Submit your resume now for a position on the board of SpiteAir!

Okay, this is going to be a REALLY long-form LP, as a way to make up for my X-Com flameout... with the advantage that, this time, I'm picking an SNES game so no dicking around with screenshots and being driven insane as a result.

Yes, Let's Play Aerobiz Supersonic, easily the best economic strategy game on the SNES and one of the best games on the system overall.

BUT! There is a catch! This one's going to be done all high concept lawyer-like. So, it will be up to YOU, the TTers, to run the airline, with me serving simply as legal counsel to your airline and advising you of options and potential business opportunities (read: basically doing what the game's actual board members do, only with more detail than "you may want to buy some 747s."

So, all interested in a board position, 10,000 shares of SpiteAir stock*, and knowledge that there's no "the world economy is going to hell in a handbasket" event in the 2000-2020 scenario, apply below.

DETAILS: We'll be going with scenario 2, "Air Travel Takes Off", simply because I hate the first one.

* NOT AN ACTUAL STOCK OFFERING. Just in case someone refers this to the SEC.

Hmm... sounds interesting. What's Aerobiz Supersonic like? I haven't heard about the game until now, so... yeah.

Sign me up.

If we sign up do we get to fly first class for free? Complimentary cocktails and foot rests than extend waaaaaaaayyyyyyy out to here? I'll be accepting a wet towellet like it's nobody's business.

Basically, let me know what qualifies you to run an airline. I'll have a student sort through the best responses and pick... well, let's say anywhere between four and eight members of the board for SpiteAir.

Frankly, I had figured on you, AV.

Depends on how the rest of the board feels about your lack of austerity, really.

What do you expect our resumes to look like, anyway? I assume you will not be checking references. That'll make things easier...

Usually I prefer my plane games to revolve around shooting the holy hell out of aliens, nazis and, occasionally, transparent Russian stand-ins/foreign nationalities, but I'm willing to give one that's non-violent in nature a shot.

Think of it as a creative writing exercise.

EG "Manager, Corneria Airship Lines, 2000-2006."

In all seriousness, all applications with at least one good line about why they should be in charge of a company so big that all expenses are divided by 1000 just so that the SNES can fit the numbers in will be accepted. I'd even be willing to take "well, I've never worked for Citibank, so I'm automatically more qualified than anyone there...."

This game is awesome!

I want to set our headquarters in LA for those juicy North America - Asia flights.

I remember that I picked up a Genesis copy (to go with my SNES) copy a couple years ago and when I put it in at 11pm to test it, I didn't end up turning it off until 3am (when some bastard airline was putting me out of business!)

This is one game where it's clearly better to play on an emulator, since you can eliminate all the horrible text speed problems (true for most KOEI games, come to think of it). I used to be able to turn around a full game in one hours' worth of play on the train ride home.

The board's first decision will be which hub to go with (okay, FIRST decision will be colour, but I assume it'll be TF green). Personally, I prefer Chicago, since that's the best balance between NA - Asia and NA - Europe, which are the big money routes. But I'll leave that up to everyone on the board; I assume there's a listing on GameFAQs of all potential hubs.

If this works, the next game will be trying to win starting from Delhi or something.

In Aerobiz, I ran a fat loss on every single Concorde flight my company ran. I sucked it up and kept running them because hey, Concorde.

I also promise to engage in corporate governance according to strict Friedman guidelines, but only because it pisses people off.

Couldn't you press a button to skip to the end of the text? I seem to remember doing this a lot. That said, I think I actually played through two games in that time frame.

Dude, don't make your LP readers do work. At least give them a list of hubs, if not a brief discussion on what ones tend to be better than others.

I actually think Chicago is a poor choice since a starting city on the edge of a region makes it easier to do long/medium routes to other regions. Hence my preference for Los Angeles in the North American region. I like LA because that makes it very easy to go to Tokyo, Singapore, and Mexico City - all very populous cities in other regions.

So yeah, as much as I hate LA, it's where our hub should be! That or Cairo.

Oh, don't worry, I'll post it.


Chicago gets all of those without a hitch (heck, most of those can fly 747s to New York), but it makes the Asia routes more valuable, which is why I like it. You only really get hurt in North America because you lose the cross-continental flights, but really you can usually win North America by maxing out Miami and Hawaii. My thing is that the only way Europe really becomes cost-effective quicky - since it's all short hops - is that you need a good haul from North America. Really, the best option is Tokyo - Paris - NY (two MASSIVE 747 money hauls out of Tokyo) and hope that you can negate any advantage the CPU takes over the Atlantic.

Also, it's VERY rare that the CPU sets up shop in Chicago unless they start there. That's a big help in terms of gates / hotels / etc.

Although, again, this is all part of the genius of the game - it's so deep that it's easy to argue stuff like this for hours.

OH god pick me pick me pick me!

Edit:

Qualifications: I'm actually applying on behalf of my client, illustrious hobo Ponzi-Scheme Jeremiah Ponzi, as seen below. My client's name makes him perfectly suitable for inspiring both consumer and investor confidence. Fly Ponzi, everyone else does it!

Name: Destil

Current Job: Writing revenue integrity software used by for many of the world's largest airlines including AA, United, Delta and Quantis.

Previous Airline Experience: I've been on a plane not once, but twice in my life.

Education: Rough

Why I'm the ideal candidate: Robots love me!

I played this once! It was kind of confusing, and I didn't get to fly any planes. Oh yeah, for the board, I nominate... this guy!

Hell, you're OVERQUALIFIED.

Okay, IDEA: but this runs the risk of the whole thing getting too complicated. Still, there is no progress without risk.
Start a two player game of Aerobiz and let's form two boards running two competing airlines.

SpiteAir and FrogAir maybe?

Name: CJ Awesome
Previous Employers: All out of business
Education: Wasted my student loans on video games and alcohol
Times mistakenly detained as a terrorist: 2
Spent more time in the mental hospital than at work in the past six months? Yes
Previous airline experience: I know all the lyrics to Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea

Good idea, but for the sake of expediency (and education, as some board members won't be vets of the game) let's hold off on that for the moment. If doing Scenario 2 works, we'll split the board for the big money game - namely, the joy that is Scenario 3.

Name: L. Fear
Level 8 Airline Passenger
Level 3 International Airline Passenger (Prestige Class)
+3 Resistence to Airsickness
Times mistakenly detained as a terrorist: 2
Education: Yes
Current Job: Yes
Starting Equipment: Overhead compartment shaped bag, lunch box, headphones
Special: Can equip female-only stewardess armor

Name: Octopus Prime
Current Occupation: Helping to save lives by selling food.
Previous Experience: Watched Airplane! and its sequel on multiple occasions.
Special Abilities: +4 Fire Resistance, +7 to Barter and Speech Skills. Immune to Petrification.
Times Mistakenly detained as a Terrorist: None, but here's hoping!

Name: Dr. Horatio Q. Brickroad III
Current Occupation: peemeister to the stars
Education: passed out the graham crackers during snack time
Hat: fedora
Special Abilities: only need one more stamp on my card before I get a free sandwich
Middle Initial Stands For: Qualified

Tuesday November 25, 2008

Mr. Sven *******
Chairman of the Board
SpiteAir Intercontinental Airlines
http://www.gamespite.net/talkingtime/member.php?u=445
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Dear Mr. Sven,

I am applying to your ad in the classifieds advertising positions on the Board of SpiteAir airlines, posted in the Gamespite Daily newspaper. I was referred to this position by a close acquaintance, Mr. [redacted], whom has had previous experience working with you personally.

I've had a large amount of experience in the aerospace industry, both as an intellectual and as a pilot, and am able to use that knowledge in an executive role to further the progress of the company. As you can see from my resume, I have a large amount of experience working in the various industries, and would be of great value on the Board of Directors.

You can find my resume included below. I would very much like to arrange for an interview at the earliest time convenient.

Sincerely,

PapillonReel

Mr. PapillonReel
http://www.gamespite.net/talkingtime/member.php?u=422
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
melomancy@yahoo.ca







EDUCATION

SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS

• BA in Aerospace Science.*
• Have experience working with various airline board members.
• Finished at top of the class.

WORK EXPERIENCE

Tour Guide - HYLIAN WORLD TOURS LMT.

• Worked May 2 - June 1.
• Intimate knowledge of rural customs and mores in several dozen European countries.
• Trained in self-defense and swordplay.
• An adept problem-solver with a long memory.
• Good with people, having experience in negotiations and diplomacy.

Captain - ORELUS RESISTANCE FORCE

• Served June 22 - November 30.
• Experience in crew management, dragon feeding and both beginner and advanced military tactics.
• Helped a struggling revolution succeed, overthrowing a militaristic empire and saving the known world as we know it.
• Has flown a ship made of solid rock into the upper levels of the ionosphere.

Pilot - CORNERIAN AIR FORCE

• Served October 6th - November 30th
• Expert pilot serving in Lylat War 1.
• Fought Andross to defeat three separate times.
• A team player - worked with allies of various ethnicities and backgrounds with little to no complaint.
• Finished service at wars end, worked as mercenary for several months.

PERSONAL

Is fluent in English and can speak minor amounts of both French and Italian, is personally trained in various instruments and has engaged in free-form writing in spare time. Also has indirectly supported various charity aid groups such as FES-AID, if not financially so.



*Note: The contents of this resume are largely fictional, and, aside from the personal information, are not to be taken seriously. PapillonReel has no actual experience in the aerospace industry, and is mostly exaggerating for comedic effect. Also, PapillonReel is a huge nerd with an ego, so ignore any and all references to his other LPs.

Damn, son. You're wasted on the travel business; you know that?

I just like to do what I do best, sir. *salutes*

Seeing as how one's experience and education are generally irrelevant compared to one's last name when trying to apply for a board of directors, let us say that for this experiment my name is actually Hughbert Kennedy-Rockefeller IV.
I drank my way through both Harvard and Yale and have recently taken to wearing a monocle. I often dress as if I am on my way or just returning from a polo game, but have never played polo. I have a laundry list of failed business ventures littering my past, which my team of lawyers is currently in the process of acquiring bailout money from the government as compensation for.
Even if I am not on the board, I will show up as if I am and drink martinis during each executive meeting, clapping members on the back after each session in camaraderie and occasionally adopting a faux-British accent.

Sorry, it's company policy that all governance-related personnel be fluent in Lefeinish. However, we offer remedial classes with a Dr. U. Nne - he's apparently quite famous - which are mandatory for those which do not speak the language. Hazards of incorporating in a tin-pot little Ivalician country, I suppose. Your experience with the Cornerian Air Force, however, is noteworthy and places you highly in our search, as it's always good to have a token military man on a board to provide an air of respectability in the red states.

Pledge seed money and a seat is yours!

This would greatly cut down on our in-flight meal* costs.

* - No, you don't actually have to worry about that. For a game where you DO, go play the PC sim AirBucks (which is circa 1990).

But did you order the fish?

I did not, but I forgot to include on my application that I speak jive.

Oh man, I played me the hell out of some AirBucks. Vick's Viscounts for life, yo!