Not to brag, but, yeah... I know the *whole* alphabet.
So we're kicking off with what's certainly the game I'm most excited for this week, and which I didn't realize was out this month; Gal Guardians: Servants of the Dark, the sequel to Gal Guardians! That game, as you may recall, was a spinoff of the Gal*Gun light-gun games, but with the... erm... especially objectional parts removed (or at least vastly toned down) and turned instead into a very good Castlevania game. And since the first one was clearly heavily inspired by Rondo of Blood specifically, what else would its sequel be based on but Symphony of the Night?
That's right; you're Troidin' your way through a haunted demon castle with a pair of gun-and-sword wielding hell-maids looking to overthrow a slightly different demon lord than the one that currently employs them.
Now if you want a troid with a mostly, if not entirely female cast, but feel like GalGuardians isn't likely to result in a rowdy enough experience for you; we've got Cookie Cutter! Which appears to be a bit more of a Troid-y Pizza Tower; starring a cyborg lady who wants to rescue her inventor from a demon infested office building and figures that any rescue worth doing should involve at least a couple dozen chainsaw murders.
That I'm all completely on board with, but the fact that half the screenshots have upskirt shots of the main character give me some pause...
If that's all way too rowdy for you, we can of course turn down a bit since we've got a new Picross release; Picross S: Doraemon & F, featuring puzzles based on Doraemon and other assorted Fujiko Fujiro characters. Who could say no?!?
Speaking of space animals and low-stakes adventures, next is Distant Bloom, which is a cozy-em-up farm game where you're a little purple space guy who says "You know what I like doing? Planting weird flowers!". So you plonk yourself down on a weird desolate planet and get crackin' with a bit of landscaping/hiking.
If you want your weird animal peeps on globe spanning adventures to have a bit more, y'know... traditionally video game stuff in them, then Kemono Heroes has you covered! It's a platformer. It's got critters with swords and stuff... looks kinda Ninja Gaiden-y.
Yep... that's a video game.
So now we're near the end of the list and that means this is where I've crammed the re-releases of old stuff! Starting with Breakout Beyond, which is *technically* brand new but also... it's Breakout. They... uh... haven't been especially innovative with that particular property since, like... 1986. In this case, the "Beyond" aspect refers to the fact that the board keeps on going. Also it's sideways.
A more expansive recreation of an old game is Bubble Ghost: Remake! I believe Bubble Ghost is one of those games that had oodles of ports back in the day, but I only ever played the Gameboy version and deemed it "Fine!". You're a ghost who has to blow a bubble through a trap-infested house just chock full of things capable of bursting bubbles. Which describes most houses to be fair, but this place seems especially like it was specifically designed as a Bubble Kill Zone.
Speaking of being stuck in a horrible, deadly complex where even if death were possible, it won't stop your torment, we've got I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, the point-and-clicky adventure game based on the Harlan Ellison short story about a computer who just... just totally sucks. Real piece of crap, this computer. Total a-hole. Don't even get it started about how much hate it has. You'll be here all day.
But also the last few people left alive in the complex that it calls a body are also real jerks, so you've got to point-and-click your way through recreations of their lives trying to find something redeeming enough about each of them to make the AM computer rethink it's whole... perpetual human torment viewpoint.
And bringing up the rear we've got no fewer than 4 NSO releases! All on the SNES and all... the games I left on the shelf at the corner store when I went to rent a game because they all looked boring. Not saying they are, just saying they're hard sells to a 10-year-old who was looking for an alternative to Earthworm Jim and Mortal Kombat were already rented out. Nobunagas Ambition and one of its many sequels, Nobunagas Ambition: Lord of Darkness are there for your high end super-complicated turn based strategy games about Odo Nobunaga, Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Wall of Fire is much the same but in China instead of Japan and Uncharted Waters is more of an RPGier take on Sid Meirs Pirates which would hve been a WAY easier sell on Tweenage Octo had he known about it.
Ah well, the road not travelled, no?
OKAY, GO TO BED
So we're kicking off with what's certainly the game I'm most excited for this week, and which I didn't realize was out this month; Gal Guardians: Servants of the Dark, the sequel to Gal Guardians! That game, as you may recall, was a spinoff of the Gal*Gun light-gun games, but with the... erm... especially objectional parts removed (or at least vastly toned down) and turned instead into a very good Castlevania game. And since the first one was clearly heavily inspired by Rondo of Blood specifically, what else would its sequel be based on but Symphony of the Night?
That's right; you're Troidin' your way through a haunted demon castle with a pair of gun-and-sword wielding hell-maids looking to overthrow a slightly different demon lord than the one that currently employs them.
Now if you want a troid with a mostly, if not entirely female cast, but feel like GalGuardians isn't likely to result in a rowdy enough experience for you; we've got Cookie Cutter! Which appears to be a bit more of a Troid-y Pizza Tower; starring a cyborg lady who wants to rescue her inventor from a demon infested office building and figures that any rescue worth doing should involve at least a couple dozen chainsaw murders.
That I'm all completely on board with, but the fact that half the screenshots have upskirt shots of the main character give me some pause...
If that's all way too rowdy for you, we can of course turn down a bit since we've got a new Picross release; Picross S: Doraemon & F, featuring puzzles based on Doraemon and other assorted Fujiko Fujiro characters. Who could say no?!?
Speaking of space animals and low-stakes adventures, next is Distant Bloom, which is a cozy-em-up farm game where you're a little purple space guy who says "You know what I like doing? Planting weird flowers!". So you plonk yourself down on a weird desolate planet and get crackin' with a bit of landscaping/hiking.
If you want your weird animal peeps on globe spanning adventures to have a bit more, y'know... traditionally video game stuff in them, then Kemono Heroes has you covered! It's a platformer. It's got critters with swords and stuff... looks kinda Ninja Gaiden-y.
Yep... that's a video game.
So now we're near the end of the list and that means this is where I've crammed the re-releases of old stuff! Starting with Breakout Beyond, which is *technically* brand new but also... it's Breakout. They... uh... haven't been especially innovative with that particular property since, like... 1986. In this case, the "Beyond" aspect refers to the fact that the board keeps on going. Also it's sideways.
A more expansive recreation of an old game is Bubble Ghost: Remake! I believe Bubble Ghost is one of those games that had oodles of ports back in the day, but I only ever played the Gameboy version and deemed it "Fine!". You're a ghost who has to blow a bubble through a trap-infested house just chock full of things capable of bursting bubbles. Which describes most houses to be fair, but this place seems especially like it was specifically designed as a Bubble Kill Zone.
Speaking of being stuck in a horrible, deadly complex where even if death were possible, it won't stop your torment, we've got I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, the point-and-clicky adventure game based on the Harlan Ellison short story about a computer who just... just totally sucks. Real piece of crap, this computer. Total a-hole. Don't even get it started about how much hate it has. You'll be here all day.
But also the last few people left alive in the complex that it calls a body are also real jerks, so you've got to point-and-click your way through recreations of their lives trying to find something redeeming enough about each of them to make the AM computer rethink it's whole... perpetual human torment viewpoint.
And bringing up the rear we've got no fewer than 4 NSO releases! All on the SNES and all... the games I left on the shelf at the corner store when I went to rent a game because they all looked boring. Not saying they are, just saying they're hard sells to a 10-year-old who was looking for an alternative to Earthworm Jim and Mortal Kombat were already rented out. Nobunagas Ambition and one of its many sequels, Nobunagas Ambition: Lord of Darkness are there for your high end super-complicated turn based strategy games about Odo Nobunaga, Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Wall of Fire is much the same but in China instead of Japan and Uncharted Waters is more of an RPGier take on Sid Meirs Pirates which would hve been a WAY easier sell on Tweenage Octo had he known about it.
Ah well, the road not travelled, no?
OKAY, GO TO BED
