Well, I hope you got a nice warm drink and a comfortable place to sit, this weeks thread might take a while.
Starting with things that snuck in last week and made me go "Oooooh!" but not just out of excitement, but BONE-CHILLING TERROR, as we're kicking this week off with Super Lone Survivor, an extensive re-release of Lone Survivor, the Honestly Very Good 2D Silent Hill Em Up, where you're a guy trapped in his apartment after a bunch of Weird Monster Crap befell the city, and a hankerin' to get some fresh air before he goes either bananas or gets turned into a weird flesh-goo monster like everyone else in town. Besides getting some new aspect ratios and soundtrack, this version also has some extra areas, endings, items and enemies, so that "Super" doesn't just mean it's 16 bits!
And speaking of new games that are actually old games, that's less applicable to New Joe and Mac: Caveman Ninja, as the redrawn visuals are much more evident with this game. It ALSO has new levels, but otherwise tries to adhere to the tried and true Caveman Pummeling Dinosaur gameplay that made the zeitgeist of the early 1990s such a weird zeitgeist.
Anyway, be the hand that rocks the cradle of civilization as you beat the ever loving hell out of prehistoric man for trying to propogate the species.
Then you fight satan in a dinosaurs tummy, just like in the bible.
Knight Witch is a game where I looked at one single screenshot and said "Well THAT'S what I'm titling this weeks thread after". What we have here is not just a Troid-em-up, the tried and true standard of the weekly Digital Down Low thread, but it's also a Bullet Hell Shooter, starring a witch whose only spell is GUN. It kind of has some Section Z (NES version that is) vibes, mixed with Galak-Z. Except it's about A Friendly Witch who has a hankerin' to explode bugbears into pieces.
That it's not a shoo-in for the game I'm MOST excited for this week is a testament to how jam-packed this week actually is.
And speaking of... umm... games that have lots of guns but aren't really shooters, we have Front Mission 1st Remake, which is a damn dirty lie because there's been several remakes of the first Front Mission. But this is the first one that doesn't look like a mid-tier SNES game. Also, I guess the proper name for the game it's a remake of is "Front Mission 1st" now.
Look, I don't make the nomenclature, I just report on it. And harshly.
Anyway, it's the year FUTURE and all wars are fought with Metal Gears, just like Gundam always predicted, and you dunn got concerned when your wife went missing during a flare-up in one of those Metal Gear fights, and you JUST KNOW that some Sci-Fi Military Thriller Intrigue is to blame. It's a remake from the same peeps as what did the Panzer Dragoon remake, and that was eventually pretty solid, so, hey...
There you go.
And speaking of classics that involve shooting stuff and which have had minimal penetration in the west, we have Elevator Action Returns, the Saturn port of the drastically improved sequel to Elevator Action, that came out several years after Rolling Thunder and Shinobi were released and said "Cute game, kid, let's do this for real now". And then this came out and said "Yes... let's".
ALL OF WHICH IS TO SAY this is a very good video game about jumping behind doors and into elevators in order to blast the BAJEEZUS out of every foolish sucker to stand between you and the end of the level.
One character is named Jad the Taff!!
Now, one more Spruced Up Re-Release of an old game, why not? I'd tell you why not, but I can't think of one blessed reason not to mention Romancing SaGa: Minstrels Song Remastered. Which emans that the entire Romancing SaGa trilogy is finally out for all and sundry to enjoy on their Nintendo Switch! Or other platforms, but this is the platform I focus on. Like the other RSG remakes, which were gussied up rereleases of SNES games (with some Extra Stuff chucked in for good measure) this is apparently the existing remake of Romancing Saga, but with Yet More Stuff slapped into it AS WELL AS some spiffy remastered visuals.
My only regret is that they didn't call it Reministreled Edition.
Now... do you like space? Of course you do, it's where you want to spend most of your time. But what if I were to tell you that Space ain't all it's cracked up to be? It ain't just beer and skittles, there's friggin' MARTIANS up there! Your bones are chilled now, I realize that, but never fear, the Astronite is here! It's another metroidvania, but this one uses monochromatic graphics (REAL monochromatic graphics, none of this cheating with Shades of Grey nonsense) where you're a spaceman who has to save a planet from... umm...
Hmm... I think you're just going to a planet and exploding everything that lives on it.
I think you might be the bad guy in this?
Next up is another side-scrolling game about busting up mad skellies this week, Sword of the Vagrant. And watching the trailer made me at once go "Oh, hey, this looks like a fun side-scroller!" and also "Umm... well... I guess... somebody felt that Vanillaware art wasn't horny enough". One of the bullet-points in the eShop mentions that you can swap out the main characters costume to be something besides a battle-bikini, so... that's... a toggle I think I'd encourage.
Inscryption is one of those games where everyone who talks about it is all "Oh... that. THAT'S A GOOD ONE! Play that one!" and also that it's... not what it looks like and everyone is really cagey in discussing it beyond that. So all I can safely say is "S'weird un" and that it comes highly recommended, and I intend to have it ready for me on Squishmas mornin'
A bit more forthcoming with product descriptions, and looking charming as all hell, is The Outbound Ghost. Which, like Bug Fable, looks enough like Paper Mario that looking at it makes me say "Oh, is that Paper Mario?". But, UNLIKE Bug Fable, it stars the scariest part of the human body; The Ghost. But ghosts who are sick of spookin', and would think it'd be just peachy keen if you could do something to get them the heck out of dodge. It looks charming as h*ck, and that ain'tthe first tiem I've said that this week SO YOU KNOW I MEAN IT!
While it's not this weeks new Arcade Game (I think that's Grandmaster Tetris?), you'd be forgiven for thinking that of Donut Dodo, because, boy, does that want people to think it's an arcade game from the same vintage as Donkey Kong, or that of his own sons self-titled video game, Donkey Kong Jr. Except that the monkey isn't a donkey, it's a bird, and your jump man isn't the Nameless Carpenter, it's a chef. Probably got a bunch of ratatouilles' in his hat, guiding his actions.
You must NEVER trust anyone with a chefs hat on; their will may not be their own.
And speaking of... umm... imposing your will upon another to achieve goals (I... guess?) we have Siralim Ultimate, the fourth Siralim game, and the first one that made me stop and go "Oh... maybe... this is something I'd be into?" it's a dungeon crawling' Poké-the-man kind of game, but it looks to be structured more like an old PC RPG; got lots of real granular stats and that kind of art style that makes me think "Yeah... I could see this being the contemporary of one of the later Ultima games"
Anyway... willing to gamble on it.
Starting with things that snuck in last week and made me go "Oooooh!" but not just out of excitement, but BONE-CHILLING TERROR, as we're kicking this week off with Super Lone Survivor, an extensive re-release of Lone Survivor, the Honestly Very Good 2D Silent Hill Em Up, where you're a guy trapped in his apartment after a bunch of Weird Monster Crap befell the city, and a hankerin' to get some fresh air before he goes either bananas or gets turned into a weird flesh-goo monster like everyone else in town. Besides getting some new aspect ratios and soundtrack, this version also has some extra areas, endings, items and enemies, so that "Super" doesn't just mean it's 16 bits!
And speaking of new games that are actually old games, that's less applicable to New Joe and Mac: Caveman Ninja, as the redrawn visuals are much more evident with this game. It ALSO has new levels, but otherwise tries to adhere to the tried and true Caveman Pummeling Dinosaur gameplay that made the zeitgeist of the early 1990s such a weird zeitgeist.
Anyway, be the hand that rocks the cradle of civilization as you beat the ever loving hell out of prehistoric man for trying to propogate the species.
Then you fight satan in a dinosaurs tummy, just like in the bible.
Knight Witch is a game where I looked at one single screenshot and said "Well THAT'S what I'm titling this weeks thread after". What we have here is not just a Troid-em-up, the tried and true standard of the weekly Digital Down Low thread, but it's also a Bullet Hell Shooter, starring a witch whose only spell is GUN. It kind of has some Section Z (NES version that is) vibes, mixed with Galak-Z. Except it's about A Friendly Witch who has a hankerin' to explode bugbears into pieces.
That it's not a shoo-in for the game I'm MOST excited for this week is a testament to how jam-packed this week actually is.
And speaking of... umm... games that have lots of guns but aren't really shooters, we have Front Mission 1st Remake, which is a damn dirty lie because there's been several remakes of the first Front Mission. But this is the first one that doesn't look like a mid-tier SNES game. Also, I guess the proper name for the game it's a remake of is "Front Mission 1st" now.
Look, I don't make the nomenclature, I just report on it. And harshly.
Anyway, it's the year FUTURE and all wars are fought with Metal Gears, just like Gundam always predicted, and you dunn got concerned when your wife went missing during a flare-up in one of those Metal Gear fights, and you JUST KNOW that some Sci-Fi Military Thriller Intrigue is to blame. It's a remake from the same peeps as what did the Panzer Dragoon remake, and that was eventually pretty solid, so, hey...
There you go.
And speaking of classics that involve shooting stuff and which have had minimal penetration in the west, we have Elevator Action Returns, the Saturn port of the drastically improved sequel to Elevator Action, that came out several years after Rolling Thunder and Shinobi were released and said "Cute game, kid, let's do this for real now". And then this came out and said "Yes... let's".
ALL OF WHICH IS TO SAY this is a very good video game about jumping behind doors and into elevators in order to blast the BAJEEZUS out of every foolish sucker to stand between you and the end of the level.
One character is named Jad the Taff!!
Now, one more Spruced Up Re-Release of an old game, why not? I'd tell you why not, but I can't think of one blessed reason not to mention Romancing SaGa: Minstrels Song Remastered. Which emans that the entire Romancing SaGa trilogy is finally out for all and sundry to enjoy on their Nintendo Switch! Or other platforms, but this is the platform I focus on. Like the other RSG remakes, which were gussied up rereleases of SNES games (with some Extra Stuff chucked in for good measure) this is apparently the existing remake of Romancing Saga, but with Yet More Stuff slapped into it AS WELL AS some spiffy remastered visuals.
My only regret is that they didn't call it Reministreled Edition.
Now... do you like space? Of course you do, it's where you want to spend most of your time. But what if I were to tell you that Space ain't all it's cracked up to be? It ain't just beer and skittles, there's friggin' MARTIANS up there! Your bones are chilled now, I realize that, but never fear, the Astronite is here! It's another metroidvania, but this one uses monochromatic graphics (REAL monochromatic graphics, none of this cheating with Shades of Grey nonsense) where you're a spaceman who has to save a planet from... umm...
Hmm... I think you're just going to a planet and exploding everything that lives on it.
I think you might be the bad guy in this?
Next up is another side-scrolling game about busting up mad skellies this week, Sword of the Vagrant. And watching the trailer made me at once go "Oh, hey, this looks like a fun side-scroller!" and also "Umm... well... I guess... somebody felt that Vanillaware art wasn't horny enough". One of the bullet-points in the eShop mentions that you can swap out the main characters costume to be something besides a battle-bikini, so... that's... a toggle I think I'd encourage.
Inscryption is one of those games where everyone who talks about it is all "Oh... that. THAT'S A GOOD ONE! Play that one!" and also that it's... not what it looks like and everyone is really cagey in discussing it beyond that. So all I can safely say is "S'weird un" and that it comes highly recommended, and I intend to have it ready for me on Squishmas mornin'
A bit more forthcoming with product descriptions, and looking charming as all hell, is The Outbound Ghost. Which, like Bug Fable, looks enough like Paper Mario that looking at it makes me say "Oh, is that Paper Mario?". But, UNLIKE Bug Fable, it stars the scariest part of the human body; The Ghost. But ghosts who are sick of spookin', and would think it'd be just peachy keen if you could do something to get them the heck out of dodge. It looks charming as h*ck, and that ain'tthe first tiem I've said that this week SO YOU KNOW I MEAN IT!
While it's not this weeks new Arcade Game (I think that's Grandmaster Tetris?), you'd be forgiven for thinking that of Donut Dodo, because, boy, does that want people to think it's an arcade game from the same vintage as Donkey Kong, or that of his own sons self-titled video game, Donkey Kong Jr. Except that the monkey isn't a donkey, it's a bird, and your jump man isn't the Nameless Carpenter, it's a chef. Probably got a bunch of ratatouilles' in his hat, guiding his actions.
You must NEVER trust anyone with a chefs hat on; their will may not be their own.
And speaking of... umm... imposing your will upon another to achieve goals (I... guess?) we have Siralim Ultimate, the fourth Siralim game, and the first one that made me stop and go "Oh... maybe... this is something I'd be into?" it's a dungeon crawling' Poké-the-man kind of game, but it looks to be structured more like an old PC RPG; got lots of real granular stats and that kind of art style that makes me think "Yeah... I could see this being the contemporary of one of the later Ultima games"
Anyway... willing to gamble on it.
