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First up is, what would easily be the headliner on a normal week, but, well... competition is fiercer than anyone expected now; and it is Spelunky 2! A sequel to what is still considered to be quite possibly the best Rogue-lite on the market (and which has, oddly, resisted getting ported to the Switch)! Which was also a remake of Spelunker! Except far better regarded! Go down a ludicrously trap-filled hole that is a different hole each time! Smooch a doggy! Always Die Again Forever!
Next up is Fight Crab! A game in which crabs... fight. Look I'm just the messenger here, I can't be held accountable for when a game called FIGHT CRAB consists entirely of crabs fighting. You can call me a lot of things, but you can't call me a liar. Looks a lot like Octodad. Except maybe I should say Octo-CRAB! The trailer for the game was less than a minute long, was full of things I did not reasonably expect to be exposed to from a game called Fight Crab that is wholly dedicated to Crabs Fighting.
A far more staid game is Kingdom Rush Origins, a tower defense strategy game that is part of a long and storied lineage of tower defense strategy games. Not a lot else to say; you build towers to slow down and destroy swarms of critters before they reach whatever it is you're protecting. It's a Tower Defense game, y'know.
Moero Crystal H is a dungeon crawler! One that is Deeply Horny! Like... way above average for Horny. "Literally a porn game with the nudity barely obscured". One of the screenshots in the eshop prominently features the unwelcome seizing of a bosom, and character stats are modified by how cute their butts are. As with Fight Crab, it is full aware of what kind of game it is.
Dog Duty is, despite the title, not a game about dogs. What we have instead is a Jagged Alliance-y game kinda-strategy/maybe-shooter mix-em-up where you've got a team of commandos that you use to fight "The Octopus Commander". And a lot of the write-up in the eShop mentions how badly Octopi are, and encourages you to kill all the "Octo-scum" and... man... I'm feeling called out.
I don't think this video game is a safe place for me.
Now if you want a video game about army guys, but want to make sure everyone has good, safe fun, how about Bird Soldiers? Despite the title, no soldiers whatsoever! It's more like Lemmings or Chu-Chu Rocket, with you setting up little barriers and ramps and the like to get your birbs from one end of an obstacle course to another. The Birbs are in danger, however, but that's mainly because the obstacles are treacherous for them little peepin' peeps.
Super Punch Patrol is the latest from Horberg Productions; the same peeps what made Gunman Clive and Mechstermination Force! I loved those games! And it's a beat-em-up! One of my favorite genres! And it's about a police chief who decides that the best way to solve crime is to beat the garbage out of of with bare-knuckle police brutality.
Err...
Guys... I assume you don't get the US news over there in Sweden but... maybe... this... isn't the best point in history for a video game about cops beating the shit out of inner city youths.
Next is the thing that handily beat out Spelunky and Fight Crab for the thread-title space this week; Super Mario 3D All-Stars! It's Three Entire 3D Marios for the price of... one full priced AAA console release! Two of them are genre defining masterpieces! One is not, but it's got some ludicrously nice visuals effects for water and it's the 3D Mario I'm most excited to revisit despite its lesser reputation. Buy it quick because Nintendo is going to take away your plate whether or not you're done eating in 6 months!
And speaking of re-releases of old video games; that's not Saboteur SiO at all, because that's a BRAND NEW Very Old Video Game; the 30 year wait for a sequel to Saboteur 2: Avenging Angel is finally over! It's not the most authentic example of a ZX Spectrum recreation I've ever seen (looks less like a color-blindness test and more like... an Atari Lynx or Gamegear game scaled up for TV). Time will tell if it, too, can win the coveted CRASHSMASH award, or make the ludicrous boast about being the first video game with a female protagonist.
First up is, what would easily be the headliner on a normal week, but, well... competition is fiercer than anyone expected now; and it is Spelunky 2! A sequel to what is still considered to be quite possibly the best Rogue-lite on the market (and which has, oddly, resisted getting ported to the Switch)! Which was also a remake of Spelunker! Except far better regarded! Go down a ludicrously trap-filled hole that is a different hole each time! Smooch a doggy! Always Die Again Forever!
Next up is Fight Crab! A game in which crabs... fight. Look I'm just the messenger here, I can't be held accountable for when a game called FIGHT CRAB consists entirely of crabs fighting. You can call me a lot of things, but you can't call me a liar. Looks a lot like Octodad. Except maybe I should say Octo-CRAB! The trailer for the game was less than a minute long, was full of things I did not reasonably expect to be exposed to from a game called Fight Crab that is wholly dedicated to Crabs Fighting.
A far more staid game is Kingdom Rush Origins, a tower defense strategy game that is part of a long and storied lineage of tower defense strategy games. Not a lot else to say; you build towers to slow down and destroy swarms of critters before they reach whatever it is you're protecting. It's a Tower Defense game, y'know.
Moero Crystal H is a dungeon crawler! One that is Deeply Horny! Like... way above average for Horny. "Literally a porn game with the nudity barely obscured". One of the screenshots in the eshop prominently features the unwelcome seizing of a bosom, and character stats are modified by how cute their butts are. As with Fight Crab, it is full aware of what kind of game it is.
Dog Duty is, despite the title, not a game about dogs. What we have instead is a Jagged Alliance-y game kinda-strategy/maybe-shooter mix-em-up where you've got a team of commandos that you use to fight "The Octopus Commander". And a lot of the write-up in the eShop mentions how badly Octopi are, and encourages you to kill all the "Octo-scum" and... man... I'm feeling called out.
I don't think this video game is a safe place for me.
Now if you want a video game about army guys, but want to make sure everyone has good, safe fun, how about Bird Soldiers? Despite the title, no soldiers whatsoever! It's more like Lemmings or Chu-Chu Rocket, with you setting up little barriers and ramps and the like to get your birbs from one end of an obstacle course to another. The Birbs are in danger, however, but that's mainly because the obstacles are treacherous for them little peepin' peeps.
Super Punch Patrol is the latest from Horberg Productions; the same peeps what made Gunman Clive and Mechstermination Force! I loved those games! And it's a beat-em-up! One of my favorite genres! And it's about a police chief who decides that the best way to solve crime is to beat the garbage out of of with bare-knuckle police brutality.
Err...
Guys... I assume you don't get the US news over there in Sweden but... maybe... this... isn't the best point in history for a video game about cops beating the shit out of inner city youths.
Next is the thing that handily beat out Spelunky and Fight Crab for the thread-title space this week; Super Mario 3D All-Stars! It's Three Entire 3D Marios for the price of... one full priced AAA console release! Two of them are genre defining masterpieces! One is not, but it's got some ludicrously nice visuals effects for water and it's the 3D Mario I'm most excited to revisit despite its lesser reputation. Buy it quick because Nintendo is going to take away your plate whether or not you're done eating in 6 months!
And speaking of re-releases of old video games; that's not Saboteur SiO at all, because that's a BRAND NEW Very Old Video Game; the 30 year wait for a sequel to Saboteur 2: Avenging Angel is finally over! It's not the most authentic example of a ZX Spectrum recreation I've ever seen (looks less like a color-blindness test and more like... an Atari Lynx or Gamegear game scaled up for TV). Time will tell if it, too, can win the coveted CRASHSMASH award, or make the ludicrous boast about being the first video game with a female protagonist.
