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  #1  
Old 01-25-2017, 04:04 AM
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Default shit machiatto

Just had an absolutely appalling machiatto. Revolting.

Anyone else's coffee substandard?
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  #2  
Old 01-25-2017, 04:57 AM
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I absolutely hate coffee so all my coffee is substandard.

Strangely enough though I can tolerate cappucino frosting/ice cream.
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Old 01-25-2017, 05:01 AM
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Folger's, probably. But I have a pretty high tolerance for shitty coffee as long as it adequately delivers caffeine to me. I've had many a gas station 20 oz on long drives.
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Old 01-25-2017, 05:13 AM
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I'm quite the coffee cunt as I've worked as a barista twice. Can't be doing with shit coffee.
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Old 01-25-2017, 05:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by madhair60 View Post
Just had an absolutely appalling machiatto. Revolting.

Anyone else's coffee substandard?
Did you ask for a "shit machiatto"? Because if you did, that's all on you.
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  #6  
Old 01-25-2017, 06:17 AM
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I have horrible coffee every day because of work. I really need to just bring in my own grinds and a french press but I'm LAAAZZY
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Old 01-25-2017, 06:20 AM
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Thread: "Anybody else had substandard coffee?"

First reply: "I don't like coffee"

point mate

point of that
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  #8  
Old 01-25-2017, 06:24 AM
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Why is Starbucks so popular when it's both 1) expensive and 2) bad?
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Old 01-25-2017, 06:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki View Post
Why is Starbucks so popular when it's both 1) expensive and 2) bad?
Good old fashioned gumption. Open a store every ten feet and people are going to buy your crap. See also: Subway.
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  #10  
Old 01-25-2017, 06:31 AM
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My wife goes crazy for it. She'll go out of her way, past many other coffee options, to spend eight dollars on drink loaded with suger and milk.

Why?
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Old 01-25-2017, 06:52 AM
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TRUE story

I once had a "meatball marinara" from subway

a fortnight later, I accidentally belched.

tasted Meatball Marinara.

Never went to Subway again.
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  #12  
Old 01-25-2017, 07:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki View Post
Why is Starbucks so popular when it's both 1) expensive and 2) bad?
guesses are:
it's fashionable
it's everywhere
it's easy to reference for people that don't know much about coffee and coffee-adjacent drinks and are nervous about trying a place that's real serious about it.

and then the other may be their marketing relating to ethical consumption and all that but i think that's getting a bit cynical now (especially since most every coffee shop that isn't dunkin donuts or something markets that way)
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Old 01-25-2017, 07:11 AM
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every coffee is good
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  #14  
Old 01-25-2017, 07:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki View Post
Why is Starbucks so popular when it's both 1) expensive and 2) bad?
fun fact, I used to help run the in-store Starbucks kiosk program at my company. so I'm qualified to answer!

1) Starbucks has a very, very high standard for customer service. Baristas are trained within an inch of their lives.

2) consistency. Every Starbucks is the same. You know exactly what you're getting. This kind of reproducibility is why McDonald's became some big.

3) branding and marketing: Starbucks is really good at it.

4) Most people don't know what really good coffee can be like if they haven't had it.

5) The CEO has talked about SB being a 'third place' - third places are hangout joints where you can feel comfortable spending time in (work and home being the first two places). If you see a Starbucks sign, you know you've found a place where you can sit and chillout for a bit. No one's going to fuss at you if you take 45 minutes to finish your brewed coffee.

The reason SB coffee is bad is because they over-roast their beans. Because SB is devoted to making sure all SB coffee is uniform, they up how long they roast their beans to mask the differences you get with beans from different plantations harvested at different times of year. (Quality independent coffee roasters adjust the roast level with every batch of beans to make sure they're playing to the strengths of that particular batch of coffee beans.)

funnily enough, studies have shown that a Starbucks in the neighborhood tends not to drive independent coffeeshops out of business. What happens is that consumers get used to buying pricier/fancier coffee, and then some of them get educated enough that they realize that SB coffee is bad coffee. They then switch over to independent coffeeshops, which tend to work with quality small roasters.
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Old 01-25-2017, 07:29 AM
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That was a very informative post. Thank you!

But I find decorations of quality customer service surprising when they make orders wrong fifty percent of the time no exaggeration.
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  #16  
Old 01-25-2017, 07:59 AM
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Just order plain coffee, ya fuckin high society city father
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  #17  
Old 01-25-2017, 08:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki View Post
That was a very informative post. Thank you!

But I find decorations of quality customer service surprising when they make orders wrong fifty percent of the time no exaggeration.
*shrug* you may have a shitty local SB, then. Regardless, even if your local SB has good service, they're still making bad coffee.
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  #18  
Old 01-25-2017, 08:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki View Post
My wife goes crazy for it. She'll go out of her way, past many other coffee options, to spend eight dollars on drink loaded with suger and milk.

Why?
I love me some coffee loaded to death with sugar and milk, but Starbucks is still bad (because of the over-roasting) and used only as a last resort. Local shops ftw, mostly.

Of course, I also don't tolerate caffeine well so I get decaf, and am basically having it as a treat/dessert. So my coffee opinions aren't really relevant to most people looking for a basic pick-me-up.
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  #19  
Old 01-25-2017, 08:51 AM
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Starbucks has several advantages for me; it's a short, easy walk to one when I'm on a lunch break, shorter than any other coffee shop. While expensive, their coffees are much more consistent in quality than Tim Hortons', and there are comfortable leather chairs and soft jazz playing constantly which all helps me relax as quickly as possible.

Also, as UUDD pointed out, the staff is almost pathologically nice.
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  #20  
Old 01-25-2017, 09:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taosterman View Post
Just order plain coffee, ya fuckin high society city father
oh I do. But Jess sends me out with a very specific "Grande Lowfat White Mocha No Whip" order and then I get home and she takes a sip and says "this isn't white" or "this isn't lowfat" and then I have to go back and tell them they messed up and it's a huge hassle it's not like I said the order wrong I'm literally like "hi can I get a grande LOW. FAT. WHITE mocha" only for them forget between the time the word enters their ears to when they write it on the cup or the cup codes are right but the drink is still wrong and it happens all the time and I got to wonder how the company has a rep for good service when it happens all the time.

I donno, maybe it's a Colorado thing.
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  #21  
Old 01-25-2017, 09:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki View Post
Grande Lowfat White Mocha No Whip
I think we've found the root cause of the problem

Quote:
I donno, maybe it's a Colorado thing.
well, this is probably a contributing factor puff puff pass
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  #22  
Old 01-25-2017, 09:30 AM
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Quote:
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"Grande Lowfat White Mocha No Whip"
This isn't even english.
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  #23  
Old 01-25-2017, 09:34 AM
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several NM starbucks have a chile frap, which is one thing I don't think the local coffee chain of note here in ABQ does. But maybe I should come in sometime and see if I can get that as a custom order
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  #24  
Old 01-25-2017, 09:40 AM
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I tend to stay away from the fancy coffees flooded with milk, sugar and cream so the only "bad" coffee I've had (since I'll drink anything from the crap at gas stations to shmancy Stahbarks) is the one time someone at work cleaned out the Keurig with white vinegar and the coffee ... tasted sour ... yuck.
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  #25  
Old 01-25-2017, 09:41 AM
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The coffee I've been making at home has either been getting progressively worse, or my flavor palate's off since moving to WI.

Toddy Cold Brew
12-16 oz of beans, typically a darker roast, medium-course grind (not pre-ground)
Brew for 18-24 hours, depending on how much coffee is in the pot

When I first made the cold brew, I was amazed at how good it tasted, not bitter or harsh at all. Now, it just tastes fine, maybe a bit on the bitter side. In AZ, I would use Brita filtered water, since the tap water was horrible. Here, the tap water is actually drinkable, so we don't have a filter.
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  #26  
Old 01-25-2017, 10:46 AM
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it ok to complain about shitea?

let me know if i need to make another thread for all the awful substandard swill that has claimed to be tea.

kindest regards, etc
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  #27  
Old 01-25-2017, 11:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki View Post
"Grande Lowfat White Mocha No Whip"
I'll see you and raise a Fresco Gordita, substitute meat for beans.

The flipside of chain restaurant consistency is that special orders or substitutions don't fit neatly into the assembly line. When I was younger it was something that would turn me from mild-mannered nerd into a teeth-gnashing, vein-popping John K. cartoon. If my friends and loved ones can't eat, then I can't eat; and if I can't eat, there's going to be a problem.

I am neutral on Starbucks, I've certainly had (and made) better there's times when I've been at a rest stop or something and see one and it's like seeing an oasis. "Better than gas station coffee" is not exactly a ringing endorsement but I'll stand by it.
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  #28  
Old 01-25-2017, 11:44 AM
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This coffee, this coffee right here, in my own damn home, is terrible. It's more astringent than bitter. It tastes of honey rather than sugar. This is no doubt the worst cup of coffee I've ever--

wait, this is tea

carry on
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  #29  
Old 01-25-2017, 01:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pudik View Post
I have horrible coffee every day because of work. I really need to just bring in my own grinds and a french press but I'm LAAAZZY
The bad coffee at my office was bad enough that I was doctoring it with 2x flavored creamers, and then it just became cloyingly sweet. So I started doing the thing that you are procrastinating on, just last week, and it's really easy and great. I recommend it.
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  #30  
Old 01-25-2017, 02:05 PM
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I bought some Maxwell House for work. It's Maxwell House. I am able to accept that.
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