The Return of Talking Time

Go Back   The Return of Talking Time > Talking about media > Talking about TV and film

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #151  
Old 05-16-2017, 03:26 PM
jpfriction's Avatar
jpfriction jpfriction is offline
Outraged!
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Almost, but not quite, in ND
Posts: 3,038
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Scott View Post
It was ProStars, which was him teamed with Bo Jackson and Wayne Gretsky.

A good general rule for the 70's through the 90's: if someone was famous, there was a cartoon of them.
Definitely getting that one and Hammerman, where MC Hammer owns a pair of magic dancing shoes that turn him into a superhero, conflated. I like my amalgamated version best. Octo, do a synopsis of that.
Reply With Quote
  #152  
Old 05-17-2017, 12:07 AM
MetManMas's Avatar
MetManMas MetManMas is online now
Come, noble knights!
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 17,942
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Scott View Post
A good general rule for the 70's through the 90's: if someone was famous, there was a cartoon of them.
And if the cartoon had the actual famous person as a voice actor, chances are good it would probably put them in some kooky situation, like, say, a human teacher working at a high school full of monsters or something.

Reply With Quote
  #153  
Old 05-17-2017, 06:59 AM
Dracula's Avatar
Dracula Dracula is offline
STATACTATON
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: If you go in the direction of the arrow.
Posts: 1,656
Default

oh my good god.

the man that's an eyeball with arms and legs is my favorite

that looks amazing but I guarantee watching an episode would probably cause me to cough my soul out of my nose
Reply With Quote
  #154  
Old 05-17-2017, 02:21 PM
Daikaiju's Avatar
Daikaiju Daikaiju is offline
King Of Space-Time
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 14,284
Default

Was that on CBS? They had a habit of dropping shows and putting D&D and golf in their place.
Reply With Quote
  #155  
Old 05-17-2017, 04:10 PM
Falselogic's Avatar
Falselogic Falselogic is offline
Threadcromantosaurus Rex
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: California
Posts: 28,830
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MetManMas View Post
And if the cartoon had the actual famous person as a voice actor, chances are good it would probably put them in some kooky situation, like, say, a human teacher working at a high school full of monsters or something.

I prefer the remake:

Reply With Quote
  #156  
Old 05-19-2017, 12:45 PM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is online now
Mystery Contraption
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 40,448
Default

Remember Pogs? They're back! In cartoon form!

The memories of 90s Kids present...



Legend of the Hawaiian Slammers

Okay, preeeeeetty sure that this thing didn't last longer than one twenty-minute pilot packaged with some pogs at the height of that craze, for two weeks back in the mid 90s, but, yes, someone, somewhere, figured that a Pog-themed superhero show was the way to go. Except they didn't actually get the Pog license. So they're all very careful to avoid using that word.

And we open at a Hawaiian institute of science where a rogue archeologist (who looks for all the world like Jonas Venture Sr.) has decided to slice open a an ancient Hawaiian artifact with a laser and finds embedded within it, a single Pog. And not just any pog, it's the Slammer of Darkness.

And oh my god I can not keep a straight face just writing that.

That is poetry.

Dr. Venture goes on to explain (to... nobody) that The Slammer of Darkness (mmmmm I want to bathe in that phrase) and its dark power can be controlled if you just spin it around really fast. Which he does and a huge demon sorcerer, Shadowslam (AMAZING!), bursts out of the ground beneath his feet. And he explains that there are 9 other demons imprisoned in Pogs, and whoever controls them all controls the world. And that, conveniently, every one of them are buried within the same volcano on a nearby island.

Now, I'm not one to tell you how to go about your business of imprisoning world-threatening demons in licensed bottlecap collectables, but maybe you should have spread those out a little more, guys.

Meanwhile, at a playground (directly underneath an active, smoking volcano...), several multi-ethnic children are not actually playing Pog, because, again, they didn't pay for that brand, but something similar to Pog and the lone white-kid wipes the floor with all his friends using preternatural pog-skills. I also take an immediate dislike to that kid because of his stupid haircut, btw. I don't care what his name is, I'm calling him Dumpus.

Meanwhile, inside an active, smoking volcano, Dr. Venture is mining for more Slammers of Darkness with the direction of Shadowslam. And while he finds the Hawaiian Slammer, his excavations cause an eruption and the Slammer is blown out of the cave. And nothing else bad happens. It was just a very small, very localized explosion straight-up strong enough to extract one rock only.

I am reasonably sure that is the opposite of how volcanoes work.

Meanwhile, at the pizza shack, Dumpus the Terrible Child reveals that after he beat his friends badly at Pog, he forced them to buy him pizza. Pizza which he then abandoned as he ran away saying "catch ya later". Also his friends look visibly angry at him the entire time.

Just five minutes in and Dumpus is doing everything he can to be my least favorite cartoon child ever. And given many of the examples I've pointed out in this very thread, that's saying something.

Anyway, while Dumpus is off being the worst (heading to a guitar lesson, in this case) he trips over a rock, and not just any rock but the one containing the Hawaiian Slammer exploded out by the volcanic eruption that nobody paid any attention to! Naturally, finding a jewel-encrusted pog in the middle of a piece of hardened lava doesn't impress him very much except in the sense that it gives him more pogs to play with. Then he heads off to his guitar lesson with a Surfer-dude who I think is supposed to invoke Mr. Miyagi but does not. He also scolds Dumpus for being late because of playing "another gnarly Caps game". Also, he seems to be speaking in a different accent with every line of dialogue.

Following Dumpus into town is Dr. Venture and Shadowslam (nobody comments whatsoever about the 8-foot demon wizard made of smoke) who breaks into Rock and Roll Miyagis trailer and also breaks his guitar with demonic smoke-magic.

Seems like a bit of wasted use of demon smoke magic, if you ask me.

Well, it certainly impresses Dumpus, and he forks it right over, but, when tossing it, he manages to spin it and who should emerge but Marvels Adam Warlock! And Dumpus asks Warlock (his name is Sunslammer) to defend him from the giant shadow demon who is breaking guitars left, right and center. And he does with a giant laser that turns him back into an inert pog.

Then the police show up, presumably because of the series of blinding lights and explosions nearby, and Adam Warlock shoots lasers at them blinding everyone, while he and Dumpus run away. Rockin' Miyagi's house is still demolished and his most prized possessions are destroyed, but at least Dumpus' parents won't realize he was in any way involved. Miyagi is also never commented on again.

Later at a waterfall oasis, Sunslammer finally explains what's going on with the plot; 3000 years ago Hawaii (and, by extension, all of the world) was in a period of peace and tranquility. And that came to an end when a volcano erupted and, in erupting, opened a hole in the time-space continuum (!!!) and released five demons from its depths; The Slammers of Darkness (<3), Lava Slammer (Ben Grimm, except made of lava), Storm Slammer (Ursula, if she were a genie instead of a mermaid), Lead Slammer (also Ben Grimm) Fire Slammer (interestingly, Frankie Raye, and not Johnny Storm) and Shadowslam (previously introduced).

"These five monsters unleasehed their power on the peaceful villagers. Destroying their village. And their peace" explains Sunslammer.

Fortunately, the volcano also spat out five Good Slammers; Rain (Killer Frost, except good), Earth (Swamp Thing) Gold (Platina) Ice (Guile) and Sun.

And the Light and Dark Slammers fought for a century, figured they weren't getting anywhere with that, and instead opted to imprisoned themselves in Pogs rather than continuing to fight and eventually destroying the world. And now Shadowslams back so he's going to pick up right where he left off.

Anyway, since Dr. Venture wants to control the powers of darkness and take over the world, Sunslammer and Dumpus figure they should go off and stop him; and therefor, they go ahead and hop right back into the volcano. Sun explains that Dumpus needs to stay near him because he's feeding off his life-energy and that he must make the decision to put the needs of the world ahead of his personal safety.

I honestly think he is just looking for an excuse to toss that awful child into a lava flow.

Sunslammer is also very insistent that Dumpus has a psychic connection to pogs and then yells at him every time Dumpus questions this.

Fortunately, Dumpus does have a psychic connection to Pogs and the path through the volcanic tunnels that leads to the hidden Slammers starts glowing brightly. Dr. Venture and Shadowslam are following them as well, even though Dr. Venture has a device that leads him directly to Slammers anyway. Eventually, he has the same thought and orders Shadowslammer to plunge the cavern into darkness (no idea where the light was coming from...) and he then tricks Dumpus into walking off a cliff.

Because stumbling through the interior of an active, smoking volcano wasn't an unsafe enough activity for a small, horrible child.

Luckily for Dumpus, the cliff he was tossed over had a pretty gentle incline and it popped him out right in front of the temple that contained the Slammers. Right at the exact moment that Dr. Venture arrived. But he still has an 8-foot demon wizard at his beck and call, and the small childs protector wandered off somewhere else in the tunnel. And since Giant Demon Wizards outmatch small children, the Doctor grabs the Slammers of Darkness. Luckily, Dumpus' preternatural Pog skills from earlier come into play and he's able to flip over most of the Slammers from his vantage spot of ten feet away, with the handicap of being presently strangled by a wizard.

Dr. Venture flips the rest of them and then a (very brief) fight scene breaks out. (Sunslammer also showed up again, but he didn't do much), and the force of that fight causes another volcanic eruption. And then they also all turn one another back into inert pogs. Except Sunslammer who is just killed by the lava-flow as it pours into the chamber.

Unfortunately, Dumpus manages to outrun the volcanos explosion and walks back home, saddened by the loss of his friend. Then the volcanic eruption shoots a rock straight into the air and it lands, like, ten feet from his face. And, yep, it was the disc containing Sunslammer.

And the cartoon ends with a close up of the lava flow from the erupting volcano rapidly encroaching on an unsuspecting town while triumphant music plays because a horrible child got his indentured servant back. Yay!

This was quite likely the weirdest friggin' cartoon I've ever seen and I'm kind of pleased it didn't last any longer than a single pack-in promotional VHS tape
Reply With Quote
  #157  
Old 05-19-2017, 01:07 PM
Daikaiju's Avatar
Daikaiju Daikaiju is offline
King Of Space-Time
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 14,284
Default

I wonder how many resumes that's on...
Reply With Quote
  #158  
Old 05-19-2017, 01:13 PM
Dracula's Avatar
Dracula Dracula is offline
STATACTATON
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: If you go in the direction of the arrow.
Posts: 1,656
Default

I don't see what's so special about it. You just described exactly what it was like to play Pogs in the 90s. Literally every game of Pog went in that fashion. Demons trapped in caps and all that. Where were you???
Reply With Quote
  #159  
Old 05-19-2017, 01:43 PM
JBear's Avatar
JBear JBear is offline
Bertolli?!?...
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Fredericton, NB, Canada
Posts: 8,436
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Luckily, Dumpus' preternatural Pog skills from earlier come into play and he's able to flip over most of the Slammers from his vantage spot of ten feet away, with the handicap of being presently strangled by a wizard.
This is a very good sentence. I hereby deem it: slammin'.
Reply With Quote
  #160  
Old 05-19-2017, 05:49 PM
ArugulaZ's Avatar
ArugulaZ ArugulaZ is offline
Lipton Cup 'o Fangs
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 11,912
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daikaiju View Post
Was that on CBS? They had a habit of dropping shows and putting D&D and golf in their place.
NBC. I think it was by DIC, which had a nasty habit of churning out shows based on celebrities. See also Camp Candy, Wish Kid, Kid 'n Play, etc.

NBC killed its whole Saturday morning cartoon line-up in 1992 or 1993. I can't help but blame DIC for that.
Reply With Quote
  #161  
Old 05-19-2017, 08:35 PM
MetManMas's Avatar
MetManMas MetManMas is online now
Come, noble knights!
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 17,942
Default

Gravedale High was actually by Hanna-Barbera, the King of Mediocre Celebrity Shows. Not that you could tell from the art style, it's more stylized and higher budget than their usual celebrity fare, which looked like long-lost Scooby-Doo eps.

They definitely played a part in the cold-blooded murder of NBC's cartoon block (Fuck you, Yo! Yogi!), but not everything was bad. Their most notable contribution to the NBC animation block was the cartoon adaptation of The Smurfs, which lasted for years.

Last edited by MetManMas; 05-19-2017 at 09:04 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #162  
Old 05-20-2017, 07:47 PM
Daikaiju's Avatar
Daikaiju Daikaiju is offline
King Of Space-Time
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 14,284
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArugulaZ View Post
NBC. I think it was by DIC, which had a nasty habit of churning out shows based on celebrities. See also Camp Candy, Wish Kid, Kid 'n Play, etc.

NBC killed its whole Saturday morning cartoon line-up in 1992 or 1993. I can't help but blame DIC for that.
Fox and WB kept Saturday cartoons alive a bit longer but the end was approaching. ABC and CBS both noped out once NBC quit.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
democracy in action , octo-good

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:01 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Your posts İyou, 2007