We’ve got a cavalcade of guest stars and nobody wanting to do their jobs in
Lords and Leaders!
First a quick recap since I covered the actual previous issue in my Thunderbolts thread; the Avengers travelled to scenic Wyoming, as they found out the Bolts were there and they’re *
technically* still wanted by the feds for being a super villain team. But then the Avengers realized the Bolts were actually good guys (mostly) when the two teams teamed up to defeat the giant robot Dominex. Melodrama wise; Iron Man is still recovering from having most of his skeleton pulverized, Firestar got a new costume that regulates her powers so they aren’t harming her anymore, Vision admits that he was making up the whole “I am a robot and therefor have no emotions” thing for Wanda’s benefit and has come to regret walking in on her and Simons non-stop make out sessions, and Simon is charmingly oblivious to all of this because he’s so happy to be alive again.
A lot of stuff for an issue that was 90% Superheroes Punching Each Other and Also a Giant Robot.
Anyhow; that’s not important to how this issue starts; afterall; Vance Astro and Firestar weren’t original character George made up for the team.
Well… Vance is clearly written as an author insert and Firestar came from the Spider-Man cartoons, but more canonically relevant they were part of…
The New Warriors!
The New Warriors were Marvels’ Early-Mid 90s version of the “Teen Superheroes Who Won’t Let Any Adults Tell Them What To Do” team. Not quite the most popular version of that particular archetype (arguably not even Marvels most popular take on that idea in the mid-90s), but it has its fans.
From left to right we have;
Speedball- bouncy chatterbox. Basically the teams Spider-Man, but without the angst. Later on he makes up for that by being nothing but angst.
Nova- Green Lantern except blue and gold. I like him *now* thanks to Al Ewing, but back then he was The Team Hothead
Vance Astro- I’ve mentioned him often in this very thread; pay attention
Rage- No idea. I guess he’s very strong and young enough to still be in school
Firestar- I’ve also mentioned her often in this very thread. You need to work on your reading comprehension skills.
Night Thrasher- Batman except Skateboards. I love him.
Not appearing in this issue (owing to some problems in Atlantis) is the teams *
other* female member; Namorita. She’s Namors cousin and is
generally less volatile than him and is also a blue, sexy fish lady.
Anyway, Vance and Firestar hadn’t hung out with their buddies in a while since they’ve been big time Avengers, and decided to check in on them, just as the New Warriors were in the midst of thwarting a mafia weapons deal. Which they handle easily since Vance and Firestar are used to dealing with magical demigods and alien invaders at this time; a palooka named “Junior” doesn’t really warrant that much emotional stress.
The Warriors allow one of the mafiosos to escape, since they put a tracker on him and figured he’d be heading to where the weapons warehouse were hiding, and so everyone takes five and heads back to their headquarters; a disheveled warehouse. And that was our cold open so, as per Kurt Busieks Marvel Writing Style Guide, that means it’s time to check in with all the characters personal arcs until something comic booky happens.
Firestar, now that she no longer has to fear her radioactive microwave powers is realizing how fun being a superhero is, and it’s really reinvigorated her love of the job.
Vance, spending some time with his old teammates starts to miss them and has second thoughts if he really deserves to be on the A-List Team
Tony is still in the hospital since he got most of his skeleton busted by the Legion of the Unliving
Wanda is trying to reconcile the weird love triangle she’s in, while also coping with the fact that she’s been using her powers wrong since her debut and is trying to figure out how to invoke Chaos Magick with no professional training whatsoever (surely this will not come back to bite her)
Simon learns he’s actually in a love triangle and decides… not to engage with it and let’s Wanda make her own choices there as it doesn’t affect his own feelings and he wants her to be happy, and besides, he's missed a LOT of good books and movies since he'd most recently died.
And Cap is presently showing up in a Deadpool story so he ain’t around.
This last point is relevant when Tony calls an emergency meeting of the team; an emergency *team building staff meeting* because they temporarily don’t have a chairperson and pointless hierarchies like that has been a staple of the Avengers since the Stan and Jack days.
Anyway, Cap is the current leader and chairman of the Avengers and he is off having his own adventure with the regeneration’ degenerate, and Tony is the co-chair and is also *basically* a beanbag chair at the moment so that means that the Avengers don’t actually have a leader right now. And the rest of the team pretty much yells “1-2-3 NOT IT” when Tony points out they need to appoint a secondary co-chair.
Thor is still struggling with having a secret identity as an ambulance driver so he’s out, Wasp is presently busy in a cross-time battle against several time-variants of Kang the Conqueror (well get to that eventually), Hawkeye left the team to run the Thunderbolts, the last time Vision lead the team he went all Skynet-y, Simon isn’t *
technically* an Avenger at the moment so much as he’s sleeping on their couch, and Vance and Angelica are waaaay too green to lead the team.
Which leaves…
Meanwhile, across town the New Warriors tracked the mafia goons to their weapon supplier, which is, perhaps unsurprisingly, Marvels go-to guys for Generic Mad Science Arms Deals; A.I.M. The warriors break in and Perez gets to say “OH BOY!” And proceed to do what he does best.
I’d say that the AIM Beekeepers put up much more resistance than the mafiosos did earlier but, well… they *
super* don’t. The New Warriors may be C-Listers but the day any given superhero can’t beat a room full of AIM henchman six ways from Sunday is a *
rare* sight.
It’s also an opportunity for Kurt to show off his love for obscure trivia as, among the crates of weapons is a box of Antarctic Vibranium; the super rare Chase Figure flavor of Vibranium that immediately dissolves any metal it comes in contact with (this may come up later in this very story)
Anyway, the New Warriors absolutely humiliate the on-site AIM security force, as well as all the mafia gun-runners and successfully beat every single member of their opposition completely unconscious and are just in the middle of their celebratory high-fives when, in true comic book fashion, the wall suddenly explodes and a Boss Monster walks in to the room;
This is
The Lord Templar; and he kind of looks like if the bad guy from Rock & Rule got a Masters of the Universe toy. We'll learn more about him in the not too distant future, but for right now, he wants everyone to know he's on a mission of peace, and he is therefor going to confiscate all the advanced futuristic weaponry created by a bunch of mercenary evil scientists to sell to super-criminals so he can use them to ENFORCE peace on the world.
The New Warriors collectively say "Oh... Nah" and flush with their recent victory attack the Templar... only to get absolutely *
pasted* for their efforts; Templar just absolutely wrecks them so severely with a single gesture while no-selling everything they bring against him, that Vance has to run off and call for the Avengers for help because this guy will
absolutely kill them without backup.
The Avengers get the call, and briefly debate if a New Warriors villain is
really in their weight class (the message cuts out before Vance can get to the fact that Templar is clearly not human and absurdly powerful), but decide to help the New Warriors on the ground that the signal was coming from mid-town so it's not like they'd have to waste any gas getting there.
Seriously, this is their rationale.
The Avengers arrive (also busting down a wall, because This Is Comics and Doors are for Chumps), and confront the Templar, who is happy to see them because he was starting to feel kind of awkward beating down a bunch of teenagers with inhuman strength and energy rays, and decides to show off what else he can do;
Namely that he can turn into a half dozen more guys!
The Avatars of Templar, besides strength of numbers, also each have their own unique abilities; ranging form conventional things like extreme speed and strength, to less conventional things like being made of Krackle, gun-fingers and... um... being pointy, and they choose their opponents well as they're able to fight the collected Avengers and New Warriors to a stand-still; when Wanda notices that, while Templar was pretty extravagant and bloviating before; he's gone completely silent and still while the Avatars are out there and fighting, and the Avatars are trying to block anything that approaches him.
Wanda figures that Templar must need to focus all his concentration on keeping the Avatars manifested, so she orders the teams to just hold back the Avatars to give Thor enough of a run-up to bash Templar as hard as he possibly can.
Which, being Thor, is pretty
friggin' damn hard.
Now, the unforeseen consequence of this is that Thor bashed Templar straight through that crate of Anti-Vibranium and caused its contents to spill all over the still active and armed weapons; instantly eroding any safety locks they had. Templar sees this and says "Oh frig...
*I gotta go*" and scrams while the Avengers and New Warriors get all the unconscious guys and themselves evacuated, and put up some safeguards to keep the impending explosion from blasting a crater the size of New York City into the middle of New York City.
Luckily they do, so no harm no foul.
All of which is enough convince Wanda that maybe she IS Avengers Leader material
Buuuuuut then we get an epilogue;
The Templar returns to his employers, a pair of mysterious armored individuals that his mission was a complete success; his actual goal was to sow distrust and paranoia among the Avengers, which he succeeded at by heavily implying that the government asked him to steal AIM weapons in order to conquer the planet.
And also Vance apparently had enough a crisis by how badly he was beaten by Templar that he was going to surprise Firestar by giving her what she clearly wanted all along; leaving the team and rejoining the New Warriors... only for FIrestar to show up and surprise HIM by saying she loves being an Avenger now and suggesting they move into the Mansion so they can do it full time.
It's like Gift of the Magi, but with Microwave Lasers!
NEXT TIME: The Boys Are Back In Town