Digital Down-Low for 04/01/2022: The Real April Fool was inside us all along

[Octopus Prime]

Well, the main headlining game i was looking forward to this week was delayed at the last minute, and I can’t access my computer room because of renovations, so this weeks thread is going to Wind up being weird to write and full of a lot more spelling and grammar errors than usual. Luckily, it’s not a robust week.

Crystar leads the roost by merit of being first thing i see listed in the eShop coming soon tab. It’s an ARPG from the good folks at NIS, and it’s about an Anime Teen whose sister what got all deceased, and she said “Nah, we’re not doing that”, and decides to bring her back to life through the tried and true method of running through a monster dungeon and chopping the bajeezus out of everything inside it.

Vengeful Heart is a visual novel set in the fast paced and exciting world of the future where everything is a poison swamp or a cyberpunk technotropolis, and you’ve just lost your job, home and internal organs cause of downsizing and now you’ve got a hankerin’ for text based REVENGE. And also possibly romance, but you’ve *literally* lost your heart, so that feels like it’d be an uphill battle.

It’s got PC-98 visuals, so that’s something. Don’t see that very often.

It wouldn’t be accurate to say that Super Cyborg looks like Contra, but that’s mainly because it looks more like Probotector, and it has an even stronger bio-horror aesthetiC; Much more Cronenberg than Geiger.

Two aggressive robots use the power of their violence to explode the ever cussing mustard out of every darn fool standing between them and a giant goopy eyeball critter made of peoples

Terrorbane is an RPG still in development where you’re a guy what’s trying to break the game apart while the developer is still trying to debug it. Kind of like Duck Amuck, except with more video game chicanery. Or I guess like There Is No Game in a different genre. I’d be really interested in it, but the eShop description keeps mentioning how hilarious it all is, and that’s never encouraging.

And that’s about all that Tuesday Morning Octo knows about! Next weeks thread will be late, but VASTLY more enticing.

 

[MetManMas]

No worries Octo, I got you covered. Lots of games to talk about...though at least one has been delayed and the other I'm not sure of.

This was the shoot for Wizard Mike but I'll be damned if I'm not gonna use it with Bunny Day around the bend.

Anyway...

Ikai is a first person psychological horror game where you have to face yo-kai head on without fleeing and no means of attacking them.

Crystar has you as a pretty white sword anime who must atone for her sins by saving her sister from purgatory.

Vengeful Heart is a PC-98ish visual novel where a young lady named Josephine is in a dystopian cyberpunk future with a water shortage where she loses her home, job, and (organic) heart to a corrupt corporation and is out for revenge.

Richy's Nightmare is a "unique" platforming experience that basically looks like Limbo but with different monochrome colors to accompany the black silhouettes. Anyway, big headed kid platforming in a scary world.

Agent Intercept is a mobiley looking vehicle game where you are a secret agent who solves crimes by blowing them up with your vehicle.

Evil Elmer knows what he did.

Dysmantle is a colorful isometric zombie game that's all about going out and just enjoying this post-apocalyptic world you're stuck in. Shoot zombies, tear down stuff to craft stuff to shoot zombies, befriend or shoot deer, go fishing, etc.

COSPLAY LOVE! Enchanted Princess is a visual novel where a guy who works at an accessory design company falls in love with a girl who's into cosplaying.

THE CARD Perfect Collection is a compilation of playing card games.

Princess Farmer is a pixelly match-3 puzzle game/visual novel where you are a pretty bunny girl in a world with other pretty bunnies. Real BILF energy in this game.

MLB The Show 22 is Sony's baseball series for the first time on Switch. I assure you, if I could actually use the sports gear in these shoots I would. Our brightest minds are still working on that.

Super Cyborg is a Contra/Probotector-type game (more the latter) where cyborgs shoot aliens.

Dieselpunk Wars is a vehicular battle game where somebody realized Banjo-Kazooie Nuts & Bolts had a really good idea going on and made their own game all about building vehicles from blocks and junk.

My Coloring Book II and Love Colors Complete Edition are things you can get if you want your kid to have fun coloring things but without the clutter and mess of physical art media.

Flat Kingdom Paper's Cut Edition is a puzzle platformer with a papery aspect where you must save the land from the third dimension by turning into shapes and fighting monsters and stuff.

And finally, a game that is allegedly still coming out this week but (at this moment) has disappeared from the eShop altogether, we have Catie in Meowmeow Land! Help this small child who dresses up like a cat make her way through a bizarre Samorost-y world.

 

[That Old Chestnut]

Dieselpunk Wars is a vehicular battle game where somebody realized Banjo-Kazooie Nuts & Bolts had a really good idea going on

Took somebody long enough!

 

[Peklo]

Please pick up Super Cyborg. Between it and Blazing Chrome one can stage a two-pronged Contra revival on your platform of choice that's comprehensive to the various expressions of the series over the years, and as good as any of the best of them.

 

[Octopus Prime]

While I do fully intend to do just that, it’s a game from Drageus Games, which is one of those publishers that puts everything in their library on sale for about 99% off constantly so it may pay not to make it a day one purchase.

 

[chud_666]

Please pick up Super Cyborg. Between it and Blazing Chrome one can stage a two-pronged Contra revival on your platform of choice that's comprehensive to the various expressions of the series over the years, and as good as any of the best of them.

I'm very excited for this

Blazing Chrome felt very MegaDrive, Hard Corps to me.
SC looks like a mix between, uh, super c, and a pc engine game. VERY PUMPED

 

[Torzelbaum]

It wouldn’t be accurate to say that Super Cyborg looks like Contra, but that’s mainly because it looks more like Probotector, and it has an even stronger bio-horror aesthetiC; Much more Cronenberg than Geiger.

Two aggressive robots use the power of their violence to explode the ever cussing mustard out of every darn fool standing between them and a giant goopy eyeball critter made of peoples

It's also available on Steam (and it has a demo). I played the demo and thought it was good but tough (more than I prefer but I my tolerance for shooter difficulty is fairly low). It plays more like Contra or Super C than Contra 3 but it does have a twist to the mechanics - you can charge up the different guns to get an alt fire mode. You can also save your game so you don't have to play all the way through every time. I also remember that the controls felt solid.

 

[MetManMas]

Here's some more of the games out this week!

Big Bang Pro Wrestling is the rare Neo Geo Pocket Color game where you pound and slam fools but nobody is SD styled or stuck on a 2D plane!

Anyway, enjoy pounding and slamming fools in this wrestling game made almost entirely of white people with only a single unlockable woman.

Super Clown Lost Diamonds is a game where a clown who looks more like a ringmaster 3D platforms throughout the world looking for red diamonds.

Moving on to Nintendo Switch Online releases, we have the NES port of Dig Dug II! The Pookas and Fygars have invaded a chain of islands and ol' Taizo Horii must cause unthinkable amounts of environmental destruction to sink them all to a watery grave. And pop the ones he missed.

Mappy-Land has the titular mouse bastard going across the land collecting packages while Goro and his Meowkies cosplay it up in each new region.

Both this and Dig Dug II are technically in Namco Museum Archives 2, but the advantage of better rewind and the option of experiencing the regional differences of the Japanese version if you have that app are welcome.

Certainly unexpected on the service is Earthworm Jim 2! In this sequel whose humor and grossout content I can only groan at now, Princess What's-Her-Name (YES THEY REALLY NAMED HER THAT) got a case of amnesia after a cow crushed her at the end of the first game and now Jim must save her from Psy-crow.

This entry is far more gimmick-heavy than the previous game so you'll go from a stage where you mainly shoot things (with some pig lifting and old ladies falling from the stairwell) to shooting sand to build piles to progress and playing the most tedious game of Fire ever. Allegedly the fourth stage has a blind salamander and quiz show but who makes it past Peter's Puppies 1 anyway.

Also it should be noted that Earthworm Jim's co-creator/illustrator is a horrible piece of shit (I cheered when the TV show reboot announcement said a thing he would not be okay with) so I don't blame anyone who wants to avoid this game. Presumably Dougie gets no apples for this one, but still...

And our Arcade Archives game of the week is Wonder Momo! Transform into a superheroine and use your magic rings to take down the Warudemon Villain and his army of robots and bug men.

 

[Octopus Prime]

While I do fully intend to do just that, it’s a game from Drageus Games, which is one of those publishers that puts everything in their library on sale for about 99% off constantly so it may pay not to make it a day one purchase.

Well it’s got a day one sale of 30% off so… not the lowest but well within tolerances

 

[Octopus Prime]

And by the time I got home that increased to a 72% discount.

So... yeah, patience is a virtue

 

[muteKi]

SC looks like a mix between, uh, super c, and a pc engine game. VERY PUMPED

That's fascinating to me because I don't get PC Engine impressions so much as I do old computer action games like Astro Marine Corps and a lot of Psygnosis stuff (one boss is definitely a reference to Wiz n Liz). And nonspecific DOS stuff (2D Duke Nukem?)

 

[MetManMas]

Here's a few more before we get into the new week!

Broken Pipe is a 3D puzzle game where robot fix pipes to fix the gates and bridges in their world.

Ultinous: A Tale of Petty Revenge is a pretty pixelly shooter where the galactic heroine Serena S was insulted online by a space prince and will cause massive amounts of death and destruction to get revenge on that asshole.

It should be noted that Serena's sprites are...uh...the kinda thing you'd expect from one of those porny space movies. But male gazey female protagonist issues aside, this game has lots of other pretty cool sprite art.

Dissection is a low budget indie horror game where you collect keys and tools to get out of a house while avoiding a naked zombie.

Seashell is a game all about collecting and learning about seashells and learning about them and the creatures that live inside them.

And TerrorBane is a "humorous" RPG where you explore a buggy broken vidyagame where you exploit bugs to get to the end. So I guess it's The Magic Circle but top-down jRPG instead of first person cRPG.

 

[Violentvixen]

Ultinous: A Tale of Petty Revenge is a pretty pixelly shooter where the galactic heroine Serena S was insulted online by a space prince and will cause massive amounts of death and destruction to get revenge on that asshole.

It should be noted that Serena's sprites are...uh...the kinda thing you'd expect from one of those porny space movies. But male gazey female protagonist issues aside, this game has lots of other pretty cool sprite art.

Whoof those boobs. I do appreciate that she has a more healthy body weight looking midsection than the usual impossible waists, but ugh the overdone jiggliness is just gross.

Seashell is a game all about collecting and learning about seashells and learning about them and the creatures that live inside them.

This looks very pleasant and is wishlisted for now.

 

[Becksworth]

Shit, I just saw Ultinous was on the eShop. That was a freeware game on the Ouya back in the day. That's an relatively obscure pull there.

And yeah, unless you're thirsty for faux Babarella pixel art I wouldn't spend money on it.