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Bad D&D Magic Items

Rod of Ladyish Might

Deeply embarrassed shopkeeper: Right, so this is a metallic rod, about the size of a sword hilt, with several buttons that can be pressed to... well it um... variously shaped extensions pop out... and this one makes the whole thing... you know...
 
The 5 Ring: On the winter solstice it will compel your true love to give you 5 golden (gold plated tin) rings whereupon it will cast Sending to announce it everyone in a 5 mile radius.
 
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Ringing Ring - When this ring's wearer speaks the command word, the ring emits a loud ringing sound; with a different command word, the wearer can make the sound cease. The ring must be worn for the command words to function, but it will continue ringing even if removed. Both command words must be spoken loudly enough for the ring to hear over any other noise in the area, including its own ringing.
 
Ring of Visibility - When worn, the wearer becomes visible to any creature within visual range capable of seeing, even in total darkness or other obscuring conditions, such as fog or smoke.
 
That might actually be a good assistive device for, like, pets that like to get lost.
 
Elixir of Hill Giant Dexterity - Consume the elixir to raise your Dexterity to 8 until the next Long Rest
 
Vecna's Fingernail: You must cut off your own nail to attach this in it's place. Once attached, the player gains unlimited use of Scratch Itch but -5 charisma because it's sickly green and always has gunk under it.
 
Belt of Giant Steps

This belts transforms for you into an elitist Music Professor who thinks no good music has been created since the end of the original 1960s wave of Hard Bop Jazz music
 
Bag of Holding

Every time you open this bag it plays a slow jazz version of The Girl from Ipanema
 
Scroll of Blur

Rather than a spell scroll for the 2nd Level Illusion spell Blur, this mundane piece of paper simply has "WOO HOO!!!" written on repeatably ending with a "Ah yeah..."
 
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