I Smite for the Trees! Let's play... FAXANADU!

Welcome back to the LP forum, dudes and ladies! Guess what your ol' Canuckle-headed pal is going to play and then jabber endlessly about this time? Wellsir, if you happened to glance at the threads title before you clicked on it, you can probably guess with some amount of accuracy. But lets assume that you're the type who clicks on threads without reading them first. You weirdo, you. In this case, it is Faxanadu! A side-scrolling adventure/platformer not entirely dissimilar to Zelda 2 or Battle of Olympus. Hopefully it is not as... err... openly hostile... as Battle of Olympus at least. I would hate to handle a thing like that twice.

Anyhow, the boring part of any first post in any given LP I write is the history of it, and so lets get that out of the way. Faxanadu is actually part of the Xanadu series, which is part of the Dragon Slayer series, which also includes Legacy of the Wizard and a hand-ful of PSP games which tend to vary between being detested and beloved, depending on the title in question. The series origins are VAST and confusing. While the other games in the series were some degree of dungeon crawlers, Faxanadu was, as noted above, a side-scroller with a heavy dosage of RPG elements. Its also one NUTSO BROWN game. It held the record for having the MOST Brown of any game I'd played up until Resistance 2 came out.

Faxanadu has little-to-nothing to do with the rest of the series, and focuses on Some Guy coming home after a long time spent Adventurin' and discovering that the gigantic tree his hometown was built in is looking pretty shoddy, and he opts to solve that problem by killing the HELL out of everything inside it.

And thats the pre-amble, lets get crackin' on the actual GAME part, shall we?



======================



This brown chap on a brown road (heading towards a marginally less brown tree) is our hero. Returning home after a long journey spent... presumably killing monsters for money and experience points. Dungeon Crawling Heroes aren't good for much else. As he approaches the base of the tree, the screen shifts to the side-scrolling view we will be growing increasingly familiar with. As he approaches the brown gate of the brown town, he proceeds to yammer on and ON to nobody about nothing.

Admittedly, that doesn't look like a terribly lot of dialogue, but considering how slowly it scrolls along, it is PLENTY enough, thanks.

Actuallly, you know? This Guy needs a name. Lets see... he's primarily concerned with the welfare of a tree, and his first option he tries for solving any problem is to beat it up so... lets call him The Lummox



Despite coming home from a long journey, The Lummox starts the game with Squat-All to his name other then the Leather Shirt on his back. As you can tell from the status bar on the top of the screen, he also starts with no MP and barely any health. Either the trip back from his Long Journey wore him right the hell out, or else The Lummox didn't actually go anywhere and he's just a wuss.

But whatever the reasoning, he's outside Hometown right now, so why not enter that door that blends in so well with the wall surrounding it.



As should not be entirely surprising, towns are where you find people who give you important clues as to what to do next. In this case, its less of a clue and more of a demand to see the King. Whatever, I'm not taking advice from someone who doesn't even have a text portrait.

I head to the right.



And traipse straight into the hands of...

What the hell? Some kind of disembodied head that bounces around on its arms? What?



Since The Lummox doesn't have any means whatsoever for defending himself, and because his health bar is nearly empty from the getgo, the Pogohead immediately kills him. Ordinarily, this would be a terribly annoying setback, especially so early in the game, but, in this specific case, there's more advantage to dying then staying alive.

Y'see, in this game, continuing tops off your health and magic bars, at the expense of most of your money and experience. How much you keep depends on your current experience level which leads to pretty obvious ways to game the system, say by using up all your money buying items, then using a password and getting some of it back. This was Young Octos clever plan for reducing grinding.

Oh, and when you die, the game tells you to buck up and try again in via a vaguely spiritual sounding pile of text.



Anyhow, when you continue, you start off from the most recent church, which puts me ahead, like, one screen to the left from where I was originally. So not really saving much time there.



Luckily, despite what that one guy said, this church was actually supposed to be our first stop, since the priest hands off a Ring of Elf that Identifies The Lummox as being... well... some guy who talked to this priest, I guess.



Oh, and the lady outside the church tells us the name of the place. This town is Eolis, and it is an Elf Town. Elves, in Faxanadu act more or less as one might expect;

Which is to say; pushy, racist assholes. It should also be noted that in this game, "Dwarf" does not refer to a tiny, hairy miner, as one tends to think when one thinks of a dwarf, nor does it refer to a person with dwarfism.

No, that bouncing head-hand guy? That was a dwarf.



These shambling cactus-y.... organisms? They too, are dwarves.

Anyway, since The Lummox still lacks any weapons at all, he has no means to defeat these particular dwarves but, luckily, they can be hopped over. This is good since the Kings Castle is on the other side of them.



Okay... that was... abrupt. I'm guessing I missed a couple of important lines from my efforts to transribe the King. That, or he's had a concussion recently. Whatever, the important thing is that we now have a REALLY vague goal to work towards (Find water?) and, more importantly, Money, with which gear may be bought!





And, as luck would have it, one of those buildings we passed by was a Tool Shop that specializes in items for the discerning Wandering Hero!

Hand Dagger is the weakest, crappiest weapon in the game, but unlike using your fists, its actually possible to damage enemies with it.
Deluge is a magic spell that, despite what the name suggests, shoots a single ball of fire out. Its WAY better then the dagger, but is limited by your magic.
Red Potions will totally refill your health bar, and it would have been smart for me to buy a couple. Oh well.
Elixirs will totally refill both your health AND magic should you die. Buying a couple of them would have been even smarter then buying a Red Potion. OH WELL!

As implied, I bought the Knife and Deluge and nothing else. Because I am an idiot.



Beside the Tool Shop is a Key Shop, where the only item on sale is a magic key that will open any door inscribed with the name "Jack". Which is pretty damn puzzling. How secure are Jack Doors if you can just buy a key that opens them at a convenience store? It explains how the guy can manage to stay in business considering how he only sells one item, at least.



Also in town is a gym that will restore a sizable chunk of health for a nominal fee. As opposed to a real-life gym, which would leave you entirely too exhausted to properly defend yourself from "Dwarves".



Speaking of Dwarves, now that we have a knife and the ability to chuck out fireballs, we can actually fight those stupid things! Well, sorta. The squiggly cactus things are too close to the ground for your knife to reach them and The Lummox never quite picked up on the technique for both crouching and attacking. The Deluge's, however, are a bit larger then the knife, and thus can actually hit these stupid things. However, the only items that the cactus-things drop are loaves of bread which restore a weensy bit of health.

Bread carried around by fanged lumps of mucus is both delicious and healthy!



We can also now fight the Pogohead as well! It's large enough that the dagger CAN hit it! However, due to the Daggers laughable range and the Pogoheads erratic movements, fighting it is a bit more difficult then fighting the wimpiest monster in the game should be.

Killing Pogohead causes him to drop a bouncy coin worth 50 Golds! Hot DAMN!



Pogohead was guarding the only door out of Eolis, and the door was locked by one of those Jack doors I mentioned before. Luckily, I bothered to buy a Jack Key at the Jack Key Store, and unlocked the Jack Door with it.

Now, in a sensible game, this action would remove the Jack Door as an obstacle for the rest of the game, or else I would keep the Jack Key to unlock other doors named Jack. Not so; the door will be just as locked as ever if I ever backtracked this way and the key would have to be purchased anew. This is PROBABLY how the key salesman stays in business.

And thats the first weensy bit of the game. Next time? We see whats past the Jack Door!

Needs more brown.

I loved Faxanadu so hard as a kid! I found the way the NPCs' eyes blinked at the same rate as the lip flaps to be endlessly fascinating.

This game always bored me to tears about an hour or two into it so I'm looking forward to seeing this game finished...

I'm guessing we'll see brown things beyond the 'jack door'

The key man smokes cigarettes! HOW DID THIS GET PAST NINTENDO'S CENSORSHIP!?

Well, it came out around the same time that Rad Spencer was exploding Hitlers noggin like a potato in the microwave. Maybe the same guy was looking over both games.

It's not a lit cigarette, so it's okay.

I think it's safe to say that this thread does not have enough golds. We'll need to remedy that as the LP progresses.

Hey it's Faxanadu! That game with elves that look like normal humans and dwarves that look like freaky monster things!

It's definitely a very brown game, but that looks a lot better in eight bits than it does in 3D. It really gives the game a distinct look.

Bionic Commando also had the "Damn fool" line, Clash at Demonhead has smoking in the good ending as well as Joe's face looking bloodied, Metal Gear had cigarettes in its inventory, Princess Tomato still had some cigarettes in an ash tray as well a cigarette box shaped house, Shadowgate got away with the words hell and holy a few times along with a dead wolf bleeding with an arrow pierced in its side, Castlevania regularly got away with crosses in most circumstances and even snuck in a little blood, Ninja Gaiden II had a pentagram and a pool of blood, and Maniac Mansion's exploding hamster snuck by in the initial printing because only Razor or Syd would actually blow it up.

The old Nintendo of America's Censor Squad was strict, but they weren't consistent or perfect. They seemed to flip flop on the whole cross thing, with the Castlevanias getting away with most of theirs and the first two Zeldas having crosses on shields and graves (and as an item in II), but having them replaced in the Dragon Warriors, Uninvited, and the Earthbound Zero/Mother 1 prototype cart.

"Hey, are those cigarettes?"

"What? Those? No, those are, um, elf faggots."

"Oh, well, that's alright, then."

Likewise.

Oh my god its a OctoPrime LP its been ages since the last one wow

Wasn't there some kind of trick where you could spend all your money and the King would give you some more?

This, maybe?

This guy is smorking too! With a two-frame animation! The corruption of our youth by the yellow menace! My, some day, they may end up exploding Hitler's head and saying "get the heck out of here, you nerd!" Anarchy! Chaos!

ok, once and for all, fax-ana-do, or fah sha na du?

Apparently, "Faa-Zan-a-doo"

it's just 'Xanadu' with a FA in front of it, c'mon

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And here were gardens bright with sinuous rills
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced;
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail:
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean:
And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war!

The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves:
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!
A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 't would win me
That with music loud and long,
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.

Faxanadu was brown before brown was cool.

When has brown ever been cool?

Brown was the old black.

For many years Battle of Olympus tricked me into thinking it was good. I never had that problem with Faxanadu.

=(

Well to be fair, The Battle of Olympus was basically like Zelda 2 but with the more Zelda 1-ish stuff that had been cut, like weapon and shield upgrades and tools with more utility than being funny shaped keys for funny shaped doors.

It's just that its difficulty is set to arcade quarter muncher levels and the passwords don't work half the time. I hate that stupid Lamia. >_<;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Brown

ファザナドゥ

More like "Fah-xa-na-D'OH!" amirite