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  #13651  
Old 02-23-2017, 11:11 PM
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I played some modem noise to my cousin (13 years old) and told her it was an early dubstep song from the mid 2000s, and she believed me.
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  #13652  
Old 02-24-2017, 03:13 AM
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A basketball player talking about their victory post-game last night:

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Iím a pizza guy. But when you really think about it, what is pizza? Itís just dough, sauce, cheese and dedication.
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  #13653  
Old 02-24-2017, 08:42 AM
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Lentils Calorie Inconsistencies. Help, Please. (self.Fitness)
-- submitted 42 minutes ago * by Damn-hell-ass-king
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  #13654  
Old 02-24-2017, 10:25 AM
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Life hack: if you need a loan from your family but can't tell them what it's really for, say it's for speakers and microphones. No one will refuse loaning for a sound investment.
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  #13655  
Old 02-24-2017, 12:46 PM
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  #13656  
Old 02-25-2017, 02:50 PM
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Default Warning: This post may contain spoilers for the hit CW show Riverdale!!

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Who Killed Jason Blossom Theory: Jason Blossom!

"Do you mean Jason shot himself in his own forehead?" No, that's ridiculous. Don't be silly.

I mean Jason Blossom is alive, and the dead and water bloated red-headed corpse fished out of Sweetwater River is actually that of one Archie Andrews.

Jason wasn't selling all his junk so he could run away from Riverdale to be with Polly Cooper; it was for the expensive plastic surgery needed to transform him into Riverdale's most unassuming teenage everyman that he most closely resembles. That's why the various Blossoms can't help but see Jason every time they look at Archie; they're literally seeing Jason.

Of course Jennifer Gibson -- i.e. Hot Ms. Grundy -- was in on it. She already knows something about assuming a new identity, we know that she privately tutored Jason during the previous school year.

Hot Grundy and Jason concoted a plan where she would seduce poor, dumb Archie Andrews and lure him to the river on the same day he convinced Cheryl he intended to dissappear. Jason stumbles upon Grundy and Archie soaking wet, and good guy Archie -- completely unaware of the terrible fate that's about to befall him -- tries to help out Jason right up until the moment where he finds himself in the shack where he's going to be tortured and eventually shot in the face.

Jason then disappears -- his dad thinks he's a on a trip with Jughead, and Jughead thinks he got straight up abandoned -- to get his face surgically altered to resemble that of his victim. Suddenly Archie's completely ripped. Suddenly Archie's very into music, which we can assume Jason was considering he was being tutored by Hot Grundy. Suddenly Archie is captain of the varsity football squad material, just like Jason.

A red-headed body shows up floating in the river, with a hole in its face, and no one's going to assume it's Archie. No one's going to look too close. Can't be Archie, he's down at Pop's Chock'lit Shoppe! Why, surely that's the missing body of Jason Blossom.

"Why would he do any of that?" you ask. I don't know. Yet. Is it so Jason can finally be with his one true love, Cheryl? Is it because Jason somehow learned of Hiram Lodge's connection to the Southside Serpents and he wants to exploit Jughead's relationship with his father to somehow hurt the Lodges? Is it so he can finally know what it's like to be a normal teenage everyman? Only time will tell, but Jason 100% murdered Archie and has assumed his identity.

It's the only thing that makes sense!

Last edited by Healy; 02-25-2017 at 02:51 PM. Reason: Key word: "may"
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  #13657  
Old 02-26-2017, 01:25 PM
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While we're sort of on the subject, can we address the whole "he who smelt it dealt it" policy in regards to trumping? This is a ridiculous ideology to subscribe to, I have never farted then gone "woah who did that fart?" as an elaborate gaslighting conspiracy to push blame elsewhere. In the vast majority of cases, those who smell it, do not deal it.
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  #13658  
Old 02-27-2017, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bongo Bill View Post
gaslighting
Excellent
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  #13659  
Old 03-01-2017, 02:59 PM
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Default It hurts! The laughing.

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  #13660  
Old 03-01-2017, 03:39 PM
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Good resume
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  #13661  
Old 03-01-2017, 04:50 PM
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Nothing quite like a resume that yells "I'm qualified as hell!", except, I guess, for a resume that yells literally everything.
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  #13662  
Old 03-01-2017, 05:09 PM
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HIRED.
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  #13663  
Old 03-02-2017, 09:06 AM
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basically just posting these for droewyn








swordlesbianopinions is really the best tumblr
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  #13664  
Old 03-02-2017, 09:17 AM
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you should meet my anime trash gay swordswoman friend someday, she is totally a real person and not someone I made up to feel included in this conversation
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  #13665  
Old 03-02-2017, 09:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teg View Post
swordlesbianopinions is really the best tumblr
OK yeah but I see a lot of Uranus and nothing of Utena.

I mean:

Quote:
C'mon that caption is begging for an Utena cap.

And Utena's rapier is longer and you can lean on it comfortably but Uranus' Space Sword is short and you'd have to be lying down to lean on ooooooooooooooh
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  #13666  
Old 03-02-2017, 12:01 PM
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  #13667  
Old 03-02-2017, 12:33 PM
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On the bright side, once they get it, they'll upgrade it into a meme so dank it dwarfs the biggest Federation starships. Yes I know it's talking about Voyager 1 instead of 6.
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  #13668  
Old 03-02-2017, 12:42 PM
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"Lo! We come from beyond your star system seeking the third planet in the nine-planet system depicted on this plate!"

"We only have eight planets."

"...huh. All right. Be seeing you."
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  #13669  
Old 03-02-2017, 01:22 PM
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Odds are the solar system has somewhere in the double digits in terms of planets, though 9+ are all located out in the Oort cloud.
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  #13670  
Old 03-02-2017, 01:48 PM
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Speaking of which:

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  #13671  
Old 03-02-2017, 02:19 PM
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Quote:
Let's assume the baseline stats are 10 in all fields (STR, DEX, CON, INT, WIS, CHA)
Then let us listen to the lyrics.

>There's no man in town as admired as you, you're everyone's favorite guy
+1 CHA
>No one as slick as Gaston
+1 CHA
>No one's quick as Gaston
+1 DEX
>No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
+1 CON
>For there's no man in town half as manly
+1 STR
>As perfect, a pure Paragon
Class: Paladin
>And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
+1 CHA
>No one's been like Gaston
+1 CHA
>No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
+1 CHA
>As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
+1 CHA
>My what a guy, that Gaston!
+1 CHA
>Give five "hurrahs!"
+5 CHA
>Give twelve "hip-hips!"
+12 CHA
>Gaston is the best
+1 ALL
>No one fights like Gaston
+1 STR
>Douses lights like Gaston
+1 WIS
>In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
+1 STR
>For there's no one as burly and brawny
+1 CON
>As you see I've got biceps to spare
+1 STR
>Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
+1 CON
>And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
+1 CON
>No one hits like Gaston
+1 STR
>Matches wits like Gaston
+1 WIS
>In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
>I'm especially good at expectorating!
+2 DEX
>So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
+10 CON
>No one shoots like Gaston
+1 DEX
>Makes those beauts like Gaston
+1 CHA
>Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
+10 Movement speed
>I use antlers in all of my decorating!
+10 interior decorating

Which puts Gaston at
16 STR
15 DEX
25 CON
11 INT
13 WIS
36 CHA

High STR/DEX
Incredibly CON
Average INT/WIS
Legendary CHA
Great stats for a paladin.
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  #13672  
Old 03-02-2017, 02:25 PM
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Those do seem like incredibly likely stats for a tabletop gaston
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  #13673  
Old 03-02-2017, 02:26 PM
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Aye, there's no way that Gaston's not an insufferable twink.
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  #13674  
Old 03-02-2017, 02:28 PM
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fwiw swap dex and cha and I think you have high fantasy ryan lochte
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  #13675  
Old 03-02-2017, 02:44 PM
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  #13676  
Old 03-02-2017, 04:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBear View Post
Aye, there's no way that Gaston's not an insufferable twink.
Yeah, but one failed Climb check...
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  #13677  
Old 03-02-2017, 06:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zef View Post
OK yeah but I see a lot of Uranus
Are you two like sexting or something?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MagFlare View Post
Yeah, but one failed Climb check...
Critical Failures do suck.
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  #13678  
Old 03-02-2017, 08:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBear View Post
Aye, there's no way that Gaston's not an insufferable twink.
I don't think your definition of twink is my definition of twink...
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  #13679  
Old 03-02-2017, 10:53 PM
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  #13680  
Old 03-03-2017, 02:38 AM
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I'm disappointed that she didn't mention certain species of frogs. The kind that makes life find a way.

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