We start with what I feel like a I’ve been seeing lately in shows based on video games (this isn’t one) lately, starting at the climax before flashing back to the events that lead us there. In this case, a man with a sword walking away from purple energy monsters made of… negativity probably.
“What is love?” he asks (not mentioning whether or not he wants baby to hurt me). “WHAT EXACTLY IS LOVE?” Then he explodes.
Now THAT’S A COLD OPEN!
We then get a narrator as we get shots of our protagonists in civvie and magical boy forms.
‘“It’s kill or be killed!” “There’s no such thing as Heaven!” “Once fallen there is no hope!” There are people who struggle because of these beliefs.’
I mean, once of those things is true not only for atheism but many other religion. Its not even saying afterlife. Its Heaven. I don’t think the Vikings “ struggled with this.
Meanwhile, look at the boyz.
Our first is a kid in thigh high boots, shorts and a sword, while his regular identity is like “Who me?” Yes, you are the person who wants people to notice the space between your crotch and your thighs. You aren’t alone. For example…
Next we have a guy who fights with a… gymnastics ribbon, I guess?
Which for anime isn’t that odd.
This one is more midriff than man, now.
And finally, the one with the most pronounced bulge.
These are our heroes.
And here are our heroes in Jojo poses.
“Hey! You there! Are you pretending you don’t see it?” Says the narrator. Its… hard not to.
But they mean society’s problem. The narration is on behalf of the fair folk whose job is to fix our negative attitude for us. Also, I feel like it was intended that the narration would be shared amongst the cast since it is there point of view but apparently, the editors and voice director couldn’t be bothered.
The protagonists want us visit to Bar F, the bar for sexy fairies.
Ooooooh, that’s unfortunate. I feel like someone should have talked to them about this. Like, a brownie marketing consultant. Instead.
Oh, man, that’s not even an unfortunate translation. Anyway, we see a magic… QR Code and then we see the bar where they promise to take your heart. Then the OP.
Its not a bad OP. It has slick stuff plus promise of a sloth.
Also it implies that one of these guys wants to take pictures of the other one while he tries to make it with someone.
The episode begins with a ornately and luxuriously dressed girl has the five boys brought before her.
First…
A guy who is super into letting you know that 1) his thing is fire and b) he’s the tsundere one of the group. OK, he’s the “hothead” but lets face it, this show is about the sexy boys, so…
“I don’t have all the time in the world.” He says, presumably missing doing fairy stuff like sprinkling dust and turning people into donkey headed monstrosities.
Then we get…
And his deal is he’s proper and presumably to bicker with the fire guy.
Then…
I think he’s supposed to be the smol cinnamon bun of the group, though really, after watching Pretty Boy Detective Club, he is lacking. Still, he’s ironically playing it less “childishly puckish” and more lacking confidence and just glad to be on the team.
Next…
At this point, this guy makes the impression he makes is “the one who wants money”. But based on his super hero form, he's the "one who fucks".
The last member makes a big impression on all the other characters, as he is from the legendary “Lux” clan.
Apparently this is a big deal but we don’t dig into that yet. Instead, they are given their mission as a sloth in sunglasses eats a mint-chocolate chip ice cream, which are two of my favourite things.
Its like “not everyone is into man candy. How can we get the viewership of Johnny Unusual.” This is a good gambit but unless you are offering it to me, try another avenue, show.
Their mission? “Save as many people as you can.” Good mission but I feel like it needs… focus. Some specifics, perhaps.
The other half is “collecting attachments” and I have no idea what that means. Get a lot of phone numbers, maybe? Create a big poly family? Whatever it is, it isn’t elaborated on yet.
The naked boys are all gung ho.
Then we get to see BarF, where they eat curry for breakfast. But before they eat, they need to recite the Ten Laws. Frankly, I hate saying grace but I can usually get through it quick when I need to.
OK, then laws. Lets drop some world-building knowledge.
“One Romance: Never fall in love with someone of the opposite sex.”
This… seems to have a pretty big loophole already.
“Two wrath: never hold feelings of anger or hatred.”
Feels like then you shouldn’t have the “hothead of the group” in your group. Like, this isn’t a virtue that’s suggested. “Law” implies this is to be taken very seriously rather than aspirationally.
“Three Envy: Never desire that which another possesses.”
OK.
“Four Apathy: Never fail to aid a person in need.”
Good.
“Five Lust: Never engage in a physical relationship with a person of the opposite sex.”
I feel like you elbowing me in the rib, show. Gay stuff is A OK.
“Six violence: never harm another”
Your intro implies that you will not keep that oath.
“Seven hedonism: never consume alcohol, cigarettes or drugs.”
So injection is fine? Also, if you are consuming cigarettes, you are doing it wrong.
“Eight degeneracy: never behaved in an undisciplined manner.”
Kay.
“Nine pride: never grow vain about your own power.”
Mmhmm.
“Ten liberation: never reveal your true identity.”
That’s… not what liberation means. At all.
Good, that was a bit much if I WASN’T hungry. Anyway, they finally get to eat their curry breakfast with whatever the hell this is.
Anyway, they are told that while the won’t be arrested or anything if they break the laws, they might get demoted to “human” and demonstrates by showing us a picture of CEO Tingle.
I know it says that’s supposed to be a picture of the man at a party but I wish it was just that he dressed like that because he misses his fairy days.
We are told that the now humans hide the fact that they used to be fairies… and provide evidence to the contrary.
I fucking love everything about this article. That she loves pot but maybe not the specific drug, despite also loudly liking drugs. The finger and “I used to be a fairy.” ‘“I knew it” says many’. Why isn’t the show about her?
This guy looks like a Gintama character. Next:
In the end, a character reminds the characters and the audience to “not take it too seriously and have a good time” even though it is very hard not to want to spend hours unpacking the “no heterosexuality” rule and if it assumes some sort of heteronormative expectations or if its “yay gay” or both maybe? Like, I could read it positively but then again it seems you could read it as “gay doesn’t count in romance”, which is less cool. I might not take it “seriously” but I definitely want to dig into this show’s mentality in terms of these rules with a very conspicuous omission.
They are then given business cards for barf and told to go out there and get those attachments, which I feel like is the magical equivalent of a pixie Alec Baldwin telling us that second place is a set of steak knives. Still have no idea what one is, though. I’m assuming based on magical girl logic its probably an energy crystal made of love or some crap. Even the other characters seem unsure what this entails as they are transferred to a fancy looking private school, presumably where help in society is most badly needed.
It turns out that’s true for one character, a girl being sent cruel text messages who is so despondent she walks in front of a car before being rescued by Ranmaru. He hands her a barf card and she runs away in embarrassment. His friends ask “What happened?” and he says “Attachment” and the scene ends.
Cut to the private school, Et Fran de Muse which translates as… And Fran the Muse. Which sounds less impressive and somewhat confusing. Was there another person the school was dedicated to who got scrubbed out? The school is ridiculously fancy in the way only anime schools can be and we see the characters already making themselves at home, including the water fairy pouring tea for far longer than it would take to fill up that cup. I swear it was going to overflow while he stared into our souls with the same expression.
Ranmaru enters the class in the classic “here’s the transfer student” scene and some woman is all like “I think I like this guy.” I mean, he barely had a chance to make an impression but I guess like EVERYONE else in the show, he hawt, so I gets it. The other girls think he looks plain but I guess that it what happens when you are inundated with total babes. Meanwhile, the one girl looks at the text victim while the text victim keeps being a victim, sadly.
We see Homura briefly getting in a fight because I guess every anime school needs fights over nothing. Then we get a talking sheep.
No wait, the forest fairy is talking while the sheep is eating but it makes for a hilarious visual.
Turns out no one even told him what “attachment” is. Uruu (the water guy) reveals it is the “power created when the heart is greatly moved”. So, yeah, classic magical girl macguffin. Also, he gives the cheesiest line that it is not his art that is beautiful… IT’S THE WORLD THAT HE CAPTURES IN HIS PAINTING. Wood Fairy literally squees over this.
Meanwhile, the Metal Fairy is making it with an unseen someone in his car while the mascot sleeps in the back.
Back in school, a bland boy asks out the texted-at girl and she’s too distraught to take him up on his invitation to date. The other girl turns out to be the boy’s ex and isn’t taking the break up well. As in she’s filled with white hot rage. Ranmaru looks on in a “uh… I’ll just go down the other hall” moment.
Anyway, the boyz are hanging out in their “top of the building” warm pool that all the bars have, I assume, and complaining that if they don’t find attachment soon, they’ll be “in the red”. Is that literal? Are fairies making money off of our feels? So many questions. Well, two questions.
Meanwhile, as you may have guess, the text victim’s harassment originates from…
OK, it was pretty obvious it would be her but I assumed she would have an army of mean girls. I did not expect SUPER EVIL MULTITASKING. I mean, its impressive, but put one device down and pick up another.
And she seems to be under the purple aura influence of some mysterious villain.
Ranmaru senses trouble and magic runs to save the girl from suicide, talking her down. BTW, I’m terrible at names but I’m PRETTY sure none of the girls have been named so far.
Ranmaru says he can help but he needs permission to “take your heart.” People, this is going to get grisly. After some purple magic flies across the street, which either means it grants her with innate understanding of the truth of Ranmaru’s words or she just got brainwashed. Anyway, she agrees.
He kisses her and then she dissolves and he has a transformation that is long even for this kind of series (presumably this will get shorter in later episodes but at least it eases the animation budget if it doesn’t). “Taboo rescinded!” he exclaims. OK.
We then get over a minute of running and flying animation while Ranmaru’s theme song plays. Again, this show is looking to not having to worry about its budget down the line. FINALLY he arrives in… a world kind of like the Salvador Dali dream sequence from Spellbound.
It’s a world of phone screens, camera lenses, eyes and an evil twitter bird. After Ranmaru battles a giant leg, he starts looking for… something and then it turns out this battle has an extra level of kink added.
I knew the show was horny but I guess I wasn’t expecting “people in need now voyeurs to the battle for their souls”.
Soon, the bad force or whatever had Ranmaru where they want him. In a purple hand made of mans.
Adding to the horniness, the unnamed villains plans to “stream his disgrace across the world.”
And the evil girl is looking at this through a key hole, too. A lot to unpack here.
The other fairies decide not to step in, since they’ve heard that Ranmaru should be the most powerful of them, they figured he’s got this. Turns out they’re right because it turns out.
Ranmaru seems to be beaten and consumed by an evil twitter bird. “That’s what happens to people who cross me.” Says the villain. Which is a weird ass thing to happen to people.
But then something strange happens… THE TWEETSPHERE TURNS ON THE VILLAIN!
Ranmaru then smashes his way out of an eyeball, dives into the Earth and locates the keyhole, stabbing it and the villainess with a big keysword. “GO TO HEAVEN,” he exclaims. Some force is then released from the villainesses heart, presumably purging her of an evil influence.
“Thank you, Ranmaru.” Says the text victim, who also presumably has no idea what is happening.
The next day, the good girl has no recollection and is now going out with that one also unnamed boy.
Meanwhile, I’m guessing now freed by Ranmaru, the villainess is now ready to turn over a new lea—
Oof.. Like, that’s not the fate I was expecting. That’s… a fucking bummer. Also, will this also end in a suicide attempt? Oh, shit, is BarF doing this on purpose to get more clients? Also, has she always been getting these texts? Did Ranmaru do this? Because this is kind of an ugly justice. Look, maybe she’s just all around awful without evil influence but this kind of make the HEROES look bad, even if she deserved… cruel and constant harassment.
Jeezus.
Our heroes glance at this, then turn their attention to the bland new couple.
Then.
No shit.
We then get a very horny ED with a soundtrack that sounds like 1980s karaoke and images of our boyz trussed up in rope.
And that’s the first episode of Fairy Ranmaru. It’s a lot of unpack. Its quite gay but the fact that the first episode centers heavily on a bland hetero love triangle makes me wonder if this is basically more targeted toward straight women who are into yaoi-type stuff. It makes me think its gay content might actually be limited to innuendo or titillation. Nothing wrong with that, I guess, but that also mean this incredibly silly/horny magical boy series isn’t going to be interested in seeing its protags actually helping out gay people, and more the affluent straights at the school, which is less interesting stakes to me.
Still, the show does beg the question.