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Bad D&D Magic Items

Becksworth

Becksworth

Aging Hipster Dragon Dad
Circlet of Detecting Any Evil

This circlet alerts the wearer to any trace amount of evil within 100 ft. This evil can be of any source and no amount is too insignificant, including the wielder's own fear and distrust of those around them. The circlet does not pinpoint the source of the evil, just that some is nearby.

Monkey's Paw of Wishing For More Wishes

This monkey's Paw has three charges of the Wish spell store within. Use of the Wish spell is limited exclusively to adding more charges to the monkey's Paw.

Bag of Holding Bags of Holding

This bag can hold an infinite number of bags of holding without them being destroyed in the process. Any other item not within a bag of holding is magically incapable of fitting inside the bag.
 
Movable Rod - Place the rod in a position and speak the activation word. The Rod will stay in place until someone or something puts pressure on it, in which case it will move freely.

Ring of Smell Storing - You can keep up to three charges of any scent or aroma in this spell and release it using an action.

Cloak of Visibility - The wearer is visible in dim light and darkness as though they were in bright light. Does not work in magical darkness.

Belts of Giant Intelligence - All varieties give you the Intelligence score of the corresponding giant (one has 12, storm giants have 16, everyone else is ten or below).

Staff of the Wood - Speak the command word to transform this wooden staff into another wood of your choice. Once/long rest
 
Deck of Many Stings - Each card in the deck is associated with a particular insect on the Schmidt Sting Pain Index. When a user draws a card, they feel the sting of the insect depicted on it.

Ring of the Ewe - When used, the ring projects the image of a sheep made of force. Those who come into contact with the force sheep feel the softness of its wool. Each use takes one of the ring’s three charges; the ring regains 1d3 charges after each long rest.

Lesser Oathbow - When the wielder draws the bow, a voice whispers in Elvish that it swears that it will hit the target. This does not have any effect on the shot’s accuracy. If the shot misses, the voice whispers a vow to do better next time.
 
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Paul le Fou said:
Ring of Smell Storing - You can keep up to three charges of any scent or aroma in this spell and release it using an action.

Cloak of Visibility - The wearer is visible in dim light and darkness as though they were in bright light. Does not work in magical darkness.
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Exposition Owl said:
Ring of the Ewe - When used, the ring projects the image of a sheep made of force. Those who come into contact with the force sheep feel the softness of its wool. Each use takes one of the ring’s three charges; the ring regains 1d3 charges after each long rest.
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I feel like a sufficiently creative adventuring party could come up with actual uses for some of these and it would be really interesting to see…
 
Book of Mild Darkness

This cursed book whispers dark thoughts into your head as you read it, urging you perform minor misdemeanors such a jaywalking or making copies of copyrighted physical media.

Sphere of Nihilism

This 2ft diameter sphere waxes philosophically about the meaninglessness of its existence to anyone within speaking distance of it.
 
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Robe of Useless Items

A robe with magical patches that transform into real items when removed, but those items include things like a pool noodle, a 10" pole, a cheese grater, 50' of rope cut into 3" lengths, a leaky bucket, and a banner emblazoned with "I Love Maurice."
 
I always liked the “invisibility ring.” If you put the ring on, it turns invisible.
 
Paul le Fou said:
Cloak of Visibility - The wearer is visible in dim light and darkness as though they were in bright light. Does not work in magical darkness.
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So, like this?
960px-Warnweste_gelb.jpg
 
Seven Minute Boots - the wearer gains the ability to run a mile in seven minutes once per long rest.
 
Clock of Elvenkind

This clock functions like a normal clock, but only ticks once every 100 seconds.
 
Bag of Ticks - It contains a fuzzy item. If you throw the fuzzy item, it transforms into a tick.

Bag of D—nevermind

Normal Bag of Beans - A bag of 8 beans. When you pick a bean out of the bag, roll a d100 to determine what kind of normal mundane bean or other legume you drew. If you plant one, they will sprout into a regular bean plant in one minute. The beans on this plant are edible right away but disappear after one hour.

Insignia of Paws - Your unarmed attacks cause the target to feel a fluffy sensation when struck. You have advantage on your next charisma check against them, since they think you're cute.

Javelin of Lightening - this Javelin weighs only one pound.
 
Deck of Many Things

This deck attaches to the back of any residential house, and provides a number of family luxuries including patio furniture, hanging daybed, sunshade, and a brick oven outdoor grill.
 
Cloak of Misplacement - This mundane-looking cloak will occasionally teleport itself to a random nearby (12' radius) location after it's taken off and nobody is looking at it.
 
Crystal Memory Viewer

A crystal ball that allows the user to view memories that have been magically imbued into gemstones and other artifacts. Using it requires paying a subscription fee of 300 gold per month, or else the ball will incinerate the memory objects instead. Using it to imbue memories into objects costs the user twice the gold.

Rod of Dousing

After being dipped in water, this rod can make others slightly damp, as if they forgot to bring an umbrella in a light drizzle.

Common Time Crystal

Allows the user to travel to the future at a rate of 1.05 seconds per seconds. Has a side effect of making music sound out of tune to the user, and also making the user slightly worse at videogames.

Endless Scroll of Knowledge

A scroll that contains the sum total of human knowledge from when it was created 3000 years ago. The user must scroll manually to the section they desire to read (assuming anyone in your party can read the obscure, forgotten script). The previous owner left the scroll in the middle of a series of imperial tax reports.
 
RT-55J said:
Endless Scroll of Knowledge

A scroll that contains the sum total of human knowledge from when it was created 3000 years ago. The user must scroll manually to the section they desire to read (assuming anyone in your party can read the obscure, forgotten script). The previous owner left the scroll
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on a complaint letter about a sub-standard shipment of copper.
 
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RT-55J said:
Common Time Crystal

Allows the user to travel to the future at a rate of 1.05 seconds per seconds. Has a side effect of making music sound out of tune to the user, and also making the user slightly worse at videogames.
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While generally useless to an adventurer, if you were somewhat more likely to die of old age, sticking that under your pillow every night (when you wouldn't notice any effect at all) might get you another year of life.
 
Tenser's Stationary Disk is a circular, horizontal plane of force, 3 feet in diameter and 1 inch thick, that sits immobile on the ground and can hold up to 50 pounds. If more weight is placed on it, the disc disappears and everything on the disk falls off and gets dirty.
 
Vorpal Butter Knife

This eating utensil can easily and cleanly slice through any non magical cooked food item meant for consumption by Humans and species with similar diets. Built in magical safety features prevent it from cutting anything else.
 
I know a few people who would love to have one of those in real life.
 
How about to go with the vest of visibility
Boots of Steel Toe - gives the wearer resistance to piercing, bludgeoning and slashing damage, but only on damage to the wearer's toes.

Goggles of Dark Vision - When worn, the wearer's vision is obscured as if they were in complete darkness. Protects the user from bright lights that would otherwise cause blindness.
 
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Ring of Magic Miss - Once per long rest, shoot one bolt of magical force that will always miss, even if aimed at the ground.
 
Boots of Speeding - while wearing the boots, use a bonus action to click the heels together to activate the effect. Your walking speed is doubled and any creature that makes opportunity attacks has disadvantage on the attack roll. After 10 minutes the magic ceases to function until a long rest.
If the wearer ever travels more than 308 feet in a single round, they are instantly transported to the nearest jail. ( i think i did the math right as 308 feet in 6 seconds is 35 mph) alternatively, maybe there should be a dice roll to randomize the distance to which the effect takes place. Or I also thought you roll 2d6 and if you roll doubles on 3 consecutive rolls you go to jail. I couldn't decide which was better, so pick your favorite.
 
The One Ring - This magic ring allows you to control any and all other magic rings - you can make any worn enchanted ring rotate slowly in its wearer's finger.
 
Boots of Attraction - These heavy iron boots slightly increase the gravitational force between the wearer and surrounding objects.
 
Fireball of Necklaces

This ball of flames was made by lighting a ball hemp necklaces tied together on fire.
 
Hat of Disguise

When not worn, this hat will create an illusion of being a different object that makes sense for wherever you left it.

When worn, it creates an illusion identical to the user, except that the illusion is wearing a different hat.
 
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