Well, we're going to lead with strength this week as we've got one of the games I'm most excited for not only this month, but this entire year; Vampire Crawlers: The Turbo Wildcard! Which is a spin-off of the genre-making, indie-darling and potential epilepsy trigger Vampire Survivors. A game which I absolutely adored and sunk a preposterous amount of time into. But this time, it's a deckbuilding RPG *and* a first person dungeon crawler.
They... they could not have possibly made a video game more aimed at my heart.
It simply can not be done. Science will not allow it.
Visit scenic "A cursed land that presumably has a vampire in it" with any one of a group of those who have survived vampire-mischief and see if they can't do it again; but from a first person perspective using increasingly broke-ass weapon and skill combinations, turning the landscape into a kaliedoscope of retina-shredding pain.
And moving on to another game that is a combination of genres that is so laser aimed at my heart that it feels almost like it's pandering to me and me alone, we have Drop Duchy. A game that is, at first blush, Tetris with a medieval fantasy theme. But why would you stop with one genre when you can add two; so it's also a 4X strategy game; each piece you drop into place modifies, expands and collects resources, so you can build a kingdom on your board; which other kingdoms will try to invade; since what's a castle for if not overthrowing the peeps who live in there.
That's right; it's Tetrivilization.
God DAMN I love video games.
And just in time for Drugs Day (well, it would have been if I make these threads on Monday, but I don't; they're Tuesday Chores) we have Jay and Silent Bob: Chronic Blunt Punch which... uh... well, you got all the info you need right there in the title. It's a side-scrolling beat-em-up starring Jason Mewes and Kevin Smiths characters from... nearly every Kevin Smith movie as they pulverize their way through the View Askewniverse.
The trailer made much hey about the poop-monster from Dogma so you know he's in there. No word on the walrus from Tusk.
Foreign Sun is a troid set in a futuristic, but very doomed, city where you're a cyber-samurai cowboy who thinks the people in charge of the aforesaid doomed city could use a mite bit of a stern talking-to and have just enough supernatural/mad science abilities at your beck and call to facilitate that. It *looks like* there's heaps upon heaps of alternate paths and storybeats the game can take, but I am also just inferring that from vague descriptions in the eShop and trailer.
Now what if you don't want to play a video game about chopping up cyber-monks, or punching mall-cops, or using trading cards to simulate magical combat against monster hoards or... uh... dropping... tetris blocks. Well... you and I have wildly different opinions on what constitutes a fun video game, but nonetheless, your needs are met as well as we have Outbound! A chill, Faff-em-up where you're a guy in an RV, with a dog on a road trip. Doing chores for campers, building decks, painting cabinets. Foraging for berries. You know; Van life stuff.
Live your best Van!
Next we have Inticreates' latest game, and a solid runner-up for being the most preposterous title of the week, we have Kingdom Return: The Time Eating Fruit and the Ancient Monster, which appears to be something of an Actraiser; half side scrolling action RPG and half Sim City; with you doing monster whacking quests to gather resources, and using those resources to rebuild your fallen kingdom which, in turn, lets you upgrade your heroes so they can explore more dangerous monster-whacking quests.
I torn between thinking "Oh, I liked Actraiser quite a lot" and realizing I never actually finished the Actraiser remake so... right into the wishlist this one goes until I get that taken care of.
Now as for the ACTUAL most preposterous title for a game this week, we have (*deep breath*) Game The Strongest Job is Apparently Not a Hero or a Sage but an Appraiser Provisional Dungeon and Mystery Girl. As half the title suggests, this is a tie-in game for one of those animes with an impossible to properly recite title. This one is a roguelite.
That's all I got.
Now if you thought that it simply isn't fair that Vampire Crawlers has a lot of the Castlevania vibe and aesthetic, but isn't the same genre at all, perhaps I could interest you in Saint Slayer: Spear of Sacrilege, which is VERY MUCH an NES-style Castlevania game. Deliberately so, given how often the letters "NES" appear in the eShop description.
Can brave framer Rudiger kill all the monsters that a crappy Saint wound up summoning? I'unno, hopefully!
And finally we have an Old Game Re-release! And it's one of the ones that's certainly neat from a game preservation standpoint but not from a Game I Want to Play standpoint; Traysia, a JRPG of the Sega Genesis vintage that, by all accounts, was no great shakes. But, again, I'm impressed it's here at all.
OKAY, GO TO BED
They... they could not have possibly made a video game more aimed at my heart.
It simply can not be done. Science will not allow it.
Visit scenic "A cursed land that presumably has a vampire in it" with any one of a group of those who have survived vampire-mischief and see if they can't do it again; but from a first person perspective using increasingly broke-ass weapon and skill combinations, turning the landscape into a kaliedoscope of retina-shredding pain.
And moving on to another game that is a combination of genres that is so laser aimed at my heart that it feels almost like it's pandering to me and me alone, we have Drop Duchy. A game that is, at first blush, Tetris with a medieval fantasy theme. But why would you stop with one genre when you can add two; so it's also a 4X strategy game; each piece you drop into place modifies, expands and collects resources, so you can build a kingdom on your board; which other kingdoms will try to invade; since what's a castle for if not overthrowing the peeps who live in there.
That's right; it's Tetrivilization.
God DAMN I love video games.
And just in time for Drugs Day (well, it would have been if I make these threads on Monday, but I don't; they're Tuesday Chores) we have Jay and Silent Bob: Chronic Blunt Punch which... uh... well, you got all the info you need right there in the title. It's a side-scrolling beat-em-up starring Jason Mewes and Kevin Smiths characters from... nearly every Kevin Smith movie as they pulverize their way through the View Askewniverse.
The trailer made much hey about the poop-monster from Dogma so you know he's in there. No word on the walrus from Tusk.
Now what if you don't want to play a video game about chopping up cyber-monks, or punching mall-cops, or using trading cards to simulate magical combat against monster hoards or... uh... dropping... tetris blocks. Well... you and I have wildly different opinions on what constitutes a fun video game, but nonetheless, your needs are met as well as we have Outbound! A chill, Faff-em-up where you're a guy in an RV, with a dog on a road trip. Doing chores for campers, building decks, painting cabinets. Foraging for berries. You know; Van life stuff.
Live your best Van!
Next we have Inticreates' latest game, and a solid runner-up for being the most preposterous title of the week, we have Kingdom Return: The Time Eating Fruit and the Ancient Monster, which appears to be something of an Actraiser; half side scrolling action RPG and half Sim City; with you doing monster whacking quests to gather resources, and using those resources to rebuild your fallen kingdom which, in turn, lets you upgrade your heroes so they can explore more dangerous monster-whacking quests.
I torn between thinking "Oh, I liked Actraiser quite a lot" and realizing I never actually finished the Actraiser remake so... right into the wishlist this one goes until I get that taken care of.
Now as for the ACTUAL most preposterous title for a game this week, we have (*deep breath*) Game The Strongest Job is Apparently Not a Hero or a Sage but an Appraiser Provisional Dungeon and Mystery Girl. As half the title suggests, this is a tie-in game for one of those animes with an impossible to properly recite title. This one is a roguelite.
That's all I got.
Now if you thought that it simply isn't fair that Vampire Crawlers has a lot of the Castlevania vibe and aesthetic, but isn't the same genre at all, perhaps I could interest you in Saint Slayer: Spear of Sacrilege, which is VERY MUCH an NES-style Castlevania game. Deliberately so, given how often the letters "NES" appear in the eShop description.
Can brave framer Rudiger kill all the monsters that a crappy Saint wound up summoning? I'unno, hopefully!
And finally we have an Old Game Re-release! And it's one of the ones that's certainly neat from a game preservation standpoint but not from a Game I Want to Play standpoint; Traysia, a JRPG of the Sega Genesis vintage that, by all accounts, was no great shakes. But, again, I'm impressed it's here at all.
OKAY, GO TO BED
