whole “tossing everyone in a dungeon” thing. Vivi was also apparently holding onto the Earth Key, so now we’ve got half the necessary elemental macguffins in this world. We’re told the next key should be past the Big Bridge, so we head off there after Bahamut makes an ominous, split-second appearance.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 16: A Bridge Too Boring
Initial Stream: 10/14/20



1:46 – Eiko appears, and she introduces a bridge that is fairly big. It’s apparently this world’s Alexander summon all bridge-ified, so I guess we should be thankful we get a summoner that is at least marginally related to Alexander’s big Final Fantasy 9 moment.

5:40 – Some great animation here right before the second summoner in this game gets kidnapped while the heroes aren’t paying attention.

15:30 – GIG-AN-TAUR!… is at least something to brighten up this boring dungeon. It’s a straight line from toe to tip.

26:00 – Let’s talk about the Super Mario Bros movie while nothing happens and I get lost. Apparently I was supposed to trigger a cutscene somewhere up at the top of the bridge, but I missed that, and now I’m stuck wandering around like an idiot. This happens a lot this night.

34:00 – fanboymaster provides a detailed explanation of How Final Fantasy 7 hidden characters could have worked. I for one welcome a Yuffie that is impossible in every way.

38:36 – Finally back to plot. It’s Buttz and Boko!

45:00 – Abby explains that she was the person who originally named all the Pokemon. This story may or may not be accurate.

55:00 – Talking about voting opposite Gilgamesh showing up. Will we be streaming on election night? I have no earthly idea.


What actually happened in the plot: The Big Bridge was apparently summoned by a jiant some time ago, so that’s probably another oblique reference to the mysterious and missing mother of the twins. Eiko is keeping track of the bridge, but Plumed Knight (who has some enigmatic connection to mirages) fights and kidnaps the tiny summoner. As a result, the twins have to cross the bridge on foot, and they meet Bartz, who is searching for someone who is posing as him. Apparently it’s Gilgamesh, and he’s not so much posing as Bartz as just shouting “Bartz!” over and over again while causing mayhem. Did people think he was a Pokémon? Regardless, Gilgamesh is banished from the bridge, Bartz retires to parts unknown, and the team moves onto a dark area that hopefully holds the next key.
 

gogglebob

The Goggles Do Nothing
(he/him)
Chapter 17: Bumbling Around in the Dark
Initial Stream: 10/14/20


I, unfortunately, don't immediately have time to annotate this entire video at the moment, but I wanted to be sure everyone could be "caught up" for tonight if they so incline. I'll fill in the blanks here later. In the meanwhile, just know that this is where Cloud, Celes, Cid, and a vampire (that doesn't start with C) show up, and we found the third elemental key. Only one more to go!

And maybe we'll find it tonight! Tune in to the stream around 8:30 EST or so!
 
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