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Old 01-31-2011, 03:45 AM
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Default The GM did WHAT!? - The Tabletop Anecdotes Thread

We've been playing a game of Vampire: Dark Ages on and off for a couple years. It's a Tremere game, but not all the PCs are vampires yet. The main storyline has revolved around the capture and subsequent management of a stronghold in southern England sometime in the late tenth century which is situated on an ancient wellspring of magic power.

Right now I'm the vampire in charge of running the joint, and the other vampire is my second-in-command. There are three mortal PCs in various positons around the keep, and one former vampire who was killed by a werewolf and became a wraith.

For a long time things ran pretty smoothly, with good amounts of cooperation from all the PCs. Well, last week our GM had had just about enough of that, and concocted a clever way to turn us all against each other.

One thing led to another, and we found ourselves caught up in a conspiracy to kill the vampiric prince. While he slept, our men overwhelmed his. We killed his bodyguard (a former Roman centurion) and faced off against the master himself... who turned the tables by enslaving me and the other vampire character.

In her last moment of lucidity, my friend ordered the rest of the group to kill the prince, even if it meant killing both of us, too.

Of course, we're both fucking vampires so that was easier said than done. The next day was a carnival of errors involving the two of us protecting our new lord, and everyone else trying to bring the keep down around us. Eventually I ordered some prominent NPCs to cease their assault, which took the wind out of the PCs' sails.

One of the PCs fled to find outside aid. The other two mortals are the only people in the keep who for-sure know the truth about what must be done, and both vampires are bound to serve the prince. On the flip side, the prince can't simply slaughter us all because his trusted men are all dead, and he's on the run from an old enemy from Roman times, who will be on our doorstep any night now.

No one has any idea where the game goes from here, but by golly if it wasn't good times.
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Old 01-31-2011, 04:00 AM
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Obligatory Dread Gazebo story.
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Old 01-31-2011, 09:03 AM
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It might be cheating since I was the GM, but we created quite a ridiculous scenario this weekend. The PCs are going to entreat a noble family - who they know is involved in organized crime - for the release of two important NPCs that have vital information. Before arriving at their estate, the alchemist imbibes an elixir that will allow him to read thoughts, the sorcerer casts a spell that will allow everyone to whisper clandestinely, and the ranger skulks off into the night to watch over things from afar.

Inside, the majordomo, a rugged man sporting an eyepatch, seats the PCs in a room by themselves and tells them he'll go get the lord of the house. The alchemist's mind reading powers allow him to ascertain that they're being watched during this time, so he manages to keep the sorcerer from doing anything brash like invisibly scouting out the mansion. Meanwhile, the ranger is outside, and climbs on top of the groundskeeper's shack to get a better look at the second floor. He sends his pseudodragon cohort up to scout things out for him, which immediately sets off a game of whisper down the lane:

Pseudodragon, communicating telepathically to the ranger: "I see... well, I don't know what I just saw. There were two men talking inside a well-appointed office, humanoid, but they had the heads of animals. One had was a tiger, the other was a baboon with a missing eye."

Ranger, whispering magically to the sorcerer: "There are two... humans inside? But they have the heads of animals. Maybe lycanthropes, a tiger and a baboon with one eye."

Sorcerer, speaking quietly to the oracle: "It sounds like they might be lycanthropes, there's a tiger and a baboon with one eye. Wasn't the majordomo missing an eye?"

Oracle: "... (makes a knowledge, the planes check) Was there anything, uh, backwards about them? Hands that face the wrong way, elbows, that sort of thing?"

Back down the line to the pseudodragon. "Yes." "Yes." "Yes."

"That's a Rakshasa." "Shit." "What?" "They're Rakshasas!" "What's a Rakshasa?" "They can read thoughts." "Doesn't that mean they'll know we're reading their thoughts?" "Fuck! What do we do!" "I don't want to piss off a Rakshasa, let alone two Rakshasas." "What if their guards are Rakshasas?" "Oh man, this is bad..."

The door clicks open and in walks the lord of the house, who has a seat next to the sorcerer. "So, what do you..." he pauses, and stares at the alchemist. Both of them realize by now that they can read each other's thoughts.

From here, things became a battle of innuendo as everyone danced around the fact that there was a breach of security from all angles, and an offer was eventually made, which of course they couldn't refuse. I still think the setup was the best part, though.
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Old 01-31-2011, 10:12 AM
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Don't forget the Cavalier who missed everything because he was buried in a dime store romance novel.
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Old 01-31-2011, 10:20 AM
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Don't forget the Cavalier who missed everything because he was buried in a dime store romance novel.
Oh right, technically he was the one that broke the awkward silence by looking up from his pulp fiction to tell the lord of the house how nice all his stuff was.
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Old 01-31-2011, 11:26 AM
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So a year or two ago I was playing in two campaigns with the same group, but different DMs, one D&D4e, the other was Star Wars: Saga Edition. In both games there was a lot of inter-party tension, mainly because we didn't exactly have much of a reason to travel together. And the fact that the DMs initially allowed skill checks against party members, even for things like bluffing (which I really didn't particularly care for). Regardless, the inter-party sniping in both games were getting pretty bad, so both DMs opted for different solutions.

The Star Wars DM acted first, because he put a lot of thought into the plot, and having a party where the force user had a habit of force choking his friends (basically started as a joke response, then I decided it fit his character backstory, couldn't control his rage) decided that skill checks couldn't be used against the part.

The D&D DM looked at that response, and decided he wanted even more tension between the party members and distributed post-it notes, so that players could coordinate covertly with both the DM and other players if they wanted. Sadly, we had like a two-three month hiatus, so we haven't seen how that worked out yet.

Actually, the D&D campaign in general has been directed in a large part due to botched skill rolls, which has been somewhat frustrating.
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Old 01-31-2011, 01:18 PM
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Oh hey, a thread for RPG anecdotes! I should tell my crazy Shadowrun story! Wait... deja vu... didn't we already have a thread like this?
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Old 02-01-2011, 09:13 AM
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The best quotes are out of context quotes.

"I give the hobgoblin the universal sign for 'we're being chased by undead'!"

- Eddie
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Old 02-01-2011, 10:04 AM
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"The last hobgoblin jumps from the wall, and runs for his life across the field."
"I light a cigarette."
"150 feet away now."
"Tell me in eight turns."
"Okay... 1230 feet away."
"I load my rifle."
"1350."
"Aim."
"1470 feet."
*Roll*
"24 to hit, 42 damage."
"He goes down like a sack of bricks."
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Old 02-01-2011, 10:14 AM
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We weren't keeping precise track, but the hobgoblin body count was quite high. Quite high indeed.
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Old 02-01-2011, 12:51 PM
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We weren't keeping precise track, but the hobgoblin body count was quite high. Quite high indeed.
And the property damage! Though to be fair, we were only responsible for one priceless bridge and a large swath of savannah.
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Old 02-01-2011, 12:56 PM
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And the property damage! Though to be fair, we were only responsible for one priceless bridge and a large swath of savannah.
The only thing more dangerous than one person who wants to tell you about their campaign are two people telling you about their campaign. I think you just took an adamantine greatsword to the bridge until it fell over.
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Old 02-01-2011, 01:07 PM
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I used science. And an adamantine greatsword. But mostly science.
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Old 02-01-2011, 01:27 PM
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The only thing more dangerous than one person who wants to tell you about their campaign are two people telling you about their campaign.


It doesn't bother me in the slightest, but that comic still works nicely here.
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Old 02-01-2011, 02:46 PM
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One of the weirdest campaigns I ever ran included a rather dangerous combination:
1- Two of the players had recently gotten engaged (or possibly married, my timeline's a little fuzzy) and were VERY much in that Lovey Dovey "Let's have our characters get married too!" phase.
2- The campaign kind of had this whole dark crystal thing going on, where the party had to find and reunite these split crystal essences of a pantheon of duality gods (god of law and chaos, heavens and earth, life and death, men and women, think there was another I'm forgetting). The catch of course being that they all projected their power over a huge area, so you can't go steal the law crystal from its temple, because getting near it makes you rigidly lawful, the death crystal instantly kills anything entering its sphere of influence, etc. So there was a lot of working out which of a pair was safe to get first, and bring to the other.

Now, obviously, with the death crystal, they had to go get the life one first, which of course was in this crazy overgrown jungle full of wild animals and everyone's hair and nails were growing at a rate getting caught on things and ruining shoes and everything regenerated like crazy so actually killing monsters while they had this was impossible and they had to find ways to escape from/discourage anything attacking them. Pretty fun leg of the campaign.

Here's where it gets weird and creepy. Yon newlywed players of newlywed PCs, in their lovey dovey madness, brought up the notion that with all the downtime on the ship while traveling to where the death crystal was, having a fair bit of sex is pretty clearly going to happen, which presumably would lead into being pregnant while sitting right next to the life crystal, so by the time they arrived, presumably there would be an extra party member, in the form of their rapidly aged to adulthood child. Now, under some circumstances I might have shot this notion down, but they actually did the math based on the figures for hair and nail growth I'd given for how often they had to stop and trim stuff off to keep searching. So... yeah. For the rest of the campaign we've got a barbarian in the party with the averaged stats of a mage and rogue and the barest grasp of Common.

And for the rest of their lives those two have this embarrassing "No seriously what were we thinking when we suggested that?" story to deal with.
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Old 02-02-2011, 12:28 PM
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Fantastic. I love it when players take GM-imposed encumbrances and turn them to their own ends without actually breaking any rules. Even better if the results end up embarrassing for everybody.

By the way, I assume you guys all know about both Daths and Droids and DM of the Rings, right? THey seem relevant to the thread.
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Old 02-02-2011, 05:42 PM
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My GM a few years back had given our group a Golem with a spell-storing effect on it in preparation for the climactic final battle to end the campaign before we all graduated and went off to our new commands (this was at trade school in the Navy, mind you. Half of us ended up in the same geographic location anyway, so we D&D'd even more afterward.). I had the party wizard cast a maximized Scorching Ray into it. Then, when the fight started, one of the BBEG's cannon fodder was a similarly designed shield guardian golem thing. When my turn came up, I moved the golem in to position and pointed dramatically in the direction of where the shield guardian and shouted "WORKER EIGHT, FIRE!!!"

The shield guardian was reduced to slag instantly. The "deer-in-headlights" look the GM had on his face was PRICELESS.
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Old 02-02-2011, 07:26 PM
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By the way, I assume you guys all know about both Daths and Droids and DM of the Rings, right? THey seem relevant to the thread.
You know what I miss? Chainmail Bikini. It's not even archived.
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Old 02-02-2011, 08:03 PM
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So here's a couple from my current, most likely to be concluded this weekend campaign:
Character the first: I decided I'd do this whole deal where I was this spy/sniper type, disguising and bluffing and sneaking my way about, fighting with a crossbow, using str as a MAJOR dump stat (I basically couldn't carry anything beyond the crossbow and a couple knick-knacks, even leather armor was too heavy). Every time I'd try and do something all cool, or even just something that was guaranteed to work on anything other than a 1, I'd totally botch the roll. And when I say every time, I really mean every time. I never hit anything unless it was one of the disturbingly large number of monsters that basically take no damage from piercing weapons. I'd roll natural 20s against undead. Eventually I just started announcing my actions on the assumption I'd screw up. "I take a shot at the demodand, completely misjudging it and burying the bolt in the far wall. *roll*" "OK, now that everyone else has crossed the bridge of chairs I crept over and placed to help get across the alarmed trip wires, I'll totally botch my insanely good dex check when I just try and take the final step out. *roll*"

Ultimately, I came to terms with the fact that the dice gods were dead set on me being the comic relief of the party, and started playing accordingly. Later, I was looking for a prestige class that would let me be, you know, a LITTLE effective in combat, and happened upon a little gem called Cloaked Dancer. The actual concept is to have some girl who's such an astoundingly sexy belly dancer that her enemies completely let their guard down, allowing her to casually sidle up and slip a knife into their kidneys. That... really should not be a thing. It's also something that shouldn't be available as an option to male characters. I went with an alternative interpretation of that will-save-or-stunned effect that the various monsters were just completely dumbfounded when they saw this. Totally worked out. The less likely it was for some big tough scary doom monster to possibly fail a will save, the more it happened. Plus, having decided for some odd reason to go catfolk, I was, in retrospect, only a constant stream of marriage proposals away from being this guy! Eventually though, we hit a point where basically everything is immune to mind effecting spell-like stuff, so back to being useless. I was therefore totally cool with it when "gee, the only way this whole desperate cast soul jar, grab real body, teleport to evil overlord" plan will work is if the random target happens to be the one character in the room with a single digit will save.

So yeah, after the comic relief was HORRIBLY KILLED off camera, I got to bring in the vow of poverty monk I've been meaning to get into a game for years. Has this whole elaborate backstory about having spilled a high priest's drink forever ago, assuming that was the most unforgivable thing ever, and just becoming this sort of self-flagellation junkie, with all the VoP perks representing divine intervention to stop me from killing myself. i.e. "Gah! You can't just decide you aren't worthy of ever eating anything! You're going to die of pneumonia or something sleeping outside on jagged rocks in the winter! What? You're giving away your only set of clothes now? Gah, we need some kinda censor-glow covering you up there!"

With this character, everything was going great (except when fighting things that fly and such). We end up fighting a whole bunch of flesh golems in a tower (so wait. The huge tough things that resist all magic and require adamantine weapons are lining up single file in a situation that nullifies their AOOs? Yeah I've got this covered). Then though, out comes one with the face of my previous character sewn into it (yeesh) and suddenly I'm all about the comedy fumbles again until we drop it. The cursed dice live on, apparently.
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Old 02-03-2011, 04:02 AM
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Quote:
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By the way, I assume you guys all know about both Daths and Droids and DM of the Rings, right? THey seem relevant to the thread.
I, for one, hadn't heard of either of those. But I'm glad that you told me about them because I find this comic ludicrously entertaining. It touched a nerve, that one.
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Old 02-03-2011, 05:49 AM
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So pence just taught us the correct way to fight a gigantic swarm with multiple attacks by nearly killing the squishies in the first turn last night. It involves screaming like little children and running away and making the swordmage keep tele-kiting in to chip away at it.

I like that it'd basically chased us for long enough that we chipped it down to the point where we just ended up shrugging and murdering it within a couple rounds of stand up fighting. Little demon bits everywhere!

That's right, pence sic'd a Huge swarm of dretches on us..
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Old 02-03-2011, 09:03 AM
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We were playing a game of GURPS Supers, which is an exceedingly easy system to break. Anyway, our Supers ended up being more "brutal, super powered mercs with a vague bent to good" rather than "heroes". Also, our powers were all over the place. Personally, I spent the better point of my building points on enough levels of the anti-gravity skill that I could essentially reverse gravity for any object, causing it to fly away from the earth. For damage, I carried a combat rifle.

The world we played in was just lousy with supers. There were plenty of big and small teams running around, so being able to shoot lasers out of your face was no ticket to notability.

Once particularly "big" team, roughly equivalent in skills and notability to the Fantastic Four, also managed a large corporation that we became convinced was a front for sinister deeds. The team and corporation were based in separate skyscrapers downtown, and we decided to invade the corporation afterhours and try to dig up some dirt. It was our hope we'd only run into more mundane security and not be facing an A-List super team.

Not ones for subtlety, we bust through the front doors, guns blazing while riding in our group vehicle, a sentient, nigh-indestructible 1980s conversion van. We're immediately under fire from machine gun turrets, and we race around the lobby in our van, taking them out. When that's done, we blitz through the building before security gets too thick, and run up to the top floor and the board room.

I'm not sure why our rationale was that sensitive, damning documents would be kept in the board room, because we found out real quick that they weren't.

We're trapped like rats as security fills the hallway, and we barricade ourselves in the room for what we know is nothing but a temporary measure.

It's seriously starting to look like game over when someone asks the GM for a quick rundown of everything in the room. There's a large boardroom table, chairs, a waste basket, a skylight and just regular boardroom stuff. It gives me an idea, though.

I pull out my gun, shoot out the skylight and yell for everyone to hop on the table. My party gets an idea of what's going to happen so they listen and one guy grabs the wastebasket.

I hop on as well and activate my anti-gravity power on the table. It rockets upward, through the busted skylight and out into the sky, with the whole party riding on top. It's ridiculous.

The guy that grabbed the waste basket asks the GM a question about a small skill he picked up. It allows him to create one gallon of any liquid and he asks the GM if there's any limits on that. The GM says no, he can create anything that is a liquid, and he promptly fills his wastebasket up with a gallon of nitroglycerin (remember what I said about this system being easy to break?) and drops it off the side of the falling (upward) table, where it lands in the boardroom and blows to smithereens. In just a few moments we went from "surely dead" to a clean getaway while destroying a huge chunk of security forces.

Of course, my power only allowed for up and down motion (or anywhere in between, like floating), and no sideways movement, so we had to find someway to move away from the corporation's building or else we'd drop right back down into their hands when we wanted to come down. That said, we figured something out and went on our way.
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Old 02-03-2011, 11:22 AM
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Now I'm imagining your whole team on this floating table blowing really hard in the opposite of the direction you want to go.
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Old 02-03-2011, 11:25 AM
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If there was a wind, I would just have someone hold onto the windward side of the table tightly and then give them a tiny bit of extra antigrav, tilting the table. Then the wind would blow the table along.
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Old 02-03-2011, 12:22 PM
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Your tales of gravity shenanigans just reminded me of this.

http://onatable.comicgenesis.com/d/20030711.html
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Old 02-03-2011, 04:12 PM
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Quote:
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That's right, pence sic'd a Huge swarm of dretches on us..


Hate! Hunger! We are Izyagna! Kekeke.
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Old 02-03-2011, 08:34 PM
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Hey.

Hey TirMcDohl.

Remember the time Kalta killed the inquisitor?
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Old 02-04-2011, 06:04 PM
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Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

I'm still convinced that Kalta is going to travel back in time and immolate me.
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Old 02-06-2011, 11:58 AM
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My ultimate dick-DM story can be boiled down to these eight words: "Dual-Uzi-wielding Dark Elf... from the future."

Session yesterday had us assaulted in the swamp by trollkin. Bandits. Trollkin bandits. (This is Iron Kingdoms, where trollkin are a PC race. Think slightly smaller ogres, I guess.)

I'm playing Rogue, one guy playing Fighter specced as a bodyguard and with a trained attack dog, one guy playing Cleric. Me and Fighter are level 2, Cleric is level 1.

Well, the Cleric gets greatsworded to death the first round. The rest of the fight is a slog, with the fighter taking a hit for me that would have been instantly fatal, while we struggle to deal with being horribly outnumbered via tanglefoot bags and trip attempts. Every turn is a decision to either stay next to the fighter and mutually Aid Another to stay alive, or sneak around behind somebody into flanking position and sneak attack.

We've finally got it down to two on two. But damn, the fighter drops! His dog comes up next on initiative and turns to attack the bandit who did the last hit. Natural 20 on the attack roll, critical confirmed. That's 2d6+6 for damage, and the guy rolls boxcars.

In-game, just as the fighter skinks into the stagnant murk of the swamp, bleeding heavily, his 300-pound mastiff leaps over his body and chews his attacker's face off.

Moral of the story: If you're in a three-person party, a dog is the best 15gp you'll ever spend.
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Old 02-06-2011, 03:59 PM
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Of course! A canine party member! That's what I'm missing in our 4E campaign!
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