The Return of Talking Time

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Old 06-08-2017, 08:21 AM
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Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
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Default Digital Down-Low for 06/08/2016: Fast Buddies: A Tale of Vroom

Future events, such as these, will affect you in the future!

So how about that PSN, eh? It's stareting off with Perception which offers a new way to beat the summer heat by offering you spine-chilling spooks as a blind lady what be in a ghost house! Fortunately, she is also apparently Daredevil, so all her other senses are super-powerful.

None of the screenshots show Stilt-Man or The Owl, but I'm sure they're in there somewhere.


Next up is Cladun Returns: This is Sengoku!, the long awaited (I'm sure, by someone) return of te Cladun series. Remember Cladun? There were a couple on PSP? Really aesthetically jarring fake-retro action RPGs? Well, they're back and now in 1080p. And set in Ancient Japan.

And zoomed in so far that the sprites all fill a considerable percent of the screen which makes the game look damn near unplayable just in screenshots. No idea how it would work in actual gameplay. My guess is "rather badly".


Dark Rose Valkyrie briefly had me excited, as I knew there's a new Valkyrie Chronicles coming out soon and the character designs here look just VC-ish enough to make me think this is it!

But this was a cunning lie by the terrible tricksters at Idea Factory.

No, this is a regular-ass JRPG. And since it's from Idea Factory, odds are it's not a very good one and also it has a dating component and writing best summed up as "Oops, a butt."


Randall is a 2d Punch-the-mans game with the added twist of you being able to MIND SWAP with the Bad Bots you're trying to punch to death. Also, there's a whole planets worth of Bad Robot Cops who need a death-punching. So that's a lucky coincidence.


I really didn't want to write about Skylight: Freerange because I'm sure the developers worked really hard on it and re-released it with extra content and are proud of their accomplishments and I certainly didn't want to risk hurting their feelings if they googled any press on their game. God forbid they actually read this forum, but Lokii insisted so, if anyone from Dragoon Entertainment is reading this, I'm trying my best here, okay? Not trying to antagonize anyone.

This is an open-world RPG set in Manitoba after the Canadian Civil War of 2048. Visually it kind of resembles a cross between Kevin Spencer and the terrifying ads for Deluxe French Fries.

Perhaps as many as three Talking Timers understood that reference. Couldn't even find any Google Image Searches of the Fry Man to explain things.


The Town of Light is a spooky emote-em-up that, unlike the regular kind where you're in a cabin and then WHOOPS a skinny guy is there and you go "Yipes!", is based on true stories on people in Cuckoos-Nest style insane asylums from the turn of the century. Been a while since I saw that movie, but I seem to recall it not being the happiest place.


Victor Vran The Monster-Murder Man, is a game of the Gauntlet-y mold where you play as the Magical Monster-Murder-Man Victor Vran as he goes about his business of shotgunning spooks and haints to pieces with whatever he has lying around. And then he delivers sad speeches about how sad he is to shotgun a double-vampire in the face all the time.


And the last PSN game this week is Wipeout Omega, a compilation that includes the PS3s Wipeout HD and Wipeout Fury along with the secret best Vita game, Wipeout 2048. For those of you not familiar with the series, or else are mistaking it for the TV gameshow, Wipeout is the series that dares ask "What if F-Zero except Mario Kart + EDM?" And the answer to that bizarrely worded question is "Yay!".

Wipeout is pretty jarring to play in the wake of Mario Kart 8, incidentally. Buttons are in all the wrong spots.


Now on to the eShop where, while we're talking about worlds where high-speed cyborg-racing is the only thing that matters, we have Cars 3: Driven to Win (on both Switch and WiiU), which is a tie-in to the game in which Cable Repairman Leonard helps his car pal in his mission to Drive Most Good.

Can he drive the goodest? Boy I hope so.

I hope he can at least drive good enough that nobody stops to start thinking for one second about any of the baffling world-building absent in the Cars franchise.


And speaking of things on both Switch and the WiiU, we can add Shantae: Half-Genie Hero to that list! It originally came out on consoles late last year and I quite liked it there but felt that it was missing something by not being portable, as G*sh intended. But now it's portable AND on TV AND on a Nintendo platform! Which sits right deep in my emotional core.

So anyway, that's all the justification I need to double-dip.


Also on the Switch is another Neo-Geo game; Shock Troopers 2nd Squad. I'm reasonably sure that Shock Troopers is the SNK series that is "Like Commando, But..." and so that's the description I'm sticking with. Did enough research this week trying and failing to find images of the Deluxe French Fries commercial, so I'm certainly not going to do more here.


And on the WiiU, for both of the people who bought one of those and did not already upgrade to a Switch, and who can not access the Wii VC any more, we have two more TG-16 games. Very, very good ones, it should be noted; Neutopia 2 (where the good people at Hudson said, well, we did good by knocking off Zelda wholesale once, let's just do exactly that again) and Alien Crush (one of the secret best Pinball games ever, wounded only by the fact that its own sequel is a million-percent better).


Okay now SCAT!
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Old 06-08-2017, 09:30 AM
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chud_666 chud_666 is offline
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Kevin Spencer
hahaahahahahah
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Old 06-08-2017, 09:53 AM
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JBear JBear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
This is an open-world RPG set in Manitoba after the Canadian Civil War of 2048.
:-D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Visually it kind of resembles a cross between Kevin Spencer and the terrifying ads for Deluxe French Fries.
:-Ɑ

Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Perhaps as many as three Talking Timers understood that reference. Couldn't even find any Google Image Searches of the Fry Man to explain things.
Octo really zeroing in on the key New Brunswick demographic.

Anyway, just for you, a screen-grab from the only shitty, low-res video evidence of the 90s Deluxe Fries mascot on the Internet:

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Old 06-08-2017, 09:54 AM
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muteKi muteKi is offline
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Finally, the follow-up to Sengoku Turb we didn't know we wanted!
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Old 06-08-2017, 11:29 AM
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ArugulaZ ArugulaZ is online now
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I had the grave misfortune of playing Shock Troopers 2nd Squad first. It did not do much for my opinion of the series as a whole. Dear Saurus: computer rendering DOES NOT WORK on the Neo-Geo. Exhibit A: Your other Neo-Geo game Shinoken.
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crowned with good taste , digital downloads , gotta go fast , octo does not do research , shantae

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