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Old 06-29-2017, 04:06 PM
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Default Digital Down-Low for 06/29/2017: A New Mysterious Space Enemy

Some days you just feel like you're impervious to all harm, you know?

So anyway, the PSN store is a service and this week it starts off with Crash Bandicoot: The N. Sane Trilogy a fancy as hell remaster of the first three Crash Bandicoot games! Full disclosure, I have not once, ever, actually played any Crash Bandicoot games. Always felt like he was one of the more obnoxiously designed characters of the Varmint era of platformers. I don't know if this collection is cause for celebration or not.

I do, however, feel very strongly that I will receive a tersely worded recommendation for the series from one of several esteemed Talking Time members in short order.


Also up is a Neo-Geo game! This is not a surprise! What IS a surprise, however, is that it's SUPER BASEBALL 2020, a game that reveals that three years from now, all baseball games will be played by super-powerful cyborg athletes who run around a baseball death-arena full of landmines.

It's almost exactly the world presented by the seminal Hugh Jackman film, Real Steel.


That's not enough Neo-Geo for you? Fine, how about Fatal Fury 2! Actually... let's not talk about that, I talked about it last week. It's still Street Fighter 2 in all but name! But Street Fighter 2 ain't on the PS4 so where else can you catch that that thunder?


Speaking of thunder, thunder-lizards that is, we've got Jumpjet Rex, a platformer about a tyrannosaur with a jetpack. Which, alone, catches my interest (in perhaps the least surprising personal admission made this week), and the trailer called to mind the kind of SNES games I causually rented and had a fun weekend with when I was a wee-scamp of a tot. So that's nice.

It also had lets players talking over the trailer cracking jokes. So that spoiled the whole thing.


Cryptark is a side-scrolling rogueformer wherein you are a spaceman on a mission to SHOOT ALL THE SPACE ENEMIES. In an infinite number of procedurally generated spaceships. Full of TREASURE!

That's all the marketing buzzwords video games need now.


Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls is a gussied up console port of a Vita game that had a frankly amazing title. And while I'm aware that the other games in the series are some kind of inexplicable mish-mash of Saw and Ace Attorney where you have to match wits against a murder-bear this one, apparently is not.

In fact, I was fully prepared to make a snide-comment about a game that has all the convenience of a book, on your TV screen, like usual but then I looked at a screenshot of this game and now I have no idea what to think.

You sometimes shoot a thing and also Bears Will Murder You.


Elite Dangerous is a fancy-as-hell remake of the PC game that tried to be No Mans Sky before anyone knew what a Nintendo was and Ronald Reagans ruled the lands with a steel fist. Here you've got yourself a spaceship! And an urge to either shoot BAD SPACESHIPS or steal stuff to be a super rich pirate!

Travel through space and make friends with people or shoot them! In Trek Wars! Pyew-pyew-pyew!


Plague Road is an RPG-em-up starring one of those old-timey bird doctors! Not a good doctor as he spends most of his time executing sick people with steampunk guns and forcing healthy people into conscripted labour at his home to level-grind for roguelike dungeon crawling.

It's directed by Luc Bernard too! At first I was super excited because I thought he was the guy who made Fifth Element.


And the last PSN game I'm talking about this week (there are others, but I have a lot of stuff to get through) is Valkyria Revolution; the eagerly anticipated fourth Valkyria Chronicles game! I mean, the first game had some issues, but taking some amazing looking anime-peeps through Anime World War 2 still easily ranks among the very best experiences I've had with the PS3 and I was really looking forward to this new one!

Right up until it was released and all my hopes and dreams turned to black ash, because Sega decided that when people said they wanted Valkyria Chronicles, they thought they really meant "Ugly Dynasty Warriors"


Well, that's disappointing, but the eShop fairs better. First and foremost is the first wave of DLC for Breath of the Wild, according to most resources I use when looking up new releases, but I don't cover DLC so WHATEVER! Instead, I will speak of GONNER on the Switch which I understand to be another Rogueformer, and one that was well regarded on Steam and the like a year or so ago. Kind of looks like a more side-scrolly Binding of Isaac but with a very pleasant art style instead of one full of bloody poop.

Going to wait on some impressions here, but it looks like the sort of thing I'd enjoy.


Also up is another Neo-Geo game. YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE THE NEO-GEO GAMES! This one is Magical Drop 2! Again! I already talked about it! We all learned a valuable lesson about the origin of the semi-naked dancing monster lady gif that was everywhere on the internet 15 years ago! I will not repeat myself!


Proving me wrong about repeating myself, the 3DS got Mighty Gunvolt Burst, which came out on the Switch a couple of weeks ago where it served as a Mighty No. 9 demake that was so much more fun than the game it's riffing on. Seriously. Just ridiculous how much enjoyment I had there, compared to every other game associated with this title.

Far and away the best thing ever associated with Beck and criminal robots.


And there aare also WiiU VC games, because Nintendo acknowledges that some of their fans didn't necessarily drop that like a hot potato as soon as the new kid moved in. And, to be fair, they are some really good games, the cream of the crop of the Turbo Grafx-16; Devil's Crush, which is still among the best pinball games ever made, in which you crush the devil (as opposed to having an unrequited infatuation with him) and Bonk 3: Bonks Big Adventure which I didn't actually play before, but I'm lead to understand that the Bonk series got better as it went along up to this point, and who am I to call internet strangers liars?

Well... someone who has used the internet for any purpose at all at any point in my life, I suppose.


Okay, now kiss mah gritts
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:09 PM
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Hey you idiot! The Crash games are good!
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:10 PM
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You're not the one I was expecting!
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:13 PM
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Understandable. I was never esteemed.
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:16 PM
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Crash Bandicoot was referred to in development as "Sonic's Ass" and was one of the first things former STI developer Mark Cerny worked on in moving form Sega to Naughty Dog
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by muteKi View Post
Crash Bandicoot was referred to in development as "Sonic's Ass" and was one of the first things former STI developer Mark Cerny worked on in moving form Sega to Naughty Dog
Does... Does that count as a recommendation?
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:23 PM
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Quote:
Not a good doctor as he spends most of his time executing sick people with steampunk guns and forcing healthy people into conscripted labour at his home
Are you sure it's a doctor? Are you sure it's not Mitch McConnell?
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:24 PM
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All 3 of the games in N. Sane Trilogy are to greater or lesser extents good in their original forms which the collection seems to hew quite closely to.
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanto View Post
Does... Does that count as a recommendation?
Does it?!
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:54 PM
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Does Sonic have an ass? I mean, I'm pretty sure I've seen that guy without pants...
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Old 06-29-2017, 04:59 PM
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Crash Bandicoot is Nathan Drake's fursona
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Old 06-29-2017, 05:02 PM
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It's nice to see the Wii U VC still being supported with PC Engine games. It's not so nice that none of them are Rondo of Blood. I really hope they get that on there before it's too late.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
So anyway, the PSN store is a service and this week it starts off with Crash Bandicoot: The N. Sane Trilogy a fancy as hell remaster of the first three Crash Bandicoot games! Full disclosure, I have not once, ever, actually played any Crash Bandicoot games. Always felt like he was one of the more obnoxiously designed characters of the Varmint era of platformers. I don't know if this collection is cause for celebration or not.

I do, however, feel very strongly that I will receive a tersely worded recommendation for the series from one of several esteemed Talking Time members in short order.
You will receive a tersely worded recommendation from me to stop referring to remakes as remasters.
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Old 06-29-2017, 05:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kishi View Post
It's nice to see the Wii U VC still being supported with PC Engine games. It's not so nice that none of them are Rondo of Blood. I really hope they get that on there before it's too late.
And I'm still hoping that Square Enix will get off its ass and release their Wii U Virtual Console output outside Japan. It's been four frickin' years since Final Fantasy VI and Seiken Densetsu 2 hit the Japanese VC, using a credit card to buy some points to buy them in Wii mode should not still be the only option that's not paying $80 for an SNES Classic or some crummy mobile or PSone port.
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Old 06-29-2017, 05:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kishi View Post
You will receive a tersely worded recommendation from me to stop referring to remakes as remasters.
But... The future refused to change.
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Old 06-29-2017, 06:46 PM
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I used to have Super Baseball 2020 on the Genesis. I remember it as being kinda fun and that there was one team that was all girls, except for one pitching robot, and if you dived or jumped to make a catch, you get a splash screen showing it and deep cleavage.
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Old 07-01-2017, 10:42 AM
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Hey guys Crash Bandicoot is Crash BandiGood.
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Old 07-01-2017, 10:45 AM
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THERE'S the terse response I was expecting!
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