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  #1  
Old 06-16-2011, 05:58 PM
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Default Gripe About What You Cooked Today

(inspired by Turnip)

Tried to make homemade Pad Thai this evening, but I was missing fish sauce. Unfortunately, sesame seed oil & Thai garlic-chili paste will not make up for this. Blast!
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Old 06-16-2011, 08:43 PM
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Next time try puréeing a bunch of sardines with a few tablespoons of salt and a cup of water!

I didn't cook it, and it was actually last night, but I finished off a small jar of pickled herring Cat had left open in the fridge before going on vacation. My stomach did not approve.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:50 PM
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Usually beef roasts thrown into the slow cooker with some broth and vegetables can't help but turn out well. Today I was using this grass-fed beef that cooks differently, and the roast ended up tough and flavorless, like a bicycle inner tube made out of muscle fibers.
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Old 03-30-2012, 11:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caviar.n.cigarettes View Post
(inspired by Turnip)

Tried to make homemade Pad Thai this evening, but I was missing fish sauce. Unfortunately, sesame seed oil & Thai garlic-chili paste will not make up for this. Blast!
You can do a rough substitute for fish sauce by combining both soy and worcestershire sauce in equal proportions.
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Old 03-31-2012, 10:15 AM
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You just solved all my problems, hito. Thank you.
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Old 03-31-2012, 12:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Lady View Post
You just solved all my problems, hito. Thank you.
ALL of them!? Wow, that was easy!
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Old 04-01-2012, 01:56 AM
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Quote:
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ALL of them!? Wow, that was easy!
Lady had 99 problems but now fish sauce ain't any of them.
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Old 05-20-2012, 01:54 AM
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So somehow I managed to make a huge batch of macaroni and cheese that is simultaneously entirely too rich yet extraordinarily bland. I did not know it was possible to combine these two elements.
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Old 08-14-2012, 07:10 AM
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I had this rad idea for a spinach-artichoke pasta casserole, but in the end it just turned out way too acidic. It needed something sweet in there to break it up a bit, I think. Golden raisins, maybe?
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Old 08-14-2012, 07:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MagFlare View Post
I had this rad idea for a spinach-artichoke pasta casserole, but in the end it just turned out way too acidic. It needed something sweet in there to break it up a bit, I think. Golden raisins, maybe?
that would work. alternate suggestions: roasted sweet potato chunks, sundried tomatoes. What cheeses are you using? Swiss or chevre would mellow things out.
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Old 08-14-2012, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by upupdowndown View Post
that would work. alternate suggestions: roasted sweet potato chunks, sundried tomatoes. What cheeses are you using? Swiss or chevre would mellow things out.
I mixed cream cheese throughout and melted some mozzarella over the top. The sun-dried tomatoes are a solid suggestion, and sweet potato might just be crazy enough to work.
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Old 08-14-2012, 08:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MagFlare View Post
I mixed cream cheese throughout and melted some mozzarella over the top. The sun-dried tomatoes are a solid suggestion, and sweet potato might just be crazy enough to work.
Roasted sweet potato goes shockingly well with Italian or Mexican flavor palettes. It's often a big feature for me in a frittata with greens of some sort and swiss or mozzarella.

Also: try roasting little chunks of sweet potato, then refrigerating them and using in a tossed salad along with nuts, crumbled cheese, tomatoes, etc.

In sum: SWEET POTATOES 4 LYFE
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  #13  
Old 08-18-2012, 11:36 AM
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So! I went to town earlier today, picking up ingredients for the Chick-Fil-A sandwich copycat that's been roundly praised by left-leaning internet users the world over. I followed directions precisely, pounding the chicken thin, leaving it in brine for the time recommended, and adding exactly two pickle slices to the bun, and the finished product was... unremarkable. The flavor was complex but timid, drowned out by the pickle slices. (No wonder Food Network chef and recipe creator Hilah Johnson very clearly stated that only two should be used.)

Frustrated by the outcome but desperate to pull my meal back from the brink of banality, I took some Miracle Whip and added basil flakes, cayenne pepper, and celery salt. That did little to kick up the flavor, so I doubled down on the cayenne, and wound up with a sauce that was sweet and warm (not hot, but warm) in equal measure. The taste seemed strangely familiar to me, so I racked my brain trying to figure out where I'd had it before.

Then it hit me. I had just invented tartar sauce.

Next time, I'll make Fish-Fil-A.
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  #14  
Old 09-07-2012, 02:34 PM
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People like to complain that Princess Toadstool (Peach!) is nothing more than a plot device, there to give Mario a reason to get up and stomp turtles in the morning. Well, she may not be able to fly or toss fireballs, but Peach has got an amazing super power in her own right... the ability to make edible cakes. I tried making a cake from a mix, pulled it out at the recommended time, and discovered after poking a knife into it that the center was pure molten pudding. I put it in for an extra ten minutes, and nearly all the moisture has been sucked out of it. How do you make a cake that finds the middle ground between gooey tar pit and chocolate-flavored brick, anyway?
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Old 09-10-2012, 07:40 AM
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1) make sure your oven is actually at the temperature you set it at. You may consider buying a thermometer to stick in it to test

2) you can test for doneness by poking a toothpick in the cake. If it comes out clean or with fluffy cakebits, you're good.

3) ten minutes is a hell of a long time
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  #16  
Old 09-10-2012, 10:29 AM
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Or just make a molten chocolate cake recipe, where the center is supposed to be a delicious gooey hot mess!
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  #17  
Old 09-11-2012, 04:43 PM
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Sole ceviche: failure.

Technically it is edible, but the lime flavour has eradicated any others, and is more sour than it should ideally be.

I'm on a high protein diet, so I'm going to eat it, but I am not going to subject my GF to it. Really not tasty.
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  #18  
Old 09-11-2012, 05:58 PM
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My beef ribs turned to charcoal on the grill. My garlic mashed potatoes turned out lumpy and greasy. If the banana bread in the oven at this very moment is anything other than an unqualified success, the next thing I put into my mouth will be the barrel of a shotgun, I fuckin' swear to God.

now i'm cooking with drama

[Edit: Hey, the banana bread turned out pretty good.]

[Edit edit: Spoke too soon. The wife has confided in me that she thinks the banana bread would've been better without the butterscotch chips. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathtub with the toaster.]

Last edited by MagFlare; 09-11-2012 at 06:58 PM.
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  #19  
Old 09-11-2012, 07:47 PM
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Turns out that while tasting similar, you cannot make a philly cheesesteak with hamburger helper stroganoff
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  #20  
Old 09-13-2012, 12:40 AM
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I made a huge-ass stirfry to last me three or four days and forgot the goddamn soy sauce

Now it is bland
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  #21  
Old 09-13-2012, 08:53 AM
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If you add soy sauce now, and toss it all up, and leave it sit, maybe it'll absorb some?
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  #22  
Old 09-13-2012, 11:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirin View Post
If you add soy sauce now, and toss it all up, and leave it sit, maybe it'll absorb some?
I just sprinkled some on and tossed it around before I microwaved it and it worked fine. (Also threw some extra ginger on there). Hooray! Dinner is saved!

Man, a little salt goes a long way. Soy sauce is magic
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  #23  
Old 10-26-2012, 03:22 PM
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Ohhh I should really be more careful when I'm writing down ingredients and directions for a recipe.

I tried making a Pecan Pie today, but somehow when I went to write everything down I somehow parsed 'Corn Syrup' as 'vegetable oil'. So my pie wound up getting a cup of oil in it instead of syrup and I didn't notice it until I re-checked the recipe while it was baking. I've never made Pecan Pie before so nothing really clicked with me as being 'wrong'.

Thank god I put parchment paper under the pie shell because it leaked so much grease. It's currently cooling right now and I have no idea how it'll taste, and whether or not it'll even be worth keeping.

Corn Syrup's not something I really use so I don't have any on hand, I don't even know if I could have even substituted anything with it.

Stay tuned for an update on Spoony's disasterrific Pecan Pie, I guess!
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  #24  
Old 10-26-2012, 04:27 PM
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sugar dissolved in water over low heat would probably work.
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  #25  
Old 10-26-2012, 05:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyblue View Post
sugar dissolved in water over low heat would probably work.
That's sort of what I found from a quick web search:
"For each cup of light corn syrup in a recipe, substitute 1 cup of sugar and 1/4 cup water. For each cup of dark corn syrup, substitute 1 cup of packed brown sugar and 1/4 cup water."

But I can't personally vouch for the results.
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  #26  
Old 10-27-2012, 05:59 AM
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So the verdict? Yeah not so good. I braved one piece and while there was definitely potential for a tasty pecan pie there, it was ruined by the greasiness and lack of sweetness. Even after a night in the fridge it was still greasy.

But I'm going to try again! This attempt, though? In the trash.
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  #27  
Old 04-27-2013, 04:48 PM
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Went to make some kickass lasagne today and didn't notice until after it was done baking that I didn't use oven ready noodles.

Whoops.

Still edible, but chewy.
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  #28  
Old 04-27-2013, 06:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpoonyBardOL View Post
Went to make some kickass lasagne today and didn't notice until after it was done baking that I didn't use oven ready noodles.

Whoops.

Still edible, but chewy.
Ha! I made a lasagne today too, but I used tortilla chips in place of noodles.
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  #29  
Old 04-27-2013, 09:01 PM
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Everything is always too oily!

I mean, just be more careful about how much oil I use, but..
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  #30  
Old 04-29-2013, 01:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Büge View Post
Ha! I made a lasagne today too, but I used tortilla chips in place of noodles.
Hm. Tell me more.
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