Bad D&D Magic Items

[Becksworth]

Circlet of Detecting Any Evil

This circlet alerts the wearer to any trace amount of evil within 100 ft. This evil can be of any source and no amount is too insignificant, including the wielder's own fear and distrust of those around them. The circlet does not pinpoint the source of the evil, just that some is nearby.

Monkey's Paw of Wishing For More Wishes

This monkey's Paw has three charges of the Wish spell store within. Use of the Wish spell is limited exclusively to adding more charges to the monkey's Paw.

Bag of Holding Bags of Holding

This bag can hold an infinite number of bags of holding without them being destroyed in the process. Any other item not within a bag of holding is magically incapable of fitting inside the bag.

 

[Torzelbaum]

Portable Black Hole

 

[Paul le Fou]

Movable Rod - Place the rod in a position and speak the activation word. The Rod will stay in place until someone or something puts pressure on it, in which case it will move freely.

Ring of Smell Storing - You can keep up to three charges of any scent or aroma in this spell and release it using an action.

Cloak of Visibility - The wearer is visible in dim light and darkness as though they were in bright light. Does not work in magical darkness.

Belts of Giant Intelligence - All varieties give you the Intelligence score of the corresponding giant (one has 12, storm giants have 16, everyone else is ten or below).

Staff of the Wood - Speak the command word to transform this wooden staff into another wood of your choice. Once/long rest

 

[Exposition Owl]

Deck of Many Stings - Each card in the deck is associated with a particular insect on the Schmidt Sting Pain Index. When a user draws a card, they feel the sting of the insect depicted on it.

Ring of the Ewe - When used, the ring projects the image of a sheep made of force. Those who come into contact with the force sheep feel the softness of its wool. Each use takes one of the ring’s three charges; the ring regains 1d3 charges after each long rest.

Lesser Oathbow - When the wielder draws the bow, a voice whispers in Elvish that it swears that it will hit the target. This does not have any effect on the shot’s accuracy. If the shot misses, the voice whispers a vow to do better next time.

 

[Kirin]

Ring of Smell Storing - You can keep up to three charges of any scent or aroma in this spell and release it using an action.

Cloak of Visibility - The wearer is visible in dim light and darkness as though they were in bright light. Does not work in magical darkness.

Ring of the Ewe - When used, the ring projects the image of a sheep made of force. Those who come into contact with the force sheep feel the softness of its wool. Each use takes one of the ring’s three charges; the ring regains 1d3 charges after each long rest.

I feel like a sufficiently creative adventuring party could come up with actual uses for some of these and it would be really interesting to see…

 

[Becksworth]

Book of Mild Darkness

This cursed book whispers dark thoughts into your head as you read it, urging you perform minor misdemeanors such a jaywalking or making copies of copyrighted physical media.

Sphere of Nihilism

This 2ft diameter sphere waxes philosophically about the meaninglessness of its existence to anyone within speaking distance of it.

 

[Beowulf]

Robe of Useless Items

A robe with magical patches that transform into real items when removed, but those items include things like a pool noodle, a 10" pole, a cheese grater, 50' of rope cut into 3" lengths, a leaky bucket, and a banner emblazoned with "I Love Maurice."

 

[Patrick]

I always liked the “invisibility ring.” If you put the ring on, it turns invisible.

 

[Torzelbaum]

Cloak of Visibility - The wearer is visible in dim light and darkness as though they were in bright light. Does not work in magical darkness.

So, like this?

 

[Olli]

Seven Minute Boots - the wearer gains the ability to run a mile in seven minutes once per long rest.

 

[Becksworth]

Clock of Elvenkind

This clock functions like a normal clock, but only ticks once every 100 seconds.

 

[Paul le Fou]

Bag of Ticks - It contains a fuzzy item. If you throw the fuzzy item, it transforms into a tick.

Bag of D—nevermind

Normal Bag of Beans - A bag of 8 beans. When you pick a bean out of the bag, roll a d100 to determine what kind of normal mundane bean or other legume you drew. If you plant one, they will sprout into a regular bean plant in one minute. The beans on this plant are edible right away but disappear after one hour.

Insignia of Paws - Your unarmed attacks cause the target to feel a fluffy sensation when struck. You have advantage on your next charisma check against them, since they think you're cute.

Javelin of Lightening - this Javelin weighs only one pound.

 

[Becksworth]

Deck of Many Things

This deck attaches to the back of any residential house, and provides a number of family luxuries including patio furniture, hanging daybed, sunshade, and a brick oven outdoor grill.

 

[Olli]

Cloak of Misplacement - This mundane-looking cloak will occasionally teleport itself to a random nearby (12' radius) location after it's taken off and nobody is looking at it.