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  #1  
Old 04-20-2017, 01:10 PM
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Default The secret history of the lives destroyed by Marlon Brando's insatiable egg-lust

A mid-century character actor takes whisk in hand,

clasping an egg to his heart.

Sending yolks surging

through the whisk,

He shoots pre-scrambled egg fluid

into L.A. County homes.

Spoken from the whisk,

handed down by the egg...

Now the story can be told...
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  #2  
Old 04-20-2017, 01:31 PM
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But holy crap, that's a fascinating story.
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Old 04-20-2017, 02:12 PM
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Dear lord... Only in Hollywood.
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Old 04-20-2017, 02:54 PM
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Man, this reminds me of the time my best friend would show up in the middle of the night and ask me for my famous pancakes, but then I had to do this so many times that I started installing pancake batter machines in all my friends' houses and I posted a picture online of my best friend eating pancakes and then he sued me.

Actually none of that happened and it's less insane than what I just read.
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Old 04-20-2017, 03:21 PM
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Incredible.
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Old 04-20-2017, 07:20 PM
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That's a crazy story. Yet believable given Brando's involvement and the general WTF nature of Hollywood. Thanks for sharing, Kishi!
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  #7  
Old 04-20-2017, 08:24 PM
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The
Quote:
Originally Posted by four-so View Post
Incredible.
Edible Egg.
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  #8  
Old 04-21-2017, 03:31 AM
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Quote:
Legend has it that Brando ordered his handyman to fill his “personal egg tank” with cement so that it could never be used again.
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  #9  
Old 04-21-2017, 03:57 AM
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SALMONELLAAAAAAAA
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  #10  
Old 04-21-2017, 06:00 AM
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Accompanying music.
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  #11  
Old 04-21-2017, 06:56 AM
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I'm not even done reading it and I'm already convinced that Brando emitted some sort of LIFE-RUINING FIELD that ruined the lives of everyone nearby.
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Old 04-21-2017, 07:01 AM
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Flynn: I enjoy making breakfast for my friends every once in awhile!
Brando: I AM YOUR FRIEND NOW MAKE ME BREAKFAST.
Flynn: Well... okay! It's always nice to have friends!
Brando: I AM NOW YOUR BEST FRIEND MAKE ME BREAKFAST AT ALL HOURS.
Flynn: I... Guess I can do that?
Brando: DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO MY EGGS.
Flynn: EGGS ARE MY LIFE NOW!
Brando: JK I don't even like your eggs anymore.
Flynn: EGGS
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  #13  
Old 04-21-2017, 07:43 AM
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Fantastic. But life is not so good to us.
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Old 04-21-2017, 07:58 AM
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Helluva hoax though.
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  #15  
Old 04-21-2017, 08:02 AM
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Old 04-21-2017, 08:46 AM
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Quote:
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Helluva hoax though.
I was convinced!
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  #17  
Old 04-21-2017, 09:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meditative_Zebra View Post
Fantastic. But life is not so good to us.
Ah well, I felt like that was a little too great to be true.
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  #18  
Old 04-21-2017, 09:22 AM
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It's a good ass story and I would watch that done by the Cohen bros big as life
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  #19  
Old 04-21-2017, 10:24 AM
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Quote:
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Fantastic. But life is not so good to us.
I'm genuinely upset
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  #20  
Old 04-21-2017, 10:45 AM
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Aw, man, I was hoping this was real.
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  #21  
Old 04-21-2017, 11:17 AM
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A story doesn't have to be true to be believed. It just has to be told.

I'm with Ample. Hollywood should greenlight this as a Cohen brothers film.
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  #22  
Old 04-21-2017, 01:27 PM
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The entire "nitrogen tank" bit kinda raised my hackles; liquid nitrogen isn't stable at any temperature or pressure if I remember my HS chem class correctly.
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  #23  
Old 04-21-2017, 04:06 PM
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Well, that makes up for none of the April Fool's stories being any good this year.
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  #24  
Old 04-21-2017, 04:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teaspoon View Post
Well, that makes up for none of the April Fool's stories being any good this year.
I resent that :<
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  #25  
Old 04-21-2017, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ample Vigour View Post
It's a good ass story and I would watch that done by the Cohen bros big as life
Quote:
Originally Posted by four-so View Post
A story doesn't have to be true to be believed. It just has to be told.

I'm with Ample. Hollywood should greenlight this as a Cohen brothers film.
No Country for Egg Man. (Or would that be their treatment of Sonic the Hedgehog?)

[Also, isn't it Coen?]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destil View Post
The entire "nitrogen tank" bit kinda raised my hackles; liquid nitrogen isn't stable at any temperature or pressure if I remember my HS chem class correctly.
When that article said nitrogen tank I was thinking of something like a giant whipped-cream charger.

Last edited by Torzelbaum; 04-21-2017 at 04:45 PM.
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  #26  
Old 04-21-2017, 05:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by muteKi View Post
I resent that :<
Oh, what was yours?

(I was on vacation April 1st, and so only saw the major media April Fools stories, which hadn't impressed me.)
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  #27  
Old 04-21-2017, 05:22 PM
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Super Mouthy, Oh Brother, a mashup album in the tradition of Mouth Sounds

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk
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  #28  
Old 04-22-2017, 08:12 AM
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That is...impressive.

I am suitably impressed.
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