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Gender Reveal Catastrophes

If I ever find myself in the circumstances of having sired a child, I would pretend to do a gender reveal with a cake cutting, but the inside will be purple, and I'd then tell everyone in attendance looking forward to the reveal to go fuck themselves.
 

Sprite

(He/Him/His)
Yeah even ignoring the fireworks stuff usually put on by cities, there's always inevitably a flood of meatheads every fourth who blow their hands off after getting drunk and setting off their own fireworks.
When I was a kid I knew someone who would pull ticks off his dog and tie them to firecrackers

he was not very smart
 

Torzelbaum

????? LV 13 HP 292/ 292
(he, him, his)
If I ever find myself in the circumstances of having sired a child, I would pretend to do a gender reveal with a cake cutting, but the inside will be purple, and I'd then tell everyone in attendance looking forward to the reveal to go fuck themselves.
Or how about rainbow colored? (And you can still do the last part.)
 

Kirin

Summon for hire
(he/him)
There were an extra ton of fireworks around my neighborhood last 4th of July due to people not being able to go to big shows because COVID lockdown - mostly smaller stuff but at least a few houses in view were sending up big commercial-grade ones. As far as I know nobody blew themselves up! Definitely takes some care and know-how to avoid catastrophe, though, and those are probably in short supply when people who get it in their heads that they need a big gender-reveal boom are working with serious explosives for the first time in their lives.
 
It's so dumb that these keep happening. But I don't expect them to stop anytime soon, so I am making a thread for anyone who also wants to stare mouth agape at the fallout from yet another gender reveal catastrophe.



The fire, which started in the Fort McMurray Forest Protection Area on the afternoon of May 31, was ignited by a family that took to the woods to celebrate their soon-to-be new baby.

Wildfire officials are declining to provide further details on the exact location of the fire or the person charged but are warning Albertans about the unusual cause: an exploding target.

The discs, often loaded with coloured powder, detonate when struck by a projectile, such as a bullet.

This is the third unintentional wildfire started by an exploding target in Alberta so far this wildfire season, said Travis Fairweather, a wildfire information officer with Alberta Wildfire.
 

Zef

Find Your Reason
(He/Him)
a family that took to the woods to celebrate their soon-to-be new baby.

why why do they go to the middle of the woods can't they just go to a public square or mall parking lot where there's no dry grass or trees to ignite
 

Falselogic

Lapsed Threadcromancer
(they/them)
why why do they go to the middle of the woods can't they just go to a public square or mall parking lot where there's no dry grass or trees to ignite
People generally frown on you shooting a gun in such public spaces.
 

Mr. Sensible

Pitch and Putt Duffer
Been thinkin' about it and if people are gonna keep doing these, let's at least dial it back to novelty penis and vagina cakes. 'Cause that's really what they're gettin' at, huh?
Plus it would almost certainly help buoy the struggling erotic cake industry
 

Octopus Prime

Mysterious Contraption
(He/Him)
Been thinkin' about it and if people are gonna keep doing these, let's at least dial it back to novelty penis and vagina cakes. 'Cause that's really what they're gettin' at, huh?

Or at least something less flammable.

Less flammable than sexy cakes, even!
 

Zef

Find Your Reason
(He/Him)
Are any of these people ever held accountable for the destruction they cause? Of public and private property?
 

Kirin

Summon for hire
(he/him)
The second tweet's excerpt said "one person had been fined $600" which seems... a bit lacking in the deterrence department.
 

q 3

here to eat fish and erase the universe
(they/them)
We reveal our child's gender by abandoning them in the woods and seeing how long it takes them to make their way home
 
I agrees, but the worst thing about these is that any kind of harsh punishment you enforce on the parents is inevitably going to ruin that poor kid's life.
Yea but that’s kinda how all crime works? Having a child shouldn’t shield you from the consequences of being a criminal.
 

Kirin

Summon for hire
(he/him)
I have a feeling these fines tend to get lumped into some sort of "accidental arson" category that tends to be low-balled because people also feel bad about ruining someone's life if a campfire they thought they put out turned out to have one stray spark left that ended up causing $500 million in damage. Still, there's accidents and there negligence and then there's gross negligence like intentionally setting off explosives in a dry forest, so you'd think the law books could come up with something better...
 

q 3

here to eat fish and erase the universe
(they/them)
Y'all are trending perilously close to dystopian YA romance scenarios. In a future... where gender reveal parties are outlawed... can this cisgender heterosexual couple find the freedom to follow their hearts...

(edit: that was intended as a joke and I sincerely do support taxing, regulating, and/or criminalizing gender reveals, maybe even gender itself)

Is q 3 Heihachi Mishima?

Or maybe Kronar (NSFW).
 
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q 3

here to eat fish and erase the universe
(they/them)
Metal Gender Solid

Colonel, what's a Russian gender doing in Alaska?
 

Daikaiju

Rated Ages 6+
(He, Him)
Cripes.
This is a continuous case of, "Well surely we won't FUCK it up like that last coup- oh... we're on fire now."
 
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